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Black Mirror (2011)
The death of a new classic
What happened to Black Mirror in season 6 is beyond my comprehension. Apparently they abandoned the whole lore as well as the futuristic theme almost completely. Now most episodes are just a bunch of regular random short stories involving murder and supernatural elements, what does not resemble the previous seasons in any way. A complete change of bearing to the ultimate loss of hardcore fans of the series. For starters, the season contains only 5 episodes, 3 of them having nothing to do with science fiction or "Black Mirrors" (what I suppose is an allusion to the screens present on modern devices). I hope Netflix realises what went wrong and fixes it in the next seasons. Otherwise we might just go watch the "Dust" channel on YouTube instead.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Guess drones weren't available
If you're into action flicks and able to ignore the impracticability of the whole premise, the impossibility of the presented scenario and to overlook the whole "We're the best in the whole world" (by world of course meaning America, only the part that matters), then yeah! You will be entertained. I guess.
Nefarious: Merchant of Souls (2011)
Religious indoctrination in disguise
It feels like a serious documentary at first, showing the reality and cruelty of prostitution, inherent sex trafficking, abuse, social and economical conditions leading to it. It is not until the last 10 minutes of the movie that one finds out what it is really about. In the most emotional moment, at your most fragile state of mind, they hit you with these three messages:
1. God is great
2. Prayer solves everything
3. Give us money
Up to that point the movie was a solid 8/10. My mind was racing with thoughts on how to combat such systemic evil plaguing our society. For a moment there the movie tackled the issue realistically. To stop crime (and that is what it is) takes government action, effective policies and police enforcement. It's not a responsibility of individuals in society to fight poverty and the mafia itself.
Then the religious nonsense dropped. I felt betrayed.
Risen (2021)
No effort whatsoever put into it
Low budget movies sometimes manage to become cult, for being good, for being bad, for it's trashy, gory comedy or just for having a good plot. This one fails in every possible category and is just plain bad.
The story follows nobel prize winner "exobiologist" Dr. Lauri Thompson, who teams up with "astrobiologist" Dr. David Santiago to help solve the mysterious deaths caused by a meteorite. Unknown and unremarkable actors made sure the plot isn't the only bad thing about this movie.
Terrible acting, flat jokes, lazy storytelling. Nope.
Vanquish (2021)
Is Morgan Freeman in debt?
Seriously, I cannot think of a single reason a renowned actor would take part it this sh**show. He probably owns money to loan sharks or owns a debt to the director or similar. This is a A-class waste of everything you can think of.
The Act of Killing (2012)
I am a worst person for watching this movie.
Familiarizing oneself with the horrors of mass killings and how those who committed them lack any sort of regret won't make anyone better. I was grossed out and lost faith as it became clear that there is such thing as karma. Sometimes it is just better not knowing.
Cursed (2020)
A kick in the groin of the genre
I like me some fantasy, alright. I'm comfortable with adaptations, spin offs, folk tales and even fan fiction. Bring the demons, witches, fairies and magic swords, it's all game. But a black king of England, sounds a bit far fetched.
On a more serious note, the series got lost trying to pack too much of the legends and mythology into the plot, damping it's originality while not remaining loyal to the characters and their construction, which often changes every few episodes. While trying to love or hate some of them, I got nothing. Ended up bored and finishing the season was painful.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Self plagiarism at it's worse
Once again J.J. tries to steal bits and pieces of what made the original trilogy great, hoping no one will notice, while assembling a Frankenstein monster of nonsense that, while destroys all good things in the original trilogy, betrays the universe lore and their own character constructions. The motivation seems to be that the series can be maintained on nostalgia alone, that people in general will be pleased to see familiar vehicles, loved characters and plot bits, enough to disregard the thing is as a whole. Sadly seems to be working, as people in general are idiots.
Countdown (2019)
Managed a few good jump scares
After seeing the rating I had really low expectations for this movie, but as a good fan of the genre, couldn't pass it. I was pleasantly surprised when the movie didn't suck at all, even managed to jump scare us on occasion. The plot is predictable and the effects very rudimentary, but it accomplished what entertainment is supposed to. Entertained we were.
Forgotten Plague (2015)
Bad in every possible way
I know it's about real people with real problems and real suffering, and it might seem cruel to analyse this title merely for its content, but good documentary filmmaking is about getting to the core of the subject, while keeping it interesting as well as informative to the viewers, even when the subject is dense, complex and dull, like this, which is all 3. Still, this movie fails in every aspect. Furthermore, the quality of editing, video and audio is beyond amateurish. crossing into "just bad" territory. Enduring through all the technical flaws, what is left is a bunch of people whining about not enough being done, while showing a lot actually being done.
Tully (2018)
Truly boring and depressing
I watched this movie with my family for a bit of evening distraction having no expectations whatsoever. No one liked it. In fact, the lack of any sort of emotion or twists let everyone with that sensation of wasted time. I was the last to give up, watched to the very end hoping something would happen.Nothing. Nothing left but to write this review, hoping it will save someone else's time.
The House of the Devil (2009)
Boring and predictable
Too bad it took me around one hour to realize how I've been wasting my time watching long, meaningless shots without any apparent purpose. Suspense doesn't cut it, as people eating pizza and walking around an empty campus isn't in any way tense or scary.
The whole movie could be compressed into a 15 minutes short without any noticeable plot loss. The supposedly scary scenes aren't even that scary. And predictable. Everything is so damn predictable. It actually gives you a spoiler within the disclaimer at the very beginning.
The 80's horror reference wasn't enough to hold our interest, as it has been done before, extensively, better, by numerous more capable hands.
Recommended to bed time for its sleep inducing properties.
Turbo Kid (2015)
Low budget masterpiece
I am not particularly into low budget movies, but this one exceeded all my expectations. If not for the 80's cultural references (think power rangers, Automan) or the gory fight scenes, the sheer sarcasm and cheesy jokes, clearly mocking other SciFi classics from the decade, got me all hooked from start to end.
Add to the fun a synthesizer music score, wonderful acting and perfect use of classical 80's filming techniques, resembling masters like Sam Reimi and Wes Craven.
Sadly not everyone will get the peculiar sense of humor in this, but if you lived in the 80's and love it like I do, prepare to be entertained.
La vie d'Adèle (2013)
Bad movie with the best sex scenes or bad porn with the best screenplay ever
If you are into this title for the hot girl-on-girl sex scenes, then you will not be disappointed.
As for the rest, enough to say that the whole story would fit in a twenty minutes short if not for the long, nap-inducing meaningless scenes.
The movie is full of scenes containing lengthy character close-ups, silent walks apparently to nowhere in special and even people sleeping are scattered all over, making the three hour long final cut almost unbearable to watch.
I could not figure the purpose or why they left scenes where nothing happens in a movie that is too lengthy and boring.
I am ready for the gay community bashing session, but even some of them agreed with me, saying this is a low-paced movie with a simplistic and naive screenplay. Missable.
Fireproof (2008)
Evangelic indoctrination
It should say in round words, right at the cover what this is about: An inexpressive piece of religious propaganda. But it does not.
It is not before around forty minutes into the movie that we see the first uses of the word God, Jesus, prayer accompanied with bible citations and references.
In reality, the tag-line should be "God can solve all your problems, including your dysfunctional marriage". Unfortunately not even God can save this movie from absolute mediocrity. I wonder what it takes for 38% of people watching this to give it a 10. Perhaps a brainwash.
Fact is I can never get back those two lost hours of my life.
100% Miss-able.