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Reviews
Helvetica (2007)
Don't do it to yourself
You know that font you see everywhere that makes everything look pretty nice? It's Helvetica. It looks nice because it's very simple and formal. That's all you really nice to know, but if you'd like more information, I would suggest wikipedia. Watching this film past the 15 minute mark is a Beckett-esque act in absurdist torture.
If you would like to watch the most uninteresting, boring, plain-spoken, dry people in the world talk about a single font for the totality of a feature length film, I'm not going to stop you, but I would certainly hope that child protection laws prevent any minors from being forced to experience this against their will. The most jarring thing about the film isn't any single aspect represented, but the fact that someone payed significant amounts of money to produce a feature length film about a font known specifically for its plainness and formality. It's a product purely made to be inoffensive in every aspect.
One of my favorite reviewers has a common rating system regarding documentaries where you ask "if this was all fictional, would I still find this entertaining?" Well, judging by the fact that I genuinely believe that showing this to an unwilling minor should be considered child abuse, I didn't have a lot of fun watching this. I don't find the idea of a common, plain, nice font developed by very plain and common people very entertaining.
Watashi ga motenai no wa dô kangaetemo omaera ga warui! (2013)
Respected, but not enjoyed
I saw an article on Kotaku from a "writer" claiming this anime to be incredibly mean about people with social disorders. He went on and on about how these things shouldn't be made fun of, and that the creators are generally mean people. What he also mentioned, was that this show is a comedy. In true false humility, someone has taken it upon themselves to get uppity about jokes. Again. The problem isn't that these things could be considered offensive, it's that this isn't the type of comedy that appeals to some people. Now about the actual anime, and not why I enjoy the creators. I didn't find it very funny, the jokes were okay but never really stood out to me. The only reason I'd remember this is because of the kotaku article. The faces were funny, I've often taken screen shots and photoshoped them into inside jokes which I would distribute among my friends. Other than that, the show was surprisingly boring. In the end, I appreciate the idea more than the product.
The Hunter (2011)
A Certain Movie
I watched this with my friend just the other day. I had seen it previously, but highly recommended it and decided to watch it with him, his first time. Immediately we started discussing just how wonderful Dafoe is and how beautifully shot this movie is (in relation to the film Antichrist, which Dafoe also starred in and was visually beautiful). We even established a game of finding horrible moments to use as a poster for the movie, since beautiful scenes were so populace. We even later used the game on the, admittedly bland, film Moon, but that's another review. The film follows a hunter tasked to find, kill, and collect samples of the last known living Tasmanian tiger, only to grow close to a widow and her children. Dafoe takes the place of a father figure, fixing up the house and getting the mother off pills, even taking an awkward bath with the children (against his protests). The euphoria of Dafoe traversing the Tasmanian wilderness and constant anxiety sets the tone for this gray movie. Not gray in the sense of boring, gray in the sense of simplistic elegance. Long story short, I loved the movie. My friend had a different idea. He wanted a movie about a hunter with social anxieties. A hunter that only truly felt alive when he was out hunting, instead of one being humanized by some strange family. My friend wanted a different movie. If you think this is going to be about some edgy badass hunter, it's not. It's about a man, a family, and a tiger, and that's all you really need.
Warm Bodies (2013)
What happens when teen girls move on from twilight
I went to see this with my (now ex) girlfriend. When I first saw previews with that angsty "zombie" guy that the girls most likely find cute, I knew exactly what his movie was going to be about. Already the concept is just plain silly: zombie romance. Take that in. ZOMBIE. ROMANCE. Silly plot aside, I like to make fun of bad movies and I knew that my girlfriend and I would be making out. Those two things make the movie worthy of a try. We walk in, get out tickets, drinks, and snacks, and I get ready for something I would undoubtedly dislike. I knew this would be on par with Christian Rock and Ryan Gosling movies for me. The same crap being produced until it's beaten to death. It's cutesy crap, teen zombie guy that wants company, alright humor but nothing special. It's averaging at a 6 in the beginning. Then comes the horrible parts. This group of human survivor kids are out doing a coming-of-age thing (I think) and that's where Zombie Boy spots the blonde of his dreams. How else to kick of this wonderful love-in-bloom without eating her boyfriends brain? Which gives Zombie Boy that guy's memories, despite the fact that Zombie Boy appears to have just picked from anywhere in the brain. In any case, it's dumb. Zombie Boy then abducts Blonde Girl (sorry, but these characters aren't memorable) and takes her to his "sweet pad" which is an airplane. They listen to music, nothing important really happens until Zombie Boy starts to feel alive again. Apparently falling in love cures zombie-ism. THIS IS F***ING STUPID Just the entire concept angers me. The writing skill of these people can be equated to most fan fiction writers. "But it's creative" Some people might say. I don't care, it's stupid. A small child painting the dog blue could be considered creative, but is still stupid. After the point of Zombie Boy starting to feel the plot goes as predictable as possible and all the other zombies become human again and integrate with the survivors after some dramatic bullcrap. Whatever. tl;dr boring, predictable, dumb concepts, message that teen girls will enjoy
Death Note: Desu nôto (2006)
It's overrated
Are you kidding me? An 8.9? Really? Okay, lemme just break this down from the experience that I had. It starts out with lots of dark colors and a generally gray atmosphere that gave me headaches from the blandness. But that's a stylistic choice I won't focus on. There was character dev in the first episode, and that was it. Light when from boring student to serial killer in like 15 minutes. And then it's just him Ocean's 11-ing schemes to kill people without the antagonists finding out. Well, until an 8 year old boy joins the crew. So Light talks to Ryuk a very small amount of time then he just became a background character. Light is a generally unlikable guy with a flat personality that he held true till the end. L was probably diabetic by the end. And the finale finished up just how I would expect from the person that created the series. A big "f**k you" to any fans by killing of the guy that most of the -angsty girls that touched themselves to his image- fans liked. The animation and drawing style are what's to be expected from a big budget anime, the dubs are acceptable, and any technical aspects were fine. In the end though, I personally watch something for an experience. I want to feel emotion about the media in some way, and I just didn't have that. I found a completely overrated and boring story about a kid that wants to kill people and is aided by a death god. What seemed possibly exciting became boring as it went from psycho-drama-adventure to cop drama. tl;dr boring