chivas-pm Reviews

The Expendables 3 (2014)

Oldies can still kick ass!

[6/10 · 17 August 2014]

Arnie, Ford, Stallone, Statham, Snipes, Mel Gibson, Banderas and Kelsey Grammar (totally unexpected) - What more do you want on a big screen?

Movie starts off with a rescue of Snipes from a moving train - this one gives you back 50% of the money you paid for the movie.

This movie is all about watching some of your best actors on a big screen, kicking ass and having fun. This is a true 'man movie' in terms of wise cracks and the conversations between men.

Movie has couple of twists when Stallone sacks his old team to go with a new team, result of failed assignment etc. but the team reunites and helps Stallone in the end - this is for you to watch and I don't want to blow the covers here...

Movie not only presents some good action scenes, it packs good humor and I could hear the whole theater laughing out loud. I really like the exchange between Ford and Statham - Ford asking 'God Damn it, what type of a language is it?" (I guess the old American and English slang war i guess)

Buy yourself popcorn, nice drink, relax and enjoy.

Lucy (I) (2014)

What a load of BS! it costed 40 million and many headaches

[1/10 · 10 August 2014]

Well, I was suggested this title and went down to a local cinema in a beautiful recliner setting that makes the movie watching more enjoyable.

Movie starts with some documentary style narration, Morgan Freeman presenting his thesis to students (you gotta assume all this) and followed by QA....scene cuts off to a drug dealer looking man (Pilou) and stripper looking woman (Scarlett), which is our heroine - they both are in a debate on man persuading the woman to hand over a box he has in his hands...he claims he doesn't know what's in the box, after few refusals our heroine starts to walk away...but the man persuades and this time hand cuffs Scarlett to the briefcase and forces her to walk into the building and ask for Mr. Jang, etc etc. Trouble starts for our heroine then as Mr. Jang is a high class thug who simply kills people and washes his hands with mineral water in a five star royal suite.

Story unfolds (really?) when Scarlett goes in, to realize that what she was carrying was PH4, highly potent hormones that pregnant women develop during their pregnancy that gives some kind of growth to brain cells for the child in the womb etc...so these guys some how got hold of some sizable quantity and are set to deal it as a drug cos, it gives you power to control to whatever the pea size brains can understand etc. (I have totally lost it at this stage in theater and started to message my friends in a different row to find out if we could leave).

Scarlett wakes up in a room and realizes that she had been operated in her abdomen...and then the educated doctor thug explains her along with 4 others that they all are carrying some amount of PH4 in their abdomens, they will need to travel to advised destinations, and the rest will be automatic and after they are picked they will be stripped off the drugs and they can home happily. Obviously, Scarlett ends up in some kind of Asian ghettos, gets is ill treated and gets kicked in stomach, by accident some of the PH4 explodes within and she attains enlightenment and becomes the grandmother of neo to the extent that she can eat bullets instead of potato chips...HOLY CRAP!

Well you will get the rest...she goes on to find the bad guys so that she gets the rest of the PH4, without which she can't survive..but at the end she becomes immortal after building a Flash USB disk for Morgan Freeman to shove up somewhere!

When I got out of the theater, i had this headache that I never had in my life before....and I never suffered so badly after watching a movie...if you have spare time, do something else...if you have excess money, just save it for the next movie....AMEN