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Reviews
Those Who Call (2023)
The absolute worst piece of garbage I've ever seen
I'm convinced the leads were wannabe actors and their dads made this movie to soothe their egos. It's beyond bad. Like, so horribly, painfully bad, abrasive, amateurish and crappy that it's hard to describe in words. Of all the movies I've ever seen, this may be the one I hated most. The two leads cannot act. At all. Not even a little bit. The entire movie is just these two annoying brats yelling at each other about...nothing. Twenty minutes in you'll be praying that both of them are killed just to make it stop. And if anything, it's even worse than I'm describing. If there was a tenth circle of hell this would be playing on an endless loop, forever, and even then Satan would be wondering if maybe he'd gone too far with the whole torture for eternity thing.
The Library (2013)
Holy god, this is beyond bad
FIrst off, all the positive reviews on here are clearly written by the director or someone involved in the film - they share the same weird overuse of commas and odd grammatical structure. But more importantly, no sentient being could sit through ten minutes of this without recognizing the utter and complete lack of even the tiniest shred of filmmaking going on here. This is literally one of the most pathetic excuses for a "film" I've ever seen. It is no exaggeration to say that I've seen high school film projects done in two weeks that had more intelligence and artistic talent than this gigantic turd. The "director" should be ashamed, and if it's him leaving these bogus 9-star reviews, I can guarantee him that it's not going to help - no one will watch this and walk away unscarred by its sheer, undiluted crapitude. Please, do yourself a favor, bang your head against a wall for an hour - it's much more entertaining than "6 Minutes of Death."
The Taking (2013)
The worst movie of all time
I have never written a review on IMDb before. This movie was so awful, so pointless and utterly devoid of artist merit that I felt compelled to write one. I'm a huge fan of experimental, avant- garde art-house films, but this is like something that a class of 6th graders put together. In addition to the utter absence of a plot, characters, narrative structure or even a point, the sound design is so awful that it's literally unbearable. Someone needs to explain to the "Director" that loud screeching noises and unintelligible distorted voices are not, in themselves, even remotely scary or interesting. I cannot emphasize enough how bad this movie is. I've seen a lot of bad movies, and usually there is at least SOMETHING to redeem them; this movie misses even that low bar. Avoid at all costs.
It's in the Blood (2012)
Awful, inscrutable and pointless
Despite some good acting by Lance Henriksen, this movie is hamstrung by a plot that makes no sense at all. It's not even a "makes you think" kind of ambiguity, just a complete failure to understand the rudiments of plot. Utter waste of time, and the positive reviews for this are clearly either the producers or some publicist involved -- no one could claim this movie was anywhere near good. The cinematography is passable, the special effects laughable, the guy playing October is horrific and has the charisma of a piece of toast, the monster is more kitschy than scary, etc. The guy who plays the villain comes off as suitably creepy at least, but that's about the most one can say about this dim-witted exercise in obfuscation.