meddlecore Reviews

Clown Motel (2023)

A Below Average, Entirely Forgettable, Experience.

[2/10 · 21 March 2024]

The low budget horror film Clown Hotel is an entirely forgettable feature.

To the filmmakers credit...the production quality is competent enough.

However...the real horror lies in how bad the storyline actually is.

It revolves around a young Native American woman who has returned to her cultural homeland- only to find that the "world famous" Clown Motel stands on the burial ground of her people.

We, effectively, watch as she tries to unravel some sort of mystery that revolves around something in the basement of the motel.

Whose owner tries to keep said mystery locked away from prying eyes.

If only because uncovering it will unleash it's evil.

The young woman tries to elicit the help of her mother...but she is invested in a company that has sold out to a group of developers, who seek to build upon their land.

While simultaneously working with a church group who seek to bring forth an ancient spirit to stop them.

In hope they can recoup the cost of their investments, without having to sacrifice their land to the unscrupulous developers.

Thus, releasing an angry and vengeful shaman-like character...who starts to kill them off.

The monster is cool enough...but his presence is hampered by the inclusion of some incredibly out of place rainbow-sparkle CGI effects...which I, personally, found to be totally unnecessary.

Which kind of killed any vibe they had going for them.

And from here it's all down hill.

The whole thing is just poorly developed.

With too many forced angles.

That are introduced in a convoluted manner.

Contrary to what the title might lead you to believe.

It actually has nothing to do with clowns at all.

The clowns are, simply, the d-bags you meet along the way.

An entirely forgettable experience.

But it could have been worse.

2.5 out of 10.

Don't Suck (2023)

For A Film About Not Sucking...It Really Does Bring The Suck.

[2/10 · 15 March 2024]

After seeing it's rating...I expected worse.

But it's not without it's faults.

The story revolves around a washed up comedian (played by Jamie Kennedy) who tries to rekindle his career by accepting a gig touring with a not-so-young up and comer (played by Matt Rife).

The young wannabe comic employs a dry shtick where he plays on being an ancient- yet ageless- vampire.

However, he's having a hard time connecting with the audience.

So he brings on Kennedy's character with the hope that he can get some tips on how to become a better comedian.

Promising to fund the entire endeavour, himself.

Only to reveal the truth behind the facade.

The whole thing is rather mediocre.

If only because Rife's portrayal of the vampire character is rather insufferable.

The rest of the cast actually do an excellent job, though.

Why many people didn't like it is obvious, however.

Because it comes off less a comedy than it does a drama.

Which is something I blame the writers for.

Because, where they had an oppourtunity to insert comedy into the script...they seem to glance over them, in order to focus on driving the dramatic aspect of the story forward.

Which is an odd decision.

Because there's not enough comedy to appease viewers who tuned in for some laughs.

And there's not enough gore to satiate those expecting a pure horror.

Making it completely reliant on winning people over with the drama.

Which is a mistake in my opinion.

Especially considering Rife does such an awful job.

His terrible performance aside...it's not totally horrible.

Just very slow and dry.

Which is not something you would expect from a film that features such well known comics.

Thus, it's not particularly great.

So, you can't blame people for thinking it does, in fact, suck.

Because, in the end...it really is quite mediocre.

2 out of 10.

Detachment (2011)

A Dark Sisyphean Drama About The Effects Of Childhood Trauma.

[7/10 · 25 February 2024]

Detachment is a dark Sisyphean drama, about the traumas that burden the lower classes of modern society...as they carry the weight upon their shoulders, while the rest of society weighs down upon them.

Adrian Brody plays a supply teacher, who is sent to a low ranking urban school, on a month long stint as a supply teacher.

Where he witnesses practically every problem you could imagine misspent youth might suffer from.

With students who have no hope for their future, because they've never encountered anyone who cared enough to endow them with hope.

Other than their teachers...who are left fighting an uphill battle...against kids coming from broken homes.

Which leaves them just as broken as the kids they can't seem to help.

Coming from such a background, however...Brody manages to get through to these kids.

Though, not without having to battle his own demons...who have latched onto him as a result of his own childhood trauma.

And left him feeling empty inside.

It's through this emptiness, however, that he is able to forge a connection with the kids.

Because they too feel this emptiness inside...and, so, resonate with him.

Making him a tragic hero, of sorts, on a quest filled with trials and tribulations.

Which, at first, seem like they are impossible for him to overcome...as he makes all the wrong decisions...despite having the best intentions.

His redemption isn't gained through self sacrifice, however.

Rather...a mistake that leads to the most daunting of consequences.

Meaning that it is only through failure, and reflection, that he is able to counter his past mistakes.

And turn things around before all hope is lost.

The whole thing has heavy Kids vibes.

In that they both deal with the harsh reality of childhood trauma...in a very gritty, and confrontational, way.

Which is why an early clip of this film went viral on social media, to portray issues as such.

Unlike Kids, however, this film ends on a bit of a bright note.

So as to show us that no matter how dark things get...we can't lose hope that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Which is, ultimately, the lesson that the plot of this film is oriented around.

I really enjoyed this.

As, not only is the acting great across the board...Kaye does an excellent job at making the cinematography mirror the grittiness of the storyline...while keeping it almost totally void of colour, to reflect darkness that pervades it.

A highly recommended watch.

7 out of 10.

Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead (2023)

Zommmmmbie Sharrrrrrrrrk!!!

[5/10 · 9 February 2024]

I know there is an anime for this, but I've not watched it...so I'm unsure how true to the story it remains.

It certainly has cheesy humour, and a major focus on the romance angle.

But as far as cheesy zombie romances go...it's not half bad.

With three main characters who are rather likeable.

And a concept that is kind of fun.

It is kind of long though.

And, considering such, I was expecting it to sort of fizzle out by the end.

But that zombie shark was pretty badass.

And fully overcomes any of the of the shortcomings the film might otherwise have had.

Plus, the zombie acting is great (especially from the two actresses that play the flight attendants)!

Sure, they aren't the most effective zombies you'll ever see.

But they have some cool mannerisms...and are, generally, quite entertaining.

All-in-all, I found myself rather enjoying the whole thing.

And must say that it is one of the better zombie flicks released in 2023.

Hell...I might even go watch the anime series because of it!

So I'd say it's definitely worth a watch.

5 out of 10.

Adalynn (2023)

Anti-Climactic, To Say The Least.

[2/10 · 7 February 2024]

What did I just watch?!

Obviously, it's a psychological exploration of post-partum depression.

But I wouldn't classify it as either a horror or thriller...rather, just a drama.

Calling it a slow burner is an understatement.

Because literally nothing happens in this film.

It's just a low budget film that attempts to portray the psychological downfall of a woman who miscarries.

With bad voiceovers that are meant to be auditory hallucinations.

And some very mediocre acting.

Seriousness of the topic, aside.

This film is just way too slow and boring.

Even during it's "climax" (which is rather anti-climactic, to say the least).

I mean...the whole thing is based on character development.

But I never found myself caring about the character.

So it was really hard to remain engaged with it.

Perhaps it's because I'm not the target market for this kind of story.

But I just found this to be a completely forgettable film.

Clock is a similar kind of film that does a much better job attacking the subject, in my opinion.

2 out of 10.

All Fun and Games (2023)

Nothing To Write Home About.

[3/10 · 7 February 2024]

The plot of this film is incredibly infantile.

Adolescent finds knife haunted by demonic children.

Demonic children use knife to possess his brother.

Brother forces his acquaintances to play games, in which the only winner is the one who survives.

The target market here seems to be somewhere between kids and young teenagers.

But it's too violent for young children.

And too childish for teenagers.

So it fits into that medium where no one is bound to like it.

Being a Canadian...I wanted to enjoy this, if only because it has the kid from Son Of A Critch in it.

But the plot is way too bad.

The character development is lackluster.

And there's too much lead up before the action kicks in.

Which ends as abruptly as it begins.

And they can't even get through a damn game ffs.

There's really nothing to like about it, to be honest.

Other than it being relatively short.

So you don't have to waste too much of your life indulging in it.

But that's about all it has going for it.

Other than decent production quality.

2.5 out of 10.

The Bell Keeper (2023)

An Awful Mash-Up Of Evil Dead And Knock At The Cabin.

[2/10 · 4 February 2024]

It's kind of hard to forge a decent horror film, when the concept is to make a cheap pastiche, based on an idiotic premise.

The whole thing is effectively a mash-up of Evil Dead and Knock At The Cabin - which is an act of blasphemy in itself.

And tries way too hard to force a horror-comedy angle into the storyline...which just doesn't work.

Because it makes the whole thing seem confused about what it wants to be.

Does it want to be a comedy? Or serious horror?

One can only assume they've tried to make it the best of both worlds.

However, these two different paths mix like oil and water in this example.

With the crux of the storyline coming off extremely forced at best.

It's just not a very good film.

But I guess that's what you get when you try to emulate a hack like Shyamalan.

It's not surprising that this was made by the same director who brought us the travesty that is Snow Falls (among other awful 2023 releases).

And while it might not be as bad as that film...it's still pretty bad.

2 out of 10.

Herd (III) (2023)

A Seemingly Pointless Endeavour.

[2/10 · 3 February 2024]

You can tell that this is a high concept film that was pitched as a lesbian oriented version of Deliverance meets The Walking Dead.

However, it's less of a thriller...and more of a drama.

Focusing on the main couple, as they are brought into a commune that developed after the outbreak of a zombie apocalypse.

Who find themselves pitted against another, more violent, militarized group.

Sure...there are some zombies present in the film.

But their appearances are few and far between.

And never amount to anything even remotely close to being a herd.

So you can't help but be confounded by the title of the film.

There's also a problem with the onset of the viral outbreak that led to the zombie apocalypse, itself.

As it's never adequately developed or explained.

It's just, all of a sudden...sort of there.

And you never really understand how any of it came to be.

Which you can't help but blame on poor writing.

You plod through it, expecting there is going to be an explosive climax.

But this never really comes to fruition.

At least in the sense of any sort of zombie herd.

So you are left confused about what it was ever supposed to be about.

With an ending that is so stupid...it doesn't help the cause much.

The only thing you can do- in order to make any sense of it- is to assume it's all just a dream.

But it doesn't even play out like that.

Before it's over as inexplicably as it began.

Leaving you to walk away, mostly, unfulfilled.

Confounded about what it was ever supposed to be about in the first place.

In short...it's just not a very good film.

So do yourself a favour and just pass this one by.

2 out of 10.

The Strays (2023)

Faking It To Make It: When Shame Turns To Torment.

[5/10 · 3 February 2024]

The Strays is an intriguing psychological thriller about a black woman who is fleeing from her "black" past, and faking it to make it in a world of "white privilege".

Even though that entailed leaving her two dark-skinned children behind...because they remind her of the trauma she had to endure in a toxic relationship she had when she was young.

Her "new" children are light-skinned...and she makes every attempt to keep them "white washed".

In the sense that she tries to keep them distanced from everything relating to black culture.

So...when her abandoned children, inevitably, track her down.

And see her with her new family.

They can see precisely what she has done...and they're bitter for it...understandably so.

To "get back" at their estranged mother...they weasel their way back into her life, by any means necessary.

Causing the carefully curated life she has fashioned for her current family to be upended.

As things take an increasingly dark turn, as the film progresses.

Something which is, arguably, a result of her own doing.

Because, instead of owning her past wrongdoings...she tries to buy her abandoned children off.

Which, no doubt, only acts to make things worse.

Ultimately leading to the film's tension inducing conclusion.

Speaking as a white dude...I think the reason that this film has received such harsh reviews...can be chocked up to a portion of it's white audience not possessing the emotional capacity to empathize with the story.

That's not to say the film is a masterpiece, or anything.

Just that it's an all around solid psychological thriller from a promising up-and-coming director, in their first feature length film.

With a complex cast of characters that are incredibly well developed.

Even if the plot structure is imperfect.

At the very least, you've got to admit that it is somewhat disturbing.

Despite the fact that it doesn't quite hit as hard as it is intended to.

At least not for me...as a white dude.

That being said...it is likely to resonate more with African-American/British audiences...or with anyone who has experienced being abandoned by a parent.

But in no way is it a bad, or incompetent, film.

It's just not a film that everyone can get on the deepest level.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

5 out of 10.

Thanksgiving (I) (2023)

Director Eli Roth Returns To His Bread And Butter For The First Time In 10 Years.

[6/10 · 3 February 2024]

Director Eli Roth returns to his bread and butter for the first time in 10 years with the hit slasher, Thanksgiving.

Which, while not exactly the best slasher of the year, is certainly among the goriest.

It's a film that is chock full of rather creative kills, that employ some extremely high quality special effects.

With it's holiday theme making it a film that will, no doubt, have viewers returning to it from year to year.

The whole thing is a cleverly constructed, modern, classic.

With a killer who has already spawned merchandising oppourtunities that range from plushies to action figures.

Personally, I'm not the hugest Eli Roth fan.

But this was definitely entertaining.

The only thing it lacks is the maturity that the best slashers exude.

With it still coming off as adolescent...despite the pedigree of Roth.

Which is mainly the result of it being a little too predictable.

Considering it was all too easy to pin who the killer is.

So...it's not exactly an Argento...despite it's attempts to be on that level.

That being said...it's still a relatively entertaining film.

And is much better than the most recent incarnation of Scream.

But it just doesn't crack into that top tier of slasher films.

Though, it's certainly a film that most mainstream viewers will love.

So it's not surprising that he has fully set it up for a sequel.

6 out of 10.

Kids vs. Aliens (2022)

A Chaotic, Cheesy, Canuxploitation.

[3/10 · 3 February 2024]

Full disclosure: I'm friends with John Davies, who wrote this film.

He also wrote Hobo With A Shotgun, which was also directed by Jason Eisener.

This film was originally conceptualized as a short film that was released as part of the V/H/S series.

Before he expanded it into a feature length film, about a group of kids who are trying to make a film about wrestlers that are trying to fight a group of monsters.

The majority of them are of gradeschool age.

However, the main kid's older sister is in high school...and tries to fit in with the "cool crowd", by allowing them to throw a party at their house.

A plan that goes awry when they are attacked by aliens.

Whom they must defeat in order to save their little town...and, effectively, the world.

The whole thing is rather cheesy...quite chaotic...and somewhat incohesive.

But the creature effects on the aliens (and other monsters) are pretty darn cool.

With it's fast pace being entertaining enough...if you can handle the cheesy aspect of it.

Before criticizing it too harshly...you've got to realize that it's a children's horror (if that wasn't obvious enough) designed to scare adolescent aged children.

Which you could argue it's effective at.

But it's certainly not a masterpiece, or anything.

And it's definitely not as classic of a canuxploitation as Hobo With A Shotgun is.

But it's a fun, albeit incredibly weird, little film.

That is right where it belongs, being a straight to Shudder release.

It's certainly not a film that everyone will love.

But if you like homegrown films that utilize traditional effects, and have cool, non-CGI derived, creatures...it's definitely worth a watch.

Because what it lacks in cohesivity...it makes up for in fun.

3.5 out of 10.

A Creature Was Stirring (2023)

Quite The Trip.

[6/10 · 25 December 2023]

A middle aged mother and her teenage daughter have shut themselves in their home- over Christmas- to ride out a blizzard...when two home invaders break in.

The brother and sister claim they were just trying to escape the cold...and convince the woman to let them stay.

However, little do they know what they've walked in upon.

Though...they're about to find out.

And, I assure you, it's not going to be anything you, they, or anyone else is suspecting.

Because it's quite the trip.

And not one of the good kinds, either.

The whole thing is super weird.

And plays out rather cryptically.

Leaving you to wonder if it's just an incredibly bizarre situation...or actually some sort of psychedelic odyssey into the absurd.

Either way...it's quite twisted.

Not to mention wholly and completely original.

But I must say...I loved every minute of it.

If only because it's super friggin' weird.

I won't give away what the "creature" is in this particular case...because you'll never guess (even though the poster hints at it)...and finding out is half the fun.

So just give it a watch.

And get ready to get weird.

6 out of 10.

Santastein (2023)

A Culty Good Time!

[5/10 · 25 December 2023]

Santastein is a high school Christmas horror comedy take on the classic Frankenstein tale.

It all begins with Max, who accidentally killed Santa when he was 9 years old.

In an attempt to capture evidence of his existence.

So he has dedicated his life to fixing this mistake...with hopes of restoring the magic of Christmas.

However, all his efforts fail...until he teams up with the smartest girl in school for a science project.

Together they manage to bring a rat back from the dead.

Which leads Max to believe he can do the same thing for Santa.

But he only has Santa's brain.

So he must steal a newly deceased body from the morgue; swap it's brain for Santa's; and harness an electrical charge strong enough to reanimate him.

Not realizing how big of a mistake this actually is, until it's too late.

Because he's not the sort of Santa he thought he'd be.

Rather, one with an insatiable bloodlust he immediately puts into action.

Now Santa's on a killing spree.

So they must concoct a plan to stop him...without totally ruining Christmas in the process.

What starts out as a cheesy, high school, horror comedy...ends up taking quite the vicious turn in the third act.

Which is quite action packed.

And all sorts of gory fun.

It is rather low budget, though.

And suffers from some severe audio-balancing issues.

But, that aside, it's actually pretty great.

In a super culty sort of way.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Finding it to be pretty darn fun.

So, must say...it's definitely worth a watch.

Just remember to stick with it, and wait for the payoff.

Because it's totally worth it.

5 out of 10.

Santa Isn't Real (2023)

Not Great...But Could Have Been Worse.

[2/10 · 24 December 2023]

I fully expected this to be substantially worse than it actually is, considering it is more or less a D-grade film...and the premise is kind of weak.

Don't get me wrong...it's still pretty bad.

Just not AS bas as I expected it to be.

The story here, revolves around a woman named Nikki, who ends up in a coma, after being attacked by Santa on Christmas Eve.

In a way that made it look like she tried to commit suicide.

So, when she wakes up from her coma- nearly a year later- no one believes her, when she tries to tell them what actually happened.

That is...until he comes back to attack her and her friends, while they are held up in a remote cabin in the woods.

Mediocre acting aside.

The main problem it suffers from is, not only, a weak script...but also some really poor set design.

I found it really hard to get over how bad the sets were.

They felt so staged.

Which really took away from the ambience of the film.

There's also a major lull after the opening scene.

As the focus shifts to lame relationship drama, prior to the horror kicking back.

Which really disturbs the flow of the film.

A good deal of the film attempts to establish lore that argues Santa is Satan...and that it's not logically consistent to believe in Jesus and Satan...but not Santa.

Which isn't exactly good writing.

It probably would have been much better if it didn't take so long to suss this all out...and just got back into the horror.

Because you start to lose interest by the time Satan Santa makes their reappearance.

With what ensues not being quite enough to win you back.

To be frank...the only thing that saves this from being completely unwatchable...is the fact that the production quality is half decent (aforementioned issues aside).

Though, I think it would have benefitted from being a short film.

Instead of forcibly trying to draw it out like they did.

Because it's just too slow, without enough action to justify- or make up for- the lulls.

Though, to be fair...they do attempt to give the drama purpose, with a twist.

But you really have to force yourself to stick with it.

Luckily, I went into this with extremely low expectations.

That it somewhat- and somehow- exceeded.

Though, certainly not by much.

Because it is pretty bad.

But at least it's short...and it certainly could have been worse.

2 out of 10.

Nightmare on 34th Street (2023)

For A Low Budget Christmas Themed Horror Anthology...It's Not Half Bad.

[3/10 · 23 December 2023]

Nightmare On 34th Street is an anthology consisting of 4 Christmas themed horror shorts...with the overarching theme being that they are being told to a young boy, by a disgruntled Santa Claus- turned killer- on Christmas Eve.

The first story is about the exploits of a gang of serial killers that are dressed up as "Mr. Red", an elf, and snowman...who have kidnapped a pair of siblings, and brainwashed them to join their killing spree, after having killed their parents.

The next tale is about a struggling, coke addicted, ventriloquist, whose puppet is a vulgar snowman named "Mr. White"...and possibly also a killer.

The third story revolves around a mentally ill mother who is egged on by Krampus to kill her kids.

While the last story is about a killer priest- who buries his victims alive- getting his comeuppance.

As far as low budget anthologies go...this one isn't half bad.

Though, the quality of the shorts vary.

With the one about the ventriloquist and his snowman puppet standing out above the rest.

That being said...the writing is better than the execution.

As some might be turned off by the production quality.

But it seems, to me, that they did pretty well with what they had to work with.

Though I felt it could have been a little bit shorter.

That aside, I thought it was entertaining enough...in a very mid kind of way.

3.5 out of 10.

Piglady (2023)

Based On A True Story, With A Forced Slasher Angle Incorporated In...Piglady Is A Relatively Mid, And Entirely Forgettable Experience.

[2/10 · 21 December 2023]

The "Piglady" in this film, is based on convicted killer Susan Monica, who killed two of her farm hands on her farm in Oregon...and fed them to her pigs.

In at least one of the cases...she claimed that her pigs had attacked one of the men...and, having disemboweled him...she shot him to ease his suffering.

Though, she also stated that she did not value human life.

And expressed that she liked animals more than she did people.

This film boasts being based on this story.

And is, apparently, shot on the actual farm where the murders took place.

It is, however, of the homemade horror type quality.

And takes the story on which it is based...and turns it into a slasher.

With the Piglady's targets being a group of young Californian adults, who have gone to the cabin of one of their parents for Christmas.

Which just so happens to be on the property next to the Piglady.

Who holds a grudge against them, because the father of the one guy keeps trying to buy her land off her.

Which she is adamant...is not for sale.

Unfortunately, their attempt to spin the slasher angle in with the "based on a true story" bit just doesn't work.

They just don't meld well together...and, as such, it comes off incredibly forced.

Not to mention...the pigs come off as having almost supernatural abilities.

Which requires an absolute suspension of disbelief, to come off anything less than absurd.

There's also way too much of a focus on character development.

With the horror seeming to play second fiddle to it.

There are actually some decent special effects though...in the parts that are more horror oriented.

But the writing is lackluster.

And the acting is pretty mediocre.

So it never really goes beyond being mid.

And even then...it's on the lower side of that spectrum.

It's not overtly horrible, or unwatchable, though.

Just relatively forgettable.

Anyone familiar with Gravitas releases will have come to expect this going in, however.

So it's not really surprising.

But it's quite obvious all the other early reviewers of this film are paid shills.

Because they are rating this way too high.

In my honest opinion...it ranks about a 2 out of 10.

Ju-on: White Ghost (2009)

An Extremely Creepy- And Well Constructed- Addition To The Ju-On Series.

[8/10 · 21 December 2023]

This film is about a series of interconnected events, that tie a number of people- and the tragedies that surround them- together.

As we follow a curse, as it passes from one person to another, leaving death and destruction in it's wake.

It's a bit hard to follow, at first...due to the fact that it jumps back and forth from person to person, on various different timelines.

But it all comes around in the end.

And, man...is it ever twisted.

It all begins when things go awry for a young man, who is sent to deliver a Christmas cake to a house, that seems empty at first...but turns out to be very, very haunted.

As it turns out that a number of brutal killings had very recently taken place there.

Leaving him to walk in on the aftermath of a massacre.

It is here that he picks up "the curse".

That is, however, only the beginning of how the plague of this curse will spread across the town.

Because it is also transferred to a taxi driver...who gives the killer a ride to the place where he will commit suicide, after the fact.

And he goes missing shortly after dropping his young daughter off at school.

Though...not before she puts her hand in some ectoplasm like goo, left behind by a bag carrying the decapitated head of the niece of the demonically stricken killer- a girl he had been molesting, prior to his murderous outburst- who happens to be her best friend.

Fast forward to her teenage years...when some of her friends ask her to participate in a ouija-like game...because she has "special abilities" (that allow her to see and hear the dead).

It is through this "game", that she taps into the supernatural realm, which enables her to connect with the ghost of her deceased friend...who shows her how the curse was, inevitably, passed down to her father.

Thus providing us, as viewers, with the backstory we need to put the previous pieces of the puzzle together.

While also watching how the curse has affected the others who have come in contact with it.

And the aftermath that ensues, from thereon out.

It's all rather creepy, and convoluted.

Both of which play into the air of mystery the film exudes.

This could make things confusing for less attentive viewers.

However, it does make sense, in the end, if you are able to apply a little reflection to it.

You've got to commend writer/director Ryûta Miyake for constructing a rather complex storyline and plot structure...that works so well...in a film that is, quite literally, only an hour long.

It doesn't give you a whole lot of time to mess about.

And he makes every second count.

Tying up a majority of the loose ends.

While strategically leaving one part of the storyline open-ended, so as to leave room for a continuation of the series.

I'm, personally, not super knowledgeable about the whole Ju-On universe...however...I imagine the house- in which the curse originates here- ties back to one of the other Ju-On prequels or sequels.

This wouldn't surprise me at all.

And would make it an even more impressing endeavour than it already is.

I am aware that it ties in with it's counterpart Ju-On: Black Ghost...which, I'm hoping, will provide context for the only thing I didn't understand in this film...that being the shot of the ghost boy meowing at the dog toy.

That being said, White Ghost is a very solid- and extremely creepy- sequel, that greatly exceeded my expectations for it going in.

And, thus, is an excellent addition to the Ju-On series (which I should definitely go back and watch more of, after this).

7.5 out of 10.

Another WolfCop (2017)

A Canuxploitation Cult Classic!

[7/10 · 21 December 2023]

Another Wolfcop has everything you want in a B-movie.

Cool characters, cheesy twisted humour, badass special effects, explicit drug use, a slapping soundtrack...and even a cameo from the legendary Kevin Smith!

Not to mention a fair amount of boobs, blood, sex, gore...and, of course, hockey fights.

Even if that sex is a bit...well...bestial.

Though, if alien anal probes count...then that too.

Leo Farfad plays cop-by-day, Lou Garou.

Who transforms into their small Canadian town's local alcoholic/hero, Wolfcop, once the moon makes an appearance.

In this incarnation of the story (the second film in the duology), Wolfcop goes up against a local villain, who plans to use his new brewery- and the hockey team they've sponsored- to enact a scheme that will see the whole town impregnated with alien lizard creatures.

Leaving him and his rag tag group of friends to harness the power of the moon, in order to defeat these forces of evil...before it's too late.

And I must say...it's pure unadulterated- particularly Canadian- awesomeness.

There's really nothing not to love about this film.

It's B-movie gold...chock full of creativity and imagination.

And it won't be the last we see or hear from the mightily well-endowed Wolfcop, either...so keep your eyes peeled.

Because you aren't going to want to miss whatever they have in store for us next.

A canuxploitation cult classic, if I've ever seen one.

7 out of 10.

The Sacrifice Game (2023)

My Friend, The Demon.

[6/10 · 20 December 2023]

The premise here is pretty straight forward.

A Manson-style cult takes over a private girls school on Christmas Eve, as they seek to enact an ancient demonic ritual, through a series of murders.

Because it's Christmas...only one teacher and a couple of students are present.

Making it relatively easy for the twisted gang of killers to force their way in, and get what they want.

Their next victim.

The one they need to complete the ritual...and bring forth the demon.

However...things don't exactly go as planned once it's complete.

And it's at this point when the tables start to turn.

The film exudes a relatively dark atmosphere, and has a decent amount of tension.

But the twist is pretty obvious (as a series of incidents strewn throughout the opening foreshadow it).

Fortunately, the film isn't broken because of it.

Good character development manages to salvage it from being a complete bust...and keep you engaged, so as to see how things play out.

After the "twist" kicks in...it takes a bit of a lackluster turn.

But ends up redeeming itself in the end.

Not a bad little Christmass horror, at all.

6 out of 10.

Bigfoot vs Krampus (2021)

Why Is This So Good?!!!

[5/10 · 20 December 2023]

This is quite possible the most ridiculously hilarious (and awesome) Christmas-themed film ever created.

The whole thing is animated with CGI...and takes place in a space-based universe, that a number of films- made by creator BC Fourteen- take place in.

Here, we have the clone of a clone of a clone of Jack Van Helsing (in full Master Chief garb), who- alongside his pregnant girlfriend, Kali Divine- must save the Atlantean race (of green "grey" type extraterrestrials) from the wrath of Krampus...who is the greatest- and most vindictive- flying ace in space.

Though, Kali is forced to team up with Jack's best friend, Bigfoot, after he goes rogue (in search of androids to have sex with)...because Kali wouldn't give him a blowjob when he wanted one.

Kali doesn't believe Krampus is actually Krampus...because, like Santa, she doesn't believe he actually exists.

Bigfoot, however, knows Santa is real...because they used to get high on kush together.

Van Helsing does eventually return to Kali- after his sexually driven foray into the universe- because he's unable to kick his memories of her.

Only to discover that Krampus has teamed up with the (Xenobyte-looking) Boogeyman...to break Lucifer out of jail, so they- with help from a number of other nefarious creatures- can wage war on the humans and their allies...to punish them for their transgressions...and ruin Christmas.

Jack (O'Lantern), Exterminator (who is actually a Terminator), Golem, Jaws, and Anubis (among others), also make appearances, in this war to end humanity.

While Ra and Osiris get shout outs.

As you can tell...the whole thing is pure cheese.

But it's wildly entertaining cheese!

The animation is both surprisingly good, and hilariously bad, at the same time (and kind of reminds me of Transformers).

With a script that's SUPER vulgar (which is the quality that makes it so endearing).

It, honestly, has no business being as good as it is.

But it is!

With the only downside to it being the abrupt ending...as it really doesn't round the story out, and bring it to a close.

However, you can chock this up to it only being the first episode in an ongoing storyline that will progress across a series of films.

With BC Fourteen using that as an oppourtunity to bring in, and utilize, other characters (from the universe he has created) introduced in both previous and future films.

I freaking loved this!

And you should too.

Because...if you hated it...you might not know how to have fun...

5.5 out of 10.

Mandao Returns (2020)

A Charming Low Budget Christmas Themed Sci-Fi Horror Comedy!

[4/10 · 17 December 2023]

Like many, I never saw the first film in this duology...however, I thoroughly enjoyed this low budget, Christmas themed, sci-fi horror comedy flick!

In it, we focus on a trio of housemates.

All of whom have supernatural abilities in the realm of astral traveling.

Which they can use to travel to different places, back in time, and to traverse the boundaries between the realm of the living and that of the dead.

Most of which they use to con people into thinking that they are psychic.

However, here, they use their powers to try and bring back their favourite B-movie actress from the dead.

After she accidentally overdosed on a drug known as "party favours".

Only to discover her death was the result of a bizarre attempt to join some sort of elite secret society.

And that she wasn't exactly an innocent bystander in the whole ordeal.

It's really quite cleverly written.

So, even though it's short, and simply shot...it's really quite engaging and entertaining.

With the filmmakers knowing how to capitalize on the allure of making it a "holiday horror" (with this one taking place on Christmas, while the original is Halloween themed).

It's definitely one of the better home made horrors I've seen.

So I'd definitely say it's worth a watch.

4.5 out of 10.

Black Santa (2023)

Black Santa KNOWS Who Has Been Naughty.

[2/10 · 12 December 2023]

Black Santa knows who has been naughty...because they bullied him in the hood 25 years back.

Now he has returned for vengeance.

Having rounded them up in a room, where he has them held hostage...so that he can inflict torture on them...like they did to him- and his little brother- as a kid.

The whole thing is an ultra-low budget, straight to TubiTV, homemade horror.

That takes place in a single, black, room.

Where he has his victims tied up on chairs.

Alongside a table full of torture devices.

The only bits that stray from this, are flashbacks pertaining to the backstory of why they are there, and what they did to him.

Or, more accurately, his little brother...who wound up dead as a result of their negligence and actions.

So...it's not great.

It's very simply constructed.

And the acting is quite poor.

So I fully expected it to be the worst horror movie I've watched all year.

Though, while it is certainly among them...I actually didn't mind the story at all.

That's not to say it's good, by any standard.

Just that it's not enragingly stupid like some of the films have been.

It is what it is...a psychopath Santa...who is out for blood.

And doesn't try to be anything else.

1.5 out of 10.

There's Something in the Barn (2023)

Everyone Hates Lutefisk.

[6/10 · 12 December 2023]

When a new age, nuclear, family pull up their American roots to relocate to Norway- after inheriting a "devil house" from the man's extended family- they try to fit in...but things don't exactly go as planned.

Because there is something living in their barn.

Their adolescent son quickly figures out what it is...and makes friends with it.

But no one believes him.

So when he tries to teach them the rules (on how not to piss it off).

They don't listen...and break every one of them.

However, it is one act that pushes things over the edge...

Thus turning this festive comedy into a complete horror show.

Albeit one made for children.

Is it the most innovative Christmas horror film ever?

No.

Is it the most gory Christmas horror film alltime?

Surely not.

Hell...it's not even the scariest Christmas horror film to come out of Norway.

But it's great fun!

With a decent amount of gore.

And a whole lot of laughs.

Though, not so much to make it unfit for kids.

So, if you are the type of family to watch an annual Christmas horror...and you got some kids you want to scare the "niceness" into.

This film is a great choice.

Norway definitely knows how to do it.

Except in the case of lutefisk.

Everyone hates that crap.

6 out of 10.

It's a Wonderful Knife (2023)

A Christmas Slasher...With Absolutely No Mystery.

[3/10 · 12 December 2023]

The film opens with Winnie and her brother's group of friends being attacked by a masked slasher serial killer.

However, only her and her brother survive the ordeal.

After she kills the culprit, by electrocuting him.

Fast forward a year later...and nothing is going right for Winnie.

Her brother gets all the attention from her family; she catches her boyfriend cheating on her...and it's her first Christmas without her best friend to share it with.

So, she wishes she were dead...which causes her to be whisked into an alternate dimension where she never existed.

Unfortunately...the flow of how this all plays out, is not only implausible...it's very poorly developed...and simply comes off as nonsensical.

The whole thing is a ridiculous mash up of Scream and It's A Wonderful Life (or, as the film references...I Know What You Did Last Summer and A Christmas Carol)...only, without the angel (or ghosts).

Or any sort of nuance.

The main problem with this film...is that a sci-fi film requires a consistent form of logic in order to work.

The recent film Totally Killer!, for example, does a good job on this front.

This film, however...not only has NO MYSTERY to it (which is the only thing that makes a Scream-style slasher actually work)...it requires an absolute suspension of disbelief in order to appreciate.

First, in regards to how she manages to kill the killer (in her own reality)- in fact, in regards to how a majority of the kills go down...how the outcast girl has answer for everything already plotted out...and, particularly, in regards to how their characters are supposed to be high school students.

All of which comes off as lazy, uninspired...and completely unnecessary.

Not to mention regurgitated...but I guess that is to be expected.

The other problem with this film...is that it's too heavily imbalanced.

Meaning...there is too much It's A Wonderful Life...and not enough Knife, to make it enjoyable.

But it's the lack of mystery that is it's real downfall.

We find ourselves watching Winnie try to convince others about a mystery that's already been solved.

So there's nothing to keep you engaged.

Which is, ultimately, why it's so hard to enjoy this film.

Sure...they attempt to explain the "science" behind what happens...and throw in a twist.

However, it comes off as incredibly forced.

And doesn't particularly add any mystery to the whole ordeal.

In the end, it seems like the writers simply don't appreciate the role you play, as the viewer, in this whole scenario.

Which is the cardinal sin of filmmaking.

And this isn't even going into how stupid the ending is...

Simply put, this is nothing more than a poorly done Christmas slasher you'll have to struggle to enjoy.

3 out of 10.

The Last Christmas (2021)

A Delightfully Twisted Holiday Horror Short!

[7/10 · 6 December 2023]

When a little girl tries to "capture" Santa on Christmas Eve, to prove the naysayers, who have been bullying her, wrong. She might have accidentally killed him.

So she wakes up her sister to help hide the evidence.

To make for a delightfully twisted holiday horror short!

What makes this film really stand out...is the writing.

Not only does it have a clever plot...it also has some incredibly witty dialogue...that's sure to have you laughing.

The two young actresses do a great job with their delivery as well.

And the special effects are really well done.

There's really nothing not to love about it!

Because, for a low budget, independent, short film...it really hits the mark.

Making this one Christmas horror comedy you are not going to want to miss.

These creators definitely deserve a shot at making a feature film, if you ask me.

Because this is, not only, wonderfully entertaining...but has a bit of a dark edge, in a wholesome kind of way.

7 out of 10.