Change Your Image
dragonfire836
Reviews
The Unnamable (1988)
Pretty good 80's horror flick
There is nothing funnier to me than a couple of prepys hatching up some ridiculous plan to get laid, only to inadvertently get themselves murdered. Were kids really this desperate in the 80's? What is it about an old abandoned house that just puts the girls in the mood? I dont know about you, but nothing turns me on more than dust and cobwebs.
The unnamable has most of the things that you would expect from an 80's horror movie. Sex, death, gore, a monster, and people in their mid 30's pretending to be college students. The plot is fairly simple, the acting is cheesy, and the monster is.....AWESOME!! The one memorable thing about this movie is the creature. They did a great job with the make up, it is truly frightening and its blood curdling screams will really have an affect on you. Based on an H.P. lovecraft story but you wouldnt know it unless you are familiar with his work. This movie just doesnt have the atmosphere you would expect from a lovecraft story. All in all, if youre a fan of 80's horror movies such as myself, then you will like this movie.
Saw IV (2007)
You'll want to gouge your eyes out!
Lets get down to the point and examine all the negative attributes of this film.
1. Why do they keep making references to prior saw movies? As if anyone remembers, it just makes it more confusing. And its plenty confusing on its own.
2. Not only does john kramer have to be a genius to be able to carry out his plans, but also a magician, a psychic and a zombie because everything seems to work out perfectly even after he's dead. Hello!!!! He's dead, you don't have to do what he wants anymore. Put the stupid tape player down and go home. Are you really telling me that this guy can convince lawyers, detectives, cops, and doctors to do everything that he wants? After he's dead even? Even if that were possible, his plans have to follow through 100%, or else it all falls apart. Manipulative storytelling? Its the only way it can work.
3. Its confusing, everything is intertwined somehow. The lawyer sets up the detective, the detective sets up the cop, the cop sets up everybody else, 3 of the detectives look exactly alike. There's flashback after flashback mixed in with events that seem to be taking place in the present. Dead victims from saw 3 keep reappearing adding to the confusion, and all the while it was the detective (that looks like the other 2 detectives) who is behind it all because he found another tape recorder in jigsaws stomach after they autopsied him. Apparently during the third movie, when everyone got up to use the bathroom, jigsaw ate the tape recorder. Are they just going to keep adding more and more scenes to the other saw movies just to make sure that the current one makes sense? Its bad enough that your movie sucks, but leave the other ones alone.
It eventually gets dull and monotonous, you don't care who lives or who dies. You just want it all to end. I'm hoping that this will be the end of the saw movies, it is for me.
The only cool thing about this movie are the contraptions that jigsaw keeps making. Thats the only reason I gave this movie 2 stars.
Shiryôha (2005)
I just don't get it
OK, I am not Asian, I don't understand Asian culture. I don't know what makes them tick or what scares them. Perhaps if I did, I would of liked this movie. Or at least it would of made sense to me. A friend once told me that the Japanese people associate ghosts with water. If a Japanese horror movie does not have water, it will not scare them at all. I don't know if that's true, but if it is, its only one piece of the puzzle. How do you explain a needlessly over complicated plot? (Which is normal for Japanese horror movies, at least from my perspective.) Horrifying scenes that are never explained? The Japanese obsession with spooky looking faces and contorted bodies. Endings that make no sense at all. This movie seemed like a bunch of scary scenes thrown together, with little or no care whether it made sense or not. I could go on, but like I said before, if I was Asian maybe I would like this movie. But at the moment I just don't get it.
Night of the Demons 2 (1994)
waste of time
Its been a while since I saw a movie that infuriated me like this one. I cannot believe I actually paid for this piece of junk.
About an hour into the movie l couldn't figure out whether it was a bad comedy or horror movie. And I was also certain that the writers had never seen the original night of the demons. The demons don't crack stupid jokes in the first movie, did the writers think they were being funny or original? It wasn't either of those things. If they wanted to make a comedy or spoof then that's what they should of done, and not ruin what could of potentially been a long running franchise. At this point I would gladly give this movie away.
What's harder to believe than how bad this movie was, is the fact that there's a third night of the demons, meaning that this sorry excuse for a movie actually made money.
As Good as It Gets (1997)
Quite confusing
After watching this movie, I racked my brain trying to decide whether I liked it or not. It has confused me for years, but finally I have figured it out. Thank you Mr. Nicholson for helping me with my dilemma. So here it goes, the movie SUCKS!!! Jack Nicholson is great (as always) and saves it. So you might applaud the fine performance by Mr. Nicholson, but realize the movie is annoying and repetitive. If you remove all the unnecessary parts you will have a movie that lasts about 45 minutes. Helen Hunt and Greg Kinnear are OK but without good ol Mr. Nicholson this movie would'nt even be a good chick flick. Only Mr. Nicholson could be as rude as he is, tell a lady that her son is going to die and yet be able to date her at the end. Where in the world do you find women like this? Maybe this a gift that only Mr. Nicholson has.
Chupacabra Terror (2005)
The navy seals should protest this movie!!
First off let me say that this movie is nothing spectacular. The cast is like the saved by the bell reunion, the monster is a guy in a bad outfit and like always; the military is useless. It would seem that the more training you have and the bigger your gun, the more likely it is that you will die if you're in a cheesy low budget horror movie. Apparently the people in the movie business have little respect for the navy seals, the marines and ninjas, who get it the worst. The plot is thin, a nutcase cryptozoologist by the name of Dr. Peña traps the Chupacabra. He then smuggles it aboard a cruise ship where two members of the crew let it loose. You can do your taxes and watch this movie and not miss a beat. The most noteworthy part that really makes it all worthwhile revolves around the captains daughter. Toward the end she goes all martial arts on the monster and kicks his butt. Let me get this straight, the monster wipes out the entire navy seals unit, while they are using ARMOR PIERCING ammunition!! OK, its a movie it can happen right? But here comes the captains daughter who can't be older than 19 and kicks the crap out of the chupacabra with front and side kicks. It was hilarious. They should get a medal for coming up with that.