Loomis_Orange Reviews

Dangerous Curves (2000)

Please Lemmie Out!

[5/10 · 7 January 2005]

I was laughing my butt off the entire time this movie was playing. To say it's a comedy is a masterpiece of understatement. The lawyer (robert carradine) is sitting in his office when his secretary shows him a snapshot of her vacation. The lawyer recognizes a woman in the picture as the murderous thief babe that he'd fallen in love with while getting her off on her murder charge. The His secretary gives him the address of the hotel they stayed in where the chick in the picture works behind the counter .. Okay, He meets her. In her apartment he meets her. She tries seduction on him and then excuses herself out of the room for a trip down stairs to a Flower Truck. The lawyer stands in the room for awhile. A few seconds later he's offered a beer by a wife-less drunken neighbor with a handful of long necks that he'd met while both were trying to make it to the second floor via the stairs. Lawyer casually walks into bedroom where he finds the dead bloody corpse of a fat guy. Neighbor slowly follows. He sees! He gasps! He runs for the police in three quarter time thinking that the innocent lawyer has committed the gristly crime.

Lawyer Runs.

Enter Marina Carradine and friends:

Man - hating smirking Dyke types complete in black leather and chains who are extremely fond of carrying sliced off male reproductive organs in jars of formaldehyde.

Lawyer runs very fast

Steals motorcycle and runs into scared upstairs neighbor on bicycle

Enter David Carradine:

Lemmie is a half-wit retarded flower Shop owner who's in love with the vixen babe. He does for her anything she asks. He's her dupe and would die for her in a heartbeat.

Enter about 3 guys -- One with a tattoo on his shaved head. I don't know what they're doing in the picture but their villains of some kind.

Lawyer runs

His stolen car plasters into the upstairs neighbor who's hobbling his bicycle back into town

One sex scene between lawyer and vixen in a cave with blow-up doll on floor

Money!

The vixen stole money!

The Dyke's want the money!

The shaved-heads wants the money!

Lemme doesn't want the money...

Lawyer doesn't want the money...

Vixon dies in a fire for the money

Hey wait a minute - No she don't!

Sirens (1999 TV Movie)

I Love Red Wigs!

[6/10 · 7 January 2005]

I don't think this movie is as bad as everyone thinks it it. Dana Delany is wonderful. I like this woman. I also like this woman's character. I care about her. Wexler's friend with his sad, hang-dogged expressions is a good actor. The scenes that come to my mind are the ones where the red wig blows onto the street after she exposes her identity to Wexler's partner, the scene when Wexler's partner carries him into a room on his shoulders after another night of too much booze and that confessional conversation takes place. Carradine's acting in his scene is quite believable. The disappointment and disgust on his partners face is also believable. I watched this film more than once. The scene with the chick and Wexler going at it in the store across the street made me laugh ... wonder why? Why would this shot make it to the actual finished product...

Well, maybe this is as bad as ya'll say it is .. But I liked it cause I'm a Carradine fan!

Shel

Inside Daisy Clover (1965)

The Hardest Candy in the World.

[7/10 · 6 January 2005]

Daisy's fifteen today "but quite sophisticated for her age." He sister Gloria "ran off with some guy in real estate", her half-witted tobacco-voiced gypsy mother has finally started around the bend and on top of that a Limo drives up in front of their old wooden shack sitting on the bean side of Angel Beach. Ma thinks it's a Hurst. "Daisy would ya please send that Hurst away" Daisy excitedly replies "It's going away Old Chap .. With ME in it" and so it goes. Daisy sings. Raymond Swann of Swann Pictures asks Daisy why she sings? She replies "My mama says this world's a garbage dump'n we're just the flies it attracts, but when I sing, the smell doesn't seem so bad". So begins this studio-owned teenager's meteoric rise to the "top of the heap" which includes an extended stay at a sanitarium for her senile media dead mother. A lost trip to the desert town of Jawbone, Arizona for a honeymoon with a homosexual heart throb "who never could resist a charming boy". A torrid what-the-hell affair with her middle-aged studio head boss, while her mother's silently dies on her daughter's beach house bed clutching in her stiff bony hand, eights and aces... The Deadman's Hand! A nervous breakdown in which the sad, lonely, lovely lady .. Mr. Swann's wife suggests a little trip "around the world". for the two of them, A meeting in Daisy's bedroom where her boss ...her boyfriend ..Raymond Swann says to her "You Don't LOSE me money you MAKE me money" The funniest part of this movie and the one I laugh at every time I see it is Daisy trying to knock herself off at the end. Phone off, door locked, head in oven. Door bell, sign autograph, phone used. Phone on, door locked, head in oven. burner on, burn hand, out of gas, kick chair, Door bell, phone ring

Screw it - Just have some coffee Daisy!

Cahoots (2001)

Cahoots Is Unique

[4 January 2005]

This picture concerns the life of two men who have taken very different paths in life. Boys who'd grown up together. Befriended each other in childhood. (Harvey has a big heart). They had their first sexual experience under the same car roof. One's married and trying to live a normal life, the other can't succeed in having a normal life. Matt comes to town after ten years away "at recess" in Alaska. His child, a beautiful little girl falls in love with her Daddy (again). His oldest dearest friend (Yeah, we broke a lot of hymens together) Harvey has trouble remembering Matt's name at times. Matt has a strange effect on Harvey's life. Harvey begins regressing. Regressing into something he hates to think he is. Leaving his emotionally hungry wife alone, he travels with Matt. He can't say "No" to Matt. They're what Matt calls "Asshole Buddies" Matt draws trouble. Matt is trouble. Matt is a drinker, a womanizer and a roustabout trying desperately to make up for the fact that he's a flaming homosexual. Harvey finally realizes what his old friend is up to when during a murder of a sexual pervert who's "had" Matt at gunpoint. Matt then confesses to Harvey that he "sucked and swallowed .. liked it too." Matt then crawls onto the hood of his truck which he's deliberately planted on a railroad track. He howls with all his might as he watches the train approach, gets plastered to smithereens while his only friend in the world witnesses the whole thing. The most effective part of this film is the end when Benedict takes us back to their childhood and explains a bit. This film is worth watching simply for the closing.

Plus Keith has written the song.