danielladue Reviews

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Disappointing of the franchise

[3/10 · 22 February 2022]

I wasn't expecting top of the line art on this film. After all, it's a Netflix adaptation of an old horror franchise. However, I'm an adult white male with a 12 year old's sense of humor, so I figured this would be right up my alley. NOPE!

Unfortunately, this was insultingly bad for any real horror fan with a semblance of a brain. The writer should be covered with tar and feathers, and run out of town. The characters are so unrelatable. Their actions, motivations, interactions. It makes the early 2000's chainsaw films look like Christopher Nolan films.

The best comparison I can make is that it's like thecc Fast and Furious franchise that just does the most outrageous stunts possible, even though is so obviously ridiculous, and physically impossible. Some people might like that sort of thing, but TCSM franchise was never like that. It was more realistic, and played on our fears of hillbilly psychos out in the country where nobody is going to help. This was just making fun of young kids with their phones.

I won't give away the plot (because who cares). Just a couple of the million errors. Leatherface was much too young of an actor if we are doing it in modern day. The chainsaw he used had magical powers. Meaning it could literally cut through anything as fast as he could move it. Floor joists, bus metal, bodies, whatever (that type of magic chainsaw didn't exist in previous films). My favorite error was at the end. One person was alone in a car while Leatherface was in chase. She got up, and stuck her head out of the sunroof to look back at him. The car continued driving, and even took turns around corners. Who is driving the car around corners, when she's the only one in it away from the wheel?

It appears this film was going for the modern, ultra gore and stupid story type of feel you get with the Hatchet series, but didn't pull it off at all. Hatchet is meta take on 80's overkill goofy gore. This was just a bastardized excuse to use the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" brand. It earned 3 stars because the cinematography and actors where good. They just had garbage material to work with.

Aileen Wuornos: American Boogeywoman (2021)

So bad I loved it.

[5/10 · 21 January 2022]

This is literally one of the absolute worst films ever made. The writing and acting is a level of bad you only expect from a sketch show. Some folks cannot and will not ever get the entertainment value I gained, and that is regrettable. This really is Lifetime meets MADtv, and the viewer has to be ready for it. Peyton List is hot, so I can chalk it up to watching her half naked for an hour and a half. Lol. She way too attractive to portray Aileen, but watching her try is its own form of entertainment. It really is so bad it's good.

Mother! (2017)

Pretentious Garbage!

[3/10 · 13 October 2021]

I'm going to try and keep this short, because EVERYONE has already gone on to dissect this masturbatory dreck.

It's hilarious to see all the glowing reviews, wherein people are claiming that audiences just don't understand, and don't want to think at the movies. That is the exact opposite from the film's real problems, and that point of view is just as self indulged as this project itself. In actuality, the allegories about religion, politics, culture, the planet, and the inherent darkness of human nature are all completely heavy handed. The writing that brings the mass attention? The chosen baby? The mother that cares for everyone, but only met with abuse? It's insulting to think that the average person can't see the metaphor of your home being destroyed and intruded upon by strangers that are pretending to be there in good faith. It's the equivalent of a really pretentious art school project made by, and for pseudo intellectuals.

I would've given this film a chance if there was any real plot, restraint/subtlety, or any actual point. The only thing that works for this film is the cinematography, and the acting of Jennifer Lawrence. She was good enough to keep me watching until the end, because she makes you feel her vulnerability through all the nonsense. I wish she wasn't so good, so that I would've been more willing to just turn it off.

Queenpins (2021)

Fun premise, mediocre execution

[6/10 · 4 October 2021]

The premise was fun. I even overlooked the fact that this was a "chick flick", because I've been pleasantly surprised by female lead comedies before. Talented actors, buddy crime, good cinematography, and full budget. What's to lose?

The problem is this film has way too many logical errors, and strongly unlikable characters. The lead role played by Kristen Bell is in a pathetic, loveless marriage. It makes ZERO sense why they would try to have a baby, or why they have any relationship at all. She randomly stays without so much as an argument. The husband is a joke of a strict IRS worker who is totally miscast. Then after she makes her secret fortune with her bestie, she STAYS in the marriage, but gets herself artificially impregnated with someone else's sperm. I'll repeat, the women in a terrible marriage finds empowerment and fortune from her crimes, decides to impregnate herself from a random man, but stays in the marriage for husband to raise! Their inevitable split doesn't happen until way after sanity has left.

The buddy duo of Postal Inspector and Loss Prevention Officer has some good moments, but kinda mediocre in total.

Now for the other half of our female duo, Jojo. A black woman that is stuck living with her mom. She is an equal to her Caucasian friend in almost all aspects of the story and the planning of the scam. Her character was fun throughout most of the film, and a nice counterbalance to her co-conspirator. A few other reviews were very upset about "woke" messages from this character. I kept waiting to be offended, but it didn't happen. If anything, I'd just say it's cliche these days to keep the POC characters mildly complaining about habits of white people. Just lazy is all.

I always give at a 5 if the film is Proffesionally done, and not horribly written. So a 6 just means it has a little entertainment value. Basic Hollywood comedy.

The Wrong Missy (2020)

More fun than the average Sandler movie

[7/10 · 8 April 2021]

I will agree with other reviewers that I don't trust most anything with Adam Sandler's name attached in the last few years. This film is very much a goofy comedy in the same spirit, but somehow managed to entertain me. Very much like all Netflix films, this had beautiful locations, and will sparkle on an HD television. Also like most Netflix films, it goes way over the top with some of the gags. Somehow they used a recycled formula, but it's actually pretty funny this time around.

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

It's popcorn fun if you let it be.

[5/10 · 27 February 2021]

Apparently GOM was originally intended to be a 3rd entry of the Escape franchise, with character Snake Plissken (Oh my god, I wish they did that instead, because Ice Cube always was, and still is terrible at acting). Anyways, that info in mind, it made so much more sense. John Carpenter's Escape visual style was right there all along, and I never noticed. The costumes, the train, the future technology, and all the visual effects are exactly the same as the Kurt Russel Escape films, just transported to the Mars location. I think part of the issue with fans is that people didn't understand what this was. It was an old fashioned future (if that makes sense). The story takes place in the future, but using visual techniques and story elements that feel dated in the past. It's actually fun that way, if you don't treat it like the Matrix, or something that actually was progressive at the time.

That's it, no deep dives. This film is Ice Cube playing a dangerous prisoner that was meant to be transferred, when things go amok for all the human survivors. It's Escape from NY/L.A. mixed with Assault on Precinct 13 set on Mars. The bad guys causing all the trouble are the "ghosts"/ weird creepy monsters that self mutilate, and are more or less what happens to people from the Mad Max movies when they have a supply of meth. Oh, I forgot the ghost spirit can travel into people's bodies.

It is fun if you let it be. It's a low budget nothing action. You get a young Jason Statham as a perv, Clea DuVall, Pam Grier in a weird pushy lesbian commander role, and Ice Cube if you are into his wide range of abilities (gangster with a Cali accent on Mars, go figure).

This is the definition of a 4-5 star flick. It is fun, and has people I like long enough to keep watching. I give 5 stars, just because it's been given an unfair wrap over the years. If you treat it like it was made in the 80's you might actually like it a lot!

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020)

Social commentary disguised as comedy

[8/10 · 26 October 2020]

The first Borat film had plenty to offer in social comedy, but most of it was for shock value, and just get people to see a cross section of Americans for who they are. None of it was meant to hurt anyone, or make any big statements, but instead to entertain.

It became very obvious early on that this sequel is much more about social commentary, and the political atmosphere of the time. The year 2020 has been an absolute circus, and this film is only a reflection of what we have become. Many people have said that this version is not as funny as the original, but I would argue that is nearly impossible. The first Borat film had nothing to compare it to, and thus the shock value was higher. Now we already know what to expect with the added fact that nothing feels shocking in the year 2020. Overall, I'd say that this film is indeed not quite as funny, but it did more provide more substance (weird to say about a Borat film). Sacha Baron Cohen has even admitted that he felt in danger of his life a few times, and that is a bit different than last time around. Say whatever you want about that goofy weirdo, but he is highly intelligent, and figures out how to get people to show their true nature.

Lastly, we all want to see and interpret the infamous scene with Rudy Giuliani. Unfortunately, the response from Americans has been just as divided as everything else, proving the point even further. Democrats see one thing, and the Conservatives see something else. In my opinion it was pretty bad, but not quite the pedeophile stretch it was reported as, but that's just my take. I will be honest, and tell anyone of the Trump persuasion that they probably won't enjoy this at all, but overall the film has a lot of insight to anyone who isn't emotionally tied to the current administration.

Lore (2017–2018)

1st season is charming, and the 2nd season isn't even the same show.

[6/10 · 19 October 2020]

My title really says it all. The shows premise is pretty simple. The episodes are detailed accounts of old folklore. It is part horror anthology, and part documentary miniseries. The host sounds young/inexperienced, but the stories are intriguing, and the acting and visuals are ok. Overall, it's very charming, and informative about why certain superstitions exist, and where they originated. At the beginning of every episode, the narrator gives an example of the superstition, and then tells a dastardly tale. He the bookends it at the end to inform how that tale applies to our modern day lore.

And then comes the 2nd season. It literally doesn't feel like the same show anymore. No intros about that particular superstition. No narration to keep you up to speed about the time period, and beliefs. No ending monologue to wrap it up. It's just a cinematic story of random stuff that may or may not have happened, with zero explanation. It The production values did go up slightly, so it visually looked a little prettier, but all of the soul of the series was just gone. I really have to assume that is why the 2nd season was it's last. My girlfriend just got hooked on this series, and I don't yet have the heart to tell her that it's going to fall off a cliff.

Carriers (2009)

More significance than they realized

[8/10 · 12 May 2020]

The year is 2020, and I live in New York State during the Corona virus epidemic. Pretty crazy how a small window of a couple moths changes your perspective on everything right? "Carriers" was released way back in 2009, and the funny part is it was already delayed, because it was filmed in 2006, before Chris Pine was household name. Everything about this movie is just exposing how people get around to things when they feel like it, and that is also what makes these situations so awful. I'm not going to lie, and pretend that "Carriers" presented new ideas, or plot elements, that haven't existed before, but it did have talented actors explore the human psyche of what happens when society breaks down. A couple years ago, this would feel silly, because people don't turn on eachother so fast, but yes they do. I can't even wipe my ass half of the time now, because other people have decided to hoard all of the TP. The real genius in this film is how it explores the best and worst of human behavior, and how we are all capable of making these crazy decisions that can cost other's their life. Would you save a little girl if you know that she is infectected and will kill your brother, and GF if you let her in ther car? Or, do you leave a loving father to care for her alone without help? What if your beautiful GF contracts the disease? Do you stick by her, and die together, or do you kick her out of the car to survive longer? Those questions used to sound silly, and now they are very profound... It's just so strange that I, and my GF found this movie during a global pandemic. It's a deep dive into who you are, and what you believe in, and honestly, every opinion is validated in some way.

We Are What We Are (2013)

HOLY FRIGGIN CRAP!

[8/10 · 28 February 2020]

I truly feel sorry for those of you with such limited attention span. This film has been described as a "slow burn" which is absolutely correct. There is no immediate gratification, and that's not the point. The cheap thrills or jump scares are non-existent, but what we do have is extremely unsettling and masterfully crafted. This is not meant to be about your fear of clowns, or some maniac that wears a mask and hunts teenagers in the forest..... No, this story hits home because it is about the fear of the real evil in people. What folks will do in the name of religion, or what effect mental illness has and how it could effect entire generations of family. Unfortunately, the real fun (if I can call it fun) is saved for the last act of the film. The story comes together slowly, and introduces all these members of a strange and secretive family, but we don't learn why they are so strange and secretive until things come to a head. It would be torture if this formula was repeated a billion times, but I didn't feel that way. I felt this story was fresh, and told in a way that felt like slowly discovering that the family a block away is hiding secrets, and it takes a long time to figure out how screwed up they really are... The acting is top notch from everyone ( Michael Parks is always amazing, but everyone kept up with him). All of the characters are independant and have their own motivations despite their relationships to each other.... Be warned that the majority of this movie is thriller, and paced to be unknown and creepy. The true horror aspects don't come in until the end. Rob Zombie fans would not approve... Bravo for everything put together on a relatively low budget, because the visuals, acting, music, and editing all work together for a gripping thriller that I found for free on a streaming app.

Tales from the Crapper (2004 Video)

Trash! Even if you accidentally drank the bong water, you still know this sucks

[1/10 · 6 December 2019]

I've reviewed many films in many genres (But a lot of horror, because there is so many levels). This is flat out trash that made me angry that it ever fouled my eyes and ears. I've seen a ton of low budget films, but this is by far the worst. Acting, music, directing, script, and voice acting is just awful. It is what happens when you give a stoned teenager a camera... Perhaps someone will mention that I don't understand that this is satire, but I'm not mentally ill. Films Like Scary Movie 1 or Don't be a Menace while Drinking Juice in the Hood are solid examples of satire and spoof movies. This is just abusive to human senses. The jokes are less than Sophomoric. They are pre-school. How many times can a fart sound be used in one film? The visuals and audio are worse than the projects I made in school. Lastly, it has the cardinal sin of pretending to spoof or have any connection to Tales From the Crypt. The EC Comics are wonderful parts of our culture. The type of fun horror that can connect generations of people. Creepshow 1&2, as well as the TV show, Tales from the Crypt TV shows, and it's films are American staples. Many other films have followed in the EC Comics tradition with dignity like Cat's Eye, Tales From the Darkside movie, Trick R Treat, or even the ABC's of Death... Even if the makers want to spoof the anthology EC style, they could've reached for more quality like Tales from the Hood... The saving grace for this POS is supposed to be all the naked girls, but most of them are gross, have obvious plastic surgery, and probably are strippers in the poor sections of California. Why make your "hot girls" keep farting over and over? It wasn't funny the 1st time, and down right anger inducing the 500th time. I've never been so unimpressed. Might actually be the worst film I've ever seen. I probably spent more time and energy critiquing it than they did making it.

Holiday Hell (2019)

Way better than Last American Horror Show

[7/10 · 23 November 2019]

I watch movies so often that I'm running out of options and often look for new stuff on streaming apps like Netflix, Tubi, Crackle, Hulu, ect... Anyways, I don't understand people's ratings. I just watched Last American Horror Show on Tubi, and it was flat out TERRIBLE! How does that have a 6 and yet Holiday Hell is in the 3ish range? I must be watching something different than these people? Perhaps I'm partial, because anything with Jeffrey Combs gets an automatic 5 or above... Sure, this is low budget, but at least there is some work put in. I say it's a fun little anthology that doesn't look like a student project as some others do. Plenty people love Tales From The Crypt (including me), so I don't see how this is so different other than the lack of comic drawings and skeleton host. There is dark humor, the tales revolve around twisted morality, cheesiness, and some naked breasts. That's the good ol' formula for horror anthology to me.

Last American Horror Show (2018)

Distractingly low budget

[2/10 · 23 November 2019]

I wrote a lengthy, well thought out review, but it wasn't worth it. This flick is one of those new style low budget films that looks like a mix of soap opera and student film. I absolutely hate this trash. Back in the 80's they made gems like Sleepaway camp with low budgets, and now we get horror that looks like it was filmed on an iphone 6... Pretty sad that I mentioned Sleepaway Camp, because the original Angela is in this film, but it's still garbage.

Crawl (I) (2019)

Boring version of sharknado in a basement

[3/10 · 26 October 2019]

I'm really confused as to why this flick was reviewed so highly by people. My gf and I love curling into bed and watching films together, (Usually Netflix or Tubi) plus she often surprises me with something different out of Redbox once per week... Let's just say that the movie isn't even over and we've both already mentally checked out. She actually apologized like she did something wrong to me. Everything about Crawl just meh. It's definitely not good, but it also doesn't fit into the category of "So bad it's good". It's in the same vein as a 47 Meters Down or Sharknado, but none of the fun, adventure, and inside jokes. Actually, now that I think about it, that is the perfect way to describe this movie. Imagine a version of Sharknado that took itself really seriously. It cast high profile, respectable actors. Then, instead of being funny, and doing over the top action sequences, you decide to have a plot about the fragile relationship between father and daughter, and try and pretend that all the CGI killer animals are a real threat. The "neighborhood" they live in is an obvious set piece, and CGI only gets worse throughout the product... I really don't get the point. Why cast such talented people and have them cry and bleed without any real stakes or believable situations? Why did these actors sign on? Why was a 27 year old mother (Kaya Scodelario) tapped to play a college swimmer with daddy issues? Why was it rated so high on Redbox and Imdb? Why am I typing a review? None of this works... Now you know it's bad when you purposely shut off a paid rental movie to watch the old horror films on cable.

True Horror (2018)

Totally cheesy. Only for people addicted to ghost stories.

[5/10 · 15 October 2019]

I found this series on the Shudder streaming app, because I was interested in watching the new Creepshow series. I figure it doesn't make much sense to pay every month for just one show, so I tried really hard to find other movies and shows that I would like to watch with my girlfriend, but nope. This show was pure mediocre bs. It's no different than Ghost Hunters or all the other fake spooky tv shows in America, but just with British accents. I have no clue where to find real life horror stories, but if you want true stories presented in a similar fashion, then you might like a show called " I shouldn't be alive". It has no paranormal elements, but it is scary, and it is true events from the people.

Pet Sematary (2019)

The worst kind of reboot.

[5/10 · 25 September 2019]

The worst kind of reboot. That is when a studio decides to remake an established film in the laziest way possible. Pretty much follow the exact same formula as the original, but make sure to use lesser actors, worse locations, and basically make a cheap copy. Every single part of the film was worse than the original. Yes the main cast, but also extra actors, sfx, and even the cats! Here is the GIGANTIC SPOILERS! Everything is almost exactly the same, but the daughter dies instead of the infant son. OMG! Also, the sister Zelda story is slightly altered in the way that she dies. SCANDALOUS! Lastly, the helpful ghost for our protagonist Dr.Louis is now a BLACK GUY! AHHHH!!! Maybe that was the excuse to give the helpful ghost only 4-5 mins of screen time? It really was so bad that I had to promise my girlfriend to rent the original 2 movies this weekend to make up for it. I know most people hate the 2nd film with Edward Furlong, but it really was a superior horror film to this. Besides, having to watch both of the oldies will be quality time to spent... Honestly, I would give this flick a 2.5/10, but I have to be considerate of people that don't read Stephen King or watch the 1st version of this film. I figure this film would be around 5/10 if you haven't already seen the better version like most people alive in the 90's (I forgot to mention that they found a really similar looking 3 yr old boy for the role of Gage, but it's wasted since Gage barely is in the film)..... I really do just advise folks to watch the 1989 version. It's not even close.

The Perfection (2018)

Fun little thriller

[7/10 · 10 August 2019]

I don't understand all the hate and low ratings for this movie. Was it perfect? Not really, but it was different, interesting , and fun. People that are expecting everything to make sense are looking for realism in story that is meant to be wild and over the top. Most people don't complain about Inglourious Basterds craziness and absurd ending. I will never say this film is on par with that, but has it's own silly fun. Personally, I enjoyed it just as a flick to watch with my girlfriend that wasn't the standard same ole same ole that we can always predict what is coming next... Best way I can describe it is a thriller mixed with some odd story telling, and mix in some CGI gore.