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Black Adam (2022)
A hot mess, and I'm there for it
I'm not sure how this movie won me over, it's complete cringe and yet also laugh out loud funny. It's ridiculous non stop action, almost too much action. It's 2hours? Dear god, edit this movie down.
There's a really good movie in here, buried between the painful opening narration and the boring end boss cgi nonsense. Some characters needed to be cut, and others given more room to breath. I also think this is the kind of movie that would benefit from an R rating. This should have been Deadpool levels of violence.
Objectively, I can't rate it higher than average but I enjoyed myself and I'd watch another.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: All Those Who Wander (2022)
It's what I asked for... and yet
When I first learned of Reboot Gorn this is exactly what I was hoping for, but with better writing. This could have been soo fun, but everyone just had to be so freaking deficient. It's like this StarTrek takes places in the Idiocracy future timeline, nobody is good at their job or even competent.
For example, they listen to an audio log telling them that medical scans (biofilter on the transporter) can't detect the Gorn eggs. So when the crews' medical scans detect nothing odd about the refuges, they simply assume everything is fine? Holy hell, ever hear of quarantine? Put a damn force field up around these fools. Nurse Chapel uses it to its' opposite intent by hiding in one instead of shoving these walking incubators into one.
These New Gorn are either the most evolved Apex predator ever or possible bioengineer to the max. They have super stealth, a maturation rate that would make a xenomorph blush and impregnating spit. I'll allow it. However, why is the medical staff not worried about the giant invisible monster shaped tumors in their patients? Also, I guess foreplay for Gorn is very limited . Getting to first base, well that's scoring a homerun.
Here's a thought, open all the doors, turn off the power and just leave. Let the Gorn turn into popsicles. Just walk back to your shuttle craft, and wait for Enterprise to return. No fuss, no muss.
One last thing, how did a single plasma grenade bring down a Constitution class ship? Where did they get a grenade? Did they keister it? Was it not picked up by the transporter? Did they find this grenade on the ship? Does Starfleet even use grenades? If so, was the Armory not locked up? How and why where they in engineering to set off a grenade? Why? Why? Why?
Every scene is filled with a metric ton of stupid and I this rant is just a taste.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Memento Mori (2022)
Death by a thousands cuts
This episode hurts because it has so much potential. I can feel the bones of a great story in here but slice by slice the writers botch it.
I've deluded myself into thinking of new trek as a reboot, so that the change to canon don't make my head implode. I'm fine with the timeline changes to the Gorn. It's fine, these new Gorn are kinda fun. I get AVP vibes, now It's Aliens Vs Star Trek. I want to see a Gorn chest burst out of a Redshirt.
But Ortega.. just why? So incredibly unprofessional, is her Mommy an Admiral or something? Why is Pike putting up with this? I hate it.
I also, hate boring B plots. Why would Uhura learn so much historical background about an air filter? This makes her seem insane not smart. Losing communication for a dramatic pause is also nonsense and not tense. No magnetic boots on the EVA suits?
Was Dr. M'Benga the only blood match on the crew for #1? Seem incredibly irresponsible for the head Doctor during a medical crisis to become a walking IV bag.
Why did the Gorn leave? Did the Enterprise somehow outrun them with only sublight drives? I mean the Gorn have sensors right? Even if they gave up because they thought you exploded why would they leave the system? The enterprise never got off a distress call. Wouldn't the Gorn just stick around to ambush the next ship? Why didn't all 4 Gorn ships attack right off the bat... oh, my god it never ends. I'll stop ranting here.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022)
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills
Season 2 of Discovery ends, and Enterprise goes in for repairs. I'll be generous and say 6 months. Is this the sister planet to the voyager episode "Blink of an Eye", cause wtf? How did these wizards build warp tech and plasma weapons? Also, how far away are they looking with their telescopes, and how fast exactly do we think light moves? Don't bother thinking about it. It's just one of the dozens of plot holes... sigh.
Everything looks great and Pike is fabulous. His inner conflict was earned and interesting.
A crew of 3!? They all beam down and I'm sure the show will explain. Oh, it doesn't? I should just stop thinking. I just can't, I won't , not again. This show is rate Meh.
The Wheel of Time (2021)
I enjoyed it... till I didn't
Woof, those first five minutes tho. Just no. Looked terrible and was just so cringe. I pushed through and really started enjoying myself. Until I got to the mid season, then I started getting frustrated. The further it went along the more the source material was gutted and slip on like some macabre skin suit.
The best part of this show is the bonus material Origin short stories. They are soo good, I wish the whole thing was just that.
I'm going to watch another season, only because book One, which this season is based on, was by far the most boring in my opinion. I want to get to that juicy political intrigue, ala Game of thrones, that happens in later books. Not this Lord of the rings nonsense from the first 3 books.
Star Trek: Prodigy (2021)
oh my gosh, I love star wars
This is by far the best new episode of the clone wars I have seen to date. Those crazy battle droids are just up to their usually hijinks and I gotta say General Grievous is looking pretty intimidating in that black cloak. I'm always impressed by the accuracy of droids in this universe, 100 shots at stationary targets in the open, and not a single hit. Those crazy droids just can't catch a break.
Again, best new Star wars show on tv. Oh, wait... I've just been informed... this is a Star trek show? Hum...
Episode one : Feels like a clone war episode with a star trek brand pasted over it.
Next Episode : stand by for some star trek!
Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020)
It's changing my mind
This show started off pretty dull in my opinion. Leaning way to hard on Nostalgia berries, and trying to trigger the "oh, my god I remember that".
But... it's slowly winning me over. A handful of decent episode got me to push on till season 2, where the real good stuff is hiding. This show is actually at its best when it aims for a more serious tone, keep it humorous without becoming a joke.
Black Widow (2021)
Wasn't boring
Why does the family have a Russian accent? I get that we're not going to subtitle an MCU movie, even if all the characters are Russian and have zero reason to speak English beyond nostalgia.
What happened to their mid western accents? These are all deep cover operatives placed in the USA. Did we forget the beginning of this movie? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)
Release the Whedon Cut
I demand they release the Whedon Cut! With only 4 more years of hindsight, 50 more million dollars and a paltry run time of 6hours. Only then will the true glory be revealed unto us.
The 100 (2014)
More of the same
It's the apocalypse people! The most important fact I learned from the pilot, all the script writers died in the blast.
In the future, 12 nations are opening up space malls for the rich and famous, just in time for the end of the world! Phew... that was close. Good thing we stocked these things with enough urine filters to last generations. We also included enough space to house 100 inmates for the really scary crimes like littering. Then we give them crayons and let them vandalize their cells to their hearts content.
This show is working the plot check list pretty hard. Love triangle in the making? Check, hell let's double down on that. Wonky bare bones scifi premise, no problem. How's that work? Science bitch!
My personal favourite moment is the swim suit calendar they decide to shoot as they take a little dip in a pond. Sadly, we are interrupted by "river monster" who proceeds to hug attack one of the shows hotties before dropping her to go check out a rock. Do not fear, "river monsters" may appear to brutally murdering you, but they actually just want to play. Let's put a band-aid on that and pretend like nothing happened.
Holding my breath for a non magic explanation for how the surface is not an irradiated wasteland. My theory about why all the 100 appear to be brain dead bumpkins? I think the Chancellor's been saving oxygen by cutting the supply going to the prison cells. It explains so much!
Here's hoping the next few episodes turn my expectations around.
Starhyke (2009)
Curiosity as its own rewards... this isn't one of them
I'm not going to blame the actors; I mean everyone's got to eat right? It's plausible that they're capable of recreating something that could pass for human emotion, they've simple chosen not to.
This leaves only the writers and directors of this catastrophe, and I DO hold them accountable! Try to imagine every awkward moment from various sci-fi shows you've ever seen and mash them together in montage of mental cruelty. Sadly this doesn't even fall into the "so bad it's good" category; just sit there and fight the urge to skip to the next scene. I mean it must get better at some point? Nope.
I'm sorry for all the people involved with this production. Please, please, run your script by a target audience. Do they look bored out of their gourd? Yeah, that means you're just not quite there yet.
For reference point, Red Dwarf rules! So I'm not a genre hatter, I'm just disappointed. You can do better, we deserve better.