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Reviews
The Farm (2012)
Godawful
This film is really dire, I'm not sure how it got a rating above 5. The dialogue is so repetitive, they waffle on about a lantern for about 5 minutes, and the main character is having a conversation with a stranger, and some of their lines are also repeated. Is this really the best way to fill out a scene? It's not creepy or scary in any way, and they do the most ridiculous things typical of horror film characters. They split up, they try to hide in bushes but they're in plain sight, and they don't sneak away while the antagonists backs are turned, they wait until they're walking back and somehow manage to outrun them. They do the latter numerous times. The ending wasn't even worth the wait. Very frustrating and I won't be recommending this one.
The Break-In (2016)
Tedious beyond belief
I'm a huge fan of found footage, it jangles my nerves because it gives a feeling of realism, and there's no peripheral vision so you don't know what will be there when you turn around. I've seen quite a few, some good, some not so good. This one is at the bottom of the pile for me. I totally get character development, and I enjoy it, but almost this entire film consists of mundane conversations between the lead male with the droning, monotonous voice and his sickly sweet fiancé with her exaggerated facial expressions and annoying vocal fry. I'm sorry, but the film is almost over, nothing has really happened so far, and I really don't care what you'll be calling your baby, or what dance moves you used to be able to do. I'd say there's about 10 minutes of tension in this film altogether, if that. I'd give it no stars if I could. I will say that I didn't see that ending coming, which lasted all of five minutes and was quite a surprise. But that's all.
Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Utterly beautiful, flawless masterpiece
I've always been a massive fan of Shrek, Ice Age and Toy Story, and now this is right up there with them. I cannot fault this film at all, it's perfect. I cried on more than one occasion, not a single tear, but proper sobbing. The emotion is incredible. I also laughed out loud numerous times, mainly at Santa and Bunny, they were hilarious. The Boogeyman was also great, menacing and scary. The movie has a lovely and heartwarming message, it's great for kids and adults alike. The younger ones may be a little scared of the Boogeyman and his henchmen (or hench- horses!) but older kids who are still young enough to appreciate these magical legends will love it!
Unaware (2010)
Boring!!!
I couldn't even get past 30 minutes of this film. The first ten minutes is nothing but footage of them in a car. He's mumbling so I turned up the telly, but then she was shrieking so I had to turn it back down. The next ten minutes are of them walking around the grounds, having a really boring conversation over dinner and him proposing in the most boring way. Then he decides to go poking around in the barn. Even this was boring. I gave up at this point and turned it off. I'm all for a slow burn, but only if something is grabbing my attention in the meantime. Chemistry, good acting, something. But no. There was nothing at all. I don't know what the world is coming to if this drivel won awards.
The Rohl Farms Haunting (2013)
Disappointed as it started off well
I love found footage films, I find them quite terrifying when done properly. They're claustrophobic and creepy, you never know what will be standing there when you turn the camera round. I thought this film started off very well, quite tense early on, with the stress levels gradually rising at a nice pace.
Luke was likable, just a working class bloke trying to keep his parent's farm going. He was very natural in front of the camera, and believable. Cordero started off OK, although if someone was shoving a camera in my face all the time it'd get on my wick fast.
As the film wore on, the word "haunting" in the title is misleading as it's not ghosts at all. The three masked figures are nice and creepy from a distance, but look silly up close. Cordero started to really grate on my last nerve, he was whining constantly in a really droning, nasally voice, and he didn't. shut. up. EVER. I had to mute my TV now and then because I couldn't stand it. And considering how great he thought he was at film making, he was waving the camera around like no tomorrow. His car went missing and he felt the need to sweep the ground with the camera fifteen times, just to emphasise that the car was gone. It made me feel seasick.
Some of the stupid things both men did bugged me a bit. If your shotgun goes missing in the middle of a home invasion, surely there must be a knife or other weapon around somewhere? Neither of them felt the need to arm themselves? Luke was a big chap, but against three people?
Anyway, I did enjoy this in the sense that it jangled my nerves, but there were so many things that annoyed me, so I haven't rated it very highly. Nothing was explained at all, which isn't always a bad thing, but I hope there won't be a sequel. I definitely wouldn't watch it if there is.
Lord of Tears (2013)
Shocked at the good reviews
I remember seeing the promotional videos on YouTube about Owlman, and was utterly creeped out by him. That one bloke who collapses to the floor after seeing him? That'd be me. The claws. Oh, the claws.
Now I've just made the horrendous mistake of watching the film. The acting from both leads is laughable. Alexandra Hulme's performance got on my nerves within minutes, and once I'd had enough of her, I started surfing videos on my phone so I wouldn't have to watch her.
I love slow burn suspense films, and if there are bizarre and trippy images in them, so much the better. A lot of said trippy scenes and colouring of this film reminded me of The Ring (American version). You're left feeling like you just took LSD, and its washed out and dreary, lending a sense of dread. This is one of the few good things that I can say about this film, the cinematography is amazing. However, these scenes soon got repetitive and boring.
The score is also very good, but one mistake they make is that music is played when there's no need for it, usually during dialogue and you can't hear what they're saying. Very annoying.
Way before the end of he film, I no longer gave a hoot (fnar fnar) about any of the characters or the plot, I just wanted it to finish so at least I didn't entirely waste the cost of it. Terrible waste of time and a huge disappointment in what could have been an incredible cinematic experience.
While You Were Sleeping (1995)
A beautiful, ageless film
I adore this movie, it's easily one of my favourites. Another reviewer said that the best time to watch it is in the winter, and whilst I'm happy to watch it any time of the year, I would agree that it seems all the more magical when it's freezing cold outside, and you're snuggled under a blanket.
I'm glad no other actors were given any of the roles in this film, it wouldn't have been the same. Sandra is adorable as Lucy. She has no sinister intent, she's just swept up in the commotion and in the end, falls in love with the whole family. Her speech toward the end chokes me up so much, it's completely heartfelt. Bill Pullman also shines, he falls for her gradually and their chemistry is so lovely to watch.
If you want a gentle, unbelievably romantic film to watch on a cold evening, this is the one for you.
The Dollanganger Saga: Flowers in the Attic (2014)
Awful and pointless
I really don't see the need for remakes, especially when they're done so badly. Carrie, Robocop, Psycho, were all classic films and if not perfect, pretty darn close in their own right. Whenever they remake films like this, they ruin it with overdone effects, veering too far away from a story, or repeating the script almost word for word. Those films were classics for a reason. Flowers is no exception.
In the original, the children were shiny and beautiful when they arrived. By the time they left, they looked so miserable, malnourished and waif-like, you believed they'd been stuck up there in that attic for years. The attic was an oppressive and claustrophobic place, even though the kids tried to make it more pleasant. In the remake, there are real flowers and sunlight, and it's quite a pretty and joyous space.
Whilst I adore Ellen Burstyn and her legendary acting ability, her character showed too much compassion for the children and there were times when I thought she would scoop them up and give them a hug. Louise Fletcher nailed the part. She was cold, detached and totally intimidating. The role was written perfectly for her, so Ellen cannot be blamed for the new version. She did the best with what she was given.
The acting otherwise was meh (apart from Carrie's reaction to the news about Corey), but they're kids, so once again, can be forgiven. But don't even get me started on Heather's acting. How does she get work? She sounded like she was reading her lines off the back of her hand, and she was completely wrong for the part. Victoria Tennant had substance. When she slapped Cathy, you really believed she hated her.
The original may not have been true to the books 100%, but it was entertaining, believable, and the acting was good. And if it ain't broke, why try and fix it?
Creep (2014)
Really unnerving
I didn't really know what to expect with this film as I hadn't read many reviews, but gave it a go. It's starts off innocently enough, and the plot is easy to follow. Then we meet Josef, who right away seems a little off-kilter, but I couldn't put my finger on why until later. As the plot moves on, I felt like I'd ventured into the dark side of YouTube, when you're looking for something normal and you end up stumbling upon all kinds of crazy stuff.
The tension was very well paced and really effective, I found myself shrinking further and further down the settee. The ending was also very surprising, I was kind of expecting it but at the same time not really? If that makes sense! A good watch.
Unfriended (2014)
A nerve shredding experience
I just watched this at the cinema and came out feeling drained and shell-shocked. This is probably one of the best and most effective scary films I've ever seen. I'm so glad I watched it, I've seen nothing but rubbish in this genre lately, so my faith is once again restored.
It's centred around a group of teenagers who communicate through Skype and Facebook chat, and it's from the perspective of one of the girls. The very first scene is disturbing and sets the tone for the whole film. The group notices an unidentified person in the video chat, and they assume it's a hacker, but as the conversation goes on, it becomes much more sinister.
***Spoilers***
After a while, they realise it's the ghost of a girl they all knew who was ridiculed for getting drunk and embarrassing herself at a party. After a bout of depression, she took her own life. She returned to reveal the group's secrets and to pick them off one by one.
The death scenes are very intense, and whilst I'm quite desensitised to things of this nature, one death in particular shocked me to my core. My hands went up to my face and I wanted to cry. It was horrific.
The actors did an astounding job with this film. They behave exactly how you would expect and their reaction to what's happening is totally believable. The fact that this is all done through social media, something which most people are very familiar with, makes it all the more compelling. Being in a cinema, a couple of the shouty scenes got a bit much and I had to cover my ears as it was so loud. But I'll definitely be buying this when it comes out, I can't wait.
Ghostwatch (1992)
Terrifying
With all the adverts about The Enfield Poltergeist recently, it brought back memories of Ghostwatch. I'd have been around 17 then, had already seen my fair share of horrors, and was pretty desensitised. Until I saw Ghost Watch. Apart from a bit of hammy acting from one or two cast members, everyone did a brilliant job, and I seriously thought this was or could've been real.
***Spoilers below***
Throughout the show, the viewer is treated to little teasers here and there, "Was that Pipes by the curtain, or just my imagination?", and things of this nature. When the crew member faints after seeing the ghost behind the door, and you see a glimpse of it yourself, I swear I almost filled my trunks. But the scariest parts for me were when the girl started talking in that weird voice, and when Parkie was wandering around the studio supposedly possessed.
It was at that point when I realised it couldn't be real, but this show messed with my head so much, to this day, I don't know if I could watch it again without being terrified.
I watched a couple of documentaries the other day about the Enfield case, and after watching Janet doing that creepy voice, it brought those images flooding back and my skin went cold and prickly.
I'm not sure today's generation would appreciate Ghost Watch, but back then, there were a lot of frightened viewers and quite a number of complaints about the content.
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)
Urgh. Rubbish
I'd somehow managed to miss watching the epic LoTR trilogy as I fell asleep every time I tried to watch the first one. As I got older, I started to appreciate more serious films, so gave it another go. I'm now a ridiculously massive fan and have watched all three numerous times. I had high hopes for the Hobbit films.
I was disappointed at first with the first, but gave it another chance. I loved the second one because of Smaug, I have a bit of a dragon obsession. But the third....wow, what a hideous insult and a waste of time.
The CG effects (most of the film) are shockingly bad, it looks like they had a severely limited budget, or just got lazy. The "comedy" scenes didn't belong, and I hated the characters who were meant to be funny. The only part I did laugh at was the troll with the battering ram on his head. He reminded me of Leroy Jenkins.
The only scenes I really liked were in the first 10 minutes, and that's because Smaug was the star.
Game of Thrones (2011)
Can't get enough of this show
I've never read the books so had no idea what to expect when I started watching this series. But everyone I knew who had read the books raved about them, so I wanted to see what the fuss was about. I don't know that I would've stuck with the books if I'd started those first, with some subjects, I find visual images more interesting than printed versions.
I have to say, I'm officially hooked, and have just finished the fourth series. I've never been disappointed with most of the acting, some of the leads are particularly good. The people you're meant to despise do an epic job of making you feel exactly the right way. But then again, some of those I hated at first have now become my favourites, the character development has been excellent. I found some story lines truly shocking and upsetting, since I'd grown to really care about the people involved.
It has a lot of fantasy elements also, which make the story even more interesting for me. The CG is really good and hasn't disappointed. The violence is quite extreme and very convincing, and has made me gag a little now and then, but it just adds to the realism. Some of the sex scenes are also a bit gratuitous, but nothing I'd really complain about.
There's only one main character who's got on my nerves to the point where I hate her scenes, she's so smug and self-entitled, but seems to be a favourite among fans. I'm hoping she either gets knocked off her high horse (or rather her dragon), or she develops some humility and grows on me.
I'd highly recommend this show to anyone. I never believed I'd get so immersed, but I can't wait for the next season.
The Babadook (2014)
Seriously creepy if you like atmosphere rather than flat out scares
Let me start off by saying that the viewer must not start watching this expecting a full-on horror film. If that's what you're after, you'll probably be disappointed. It's a slow burning story with a lot of character development, very few jumpy moments, and a really bizarre ending.
The lead actress is spectacular. I started off feeling so awful for her to have to cope with so much, and she portrayed all her emotions so well. The lad is also very good, he was so annoying, and there were times when I wished he'd just shut up and let the poor mother sleep.
When the Babadook started to make itself known, I found the sounds that came with it so disturbing and creepy, I was cringing. The best horrors don't need fancy CG or an epic soundtrack, all it needs is atmosphere, and this film has plenty of that. It's dark, sinister, and downright depressing.
I must admit, I was quite confused by the ending, but after I read a few explanations, it all fit into place. I'll definitely watch this again, its a great toe-curler.
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Absolute rubbish
This film started out quite promising for me, I used to read a lot of books about serial killers as it pandered to the wannabe psychologist in me. The film mentioned the likes of Ed Gein and Albert Fish, so it seemed like something that'd keep my attention.
However, as the film went on, I couldn't work out if I was actually watching Texas Chainsaw, The Hills Have Eyes, Natural Born Killers, or if someone had just spiked my tea with LSD. I love unconventional horror films, and I'm usually very open minded, but this was far too weird even for my taste. There was no character development, no real explanation (unless I missed it in my perplexed state), and the ending was just a cop-out. I could forgive the mediocre acting as you expect that from certain films, but my God, the young blonde woman was so annoying. I reached for the mute button every time I heard that irritating laugh that resembled nails on a chalkboard. And as for the gore, what gore? That was tame compared to other horror films. This rubbish was a complete waste of time.
V/H/S (2012)
Weird, weird film
I gave this film a go not really knowing what to expect. I like anthologies as some of the stories are just the right length to keep you engaged, any longer and it might start getting boring.
I have to say, I felt like I needed a shower after watching this. The stories are very disturbing, and most are quite realistic, especially the one with the couple at the motel. I won't give away the plot and go into detail, but it was horrible and turned my stomach a bit.
Some of the camera work is a little too shaky for my taste, and I did have to look away sometimes, but otherwise it adds to the realism. After it ended, I was sat for a few minutes wondering what on earth I'd just watched, but in a good way. Definitely a recommended watch if you like the found footage genre.
The Apparition (2012)
Dire
What a diabolical waste of time. I should've known better really, I didn't like Tom Felton in any of the Potter films, and his "acting" once again failed to engage me. Same with Ashley Green, I don't understand how she gets work, she's terrible. She spent most of this film walking around like she was high, with a dopey expression. Even when her boyfriend was being harmed, she was like, "meh".
I love a good ghost story, and apart from one or two slightly creepy moments, there was nothing at all scary about it. I'd even started browsing the net on my phone it was so boring. I understand the need for suspense but it can often take too long to build up, and all these two seemed to do was wander around their house in ultra slow motion. I really didn't care what happened to any of them.
Beneath (2006)
Not a fan at all
I wasn't expecting the best film ever with this one, but I'm a huge fan of this genre, so really wanted to like it. I also like slow burning, suspenseful films as long as it's a satisfying watch. The lack of gore and cheap scares is a good thing, as it allows you to focus on the story and characters.
Most of the acting was OK, but the lead actress was more wooden than an ironing board. I've seriously never seen such expressionless acting in my life. Even situations that would make the average person scream their head off didn't seem to phase this girl at all. I know she was messed up in the head due to the trauma, so who knows how she would react to things, but the acting was so bad I found it offensive. It was like she begrudged being there at all.
The story wasn't so bad, it was quite sad in the end, but I won't be recommending this to anyone, nor will I be watching anything else with this horrendous actress in it.
The Hunger Games (2012)
I really like this film!
I was chatting with a friend about his latest reading material and he'd been reading the HG trilogy. He said I wouldn't like it much as I'm more into supernatural/horror. I gave the first HG book a go, and LOVED it!!!! The writing was well paced and very enjoyable, and so naturally, I wanted to see the film. I have to say, I was more impressed with it the second time round, and to be honest, I get a bit miffed when people pick it to bits.
Not everything is explained in the film, but it doesn't need to be if you open your mind and imagine yourself in that situation. Although I'd read the book, the first time I watched the film, I wondered when Jennifer Lawrence was actually going to do something. Then I remembered that her character Katniss was thrust into this fancy world she'd never seen before and crowds were screaming, cameras all over the place, no wonder she was confused. I got that in the end and sympathised with her.
I liked the occasional jerky camera footage, simply because it highlights how messed up the situation is. You're a child thrown into the lion's den and forced to protect yourself or die. I'm a fan of watching the special features on a DVD, and a lot of the techniques are explained in these, the camera angles included.
The one scene that chokes me up every time is the part with Rue, and Katniss really shows her humanity and vulnerability. It's not necessary for there to be mountains of story for these two, you understand their bond straight away.
There is very little blood in this film, but once again, there doesn't need to be. The subject matter on its own is horrific and unimaginable, and I believe that the author as well as the film director did a fantastic job in capturing the despair and determination. The cast did a great job too, and although I did like some performances a lot more than others, I'll be interested to see how they fare in Catching Fire.