guitardawson Reviews

Napoleon (2023)

Snorefest

[1/10 · 5 February 2024]

Ever since going to Paris in 2017 and again in 2018, I have fallen in love with French history. I am a huge fan of the series Versaille and pretty much any other show or film shot in France. Needless to say, I was thrilled to see this movie! What an utter disappointment it was, To be honest, I only made it through through the first hour. It was that bad. I was dead asleep by that point.

The film started off OK with a nice battle sequence but then slid right off the hill as the story shifted to the weird relationship between Napolean and Josephine. The dialogue and supporting cast were disjointed, confusing, and most times pointless. I found Joaquin Phoenix porteayal of Napolean to be very stale. It iccurred to me that maybe this guy is extremely overated as an actor. I mean the guy in Napolean and the Joker could have been the same. Maybe it was just the attocious dialogue.

In any case, avoid this movie if you value the precious moments of your life. It blows worse than a corpse-fart.

Dunkirk (2017)

Could have been great, but the music is awful!

[5/10 · 17 December 2017]

It was difficult for me to even watch this movie because of the awful drone of the refrain of music (I use that term loosely) that somebody must have thought was artistic or something. I just don't get it. The movie itself wasn't bad. I would give it a 7 if there was NO soundtrack and an 8 with a good soundtrack. I had to fight the urge to turn it off every time that ridiculous refrain started scratching its nails across the chalkboard. I only hung in there because the movie was pretty interesting...that and I love WWII movies. I hope the composer, Hans Zimmer stops working after this. Maybe he was just pissed because he's German? I will literally never watch a movie that he composes for again. It was that bad. I want to mention that I have a Masters in Music from Cal Arts, a very experimental music school and I love new ideas of all sorts. This just sucked. In conclusion, if you are looking for an opinion on whether or not to watch this flick, I would say that it is not worth your time. You'll be sorry you did. I was.

August Underground (2001 Video)

Complete waste of time

[1/10 · 21 June 2017]

I enjoy the genre that this movie is going for, but it never even gets close. It feels like a couple of teenagers trying to be hardcore but they just don't get it. It's not scary, disturbing, or entertaining in any way. Most of the characters are annoying and there isn't really a plot. Yuck...and not in a good way.

The Walking Dead (2010–2022)

The best show on TV keeps getting better

[10/10 · 9 December 2016]

I freakin' LOVE this show! The Negan cliffhanger was...let's say fantastic instead of "awesome" to avoid a few eye rolls. You know who you are...lighten up people:) I have been a fan since day one and never miss an episode. I have actually re-watched the entire series three times now. I have avoided the comics because I do not want to know or have an idea about what is going to happen. It amazes me how many haters there are. I guess that's what prompted me to write this review. Listen, everything about this show is top-notch. Great stories, great acting, great suspense, and great special effects. This is NOT your typical zombie story. It is really more about how people change. I find it immensely fascinating. Perhaps the haters are offended by the copious amounts of gore on the show? It definitely is not for the feint of heart. They are able to achieve levels of horrible darkness rivaled only by Breaking Bad. If you loved Breaking Bad, you'll love this. Ha, like anyone reading this hasn't seen it already. Don't listen to the hate. Walking Dead is the top show on cable for a reason. It is "awesome". Negan is awesome and I am more hooked now than I ever have been. Love it!!!

Intruder (III) (2016)

Go to the dentist, it's more fun

[2/10 · 1 December 2016]

This "movie", if you can even call it that, follows the recent trend of bad wannabe horror or suspense flicks written and made by people who clearly know nothing about the genres. The premise is tired and ridiculous. Some stalker is in her house through the whole thing, but she never has a clue that he's there somehow...really?? Implausible and lame. This is a clear money grab that once again let's down the people who actually dig these kinds of movies. Please stop making this trash! Life is too short and life too precious to be spent on this tripe. All that being said, I did give it 2 stars because the acting was decent and Louise Linton is an absolutely stunning babe...and she's naked. If this entices you to watch this heap of fly riddled manure, do yourself a favor and fast forward to the shower scene. It's about a third of the way in. Better yet, just Google it. Your welcome for the hour and half of life I just gifted you. Aloha:)

The Blackout Experiments (2016)

Yawner, don't waste your time

[1/10 · 22 November 2016]

This movie is boring as hell. There is nothing interesting about it at all. The "torture" scenes are like tickle fights compared to most movies in the genre. I get the premise of the movie, it's just not good. The attempt at realism is somewhat believable, but it's just not entertaining. Not scary, not horrifying, not interesting. This film could have been great if they had taken it more in the horror direction. It felt like they wanted it to be a horror movie, but were too afraid to go there. It was one of those flicks that seems like it will get good at any moment, but never makes it. It's worse than a bad B movie because I couldn't turn it off within the first five minutes. As a matter of fact, I'm not wasting any more of my life on this abortion. You have been warned.

The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) (2015)

Loved it!

[8/10 · 6 November 2015]

Dieter Laser is brilliant! I have never known an actor who could make me feel so incredibly uncomfortable so consistently. He did it it the first Human Centipede and delivered throughout this film. This movie is exactly what I expected it to be. It was disgusting and vile and I won't be able to erase it from my mind. But that's why I watched it. I felt the same revulsion after watching the first film, but it quickly became one of my all-time favorite horror films. I won't say that this one is as good as the first one, but it's a fun ride ride if you are a fan of the genre.

Paranormal Activity fans should just skip this one and stick to horror lite. You won't get it. This is for hardcore horror fans. With all of the pile of crap B movies out there that truly suck, I am amazed that there are so many 1 star ratings here. This film was well acted, well written, and very entertaining. I suspect many of the poor reviews are due to disgust and the actual movie. Or maybe it was the lack of nudity? Who knows. Watch if you dare.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

An instant classic for horror fans!

[10/10 · 17 October 2015]

When I first watched this movie, I was sorry that I saw it. It was incredibly disturbing and I knew that I wouldn't be able to shake its images from my mind maybe ever. After about a week I dared my girlfriend to watch it with me so that I wouldn't have to be alone with it anymore. And, of course, I really wanted to see it again. Now that I was over the shock, I was able to appreciate the brilliance of this movie! Dieter Laser is amazing. This guy is as creepy and demented as they come. This in combination with the isolating atmosphere of the movie creates a depressing sort of dread inside of the viewer that is palpable. It makes you feel horrible while you're watching it, but oddly drawn back to it once you step out of it for awhile. Isn't that what great horror does? I remember feeling the same way about Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Exorcist, and The Shining. Tom Six took horror to a new level with this film. In my book, this is an absolute gem and a must see for any hardcore horror fan. It is definitely not for the faint of heart.

"I loathe people" -Dr Heiter