suissenavy Reviews

Coffin (2011)

Cool Film

[4 November 2011]

Yeah this one is a great watch, even though the cast are quite forgettable minus the veteran detective. His one liners stand up a few times. But this is a thriller with a great twist, and there is a sequel screaming to be made. It will entertain you, I figured out what was really happening quite early, but it didn't spoil the ending, which was great. This film is certainly not produced so well, but the story carries it to the end and makes it worth the investing the run time. Can't wait for part 2, hope it out does the first, and who knows how that will end. There are flashback sequences to underline the events, and it seems that these are the weakest part, they seemed a little cardboard. Once again however, the writer deserves maximum credit for this yarn of adultery, money and deceit. Well down.

BlinkyTM (2011)

Don't let your child get spoiled.

[25 September 2011]

This short is well made, great realistic visuals,and even though the gore factor is not present it will leave you with a bit of a sick stomach. The story is obvious, boy gets robot, robot gets boring, boy plays cruel games with robot and acts like an annoying prepubescent tyrant with his electronic companion. Blinky is indeed cute and lovable, but as we know this is not going to end well. The performances are strong for the kid and his dog, and the short screen time for mom is also convincing even though rushed. It is an easy watch and would recommend it to all parents who what a robot to cook for them. Oh and if you don't want to spoil your child, keep them in the fridge.

Repeaters (2010)

A real good watch........Great ending to.

[8/10 · 7 August 2011]

Just saw this and thought I would give it a review as it entertained me. There is a lot of hardcore scenes due to one characters O.T.T. maniac tendencies. It really is enjoyable and reaches full speed at an admirable pace. I won't bother re-rewriting the plot synopsis posted with the film, just tell you that you can expect all the same rules as the Bill Murray film about the same situation, just here we see a more sinister side to the event. We also have three very troubled people trying to figure out why this is happening to them, on this day. The climax is cool and don't turn your head too soon when you see the first credits role.OK?

The Poker Table (2010)

Well filmed, low quality, worth it for the ending I guess.

[6/10 · 2 April 2011]

If you play poker you should get a kick out of this short. Especially if also your not too sensitive to bad sound and acting. Performance of the camera and editing was well done though, images and angles were very standard and not jerky. The story is well done and the only spoiler I will give is there is a very short and direct story, that moves fast enough almost like someone telling a joke story.

I knew what would come on the river in the last hand. I hate you Pokerstars.com :). The music is terrible by the way, like it was lifted from so cheesy drama. Watch this if you have a few minutes while your better film streams.LOL.

Saw 3D (2010)

Hoffman en Force!!!!!!!! Totally explained!!!

[10/10 · 28 November 2010]

This film is quite amazing, even though as with the other films I felt all but a couple of the traps were weak, the story is what makes it go for me.

This is Hoffman's brilliant plan to get Jill and use John's traps to do so. The writers have done well with the 1st public trap, which I have seen criticized by others for not being important to the film. It clearly is very important to the story, as it put there to tell the police and public that there was a game on, and it will continue. Everything comes together very nicely at the end. I would say that there is one Gordon's alive youtube video they copied from as well as a teeth trap that I saw on the message boards here years ago, I wonder if they can get royalties for that?

Anyway, get through the painful traps, enjoy the moments that come towards the end, as they are made to be intense and you need to imagine what it would be like to feel it. Poor Jill Tuck and great closure sequence, even if predictable. Saw 8, I don't mind either way, I think the Collector 2 or even dare I say it Phone Booth 2 would get me into the cinema quicker, but I would still go to see how Dr.Gordon celebrates Halloween.

Transparency (I) (2010)

Lou Diamond Badass,he's as ugly and real as Brunson

[31 October 2010]

This is a great throwback action film, like the Death Wish series and Dirty Harry, however as there is not as much killing, making it modern and believable. There are elements of the one man army Rambo/Commando psychology, but not silly and you sense genuine fear from Lou's character. The plot is easy to follow, a security guard finds a trafficked Serbian girl and relates saving her to the loss of his daughter to a rapist while he was a cop. Everything seemed strong and engaging, the style of dialog is natural and well suited to the players. I would say that this is a great film to get into. Always great to feel old if you remember Young Guns.....Oh and Young Guns 2.

Born to Raise Hell (2010)

Will somebody please punch Steven Segal.....

[2/10 · 20 October 2010]

So I just watched this tripe, and I gotta say, if Seagull isn't wearing the same Jacket and lame turtle neck as his last 8 films I'm seeing things.

But seriously, this is hardcore manure action, obnoxious and stupid. Maybe as a laugh you could say brilliant. I mean it's anyones guess whats gonna happen to Steve's partner after he states he's expecting a baby. Your Dead. LOL.

There is a scattered plot between two mobs that means nothing and also Segal's standard fight sequences are nothing new and defy gravity and physics. His writing is atrocious and his tired persona once again truly degraded another level here, this one shouldn't even be released on Betamax(c).

Attack on Darfur (2009)

I have seen a lot of Boll films...This one is an exception to his other stuff.

[1/10 · 1 October 2010]

I gave this film 1 star for a reason. Not because it is a waste of time, poorly done or bad. In fact it is an exceptional film, a must see. It just that when you give a film 1 star on this site it says in brackets(awful). This is how I felt after the film.

It truly is engaging, well put together and one of the most extreme depictions of genocide that has ever graced the screen. It makes me feel ill to see the actors smiling faces at the top of the IMDb page. They should have posted different ones if only for this film. Do not watch this until you are ready to experience grief unlike anything imaginable. I know that Uwe has a reputation for bad films, I agree his films are everything from boring to predictable to unimaginative. Do not let this one pass you by, be patient and be ready for disgust, anger and helplessness. Abandon all hope a thee ho enter here. We call it 'Darfur'.

Monsters (2010)

Yes,yes,yes....No action but who cares wins......

[27 September 2010]

Just had to do a review. I knew nothing about this film before watching it, and I was sure that the carnage was gonna start at any moment throughout, it really never did. It just doesn't matter though. This film is an experience, very much like those first days of being with a new girl, your heart will adopt the characters and follow their minds as if this is what it would be like. A great deal of attention to detail makes the scenario unforgettable and tense. This is what you should expect when viewing, a nice love story with a great ending that leaves more questions than it answers. The whole point of this movie is to show that all the points left out of most action/sci-fi films of a similar genre and are pushed to the real world mentality of the modern mind of people. There is very little left out as far as the feelings between the main protagonists of the story, it is scary in the way it is believable. Special effects look great even though used sparingly, the end looks a bit TV film, but you should be able to forgive this if you have a brain and have ever felt anything for someone. Just watch it and enjoy the the light of a new day which shows itself before the film descends into just another Cloverfield (which I thought was great also!). Superb, touching and very well made. All the roads lead to a monster bigger than CGI can create, a life changing experience without the need to witness the carnage first hand, just to see the aftermath should move you enough to like what has been done here. 11 out of 10 for the story and direction, 7 out of 10 if I was judging it to be a Cloverfield clone, and 2 out of 10 for the action buffs. Won't watch it again unless I am with a new girlfriend who likes film, not mainstream at all but very moving.

The Traveler (I) (2010)

Great Film....

[9/10 · 16 September 2010]

Who do the police call when attacked by the supernatural. The premise for this film is great and Val Kilmer has finally found a decent role as Nobody, poetic, well timed and as the film unfolds, deadly. You will get what is gonna happen after about 20 minutes, but it won't stop you from wanting to watch, and it's worth it, especially as Val brings back some Jim Morrison traits with the dark speeches he gives. The supporting actors are not so hot, but it doesn't matter too much, although Detective Black holds quite strong next to Val. Quite fresh for a supernatural horror, great twist of the picking 'em off one by one plot. You'll be glad you watched it and the(don't read real spoiler!!!) end is not as one sided as the rest of the film. Giving it a 9 because of Val's return to form, aided by a good story and script.

Ballistica (2009)

Some silly moments, but quite good action and story.

[3 July 2010]

Just got done watching this and I have to say that I did enjoy it. The only real thing that bothered me was the hand gun hand combat. It was well filmed but utterly impossible. Trust me, dodging one bullet would be hard to believe, try about 25, at close range and your truly in the land of fantasy. The story unfolds very well, and a great twist at the end is well timed and from out of nowhere. This film is most certainly a Federal funded one, all the talk about the good C.I.A. and bad terrorists and a reference to 9\11 truly got a giggle from me. The last fight is a good one, and I was wondering what was gonna happen, the last move is absolutely against several laws, physics and gravity to name a few, good taste may also fit in the list. There are some familiar faces throughout like that bad guy from Karate Kid, you know the teacher at the dojo. You should enjoy this film if you like action spy films. You can also say that acting in this film is like Ben Kinsley in Gandhi, but then you would be completely wrong and probably insane.

Mr. Nobody (2009)

Do not miss this monumental film!!

[10/10 · 15 June 2010]

This movie is so well made it took my breath away completely. The beauty of the filming and the beauty of the characters, fits perfectly with the beautiful story. The parallel realities are so well thought out and they draw you in very deep. This film has suggested teen sex/incest yet covers the topic in such an artistic fashion that the whole thing feels pure and also touches a part of all of us. There are times in this movie that I could actually feel the emotions between the characters to a level unlike anything else I've seen on film. There is a great lesson to be learned but an even better experience to be had by watching it. Simply put, this film is perfect.

Kick-Ass (2010)

Far beyond the boundaries of good taste....Impeccable Taste.....

[10/10 · 18 April 2010]

All right you runts, if you haven't seen it you may not get to heaven. Action,comedy and drama heaven that is. From the off set we are exposed to an array of great characters to love and hate. We witness the unbelievable scenes of 'Hit Girl' and we are gob smacked by the sheer scope of the ensuing carnage and language. We are played with by the story, again and again, never really sure what will happen to our heroes. The opposite is true of the villains by the end of the film. We kinda know they are doomed. This is one of the funniest things I have seen in my life, and whilst shocking, it does give us a reason to smile (That is if your not of a sensitive disposition!). Do not miss this film, or everyone else is gonna laugh at you for being too up tight. This is entertainment at it's best, I love the story and will be waiting for a sequel with even more want than the next Saw film, and that is coming from a Jigsaw fanatic! Go Hit Girl....The baddest pre-pubescence vigilante of all time.

Smokin' Aces 2: Assassins' Ball (2010 Video)

Get ready for action....

[8/10 · 9 January 2010]

Just saw this and must say it won't let you down. The plot involves a mid-level CIA analyst who is besiege by assassins more ruthless and hilarious than the first film. Get on this film and enjoy the ride. Goes beyond the original, if you can imagine a Crank II level to Smokin' Aces, your there. All the characters are sinister, but Vinnie Jones and his northern English humour do well to steal most the show. The other players who are foaming over the 3 million dollar price on this poor man's head, who by the way is completely unaware of what reasons these people want him done away with. The plot is solid and we can see the disasters that will occur within the first twenty minutes. As the first film there is plenty of over the top violence and heavy automatic weapons and even a good splash of torture for you Saw fans. The is a familiarity with the cast and they all look and feel like they should. I love the busty blonde and her red-neck cohorts, always good for a stone cold laugh and spontaneous brutality. Overall a strong 8 out of 10, oh and remember this is an action film, meant to entertain, not to be take literally, and you'll walk out of the cinema with a great big smile on your face.

Play Dead (I) (2009 Video)

The Three Amigos....but 2009 with better jokes!!!!

[10/10 · 1 October 2009]

I loved this film. I can remember someone saying that anyone who found 3 Amigos to be a good film was probably just stoned on a Saturday afternoon, truth is, I found many scenes in this film comparable, but much, much funnier. We have great character development, especially Ledge, who is indeed a lovable and sympathetic weirdo who's character steals the show with his blissful ignorance. The whole thing is extremely entertaining, especially the two actors who are at each others about the technicalities of their trade, no matter how dire or dangerous the situation. Overall a must see if you want a chuckle a minute and you don't look for too much reality. It's one of those it could never happen like this films, but releases a great story in sacrifice of this element. Acting, plot, cinematography and settings are all above par in my opinion, and you will truly feel a sense of attachment to the characters, as long as you have a pulse that is. 10 stars for the jokes. Especially the one about forgetting to load the gun, LOL, and never speak your plans into a megaphone whilst staking out potential killers, especially when your just acting as DEA. almost died laughing!!!!!

Humanity's End (2008 Video)

Flash bangs and spaceships, drama and comedy..Not bad...

[8/10 · 28 August 2009]

Just watched it. 8 out of 10. Really different. First 8 minutes is an explanation of the history up to the year 2800 then it's a kinda b-movie but with great quality. It drifts quite randomly from action,to comedy to drama and human emotion. The ending is indeed sad, but a very good one also if you ask me. The film does well to take into account that we have evolved socially, genetically and of technologically. We find an array of characters, each given an equal dialog to display their dilemmas and beliefs. The captain is indeed a very Han Soloeque man, and with the ability to fire out four letter words, we soon adopt a lot of respect for him. All the supporting roles were good, and the story also not too bad. The special effects are given a lot of screen time, and they are above par to your standard b film.