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J_schinderlin56
Reviews
Safe House (1998)
It's A Must See
This is without a doubt my favorite movie of ALL TIME! Patrick Stewart's performance is nothing less than captivating. One minute you're laughing you're head off, the next you're sympathizing with him. I won't give it away but the ending is awesome. It's so perfect! A movie that you both can and can't take seriously all at the same time! You can laugh one moment, and think in the next. Hilarious and convincing characters that could only exist in a movie, but keep you on the edge of your seat. And it has a plot that's easy to understand but keeps you guessing. Mr. Stewart is a true actor in every since of the word, and this little known nugget is one of his finest works. IT'S A MUST SEE!
The Octagon (1980)
Great entertainment value
WARNING -SPOILERS- Read with caution
This movie is a true example of something that is a classic. CLASSICLY HORRIBLE that is! The Exposition is by far the most painful part of the film. Given in the form of Chuck Norris' character continuously whispering to himself in his head, it made me want to seek out the refreshing sound of a dentist drill.
As far as action goes I think Dr. Forester from MST3K put it best. "Here's a movie that really gets going about 2 minutes before the closing credits." Like I said before, Chuck spends most of the flick whispering to himself in between random conversations with people. Then he sets out to have it out with his "Brother" if you can even call him that, in a battle to the death.
However, as with all things Chuck, there's great entertainment value, just not where the filmmakers intended. Why his facial expressions alone will leave you in stitches and well justify the $1.99 rental fee! Add to that a predictability factor that only a film like this should have: All the girls want Chuck (Even though the character is about as exciting as paint drying), and he never looses a fight. I think the part that really does it for me is when he walks into his apartment and finds a woman pointing a machine gun at him. After 3 seconds she surrenders reasoning to Chuck that "You could just take this away from me it you wanted to." I'm sorry, but he's not Neo! Last time I checked a man is not faster than a bullet.
Also great is Chuck's brother Seikura, who is delightfully evil. The flash back scenes where we learn why he and Chuck are enemies have to be seen to be believed. The teenager they use doesn't even look anything like chuck! The ridiculous dialogue, and hilarious plot make this movie well worth two hours of your life. I highly recommend it for anyone looking for a good laugh. Enjoy!
Last Man Standing (1995)
Chuck Norris' days as the king of cheese ball action movies are numbered
I'm sure that the creators of this movie were going for many things; Believability was not one of them. Our hero Kurt (Punch Rock Groin) opens the flick by chasing a bad guy thru a hotel. Along the way he jumps a 20ft staircase and chases the guy thru 5 or 6 plate glass windows coming up without a scratch. Even more believable is this guy's marriage to his wife whom he evidently knows nothing about, demonstrated by his surprise at her ability to use a gun. As villains chase them with guns and bomb empty barns, she stays true to the 2dimentional stereotype that she is and "Stands by her man".
The movie also somehow leaves out or ignores several details about police procedure. Mainly that a cop should identify himself as a police officer and warn suspects to comply before kicking there A**. Or, that after a police officer is suspended, commandeering a civilian vehicle is known as GRAND THEFT AUTO, which our hero commits twice in this film. I mean Heck! Joe Don Baker's "Mitchell" follows police procedure more than this guy does.
Overall it seems that the filmmakers must have bought a book on how to make the most cliché, over the top action movie possible and followed it line-by-line, complete with the poser outfits and bad dialogue. My favorite part of the movie was when the big boss bad guy Underwood refers to himself as "The Swashbuckler".
Chuck Norris watch out, your days as the king of Cheese ball action movies are numbered!