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Obliterated (2023)
Infantile streaming garbage again and it's been cancelled YeeeHarrrr
Managed to make it to the 28th minute before I just couldn't take anymore. SO ! Cliche with very bad acting and the worst characters ever scritped. If this show show was fluid it would be liquid toxic waste. The writing is just so bad !!! Directing and editing seem to do a reasonable job but you casn't make gold from lead. Have I mentioned how BAD the writting is ??? The characters are horrible, NO redeaming factors in any of them and every one a cliche! Some other review called this an action comedy..... WTF 30 minutes in and not even a smirk, let alone a smile or a laugh! This is the most infantile dribble I've ever suffered. Mute the sound and watch it for some reasonable T&A if you can suffer the unrealistic environment.
Thank goodness for common sense, with quite possibly the worst show ever made being cancelled after it's first season !!!!!!
The Wheel of Time (2021)
Off script from the first episode !
I could be in quite a unique position here. I watched season one before listening to the audio books. That's the 1st edition of the audio books narrated by Kate Reading, Michael Kramer. Not the new release narrated by Rosamund Pike. I quite enjoyed the 1st season. Then I listened to the audio books. WOW the books are excellent, engaging and captivating and to my annoyance the series deviates from the books from the very first episode and NOT in a good way. Why the script writers even felt a need to alter some of the main characters character is beyond me !
Mat is unrecognisable in the series, in the books he is one of my favourite characters, Perrin is single until something like book 4. In the series he is married from the get go to some invented character. It goes on and on.
As a producer it is easy to see how Rosamund Pike got one of the major roles, that and the fact that she is a excellent actress, BUT like several of the other characters she is physically incorrect. In the books Moiraine is a tiny woman, short for good reason. It is her personality her force of will that commands the respect and obedience she receives from many others throughout the books.
Lan is supposed to be a big man and I mean Alan Ritchson type big (Reacher TV series). Daniel Henney plays the part quite well but again is not physically correct.
Hammed Animashaun plays Loial an Oger (pronounced O'gear) a true giant of a being around 2.5 metres tall. The actor does a very good job and Loial, so far, appears to be one of VERY few characters that have remained truer to the books. Why he is not afforded even the simpler effects given to Robbie Coltrane in Harry Potter is again a clear indication that the producers are only paying lip service to the books.
So several characters are physically incorrect, these are not the only ones, don't get me started on "ageless faces" either, that's not the only issue with the series.
Piss pore casting! Is probably the biggest issue, not just mismatched physical characteristics, but horrible performances as well. Strangely the casting of the side characters appears to quite good sadly the main characters are way off. 2 excellent performances are Zoe robins and Rosamund Pike, if only Rosamund was 160cm, or less, tall. Zoe plays Nynaeve al'Meara and puts in a stellar performance as the village Wisdom out to save her friends from the evil of the White Tower and it's occupants.
Notable performances by Sophie Okonedo, Michael McElhatton, Kate Fleetwood (who plays a VERY unlikable character) also these characters are supposed to play a much larger role further into the story. Who knows what the morons at the helm of the series will do next to destroy what is an awesome story if they would leave it alone and simply follow the books more closely. Unfortunately for Barney Harris and Marcus Rutherford the characters they play are so distorted, destroyed, so far off the characters from the books that it is impossibly, for me at least, to give an honest account of their performances. I state categorically that the two worst casting choices are Madeleine Madden and Josha Stradowski. These two are so wrong for the parts it's indescribable. It's hard to tell from this series if these two young actors know their craft or not as they are just not suitable for these roles.
The simple fact is before I knew how much the series was destroying a great story I quite enjoyed and WAS looking forward to the second season. If you have not read the books yet then you will probably enjoy the series. If have read/listened to the books you will probably have to do what I am doing, watch the series calling it something else in your head. This series is simply NOT "The Wheel of Time". I highly recommend the Audio Books narrated by Kate Reading and Michael Kramer.
What on earth gave the writers/producers the, now proven, unfounded, moronic, cataclysmically arrogant idea they could write a better story than the author (the late Robert Jordan). The stupidity behind the concept of changing anything from the book to make the series is immeasurable.
The one clearly identifiable result of this the first season is that every single person responsible for casting and writing this show should be herded together and dropped in the middle of "The Blight", they are clearly under the dark ones control and out to destroy the world of "The Wheel of Time".
The producers, writers and casting agents are proof positive that public floggings should be returned.
This series should have been the next biggest thing since Game of Thrones! Instead it's mediocrity will leave it as simply as mediocre, not that it actually rates that high.
Pantheon (2022)
Awesome story. Very poor animation.
1st and FOREMOST! Movies and TV are a VISUAL medium. That fact that Pantheon has an amazing SciFi story is measurably let down by horrid animation. Let me correct that. The Movie is not "let down" by the animation it is "SHOT DOWN" by it. Ratatatatatatatatat, Swoom, dive, imapact with the ground at great velocity and massive explosion !!!!!!!.
Most primary schoolers could paint more detailed backgrounds. Unnatural vehicle movements ... it goes on. The upside like I said is it has a great story and excellent voice acting including the great and now late William Hurt. There are a couple of story line jumps but overall it flows quite well and I may have mentioned before an awesome story!
It's a terrible shame they didn't spend some money on proper animation!
The Handmaid's Tale (2017)
If it were any slower it would be stationary!
I've only watched the first episode, yes I'm late to the dance but I'm very glad I am.
Have no fear of spoilers in this review, as nothing happens and no useful information is conveyed in the first episode there is NOTHING to spoil. If this was in a effort to cokes the viewer into watching the next episode it failed.
This episode moves slower than syrup in winter! As an opening episode it tells you nothing about how things got the way they are. You are left with no idea how many, if any, sides there are or how far reaching this way of life is. On top of the non-information the story is told in such a way that I actually felt myself ageing whilst waiting for SOMETHING, ANYTHING to happen!
It's just SOOOOoooooo SLOW!
Having teeth pulled is less painful than watching this.
Da hong zha (2018)
Air Flop
It's good to see all sides of a story like world war I and II but this fails miserably.
With only 1 to 2 reasonable acting performances, not from Bruce Willis though, and dreadful directing of a truly awful script with even worse editing this movie IS a BOMB!, that never goes off. In support of Bruce Willis he did not have much to work with, the script is just so bad and full of cliche after cliche and worn out plot cues. There were places where I could see what was coming and I cried out "No you can't be serious" but it was in vein. A truly horrible attempt at what could have been a great story.
Scorpion (2014)
Beyond bad. So bad I could not get past E02. I'd have give a zero if I could.
This is quite possibly the second worst pilot I've ever watched. Without any doubt the pilot (and it never got past the pilot!) for the USA version of Red Dwarf was abysmal and the worst attempt of a USA remake of a Successful British series ever!
Scorpion is also truly terrible I suffered through the first episode, saw it had potential, and thought well I'll give it a second chance and so I did. The second episode was just as bad as the first. I can not believe this rubbish is still being made.
When I said it had "potential" what I meant was it has potential "IF". If they re-cast every character under 40 years of age with actors who can actually pull the roles off.
But!, even before that, every script needs to be re-written so as to at least, in the the most remote of possibilities, be even slightly credible. The "acting" may be bad but the scripts are horrible. How this ever made it onto screens is truly beyond me.
I'm not from the USA and as anyone who is also not knows, USA TV is made solely for the USA market. If people outside the USA enjoy it well ... who cares.
It's like the studio/network/producers have no respect for the USA viewing public.
"Let's dumb this down so a parrot that has not yet been trained to speak will understand it." These words had to be spoken during the first reading of the pilot script by a network executive.
To quote a fellow reviewer "magical techno wizardry that didn't even make sense."
So true I could have said it myself! The "techno wizardry" has to be "magical", there is no other way to explain an "endless" cat 6 network cable being extended from the belly of passenger jet to a motor vehicle giving chase moments before the jet lifts off and this is one of the MOST plausible pieces of total garbage in the first 2 episodes.
If you are like me and have just noticed this TV series called '/scorpion', <- so stupid it hurts me to type it, then PLEASE do yourself a favour and skip this dribble!
How on earth is this still being made!
Chappie (2015)
Phoned in performances and rubbish script.
Weaver and Jackman barely phoned in their performances, some of the worst acting I've ever seen. A TOTAL lack of plot flow and credibility. Basic, basic, basic stuff done badly e.g. An explosive COMPLETELY destroys a multi tonne metal monster machine but a bloke not 10 metres away, in the open, doesn't get even a scratch. One after the other, stupid mistakes and plot "holes" ? Maybe not holes, plot goofs/screw-ups, I don't know what to call them. The girl was quite good, despite the whacked make up and white hair she is clearly a good looking woman and easily put in the best acting performance of all involved. Elysium gets a 4, District 9 gets an 8 this is lucky, and I mean LUCKY, to get a 2. Very good effects and the aforementioned white haired babe scraped it out of a zero!
Into the Storm (2014)
No Twister
Poor script with average acting and special effects. Very glad not to have seen this in the cinema. Would have hated wasting the money. Red neck comic relief failed and there was almost no character development. Really felt nothing for the characters, could not engage. I've seen the adult actors do much better work, the teenagers were pretty good. Script was horrible and was the real week point of this movie. Some of the line deliveries where pretty horrible also, but I blame the director not the actors. All up I give it a 3 out of 10 and I'm being generous. If you have not seen the movie Twister rent a copy and watch it, you'll be amazed how better it is than this.
The Heat (2013)
Couldn't survive 15 minutes of this.
The Melissa McCarthy character is so! over the top, so! unbelievable and obnoxious it destroyed any chance for this movie. Why would Sandra Bullock sign on to this? I enjoy most Sandra movies but I couldn't make it to 15 minutes in. So glad this was a cheap Tuesday rental. I truly feel sorry for those that paid at the box office. American humour at its' worst! Blunt, in your face stupid and simply not funny! Do your self a huge favour and miss this altogether. Also, for as much of it as I saw, Bullocks character in this is the same as her "pre-makeover" character in Miss Congeniality. A butch FBI agent out on a limb! Sorry Sandra I love most of your stuff but like Speed 2 this is a disaster.
Silent Warnings (2003)
almost there
Similar story to 'Signs' and although it has several actors I'm not a big fan of it manages to be a better movie than Signs. Mysterious crop circles turn out to be more than just a prank. Unfortunately the casting of Billy Zane in this movie was not. Who ever suggested to Billy Zane that he could act should seriously reconsider their position in the food chain. Thankfully Zane's role as Sheriff is small enough that, yet another attempt of his at acting has little impact on the movie. This movie is low gore, low FX and is better for it. Very good performances by everyone except Zane, excellent directing and editing. Script had room for improvement but over all a good effort. Not award winning cinema but well worth watching.
Hirokin (2012)
Potential waisted
Badly directed with even worse editing this story had a lot of potential. Fails miserably as entertainment, screen play and dialogue are even worse than the directing and editing. Production quality is almost there and the acting looks like it was all first takes with little rehearsal. I also saw bits from other movies, Gladiator, Star Wars a little of Dune. Plenty of good looking sorts in it, but even they can't save this festering mess. It would not have taken too much to have turned this into blockbuster, get Joss Weadon in to rewrite the screenplay and direct. Pay the actors a little more and give them some time to rehears.
The Good Girl (2002)
Beyond ordinary
This is a down beat movie made around a story not worth telling. There is nothing to enjoy in the story. The audience is hard pressed to find a character to like. I didn't like any of them. Initial sympathy for the main character (Aniston) quickly evaporates. In fact that is the only quick thing about the movie. The story moves slowly , put the pace of this story in a race with a snail and the snail wins. The infertile, dope smoking, lazy arsed slob husband is possibly the only character with any redeeming qualities. He is loyal to his wife. Or maybe he is just too stupid to figure it all out.
The acting on average was very good. But good acting of a fundamentally bad scene still makes it a bad scene. The story is what lets this movie down, it goes no where slowly. I have no idea why this dreadful story was made in to a movie?
Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (2001)
If don't like this movie, you must be dead inside!
I don't know about any hype, I don't know about any second disk. I rented this movie on DVD yesterday and watched it for the first time today and I instantly fell in love with Amelie. I really do wish she was real. Great directing, cinematography and cast. Each member of the cast was simply perfect. Audrey Tautou nailed her performance as Amelie and her unique beauty and skill as an actress gave an aura to Amelie's facial expressions that has never been seen in movies before or since. Every aspect of this movie is exquisitely executed. My personal DVD collection exceeds 600 movies, Amelie ranks #1. This is a fun, feel good movie that hits the mark every time. If you do not laugh with this movie, if it does not make you smile from ear to ear, then you should seriously consider jumping in front of a speeding bus. This review was originally written in 2004 it's now 2014 and my collection exceeds 6000 movies. Amelie is still in the top 5 and I now have it in FHD.