jellys-721-184554 Reviews

The Sixth Secret (2022)

Clearly in need of a legitimate review

[3/10 · 8 July 2022]

Well we all know the answer to the question but here it is anyway. Who would rate this film anywhere north of a 5?

Gratingly awful delivery, jarring fake accents and 1st year drama school acting make watching this film actually the less preferable option to sitting in a room and having someone scrape their nails down a blackboard for 90 minutes.

The plot seems to have been written on a napkin and then padded out every 10 minutes with a subversive twist. You might not know, or care, what the twist is, but you know it's coming because there is nothing else on offer.

This film is neither a homage or parody to classic movies it attempts to mimic. You'll have more fun and mystery putting a bucket of poop in a dark room and walking about until you knock it over.

Butterfly Kisses (2018)

Meta Meta Meta

[2/10 · 25 March 2021]

Oh boy, where do I start with this? I guess I have to say that my basis for getting into a found footage film is the reliance on having a believable world spun around the urban legend of the found footage. Butterfly Kisses absolutely fails at this and as a result any investment in the film's story is constantly challenge to the point of disinterest. Let's start explaining what I mean. The main character Gavin initially comes across as smug and arrogant then progresses to overly antagonistic and detached from reality. Hardly endearing and totally not what you would expect of someone who is trying to promote his project and also share his experience with a documentary team. There are several instances where instead of trying to convince people or meeting them halfway he purposely is written as someone who can only present the narrative "the footage is real" and will attack anyone who questions that. Given the fact he, in reality, can't be 100% sure, because "HE FOUND THE FOOTAGE", this just comes off as a dumb writing decision to drive the overall story to its conclusion. The urban myth of "Peeping Tom" requires staring down a tunnel for 60 minutes without blinking. After this is explained in the film, it immediately switches to several scenes explaining how difficult this is and how the students need to cheat to meet the criteria. So how the hell has this legend been perpetuating before now? The film students are awkwardly cliche as is the forced narratives inserted to drive an element of paranoia, suspicion and resentment between them. I literally was watching the background expecting a flash of peeping tom and sure enough there it was. Predictable, unsurprising, not shocking or spooky. The god awful groan-fest that is the documentary crew director then falling into the trap of but we need to finish this at any cost, because... it might just be real. This is just some of the misplaced events in the film that totally break the immersion. It seems the positive reviews of this film smack of "but the meta of the meta is so meta, it's so clever." You know, stare at the clouds and you see something logic. If there is one positive is that the writer/director clearly did some research on the genre, smattering references all throughout. Again, feeding that meta narrative. A boring film, not in the least spooky, certainly not as clever as people here are giving it credit for. You'd be better off watching with your eyes shut.

Unbelievable!!!!! (2020)

So bad it's just bad.

[2/10 · 16 August 2020]

When people say, "So bad it's good", this usually implies a lack of self awareness or skills on the part of the movie maker. Despite its flaws, you appreciate the effort or just laugh at the shear failure of the movie.

Here, with Unbelievable, we simply have a bad movie. There is clearly no effort to make an entertaining film. The cinematography is lifeless and cheap sets are frequently hidden by close cropped shots. The script has no spark and less humour, it's criminal to even mention Airplane in comparison. The level of parody here makes the likes of Meet the Spartans seem oscar worthy. You're pretty much left with a tired series of "naughty/lewd" (dead on arrival) jokes that have no set up and are limited by PG-13 restrictions. Beavis and Butthead did it better and with surprisingly infinitely more class.

So what are you left with? A movie where you'll just spend the entire runtime wondering why so many Sci-Fi (and specifically Star Trek) actors signed up to be in this film. Given the budget it's clearly not a massive paycheck although I guess it's a bit more than they'd get via Cameo.

You'll be better off just cruising IMDB and looking at their profiles. It'll be a lot quicker, cost you nothing and it's likely to be funnier.