magick-1 Reviews

Howling II: ... Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)

Your Sister is a Werewolf! ...in the pale pale light of the moonglow

[9/10 · 1 May 2010]

Danning at her best despite the awful direction and writing. It's understandable that Lee publicly dissed this film, because even with his experience in rescuing awful dark films from bad scripts and worse direction, he couldn't do a thing with this one except go along for the ride. He was probably grateful for the shades...

Why do I then give this an 8? It's great! You have to view this film from the unique perspective it offers and *if* you're a fan of 80s kitsch 'horror' (though this one plays more like an older 'monster' movie), you should really enjoy it. Very good soundtrack, especially the credits track! Just make sure to have plenty of silver bullets to bite on so you don't pierce your tongue or cheek while trying to survive the horrid writing & direction.

The orgy scene is a campy classic and there are some really (unintentionally) funny lines and scenes... Overall, a good idea gone bad, but definitely worth watching *if* campy monsters, Werewolf Queens in bdsm spacesuits and the 80s are on your hitlist ;)

Howl!

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

Ultimately a looooong shaky chase

[4/10 · 2 March 2008]

I would have scored this movie a 6 if the only point of a movie was to deliver some great chases. There are some great chases here. But is there anything else? Not really. Unless you count a completely uninteresting and unbelievable story. There are so many action films that actually bothered to have some kind of story but this is not one of them. And I like mind blowing action as much as the next guy, but I also like to believe what Im seeing. Especially if I'm watching a a modern day film thats not sci/fi or fantasy based. Not the best Bourne and definitely not a top 250 movie by a loooong shot. However if you want to see some good chase scenes, take a look! Thankfully this is the last bourne, cause another one along these lines would have been ultimately unbearable!

Casino Royale (2006)

Worst Bond Ever - Not even a Bond Movie

[4/10 · 11 August 2007]

As a Bond movie CR fails miserably. It has nothing that a Bond movie should have. It's SLOW, BORING, WITLESS, STORYLESS and utterly unconvincing from a character standpoint.

At no point in the movie do we ever care about any character. At no point in the movie do we feel ANY villain is really an evil "rule the world" or "pull off the biggest heist ever" type of baddie. At no point is ANYTHING sexy. At no point is Bond ever suave, sophisticated, cool, smooth, carefree or even likable.

If the whole movie was supposed to lead up to him saying the Bond James Bond line at the end, I want my two hours back.

(spoilers) There's zero, nada, none and no chemistry at all between the 'lovers' and its beyond obvious that she is scamming him from the get go. Its excruciatingly dull to watch the "game" both at the poker table and between bond and 'the girl' because we all know where its going and its not fun.

The movie was so tedious im surprised it survived to screen and wasn't renamed and given an alternate ending so it didn't horribly stain the Bond genre. The only thing slower than the movie was the amount of time it took the venice building to sink scene, Bond to rescue the girl we know is gonna drown scene and for bond to figure out he was being conned the whole time... yeesh!

Once again: No evil bad guys, no cool henchmen, no hot chicks, no great chases, no crazy gadgets and no James Bond.

There have been some bad Bond movies in the past, but they were bad only because they didn't live up to the standards set by better Bond movies before them. This movie is just BAD and an embarrassment to every Bond movie before it.

Like others have said before. If you're hoping for any kind of Bond movie at all, watch one that was made before this one - because despite the title and the lead characters name. James Bond does not appear in this film...

ps. the actors don't do a 1/2 bad job with what they were given - but what they were given to work with is NFG. Unless you're hot to see Dan naked and getting his family jewels smashed - skip this mess.

Timecop (1994)

a 6.6 on the Van Damage scale of high kickin fun

[6/10 · 12 July 2007]

My vote was a 7 but this is a 6.5. I enjoyed this film and thats all its about.

Considering that this is a typical revenge story and its all too predictable, TCop manages to keep our interest and tells a story while kickin its wayc through plenty of well choreographed mayhem! Its a fun romp with plenty of decent effects and martial arts for the action freak and a decent story which is nice because the two don't always go hand in hand.

Id seen this years ago and watched it again recently and it still holds up which says to me its better done than a lot of action films today which will still seem thin and silly years from now.

Break out the popcorn and enjoy. This is probably the last good film JC VD did and it should appeal to action and scifi fans alike.

Children of Men (2006)

Disappointing Chase with Little Story - What were you watching anyway?

[5/10 · 10 July 2007]

Very disappointing. After reading the positive reviews I was ready for a really good near future sci/fi fantasy, with amazing visuals, performance and of course a killer story line.

Children of Men unfortunately fails in almost all categories - primarily because the build up to the ending is HUGE and falls FLAT on its face. This is a chase movie (a fair one at that) with little storyline, lots of unanswered questions and wasted performances.

Spoilers: The one woman who can and has had a baby in 18 years, floats in a battered row boat through a dense fog, while a ship called Tomorrow arrives, the reluctant hero dies(?)unceremoniously and she announces to her newborn miracle... "we're safe now". An unsatisfying end to a messy production.

One of the worst endings to yet another aimlessly wandering apocalypse story that I've ever been subjected to. All of us who watched it kinda looked around with a that's it?!" expression, staring with wonder that we were led on an overly long chase scene with unsympathetic characters to a mindless ending. There was very little to like about this film.

We're all infertile until a promiscuous young girl called "Kee" is having a baby that a terrorist group wants to keep for their own purposes... and oh yeah, half the government army stands by and lets the baby walk right past them when they have the chance to take her and the wounded hero without firing a shot (most of the film is written THAT well!) :)

What was good? Visuals were wonderful, the look and atmosphere were thoroughly well done and the images of London in collapse were excellent. The opening scene packs a nice punch but then its all downhill from there. Some of the side characters were well imagined and usually the only thing worth watching, with the exception of the terrorists who were cardboard cookie cutter characterizations.

Julianne Moore is completely wasted in the film and mercifully has her brains blown out early on. Michael Caine is the only character we ever really care about and he also is relegated to being cannon fodder. Clive Owen delivers his usual just above average part as he is whisked through this story-less but visually interesting waste of time. There's just no one to care about and no depth of story to keep anything together.

Children of Men never develops into anything remotely interesting and is just another excuse for CGI, big buck sets and a chase scene masquerading as Sci/fi - fantasy.

I have no idea if the story this was based on resembles the film, I would hope it had more flesh to it. A definite must miss film.

Seraphim Falls (2006)

Wasted talent - disappointing film

[5/10 · 24 June 2007]

Was looking forward to seeing this one, Brosnan and Neeson being favorites. Unfortunately, their talent is mostly wasted here with the lack of a story and very poor pacing. There was potential but the movie just never hits stride. It succeeds neither as an action film or a "western". I use quotes there because the there's little here to make it a western except the setting and costumes. Both well done. Michael Wincott is also wasted in this one. Decent video rental, don't expect a story or much good writing. You never care about any character in the film, even those who would have been easy to care for. Again, thats too bad because there was potential here. Brosnan does a nice job with what there was to work with. 6 out of 10 for his efforts and the scenery.

The Italian Job (2003)

Average at best

[5/10 · 10 June 2007]

5 1/2 stars, maybe six the first time around.

Yes it keeps your attention, yes the visuals, acting and story aren't bad. But there's nothing original, new or amazing here. Its the same "a-team" cookie cutter heist film all over again. But this one comes with lots of bells and whistles and a cute cast. TIJ never is really exciting, it's predictable but in that "you don't really mind cause that's what you expected anyway" kind of way.

Mark Wahlberg - not bad here. Sutherland - also not bad here in a small role. Charlize - as always wonderful to watch. She has many better roles. Edward Norton - not top of his game.

Good popcorn fun and not a bad film, but overall - average at best.

Tank Girl (1995)

rock'em sock'em grrl fun

[10/10 · 4 May 2004]

funny, smart goodlookin and fast. and im just talking about the lead character...

unique blend of action and comic cuscenes, good sets and costumes and a very good soundtrack.

TG is a departure from the comic but a good one. dont expect to see the xrated antics of TG from the book, but do expect an in your face tongue planted firmly in cheek spoof full of wise cracks and light action.

a good time will be had by all! (especially tank girl)

thumbs way up!

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Big Movie Big Fun nothing Little about it... Carpenter Rocks!

[10/10 · 4 May 2004]

I'm biased I admit it. John Carpenter is among my favorite directors. But, this is not typical Carpenter in the way most people know him (Halloween, etc.)

BTiLC is maybe my favorite Carpenter movie because he combined his frantic paced madness with slapstick comedy here (instead of in your face horror) for full effect and succeeds masterfully.

More kung fu than you can shake a stick at. Even if youve never heard of Carpenter - if you like high flying (pre matrix CGI) kicking and karate chops, you HAVE to see this one just for the fight scenes, again wonderful.

The cast is amazing, each character played way over the top, leaving stereotypes spinning in the dust.

Costumes and sets are great and the storyline, though done a million times has a fresh take here because of Carpenters twisted sense of humor and excellent direction taking the film trhough genre mixes so often youre not sure if youre watching a scifi, fantasy, kung fu, comedy or action thriller...

the truth is, youre watching all of the above done so campy-ily well that youre not sure what hit you. And thats a very good thing.

A must see for any Carpenter, Kurt Russell or Kim Cattrall fans as well as fans of HighFlying martial arts, or video game type action. Lastly if you like campy, fun action/comedy with a light heart, see BTinLC!