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A Hidden Life (2019)
2% substance, 98% filler
Unlike the movie, I'll make this short and to the point. The entire plot can be summarized completely and accurately in a single sentence, but for some reason they stretched it to something that felt like 5 hours.
"Austrian family man, living happily in the mountains, refuses to fight for Hitler, gets head chopped off by man wearing a top hat."
There are a bunch of other problems with this movie, like for example, why the weird mix of English and German? But, alas, none of it matters. Spend your time elsewhere.
The Invisible Man (2020)
The Invisible Wizard
If I have one big problem with this kind of movie, it is how technology becomes completely interchangeable with magic. But, sure, let's for a moment suspend all our disbelief and just say that "a wizard did it" and look at what is left: a horrible contrived plot with as many holes as are there analogies about things with holes in them. A sieve? A swiss cheese? Anyway, it doesn't really matter. Everything is predictable, you see the jump scares coming from a mile away. The "inception sound" effect is played roughly every 30 seconds. And finally, I suppose that the suit also granted the wearer super strength, but how does that explain how the evil wizard was able to punch through the window of the car in the beginning when he wasn't wearing it? But again, who cares. 2/10.
Deadwood (2019)
As someone who never watched the series...
... what the hell is going on?
Maybe I'm not be in the target demographic of this movie, because I've never watched a single episode of the TV show. Or, well, that's a truth with modifications, as I believe I might have watched the first half of the first episode back when it originally aired, but the parts of my brain that were used to store any information gathered during that time have long since been recycled for more important things.
The movie has clearly been made as a nostalgic throwback to fans of the series and it looks like it's trying really hard to make as many references as possible. It's desperately trying to tie up loose ends that I didn't know existed. From all this I'm guessing that the series had a bit of a downer ending, with the main antagonist running away to become senator in California, killing some beloved TV show characters in the process. Maybe fans have been upset about this, so I suppose they might be happy with how this movie turns everything around with a nice happy and corny ending, where the big bad guy is ridiculed and dealt with.
Anyway, the skeleton of this movie is the most generic western plot. Peaceful town minding its own business, some evil antagonist outsider, often representing progress, comes to rape the land either figuratively or literally. He might come to steal the mineral rights to the old gold mine, build a railroad, or, as in this case, install telephone service. In order to do that, he obviously has to acquire land on which to put his telephone poles. Obviously the owner of the land doesn't want to sell to the big bad antagonist, which naturally leads to him getting murdered by evil henchmen. Who could have predicted that?
The town is full of stock characters: the past-his-prime sheriff, who just wants to retire with his beautiful wife and children and put his gunslinger days behind him. The saloon houses a bunch of hookers with hearts of gold. One of the main characters is close to drinking himself to death. There's the poor and oppressed black fisherman. The lesbian cowboy is a new one, but I'm sure we're going to see more of those in the future.
Speaking of the lesbian cowboy, like many things in this movie just seems a bit out of place. It makes it hard for me to suspend my disbelief. The elephant in the room, in this regard, is obviously the dialogue. Why do they need to talk like that? Don't tell me that they actually spoke like that in the wild west, it is completely random. Maybe they're just trying to hide the fact that the movie is bland and generic. If viewers are busy trying to understand what the actors are saying, maybe they won't notice that nothing is happening.
A significant amount of the movie has little to no consequence for overall progression of the plot. For example, a lot of time is spent on the story of the lesbian cowboy, all of it irrelevant to the fact that she shoots some guy in the back at the end of the movie and saves the life of the sheriff. It could just as well have been someone else who saved the sheriff. I understand that these parts are there just to make fans of the TV show happy, but for someone like me they're just a waste of time.
I'll end this rant of a review with a short conclusion: for fans only.
Lake Eerie (2016)
Objectively bad
It's funny to see all these fake reviews and how the rating of the movie has been plummeting over the last few days.
I'm not sure what to add, most points are covered by the previous reviews (the real ones, that is). The acting is stiff and amateurish, even Lance Henriksen somehow looked like he had never been in a movie before.
The story is extremely stupid. Half the scenes don't serve a point, and could have been removed from the movie without making it worse. Actually, it might have made it better. But why stop there? If just all the scenes had been removed, maybe it would have been slightly watchable.
Don't waste your time, not even if you're looking for a bad movie to laugh at. Go find something else to watch.
300 (2006)
Defending The Reich
This movie is about how the Spartan National Socialist Party was able to defend their Reich from outside degenerates, mainly through strict population control and gene purification programmes.
Spartans subscribed to theories of racial hierarchy and social Darwinism. Their peoples were depicted as true "Spartans", and the "master race". Opposed to both capitalism and Marxism, it aimed to overcome social divisions, with all parts of a homogeneous society seeking national unity, and what it viewed as historically Spartan territory as well as additional lands for expansion.
Around 630 B.C., with the support of more conservative elites, Leonidas became Chancellor of Sparta and they gradually established a one-party state, under which Persians, political opponents and other "undesirable" elements were marginalised, with several millions eventually imprisoned and killed.
Leonidas purged the party's more socially and economically radical factions in the mid-630 Night of the Long Knives and political power was concentrated in his hands, as Führer or "King".
Watch this movie if you really hate Persians.
Ghost Ship (2002)
Unbelievable and boring "horror" flick
*** POSSIBLE SPOILERS ***
I've actually got this film lying around for quite a long time now without feeling bored enough to see it. Tonight I watched it, but I already regrets it heavily.
Okay, the scene is set: Everyone aboard a very luxury cruiser is killed. Lots of gore. That entertained me for about 2 minutes, hence receiving a single point on that behalf. The ship drifts around for 40 years (i.e. without being seen by anyone? and without hitting a coastline?) before the main characters finds it. Then the very unlogical plot unfolds: I won't go into details here, but everything simply _screams_ "this is STUPID!" into my head all the time.
And I was not scared a single instant during the film, even though I watched it alone, in a dark room. Not much of a "horror" movie, I'll say.
Watch it because: Spectacular gore effects (some of the time).
Avoid it because: No actual character development at all - all the characters appear very anonymously to me during the entire film. Plot holes everywhere. It's boring and the heroine is not even hot ;)
3/10