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Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Cheezy feel-good nonsense
I some times wonder if Spielberg is one of those contributors to modern anti-semitism in the sense that everything he does is so incredibly cheezy, so old-school outdated cinema style with all that long, soggy melodrama, those tell-tale "musical effects" or whatever one calls that ambient background music that changes along with the scenes in the movie... this is funny because one can GUESS without looking at who's the director by just listening carefully 10-20 minutes into the movie that Spielberg is the director... it's literally that obvious. I am not sure if "Uncle Zoid" from that one Futurama episode was a deliberate satirical stab at Spielberg or the same kind of outdated directors as he is, but that one episode summed it up perfectly. Anyhoo..... Unlike the Shoah cash-cow "Shindler's List" which was made with such severe historic digressions that even Shindler's actual real life family complained about it - in this movie Spielberg takes on what is possibly one of the best paying gigs in the entire US-viewer oriented genres of movies: feelgood American war heroes. Not just that, but in the finest way possible; as in a handful of guys take on half of Wehrmacht who are of course complete morons who have no idea how to shoot straight... and the main aim of their heroic K/D ratio of 100:1 in the movie is... *US patriotism intensifies*... to save a private who's already advanced very far in the war, because Uncle Sam said enough of his family members died. Ugh... And while U-Boot was the antithesis of this movie in absolutely every regard, Spielberg took no notes what so ever. The same way how USA today makes up historical drama about what it did or did not do, the same way does Spielberg make movies.
So all that being said, if one is not as critical then the movie is "okay". Good enough entertainment if one closes an eye and does not think too hard. But it's eons away from other war movies that do not depict war the same way Die Hard depicts hostage situations.
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)
Thoroughly entertaining!
The current top review for this movie talks about various American issues that supposedly exist, that it "reveals" something... oh f*** off with such nonsense. You missed the whole point and so did everyone else who thinks so.
The movie has a DELIBERATE "documentary/diary" angle to it as to portray that what happens there is "real". Trough this supposedly serious setting the dark humor shines even more - showing Borat as an anti-semite, Americans as some hicks or just racists, that he is "unintentionally rude" and what have you... which all adds to the total obscenity that makes this movie the entertaining dark comedy that it is. And in it all that naked hotel room scene and other (pick your favorite!) are just the icing on the cake.
All in all the movie does a very good job being an absolutely disgusting, rude comedy, and for those that like this kind of thing it will certainly have an appeal just like "Brüno" and "The Dictator". Sasha Baron Cohen follows trough in those movies much the same way he did with Borat, without ripping off anything or recycling old jokes. I think his approach to all these movies is the fact that slowly but surely the audience of ANY entertainment gets numbed by copycats, reboots, remakes, re-everything... so to construct this movie he had to use a tank instead of a hammer, and that's the point: something new, something totally obscene to spice up the already present originality and ultimately that all boils down to first- rate entertainment somewhere down the line.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
NOT the Batman and Superman you know
What was so magical about all latest Batman movies is that the characters (heroes, villains, whoever else) were introduced in a very subtle way, leaving much to be unknown and up to the viewer to guess (hint: Joker). Cat Woman with that scene where she flipped her goggles up and her silhouette finally *appeared* to be that of a cat's head... that scene alone was so refined... so subtle yet bold... was just very striking. Same with the storyline - little twists and turns, drama when needed but never over the top capitalizing on a film noire styled slow but certain plot development that does not jump head-first into action. This movie does the same to some extent, but less film noire and more action. Good action though. Furthermore the Batman and Superman characters are now anti-heroes all the time pretty much. And yeah, they fight as the name suggests. That's very confusing to say the least, IMHO they should never have mixed the "two worlds" in that way. Add to that the fact that they do give off a much more generic atmosphere than they did before... But... the action was decent, and somewhat new, and they did kinda manage to squeeze an absurd plot on to the screen without it making and impression of being totally stupid. Just a little stupid maybe. All in all as far as being a thriller/action movie - yeah, it did the part. Just don't expect the same kind of film noire madness that Batman movies capitalized on.
To be honest I was most afraid of Ben Affleck not being able to play Batman's role right... well, he actually did it quite well, but then again this is NOT the same Batman as in the Batman movies. A kinda important plot hole though is that guy that played Alfred - well he was literally so young when Bruce Wayne was fully grown that they could have been brothers. Should have gone for a much older looking actor IMHO. So the movie has some small mistakes, but they are far apart.
Overall and enjoyable movie.
Allegiant (2016)
ridiculous nonsense
OK so the first movie ("Divergent"), despite what the people who read the books say, was basically another soap opera - slash - action movie directed at what I am guessing teen audience. Just like Mockingjay, just like Maze Runner. But despite the absolute soap overload in some parts at least the plots were somewhat original though they all had that tell-tale post-apocalyptic-dystopic- 1984ish plot commonality, but all of them kinda "did okay" at least in each own way and at least managed to have SOME major and original plot differences that made them over all okay and entertaining to watch.
But this movie... oh boy. Flying "cars", even more conspiracy nonsense, small flying discs that create placenta (or was it "plasma"? lol) bubbles around people, small spheres that create a forcefield/illusion/barrier/something, more evil manipulative characters that make no sense, new evil characters, new absurdities of human behavior.... and genetic manipulation? Genetic projects? Memory wiping gas-serum-something? Or how about this: poisonous wasteland covered in radioactive puddles and 100% scorched earth and not a single vegetable left alive... but guess what, people live there, in tents and stuff. Probably doing pow-wows to entertain each other or some other nonsense.
I am at a loss. The plot of the movie Vs the actors and the way it was filmed is like... like... eating a pancake, a pretty good one, but there's just one pancake and the rest is a bucket of cream, chocolate, syrup, candy canes, cake sprinkles and whatever else dumped on it. OK another analogy: imagine if a hyperactive 6 year old had to write the plot of all Star Wars movies. Sure there would be action by the boatloads, but the plot would make absolutely no sense. A total overdose of hyped up nonsense, and this is exactly what this movie is. Literally 30 mins into the movie the plot just went supersonic and went in one eye and out the other. Absolute garbage that made no sense at all. Plus the plot now has like 100 different cliffhangers to hang on to, so they'll be milking this movie until the next coming of Christ or until the audiences are just numbed by the continuous river of nonsense that this movie is.
Oh and last thing - IMDb mods, better wake up and do your job. Some of the reviews here are so flat, so like a rant a used car salesman would make that they are obviously paid/fake and are not honest... like not at all.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
boring, predictable and cheezy
I am surprised the current rating is not a couple of points lower.
This boring remake has some horrible actors, starting most notably with "mr serious face" Keanu Reeves who literally uses the same boring face and the same lack of emotion as always - in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE where he has a part, Will Smith's little talentless son who is there just because his daddy pulled some strings, some other familiar faces and not so much... none of whom really act the way they should be. Some characters are overdone, some just stereotypically boring (the hard- a** military, the ruthless and senseless top brass etc). The plot is basically a reboot of a classic, this time with very bad early 00's CGI, and adds very little to the original movie. The action scenes are extremely cheezy, often times outright stupid...
I don't know what else to say. It's just blant and boring.
Mr. Robot (2015)
kinda interesting, but kinda average though
I think too many people are obsessed with the story being about a hacker and that kinda steals the spotlight that should shine in other places. Firstly, one major problem with the movie is that IMHO it tries to address a kind of "stereotypical" hacker the way the world sees one: antisocial, is horrible at talking to people in real life, anxiety attacks in social interactions, "cool, underground" friendship/organization going on and whatever else... and oh yeah - the last episode in the first season is very close to ripping off The Fight Club, won't tell how as not to spoil but you'll know it when you see it. Besides that is the issue of hacking itself which is spoon-fed to the audience as quick flashing screens, some 1'st person perspective of the main character talking/watching this, some simplified explanations... and in 30 secs or less its's done. And by the way the lead actor was obviously chosen for his appearance and voice, so be prepared for loads and loads of nerdy, deliberately squeamish voice that is irritating as h*ll. The rest of the movie is basically soap. And that's my main problem with it: too much soap. It also takes twists and turns every once in a while for spontaneous but extensive character development. An OK thing to do, but it gets boring. Oh yeah, adds even more soap!
All in all an okay series to kill time, "B-series" struggling to become "A minus" but it does not know how to do it.
No Country for Old Men (2007)
gritty, slow-paced stab in the guts
This is what more cinema should strive to be. Instead of a singular storyline and a set goal (classic example: show a hero's rise to power and ultimate battle against evil) this is a kind of casual, slow - but very detailed - look at a set of events. No ultimate decisive ending, no final victory for the good or bad, no climax. The closest thing one can compare this movie are some very few people who can manage to tell a story without raising their voices, without any added drama, and with a calm and steady storytelling still manage to raise every single hair on your back. This is the exact same thing, done with trough a movie. Both the storyline and the actors and the camera manage to calmly but surely portray this with great skill.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Star Wars: recycling of old plot awakens
Wow, Disney, way to kill a franchise!
The movie has none of the general "feel" of all previous SW movies, and makes Episodes 1 trough 3 looks like masterpieces. At least in those episodes there were focus points for the disappointment (Jar Jar, Anakin's romance etc). Here it's the whole thing that's flawed: the entire movie is basically one giant patchwork of plot snippets from all other movies, the whole mystique surrounding the jedi has been turned into a happy little boy and girl adventure, while the sith are now apparently nothing more than raging teenagers caught in slightly post-pubescent characters who fail miserably. Apparently the dark side now recruits among casting failures, as does the light side. The plot is weak, lame, and often predictable and as many people point out a recycled nonsense. I sense a disturbance in the general Hollywood genre that is the re-cycle and re-hash of both old actors, old one-liners, old everything! Oh and the acting is pretty bad. The main character is basically the "I am slightly confused, scared out of breath guy" who is literally like this throughout the movie not just in this one part like in the trailer. You'll get bored less than a 1/4 way trough the movie, and about half-way you'll see the cliffhanger coming. I am guessing the target audience are older people with nostalgia and young kids that they eventually drag along to see what they *think* is a good continuation of a cult classic. In that case you are bad parents, and your neighbours should call the CPS.
For the lack of a better analogy - this franchise is like Apple. Once Steve Jobs (George Lukas) was gone, so was the vision and guidance. This movie is literally the cinema equivalent of that ridiculous tumor-looking battery case for the new iPhone: looks to be an authentic brand part, but is a complete nonsense that should never have seen the light of day.
The Stanford Prison Experiment (2015)
Too much "filler" material spoils it
First off, the movie could have been longer. If the goal was to show the nitty-gritty parts of human psychology then there should have been more of that because often times the movie seemed to skip time when it shouldn't. Plus, on the odd chance the viewer enjoys some black humor there are scenes that are so to speak "comedy gold" that are present in exactly those experiment-specific parts. I found that the attention to detail - though this movie was by no mans in need of a big budget - was extremely high. Without looking further into the location it was filmed in - the setting was perfect, same as the clothing etc. Secondly, the movie had too many "filler" scenes, like the cinema version of B-roll in TV. If the movie was supposed to depict the experiment then that should have been the main focus. The end had some cheezy docu-drama which also was kinda lame, and should have instead been replaced with real footage/interviews of the people that participated IRL.
Other than those three things I think the acting was quite good, in some case well above that. Totally worth watching.
The Martian (2015)
boring survivalism
I didn't expect much, and that is perhaps the only aspect of the movie that did not disappoint.
You ever get the feeling from a movie or a series that given the plot - that the setting could be just about anything? This is exactly the case with this movie. It could have been set on an island, on a remote mountain top, in a desert right here on Earth... literally anywhere. There is so little Mars- specific in the plot (or rather focused on the fact that this is another planet... something that should have been much more capitalised on) that the whole survival thing could just as well have been about a guy stuck in a service elevator in an abandoned hotel after his coworkers accidentally shut off the power for the whole building on their way out. As for the rest of the plot-specific action going on... meh. A lot of "video-diary" stuff, Matt finds poop to grow potatoes, Matt does something to survive and something happens because of that, Matt tries to keep himself busy with some other nonsense, Matt talks to himself because he's so alone and a bit nuts because of that, Matt does some McGuyver stuff to survive/communicate/whatever... that's just it there is so little excitement about the plot it basically revolves about mundane routine with some halfway-decent slapstick humor every once in a while there is not much to tell. I was almost expecting some serious plot twist/aliens whatever to come crashing in and turn it all around but that never happened. As far as the rest of the characters go some of them over-played and over-exxagerated their roles, while the rest were just stereotypical characters that needed no character building and didn't get any either. The only thing that kinda spiced up the drama was the rescue effort, but again by that time the movie was already as blant as one of those bad dished Gordon Ramsey gets so disgusted with on his show. I don't know what this movie was supposed to be exactly, an experiment with how boring a one- man survival thing can become or something like that, but it didn't even get CLOSE to what a good movie "cast away" is. My 2 cents worth of advice just forget about this movie and watch Cast Away.
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015)
Blant cocktail between Hunger Games and Divergent
... and it has another even more cliché copycat feature thrown into the mix for good measure, which I will not mention as not to spoil.
Being prepped with the first movie - which I have to say was pretty decent - I was expecting more of the same. Heck, even the name says so "the scorch trials". I almost expected a kind of round 2 of the same kind of endurance/survival trials the first movie had to offer... and what did I get? The movie is completely remote from the storyline so far. From the very outset it has Hunger Games written all over it, and the Divergent part comes schlepping right behind it with the classical "teenagers vs mysterious corporation run by evil people" thing. Plus there is something else, something regurgitated by almost every horror/thriller/post-apocalypse movie that seems to be the Hollywood's running gag of sorts I will not even mention. The whole thing had that "let's make a sequel, with a huge cliffhanger the viewers can smell a mile off, see how it goes and maybe make a third part" feeling about it, and the ending was an unrealistic letdown. The whole movie is like a lazy second other that gets fat and does very little once married - an interesting start, and then this move is kinda like the love handles one discovers very soon after. Blant and boring, but hey everyone under 12 may like it actually.
Hitman: Agent 47 (2015)
what hit-man? What 47?
My first major issue: what on earth does this movie have to do with Agent 47 or the entire Hit-man franchise, besides (obviously) the "hitman", who is similar in some parts of his appearance only? Besides him there is really only 2 characters that can be linked to the game; that is the "father" (who died in the first Hit-man game, hence a major plot hole) and who I can only guess is Diana, though she plays a completely insignificant part. All in all the storyline completely alien, there's really not much to add to that. So if you for some reason are interested to see any resemblance of the actual game just forget it, big movie fat cats decided to spew out another completely irrelevant movie.
My second major issue is the sci-fi part; the "hitman" can, apparently, see trough walls, sense people from a distance, see the future etc. What???? Is this Star Wars? Does he use the force or something? Why not just add light sabres and Bobba Fett just the same, would literally not spoil the movie and not sidetrack it, like at all! Also if you have watched Equilibrium you will see a lot of so called "gun kata" ripoff scenes, almost directly lifted from that movie.
Third issue: this is an action movie, pure and simple. Something along the lines of Transporter and the Bourne franchise, so if you like that action/thriller genre, by all means this movie is a blast. But then why call it "hitman" if the game is about not some superman but an incredibly cunning character, who uses lots of stealth, is by no means immortal, and chooses his fights very carefully and does (Hint, hint! The name!) a lot of Assassinations! And the game was pretty much aimed at making the player being the best assassin possible; ie sneak, kill target only, leave everyone else preferably unhurt and clueless, not go in guns blazing... because that would cost you dearly.
Sorry but this time, yet again, as Hollwood has already sharpened its axe with many encounters with various novels, this time they beheaded a game franchise with it. Now I can only guess why they did it, most likely a complete vacuum of new ideas, but given the fact that games a very.... very... very hard to translate into movies without the final product being too cheesy or completely "off topic", they should have picked something different.
This movie is just another nail in the coffin for cinema that engages the viewer, rather, it is a prime example of a fast-food version of cinema; quick, very simple, and made for the masses the same way as livestock feed is. It is no fine dining for the grey matter, that's for sure.
And lastly I would like to say that though I am always looking forward to games made into movies, crossing my fingers so hard they almost snap at the joints, 90% of the time it ends as a huge letdown. One game though, "hitman: contracts" could be made into an epic film noire / slasher / thriller combo, but would require and extremely good script writer, and an even more talented director, and now that there's been two Hit-man movies and both are complete s***, this option is perhaps reserved for an alternate universe where Hollywood is not the cinema version of McDonalds.
Z for Zachariah (2015)
Slow, boring soap girls
As a post-apocalypse buff I am always on the lookout for new movies in this genre, and I can barely keep myself from watching the newest ones straight away. I am literally desperately keeping my fingers crossed in a vein hope that there will be new masterpieces ("masterpieces" give or take, or take sometimes with a good big pinch of salt) like The book of Eli, Mad Max (2, 4), Terminator Salvation, A boy and his dog... you get the picture. This is in my opinion the cream, albeit sometimes "sour cream" of this genre, but you get the picture.
So then there's this movie: a soap opera which focused on awkwardness that can arise from a triangle, built on a central character that is confused both sexually and religiously. Wow, really? Then why is the cover so dark and menacing? Moving on. What got me going though was that Lionsgate was behind this awful soap. Anyway, what else is there to say... no classic post-apocalyptic scenery, some dreamy rural white America with hills and valleys, tractors and what not, small cute houses etc. And of course the movie focuses exclusively on the love/human relations part with long, drooling scenes of sexually under-toned conversations that go on and on and on. In fact, if the supposed "post-apocalypse" part, of which there is literally zero - is taken away, and even if more characters would be added to this movie, it would make no difference. It is as if the post-apocalypse is a fourth wheel in this love triangle, you know just standing there being stupid. Like an unseen character, an actor that never gets to play the part, just standing there behind the camera as some perverted way of being punished. Add to it that whatever little there is that relates to the general idea of having to live in a "wasteland", like radiation, technical aspects of survival etc... is just so poorly done, so unscientific and meaningless... that again I come to the same concept - it is a fourth wheel. It's as if during the scenes they had to make involving some survival/danger etc the director was like "so umm... guys just let's have like a river that is like super radioactive, like if you just touch it you die... and like if you're standing just 1 foot away it's like okay... you know like hopscotch when you can't jump outside the squares? Let's just get this over with".
All in all a pathetic movie. If you're one of those "emotional" people and get all excited about love, classic soap like Santa Barbara etc, this one's for you. Post-apocalypse fans - say away. You'll lose braincells watching this, I promise.
Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief (2015)
not very down to earth but good enough
Firstly it is a very well made documentary. "Well made" in the sense that it is not just some quick rundown of all the things wrong about scientology, but in the way of going in depth into those specific stories and those specific people who went "to hell and back" figuratively speaking. It does not just tie those people together into one single story but often picks off where one person's story left off. That kind of in-depth coverage is important in my opinion.
But exactly due to doing just that I give it minus 2 stars from an otherwise perfect score: it deals with several people, most of whom are in one way or another related to showbiz and Hollywood. Sure they have suffered, but not as much as Sea Org. Not as much as those who were completely crushed by years of slave labor. It does get into that put just in part - instead it focuses too much (IMHO) on Sci's poster boys and Miscavige's odd temper tantrums and having him slap around staff. In my opinion slave labor, all those people exposed to asbestos while tearing down the Sea Org's fleet, all those working class families who fell into that pit of exploitation should have gotten much more coverage than the showbiz crowd simply because there are more of them and they suffered the worst. But as I said they get coverage too - but not on equal terms. Also I expected to see much more coverage of the Sci' infiltration of the FBI and several European institutions... which was not mentioned, like at all. Now THAT is a dangerous part of this "church" that perhaps deserves its own movie.
All in all a great expose that should have aired dozens of years ago to prevent people from falling for that phony "religion" and their slave labor camps.
A Boy and His Dog (1975)
An epic that inspired many... especially the Fallout franchise
Look at it this way: while most dystopic & post-apoclypse movies do either a good or bad job at portraying either human suffering after an extreme catastrophe or war, this movie laughs at the absurdity of human nature where the apocalyptic event besides creating a barren wasteland drove a good deal of people outright nuts. And if Mad Max 2 and 3 had their fair take at poking at least some fun at the post- apocalyptic life this movie does a decent black comedy and does so intentionally.
Won't spoil with the details though, but if you have any genuine liking of Fallout franchise then you will definitely recognise several concepts this movie invented that were directly copied into the game with relatively few changes.
Autómata (2014)
A big breath of fresh air
Sorry to see many people disappointed by the movie for lacking the action and (perhaps) the iRobot type of storyline and ultimate ending, but not every movie has to be about terminators, evil central computers etc. The movie takes on AI the same way District 9 takes on aliens: no knights in shining armor, no worn out shmata re-re-re-reused storyline, just a struggle. Also a big difference that instead of AI being either an omnipotent destroyer of life or just an "evil machine" like many movies would like to portray it - a classic foreign body in an otherwise "perfectly human" world, it shows AI as a brand new life form, making its own decisions however weird and unentertaining they might be, and ultimately doing whatever it takes to survive without having the plot turn into (have to say it again just one more time!) a stereotypical battle against humans.
So due to exactly these factors the movie IMHO is a big breath of fresh air. A worthy alternative interpretation of what AI could be and how it could fit into a world that does not exactly wish it welcome.
Terminator Genisys (2015)
terminator "meh.."isys
Seeing how this was yet another extremely hyped up movie (as is most of Hollywood "quantity over quality" mass production) this movie was a letdown. So much so I want to watch Terminator (the first one) over again just to remind myself what they have taken as a basis for this rehash.
The plot is somewhat unusual for the franchise as it takes more of an "Interstellar" approach having a fair attempt at a specific type of plot basis that is very hard not to make sound stupid: time travel. Not just some time travel but time travel all over the place! A completely stupid twist IMHO was the concept that this time Kyle Reese should be the "terminator", and an even cheesier approach was to give Skynet some kind of a human face in both Kyle and that hologram near the end. What was in my opinion a part of the general T movies appeal was the faceless, merciless never-tiring death that was the Skynet/Terminators collective. A machine that just kills because human death is as easy and logical for it as for a calculator to display a number. This part of the plot is so bad, that YET AGAIN is there an assault on the 5th wall when the T-1000 (Arnold) says "Kyle Reese talks too much". Seriously???? What was missing there was having T-1000 say "no 10 stars on IMDb now". Good God... This time however it went all wishy- washy to give more of an "antihero" appeal to Kyle Reese/Skynet, which basically ruined it for me. This is supposed to be a machine, not some hyped up mix between Dr Evil and Inspector Gadget.
Keep in mind that if ALL the other T movies were about thrill/action, this one is more of a cluster**** of several things, where these two things: time travel and twists because of time travel as well developed characters with personalities where there should be no personalities. That's literally it! Spiced up with some decent action scenes, but nothing like Terminator Salvation. As if this was not cheesy enough, there were some one-liners where the 5th wall was kinda torn down by none other than Arnold with lameness like "My human exterior is aged, but I can still hear" and "I am old, not obsolete" (the latter was repeated several times... yeah, really!). Sorry Arnold, if it's going to be jokes about your age and appearance then you might as well replace action scenes with gag scenes and call this movie "Ol'Arnold: Retirement home Genisys". Act the role, no one gives a hoot about how old you are, I want to see a MOVIE character not your old age complex!
All in all I am confused by this movie which is at best a good summer action movie, but it is a lightyears away from the masterpiece that was T2 and T4. Whoever directed this nonsense should do comedies with Rob Schneider from now on, to have them screened in nearly empty second rate cinemas.
Vice (2015)
Horrible from A to Z
Bruce, shame on you. I hope you are reading this. This movie sucks, in every way, and you suck for being part of it. 90% of all actors did a horrible job. There is "action" in this movie, as in some characters (the private security guys) running around like headless chickens, some very generic running/shooting etc scenes, but that's about it. There is almost no CG (and this is a "sic-fi" movie, 2015 release no less) or ANY noteworthy special effects, so it's an action/thriller movie minus the action/thrill. The camera man, with that "let's tilt the camera left and right for MEGA action effect" is just something a kid would do in a make-believe movie in a back yard. The rest is stereotypical "rogue cop" thing, done very generically, very generic action scenes "all bullets miss main characters" etc, many soapy parts where actors put as little effort as humanly possible in being a believable character etc.
I seriously wonder sometimes, what is the bigger shame for actors: to be filmed in a porn movie when they are in desperate times, down on their luck etc and then feel bad about it later, or to be in a B/C "movie" like this. I hope Bruce you were literally out of cash, and living in a trailer park, because there is no logical excuse to have taken a part in this steaming pile of s*** of a movie.
Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (2014)
boring
I expected an overblown, stretched out AVGN episode where the Nerd would be the centre of a slapstick comedy true to AVGN main line of "thought" so to say, its style. I expected to see a lot of the same stuff as in AVGN, same characters, and same general style. Instead there are characters completely unknown, Mike is almost missing from the movie, the storyline is stupid and completely unentertaining, the jokes get stale after first 20 minutes, and I literally had to force myself to watch trough it and still I could not help but skip some parts simply I suffered from sensory deprivation of all kinds. I expected a good, "so bad it's good" movie... with was simply bad instead and in the end understood that this was more about James' "spiritual journey" to Hollywood rather than making a movie someone from outside the die-hard AVGN fanbase would "get".
This being said I think James had an honest shot at a full length feature comedy here, and he blew it. Either because he failed to transition from short episodes to a full movie, or that he did not think it trough well enough or whatever else have you. I was bored, and by the looks of other reviews here I was not the only one.
Edit: after being extremely disappointed with this movie I wrote to James. I asked why the movie sucked, why it was completely out of line with the episodes, and ultimately why it made no sense for people like me who were "pumped up" with the usual AVGN episodes, expecting more of the latter in an XXL de-luxe version full feature length. Guess what he said - the "fans loved it", and everyone else was a "hater". Really James? I think that there was only one last straw James could clutch on, and perhaps turn it all around and do a very, very critical review of his own movie in something like "You know what's Bull***T?!" type way, and this would reveal the strength of being self-critical. Instead James is obviously so full of himself that he rode off into the sunset of his own imagination and superiority complex. At this point I understood that the old James, the old Nerd were simply gone, replaced by some bad combination of pride and stereotypical "quantity over quality" type of production. And though I wish James the very best in his financial endeavours and really hope he "makes it" in every way, I hate him for ruining the series with this movie.
Interstellar (2014)
Boring Hollywood SOAP OPERA
I am wondering if the people who write "intertstellar" 10-star reviews are actually sane, or if they base their opinion on a movie library completely deprived of everything that is sci-fi. Basically if the sic-fi component - most of which does not really happen until the end - is removed from the plot the movie by and large is a classic Hollywood soap opera. The worn-out rag of cliché family relations, all- American-dad, "complicated" love affair, unruly and a classic tomboy-girl, co-workers (more like co-idiots) who rebel and despite all common sense act irrationally, you know, to "up the ante"... it really makes up 90% of this movie. Up until half- way trough I honestly considered walking away from this boring tragedy which is the lack of creative talent on the part of the script writers and director. There are also very obvious holes in the plot, and not just irregularities but direct contradictions that even the most obnoxious sic-fi movies at least try to amend somehow.
I can not help but think that after watching Automata which was a breath of fresh air in many regards, this movie is like walking into a small toilet where someone just took a huge dump. It is literally that bad. What saves this movie by the skin of its teeth is the ending. So just watch that instead, because until then you could have just as well been watching an episode of Santa Barbara.
Spolers about ridiculous plot holes (as if the soap part of the movie is not stressed enough): 1) The stupid Dust Bowl recycled. Seriously? I am not even going to try to explain this because I'd need to re-post have of Wikipedia here, but it does not work that way. Not in the past - not in the future. 2) The moment NASA abducts the main character and daughter and questions them. Seriously? Maybe they should also have shot them on sight? 3) NASA's facility is top secret! Right... in the age supposedly after the present, when there are drones and google maps, they manage to hide a huge facility in some old James Bond villain fashion. 4) "LET'S GO TO ANOTHER GALAXY!". OK if the movie shows a fairly conventional rocket, carrying a futuristic "shuttle", WHY for the love of all holy would anyone risk going there - instead of looking in our own? What, they really expected to have better luck there - than in our own? They already searched the entire Milky Way? And what's even better - it "just so happens" there is a planet like a stone's throw away from the black hole and is NOT being consumed by it, and somehow a black hole which is now proved to be a collapsed star is anything BUT a collapsed star? Why... let's just start diving down toilets, because you know, they are not full of s*** but are actual doorways to different dimensions! Like dimensions of dementia perhaps! 5) Saving the best for last - I did like the ending. Despite its absurdity I did like it. Almost cried - if I were a 14 year old girl with especially fragile psychology, but I digress. The "machine" that allows the main character to conviniently contact his daughter in the future- past, is built by... the very humanity he is trying to save, that survived, and built the machine in the future. Lord have mercy, I will try to explain this... So basically if we consider all major theories about time travel, in order to change the future one must go there and change it, right? But here the future changes the past, and that past is what changed the future with the help of the future that is changed in the past with the changed future's help. Mind >>> blown!
The Maze Runner (2014)
boring
The best way to describe this film with one word is "boring". bad actors, plot full of holes, a lot of plot elements are plain stupid, all the "action" scenes either lack enough logic or are simply cliché. If you are expecting anything NEARLY as good as "the cube" you will be in for a disappointment. Although the movie shares a similar concept the boring to death actors and the complete absurdity of it all bury all viewer expectations way before the end. And what's worse most of the movie is pretty much a soap opera. Yet another Hollywood sewer dump for the teenage audience, and I frankly don't see this garbage being anywhere near a blockbuster even with the less intelligent crowd. The movie does have potential, but the director doesn't. Like, at all.
Divergent (2014)
Et tu, Divergent?
From the first 5 mins of this soap... I mean "action movie" I just could not help but think about Hunger Games, and from then on the mind as if tricked by one of these "now you breathe manually" jokes kept looking for just those parallels. The nearly identical puppy love, dystopian society, excessive for-show violence and a pyrrhic happy end make this teenage girl-oriented flick a girl movie. I expect most of the high ratings come either from girls, or old lonely women, or men who got some great ... lip service... after bringing their GFs along to watch this as a reward afterwards. I usually like the general setting (i.e. dystopian, post-apocalypse) but there's just so much hello- kitty-glitter-spice a cook can put in a dish, and here he dumped the whole shaker in. Also plagued with a kind of soundtrack that would either be found on a teen girl's iPod or in a female oriented "erotica" movie. Did I say this movie is oriented on teen girls by the way? I can not stress this enough obviously. Even the rivalry depicted amongst the characters... even that is literally a direct copy/rip off from hunger games!
I really want 139 minutes of my life back, but I don't think Hollywood does refunds. So, to the concerned potential viewer out there, know this: I sacrificed part of my life on the altar of cinema viewership, quite selflessly I might add, so that you can avoid wasting your time on it. Stay away!
FrackNation (2013)
An American oil&gas lackey goes out to "dig up dirt" on the environmentalists
Say what you want about Gasland and similar movies, but they don't keep the viewer "entertained" with just one example and a poor one at that as to why the message that the director wants to pass on is the right one. Phelim here on the other hand probably had to put all of his "journalistic" skills he could muster to find this one case where the water quality was questionable, and "prove" it is wrong. Well Phelim this may come as no surprise to you but may be of interest to others, but some states have outlawed MDs to even TALK about harmful tracking chemicals so why even bother. But ol'Phelim will just keep on poking with that oil and gas dollar funded stick of his at that ONE example he had in the whole movie where the water quality can be questioned. Fact of the matter is that the oil (and especially gas) industry in the States has been deliberately de-regulated to a bare minimum level of safety so that the extremely expensive shale gas can be produced with a profit. Plus that the whole de-regulation was done by Bush jr who is not exactly a stranger to the hydrocarbon busyness. But no - that's not what Phelim wants to talk about.
Instead he will bring up the ludicrous example of some "expert" saying we will have to build one 50-MW windmill per each woman and child just to have a bare minimum of energy.
As with all poorly made propaga... I mean "documentaries" that don't understand the actual problems, and rather do character assassinations, Phelim here goes out on a rampage like some scientology PI trying to attack the witness any way possible.
Also funny how many "reviews" here give this "documentary" top ratings. Paid off much? Oh well.
Take it from somebody that looks at what is happening in the States trough the safety glasses of an oil worker in a country that actually does put safety before profits and actually knows how to turn a buck and not have a gazillion leaky casings, poor cement jobs and evaporation of produced water into the hot desert air, and actually can put the health of FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS before questionable ventures - you failed your HSE audit, and Phelim; looking forward for your next movie. I bet it will be one defending Blackwater and CIA covert ops in the mid east, explaining how this is good for the economy, creates jobs etc etc.
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay (2004)
Epic!
This was my introduction to Vin Diesel, believe it or not I never heard of the guy before this. He did a superb part doing the voice acting for RIddick, as well as acting in all the Riddick movies. The game has a very enjoyable and believable atmosphere where the main character is on a "hell-on-earth" type of prison planet, doing his best to escape it after being caught by a bounty hunter. I think I was most impressed with the creativity of the game's storyline, especially impressive was the "cryoprison" where the inmates are frozen and stored in boxes, and the only humane obligation the prison had was to have the prisoners thawed every day and have them "enjoy" a 30 second walk inside room that re-created ambient sounds of nature depending where one stood in the 4 quadrants of the room. Somehow that idea, the concept of being frozen and awake again and again countless times, to just take a couple of steps and be frozen again actually scared me more than any monsters or enemies in the game.
The Andromeda Strain (1971)
This is not sci-fi, this is SCIENCE-ficion
I am going to go as far as saying the movie is unique in every way. Where detail loses to generalization - this movie digs deep in the small details. Where the enemy of a "regular" sic-fi movie is a horror flick alien - here it is the horror of helplessness against an organism just some microns in size. Being slow-paced, showing attention to detail and carefully serving audience the more or less csi-like approach to science, minus the action and theatrics, makes this movie some kind of anomaly as if scientists were themselves to chose what *they* would like to see as an action movie, rather than being dictated what some people view science as ... and that could just as well be traced to old Frankenstein movies where "science" is a collection of random gadgets and stereotypical special effects. This is the kind of originality that sets Andromeda Strain apart, with a unique atmosphere and a very original approach to putting the viewer if not in the hot seat, then at the very least in a tense situation. I give it 6 points none the less, because I can see how this kind of movie will never have great appeal with the general audience.