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Laurenosaur
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The Immaculate Room (2022)
Horrible
I watched this on 1.5 speed, and was still bored. I often found myself wishing that there was a 3x speed option.
There was so much promise in this movie that it's only extra disappointing that absolutely nothing was delivered. There was so much that they COULD have done with this idea... and they decided to go with the worst possible option. Instead of an interesting psychological thriller we got... a couple fighting. Unlikeable and unbelievable characters. Bad dialogue.
I kept watching because I was SO sure that it was going to be a slow burn, that stuff was going to get interesting really soon... I was wrong. The best part of the movie is when the woman is brought in as the second "treat". She added a slightly interesting layer... but again, they didn't really do anything with it. It was just wasted potential... like this entire movie.
Odd Thomas (2013)
Lifelong Odd Thomas Fan
I grew up reading the Odd Thomas series (Odd Thomas and Forever Odd were amazing, Brother Odd lost me, and I've still yet to read the fourth one) so when I found out they were making it into a movie I was beside myself. This has got to be one of my all time favourite book to movie adaptations that I've ever seen (of course the book is still better, that's always the case, but this movie definitely hits above expectations!) and it still holds up almost a decade later. The CGI still looks fantastic, better than some of the stuff that comes out nowadays to be honest. I was so happy to stumble across this on Tubi. It was definitely time for a rewatch, and I'm so happy that more people have the potential to see it! This is a rare gem... it's tame enough that it's okay for kids (not suuuuper young ones, maybe like 8+, and of course parents should check out the trailer and make sure it's okay for their specific kid) but it's also super intense so adults will love it too. Romance, fighting, explosions... it's literally got something for everyone. And again, it's done in a way that it is okay for kids too, which does sound weird but it was definitely my favourite book when I was ten! Everybody should see this movie at least once. Maybe you won't love it as much as I do, but I seriously doubt you'll feel like you wasted your time!
How I Met Your Father (2022)
Need Season 3
The people rating this low have ridiculous expectations. This is not supposed to be HIMYM 2.o, this is a spin off. If you expect HIMYM 2.o just don't bother. Now I pretty much never label things as "boy" things or "girl" things, but that's the only way I can really explain succinctly. HIMYM is a boy show, HIMYF is a girl show. Is it predictable? Usually, yes. But that's part of what makes it so good - it's a nice, feel good show. When you watch a Disney movie you know the formula that you're going to see (first part is set up, middle part things go very wrong, at the end everything works out) and that's part of what makes those movies comforting... you know by the end you're going to feel good. That's what this series is. If you grew up watching Lizzie Macguire, if you like feel good sitcoms/romcoms, if you like stuff like Disney... you're going to love this. If you dislike those... no you're not going to enjoy HIMYF.
Right now they're in that middle ground of they haven't been cancelled but they also haven't been renewed. You can tell season 2's ending was written with that in mind - it will work for a series finale, but it also gives them room to continue if they are renewed. I'm very appreciative of this because most series are cancelled too soon nowadays... but I really hope they get renewed because I am not ready to say goodbye to these characters yet!
iCarly: iDate a Bad Boy (2009)
The worst iCarly episode
I do understand that this episode was made over a decade ago, so maybe this qualifies as one of those "didn't age well" cases but I truly don't think so. Even a decade ago we understood that things like toys aren't exclusively for just boys or girls. This episode is full of sexist problems. Carly is just being a mean bully, and we as the viewers are supposed to not only be okay with, but support her? And to air this after the episode where it's basically the exact same just reversed... tough girl Sam becomes more "girly" to get the guy, but at the end of the episode it's shown that it's okay to be tough AND a girl, that she doesn't have to fall into those stereotypical gender roles to find love... so it's okay to be a tough girl (when it's a main character) but it's not okay to be a guy who has a "girly" hobby (when it's a one episode background character). Make it make sense!
Inshite miru: 7-kakan no desu gêmu (2010)
Watchable
As other reviewers have said, this is a fairly predictable movie. What it did, it did okay... it just wasn't original at all. I found myself getting bored around halfway through and had to force myself to finish it. I know that this came out first, but honestly I found myself thinking about Danganronpa throughout most of it. In a lot of ways this was VERY similar to Danganronpa, expect Danganronpa did everything better. My honest advice is to skip this and watch Danganronpa if you haven't already. And even if you have seen it already, skip this and watch Danganronpa again. That's what I wish I did.
The Dyatlov Pass Incident (2013)
Solid Horror
So I'll start this by saying I am in no means an expert in anything Russian nor the real life incident this movie is inspired by (because I don't believe this movie is trying to offer an explanation to the events, it's just a setting they took to build their own story on).
Having said that I really enjoyed this movie! The story is very interesting, the atmosphere is incredibly tense and there's very few moments where the characters say/do stupid things (which we see far too much of in horror). The horror element is especially well done - not relying on jump scares, rather on different things most people would fear (no, you're not going to be scared by every aspect but there's enough in there to scare just about anyone).
You're also not left with a bunch of unanswered questions, which is a HUGE plus for me! Another plus - we're not beaten over the head with the answers, they are assuming we have some intelligence and can piece it all together. And as long as you're paying attention everything is answered. You might need a rewatch to catch some really small details, but overall everything is explained even on the first watch.
TLDR; If you're looking for an atmospheric and thoughtful horror you'll enjoy this. If you're looking for a gore slasher that you can kinda half watch I'd avoid this one.
Slender Man (2018)
AVOID
The trailer is 1000x better than the movie, and not in the usual "used the scariest scenes to draw viewers in". Basically nothing in the trailer made it into the movie. They edited any intriguing or scary scene right out of the movie (due to fear of backlash from the real life trial). I'm not sure how the unedited version would have turned out but either way this movie was gonna offend the real life people. At least make it worthwhile if you're gonna offend them either way! Also - there could have been many ways to do a slender man story without paralleling the real life events... if they were that worried about offending the real life people they could have taken one of those avenues... instead we're left with half of a movie using the blandest scenes they had. Honestly save your time and watch the 2 min trailer instead of the 1h30m movie.
Black Box (2020)
Watchable but predictable
Good acting, good pacing, good sound, good effects... all around it was pretty good. Unfortunately it was pretty predictable so I did get a little bored, especially in the last leg. But I absolutely would not classify this as a horror just as a warning to those who are looking for a HORROR.
If you've got nothing better on your list to watch... well it pretty much is exactly what you'd think it is, so at least you won't feel mad that an hour and a half of your life was wasted. You probably won't love it but you probably won't hate it! Or if this is your first foray into this kind of amnesia thriller genre you may very well absolutely love it!
Overall, worth the time as long as you're not expecting tooooo much.
Antidote (2021)
Worth the watch!
I don't understand the mixed reviews on this one! It has enough gore to satisfy those seeking that (but not too much that it would be off putting to others), the main story has been done before but they manage to do it in a unique enough way that I was surprised with the twists and turns, the ending makes sense and gives you answers... which a loooot of horror movies don't do! Definitely will be recommending to my horror/thriller lovers.
Meander (2020)
Interesting but ultimately unsatisfactory
It wasn't that bad, but it also wasn't what I'm looking for in a movie. If you just want a little cube/saw/creature horror without many explanations, then you'll actually probably really like this movie! Even I really enjoyed the creepy atmosphere they created, especially in the first half. But there were too many questions left unanswered for me to feel any satisfaction at the end. To me this felt like it was trying to be too many things at once. It was great as a horror until the creature (which I felt needed a more fleshed out explanation to be believable/scary, like I know WHAT it was but HOW?), it had some really interesting hints at sci-fi (but again needed more explanation for me to be really invested in it as a sci-fi, gotta do more than just hint at aliens!), but it was pretty effective as a thriller, I will give it that.
5/10 because it definitely held my attention the entire time, but it's also not going on my list of recommendations or watch agains. I'm very much in the middle with this one. Didn't love it but didn't hate it. Probably better things you could watch, definitely worse things you could watch.
Manifest (2018)
Manifested quite the interest in me!
To any potential watcher I think it's fair to know this show has quite a bit of religion flowing through it. There's quite a bit of science as well, and it does feel pretty balanced between the two (maybe less so in the last season). It felt like a war between the two, to explain what happened to 828. Personally I am an atheist so I am hoping for a science win (also because I think that would be much more interesting than just "god did it" as an explanation for 828) but, having said that, with all the twists and turns they put into this series even a "god did it" explanation would be satisfactory! Every character is so believably human - even if you don't LIKE them you still UNDERSTAND them. Honestly, atheist or theist - if you like mysteries, thrillers, and great characters, I do think you will love this show. The ONLY problem I have is that it leaves so many things unanswered. Ended too soon, as is the curse of every great show! I need closure! I need answers!! I need moar!
The Originals: The Devil Comes Here and Sighs (2016)
Inconsistencies galore!
You may as well call me Lucien because this episode had my blood boiling. Did the writer go on vacation for this episode or something? How did no one involved in this production go "hmmm, maybe we should change that a little because we're contradicting ourselves multiple times throughout this episode" AT ANY POINT between writing and final editing?!
To start, we have one scene early on where Klaus shows up at Cami's apartment (key note: Cami has put her neighbours name on the lease so no vampires can get in without being invited) and he CANNOT GET IN. Cool, that's expected right? Everything's normal.
Fast forward to the scene where Klaus is being held captive by Aurora. It was either not mentioned or I maaay have missed it (in my confusion I rewatched parts of the episode a few times over so I honestly think it wasn't mentioned) but there is a human on the name of that lease as well. So where do the inconsistencies start? Well, in comes Hayley! Right into the apartment with no problem. It can't be because she's a hybrid because they emphasized earlier in the episode with Klaus that hybrids cannot enter without an invitation. So why was Hayley able to enter uninvited with absolutely no issue? Then right after, Aurora grabs Cami, says something along the lines of "has Klaus ever told you what happens to a vampire when they go inside somewhere they haven't been invited into?" and forces her inside. So onto the next inconsistency - again there's no problem with her physically entering, until she starts bleeding from her eyes and nose.
Now, I do get my timelines mixed up because I've binged all of TVD and this far into TO in the past month and a half... but every time a vampire tries to go inside somewhere they haven't been invited into, it's like they walk into an actual physical barrier that they CANNOT cross. It does not EVER look, or imply, that they could cross the threshold... but Cami has absolutely no trace of that barrier. And the one time in TVD they had somebody staked (I'm 99% sure it was Elijah) in the basement, switched the ownership of the house, and then unstaked him and he was PULLED out as if the house was rejecting him - he could not stop it even if he held on to something, and he did not bleed.
So in this ONE SCENE (with Aurora, Hayley, Cami and Klaus) they not only contradicted themselves in the same episode but also contradicted ALL of the lore they had already created over two shows. Not impressed. Absolutely BY FAR the worst episode out of either show.
Run (2020)
Good acting - bad everything else
Let's start positive. Who doesn't absolutely love Sara Paulson? She's fantastic in this, no denying. The girl playing her daughter is brilliant. I've seen that it's her debut, which means great things to come from her I'm sure! They created some really tense moments. Unfortunately, the acting is the only positive for me (save the last ten seconds but since it's literally one line I can't include it with script writing).
Now, negatives. The actors did the best they could with the script they were given. It should have also been a comedy because WOW some moments were laughable. The entire scene when the daughter crawled out the window was ridiculous (again, still acted amazingly though for how ridiculous it was). It made no logical sense. Someone with asthma THAT bad is not going to undertake a severely athletic journey, have a checklist of all these things for an incredibly over-the-top window break (I'll get to that in a second), and not remember to bring her inhaler. I'm sorry, not buying that for a second. And that window break?! Like, super cool, but super unneeded. I guess it was supposed to show off how intelligent she is, but in the same motion lacks all logic. No way would she have struggled with that cord (which miraculously didn't get caught on the window sill at the extension cord part), water, and a blanket when ALL she needed was a blanket (wrap blanket around arm, break window, lay blanket down and crawl over as she did). The over-the-top writing (for that scene in particular but generally throughout) really takes me out of a movie. Don't add ridiculous situations to create drama - use realistic things to create the drama with a movie like this. Even a usual trope of almost falling off the roof would have worked better than unnecessary squirrel cheeks. And the flashes of potentially interesting writing were just forgotten (or maybe cut? But either way the result is the same for the viewer). What was up with the mothers scars on her back? That could have been really interesting, but nope. Shown and not mentioned again (unless I really misunderstood something... but I truly don't think I missed anything, pretty sure it was just never explained). Bad writing like that drives me crazy.
As most horror movies generally are, there is no originality in ideas here. It's basically the Gypsy and Deedee story (real life story, made into the show The Act) mixed with Misery. But you have to at least TRY to improve or add something... yet both sources of "inspiration" are far superior to Run. Honestly what sent me over the edge and made me write this rant of a review was when I looked through the cast. They have a character actually named Kathy Bates. NO. JUST NO. They are ripping off Misery, AND using the name Kathy Bates?! It's like they're acknowledging what they're doing and having a laugh at it. It doesn't sit right with me.
Anyways, by the end of this movie I felt very let down. I never thought I would hate something Sara Paulson had been involved with so much, but here we are. And as much of an awesome performance she gave - save yourself and watch Ratchet for the same kind of vibe from her. If you're looking for the sick kid aspect, just watch The Act. And if you're looking for the kidnap and held helpless vibe, go to the classic Misery. I would honestly avoid this one.
Red Dot (2021)
Refreshing take on old tropes *minor spoilers*
So to start, this is a Swedish film (I did watch with subtitles, not sure if the dub would be as effective but to each their own!) so if you absolutely will not watch foreign films for whatever reason, this one isn't for you. Personally I found it refreshing, because even though a bunch of the same American horror tropes are still present (characters making extremely stupid decisions, getting hurt and having to be saved etc) they aren't done in the usual way (*minor spoiler* they have reversed the standard gender roles - it's not the girl needing to be saved most of the time, she is the one fixing up and encouraging her male partner to keep going). *minor spoiler* The female lead even makes a comment that implies she's thinking about getting an abortion, which you sure wouldn't hear in an American movie.
Now, to really get to the review. It's a bit slow to start, but once it starts rolling... oh man. Of course the characters still make a couple stupid decisions, as any horror movie character does, but overall it's pretty relatable in how they act and what they do. The action builds to a very satisfying climax *minor spoiler depending on what you think a spoiler is* and the twist at the end was very worth the time invested - and it wasn't just brought out of nowhere... we were fed scenes throughout the movie to lead us to this end. There was legitimately a moment where I gasped because I did NOT see something coming. It was a VERY well done end to a horror movie *more of a major spoiler* because we do not get a "everyone lives happily ever after" end.
Absolutely loved it. Please bring us more horror movies with this kind of thought put into them. Very nice to not feel like my time was wasted by another slasher flick!
The Letter (2012)
Makes Sense at the End, James Franco is Incredible
THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN MAJOR SPOILERS!
I will be honest: at the beginning, I did not like this movie. It was very confusing to me. It jumps around, cuts out at weird times, and is kind of repetitive (maybe more than is needed...). But it also keeps you intrigued.
Winona Ryder plays Martine, a director of a play starring her boyfriend Raymond, her friends Anita and Julie, and newcomer Tyrone, played by James Franco. It is unknown whether Martine is slowly losing her sanity, or if someone is slowly poising her over time (she at one point accuses Raymond of having an excess of copper supplements, and goes on to tell him that enough copper in your system can cause schizophrenia).
At the same time tension is brewing between Tyrone and the others (except Martine). During dinner Anita is talking about how she doesn't know how to play "secretive" as Martine has directed her to do. Tyrone heavily implies that she is very good at being secretive, to which Anita and Raymond both are angered by. Throughout the film Anita almost seems to be repulsed by Tyrone, and Raymond is very vocal about his hard feelings for him.
At the end of the movie EVERYTHING is explained. There was a creepy guy early in the movie who when Martine walked by him, he blew in her face. Of course, that left you wondering "WTF was that about?!"... well, it turns out that he blew a powder in her face, causing her slow descent into madness (truthfulness, willingness, delusions... this same powder was used in a Criminal Minds episode ..s6e23). And, curve ball. He was hired by Raymond to do it. Why you may ask? Well, Tyrone hit it right on the nail, and Martine figured it out as well. He was being naughty with Anita. I was left wondering though, if Martine would make a recovery or not.
This movie could not have succeeded without the marvellous subtext done by the actors. Shout out to James Franco, who was just stunning with his... well everything. His body language, his dizzying array of facial expressions, his tone fluctuations... By far the best actor in the movie.
Overall, definitely worth a watch if you're willing to pay attention. Some of James Franco's scenes are worth it alone ;)