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The Taking (2013)
Just no
I sat through the entire Twilight saga, not once but twice, with a small horde of tween girls. I shut this movie down at the 4:22 mark because it was that bad. Don't waste your time with this one. It's disjointed and tries way to hard to be some sort of artsy horror flick (which it fails at on every level).
American Guinea Pig: Sacrifice (2017)
It's just laughable.
I was all excited to watch this film because of the infamous "Guinea Pig" films out of Japan. But, this movie completely lost me with the shoddy SFX work and the completely unbelievable "tools" that the main character uses.
I'm sorry, but butter knives and chintzy battery operated screw drivers are not feasible tools for the so called "self mutilation" that he does. They could have at least gone the believable route and used something other then a blunt chunk of hand forged steel that wouldn't even cut a piece of paper (a plastic butter knife would do more damage). And the fact that they use cheap dollar store zip ties as tourniquets and couldn't even be bothered to do 5 minutes of reading to see how to properly apply them is just annoying.
If you like your horror to be at least remotely believable, or tend to nit pick movies, then don't bother with this. You will hate it.
But, if you get grossed out real easy by even the most obvious SFX, then knock yourself out.
Draug (2018)
A complete summary and review. Hopefully to clear up the confusion some are having about this film.
I've noticed quite a bit of confusion about this film and what was going
on. First I am going to touch on the film itself. It's beautifully shot and
the acting is great. It stays very truthful to the time period it was based
in and with folklore. I found it to be a very good and entertaining
watch.
Now on to where people are getting confused. I hope this clears things
up for those that are feeling completely lost with the last part of the
film. I will now break down the entire movie and hopefully explain what happened and why for all of those that are confused.
Complete and total spoilers ahead:
Definition of "Draugr" - From Wikipedia - The draugr or draug is an undead creature from the Scandinavian saga literature and folktale. Commentators extend theterm draugr to the undead in medieval literature, even if it is never explicitly referred to as that in the text, and designated them rather as a haugbúi or an aptrganga, literally "again-walker"
This story takes place in a time when Christianity was beginning to sweep through Scandanavia. When this happened, a purging of "pagan" traditions began, and those that started to follow the Christian faith tended to handle their pagan neighbors with a very heavy hand.
Two of the main characters, Kettil and Hakon, were part of this purging.
They had in their past taken a local witch and her husband, hung them and then burned the bodies. After which they discovered their child, Nanna. Instead of killing her, Hakon took her on as his foster daughter and raised her in the Christian faith. During these years Nanna has "visions" which are actually flashbacks to when she was a child and to her family before they were murdered.
Fast forward about 18 years (this is an educated guess as they don't actually give a time reference in the movie). A friend of Hakon and Kettil disappears in a local forest while escorting a Christian missionary. This is the same forest where Nanna's family had lived and were killed. The locals shun part of this forest because they believe that it is cursed and that an evil lives within in it. Hakon, Kettil and Nanna get a group together and travel to this forest in search of the missing group. Here they areambushed and they make a run into the area that is known to be cursed.
This is where they encounter the Draugr. The Draugr are the result of a blood curse that was created when Nanna's family was murdered. As the story develops Nanna begins to remember more from her childhood including a ritual that her mother performed and where she kept her magickal tools. During this time Kettil is convinced that Nanna has to die in order for the curse to end and tries killing her only to fail and become a prisoner to Nanna and their remaining two companions.
Nanna performs the ritual she remembers which brings her consciousness into Hel where she then learns about the blood curse and realizes that to make it end that she must kill Kettil as he is the last of the ones that murdered her family. Before she regains consciousness, the Draugr attack again. An unconscious Nanna is carried to the boat that was found by the remains of her families cabin, where Kettil and Kol jump into the boat and try to escape as their last companion is killed by the Draugr.
Just as Nanna begins to awaken, Kettil knocks Kol unconscious with the boat oar and attacks Nanna. The two fight it out, ending up in the river and being swept downstream. Upon reaching the shore, Nanna realizes that she has no chance of killing Kettil while she is still alive and shackles herself to him. Before he can strangle her to death, she throws the key into the river. The act being witnessed by the Draugr of her sister (I believe it's her sister anyway. It's another child, but they don't make it clear as to who she is exactly). As the life leaves her body, Kettil believes he has ended the curse by killing her, only to look up to find that she is now a Draugr and is there to kill him, thus ending the curse.
Kol awakens, alone, in the the now swamped boat. He slowly rises and looks around, instinctively knowing that the forest is different. It's brighter, clearer and the look/feeling of dread is gone. He then swims to shore. The End.
So she let herself die because she knew that is what she had to do in order to kill Kettil. Thus bringing an end the curse for her family and to finally allow their souls to rest in peace.
Tooth and Nail (2007)
It was alright..I guess
The shortest and best summary I can give this movie is the following:
This is one of those movies where the "Good Guys" are so naive and idiotic in their decisions that you will find yourself rooting for the Cannibal Clan about 15 minutes into the movie (I'm being rather generous here).
It has a solid cast for this level of movie, but, they feel rather wasted by meh writing and mediocre acting.
But it has Vinnie Jones and he played his part perfectly. So there is that.
Feast of the Body (2016)
It was an interesting idea
Quite honestly I think this movie would have been a lot better if they had left the main character without much dialog. The beginning of the movie was intriguing and if they had continued the rest of the film that way it would have been so much better. A slow unrolling of the events that happened along with the where/when/why and hows would have been perfect. It would have kept me interested and curious as to how the whole mess happened. But giving the main character too much dialog just ruined it as his speaking parts and that of some of the co-stars just came off as stiff, wooden acting. It really ruined the whole movie for me sadly.
Wildling (2018)
Worth a watch
I'm not sure why this only has a 5.5 rating. It's actually a pretty solid movie. One or two of the digital effects could have been better, but, other then that I really cannot find anything I didn't like about this. It leaves you questioning things enough as you watch to keep you watching. The story itself is good and the acting is on point with a few exceptions. Liv Tyler comes off a little stiff in a few scenes, but nothing that really draws you away from the movie.
If you are looking for a good watch to kill some time I highly recommend this.
Black Wake (2018)
I don't even know what I just watched
I just know that my brain now hurts and I don't think my eyes will ever forgive me.
The Rift: Dark Side of the Moon (2016)
You could do so many more things in your life..
Go bake a pie. Take a walk. Eat a whole pizza. Contemplate life, the universe and everything. There are so many more things you could do with these 90 minutes of your life. Don't waste them on this. It's bad. I mean really bad. I think giving myself a coat hanger lobotomy would actually be preferable to watching this again.
Just don't do it. This movie is a trap. Run away while you still can.
Drifter (2016)
They tried so hard
Have you ever seen a kids school project where they try so hard to do something awesome but the end result is just something sad and a mere shadow of what could have been something good?
Well this is like that.
The videography is beautiful. The movie itself could have been something good. But they just tried to damn hard to be like other directors (see Tarantino) and instead the entire culmination of all of their hard work went to pieces.
At least the scenery was nice.
Jeruzalem (2015)
So this movie...
It wasn't bad for a found footage style film. I did like the concept of the story. It stepped away from the usual possession/paranormal arc that we has been played out for quite sometime now. It does deal with that style of story but not like most of the films that have been riding the "Paranormal Activity" bandwagon.
The CGI was done well. Better then some of the higher budget films that I have seen actually, so I have to give the directors kudos for that.
I sadly had to give it a 5 star rating though due to one thing. And that would be the main character, Sarah. The way her character was written really just killed the movie for me personally. They could have done so much with her, instead they just played her out as the whining "Oh my god what's happening?! *sobcrywhinesob*" cliché.
If it hadn't been for that one snafu on the writers/directors parts then I would have given this movie a good solid 7.
So I do recommend that you watch this if you just want a decently fun movie. Just be prepared to want to shake your screen violently at the lead role.
Gingerclown (2013)
I don't even know...
This movie...
It was like a bad train wreck. I knew I shouldn't look, I really didn't want to keep looking, but I just couldn't tear my eyes away.
It was just...um...yeah. I honestly do not know what to say about it. It did have it's moments, usually when the 2 main actors were not on the screen and the known voice actors were having a go at it. But other then that, it was just bad, but good, but still kind of bad.
I kind of got the whole "Killer Clowns from Outer Space" feeling with it. You know, the kind of movie that is so horrible and cheesy that you have to watch it a couple of times before you can honestly say whether you actually love it or hate it.
So, if you like your movies with an extra helping of cheesiness with a side of "This makes no sense at all" then this is the movie for you.
If you can't stand movies that make as much sense as say, sea-monkey enhanced vodka flavored cheese curls... then just back away slowly and don't even give this movie a second thought.. just go.. now... while you have the chance.
Trust me, it's for your own good.