Change Your Image
ArtificialLuddite
Reviews
Hesher (2010)
Stinks Worse Than Hesher's Stained Underpants
Hesher is not a good film. Hesher is a bad film.
This is both saddening and surprising when considering the decent cast and interesting plot which had a lot of potential. Paul (a bearded and despondent Rainn Wilson wallowing in his depression and filth) and son TJ (impressive newcomer Devin Brochu) are struggling to deal with the loss of wife and mother when in moves Hesher (Gordon-Levitt complete with long greasy hair and moronic tattoos) resulting in hilarious consequences. Oh wait. There are no jokes.
So is it a drama? Not really. Sure there are some pretty heavy themes like death and bullies and unrequited love and more death, but the absurd titular character is too ludicrous to ever allow the dramatic elements to take hold.
So maybe it's a black comedy? Not so much. Having an outrageous character trying to be funny and acting out alongside serious issues does not make a dark comedy. There is no subtlety or wit or realism in Hesher.
Wilson is decent enough at acting like a hopeless slob and it doesn't take long to stop looking at him as Dwight from The US Office. Portman is as charming as ever as an impoverished shop-clerk struggling to get by. Brochu probably does the best out of all as TJ. Horrendously bullied at school and traumatised from his mother's death, he is utterly convincing and does more than get the viewers sympathy.
And then there is Gordon-Levitt. Hesher himself. I cannot begin to understand what attracted him to this script or awful character. Maybe he was still on a mental high from working with Christopher Nolan, but that is still no excuse for acting as this pitiless and irritating buffoon in an ultimately mismanaged affair that struggles with its own identity.
The King of Kong (2007)
Better Than Actually Playing The Donkey Kong Arcade Game
The King of Kong: A Fist Full of Quarters is a unique and compelling documentary set in the competitive world of Donkey Kong gaming. Directed by Seth Gordon (Horrible Bosses, Modern Family) the film follows underdog Steve Wiebe as he attempts to break the world record for highest score on Nintendo's 1981 arcade classic. However, the peculiar record holder, Billy Mitchell, is ready to undermine his new rival at every turn, manipulating nerds and ducking numerous open challenges to determine who is the best.
As with any good documentary, King of Kong explores a weird and wonderful world unlike anything seen before. Here, achieving high scores on retro arcade machines is the top priority, and swarms of nerds compete against each other for respect.
The polar combination of Wiebe (pronounced Wee Bee – don't get it wrong), a quiet and clean-cut science teacher with a young family, and Mitchell, the paranoid hot-sauce mogul who looks like a magician, makes for a very entertaining watch, and at only 90 minutes, the film flies by.
Aside from the novel plot, assured direction, and excellent editing, the movie is abound with memorable characters that will stick in your head for weeks. Director Gordon and his crew capture scenes of espionage – geek style, candid moments of conversation, and of course, Walter Day, the aged gaming referee and founder of Twin Galaxies, an organization to monitor major arcade records.
Recorded over several months gives the movie a tangible sense of development, and we come to know the two leads quite well during this period. It is hard not to feel sympathy for the obsessive Wiebe, whose family must endure his need to overcome this enormous challenge. Similarly, it is hard not to despise the cowardly Mitchell who avoids the much-wanted head-to-head and later steals Wiebe's thunder with a dubious video.
As far as light documentaries go, The King of Kong: A Fist Full of Quarters is up there with the best. Full of interesting characters and nail-biting scenes, this is a surprising film that teases your every emotion without ever losing its playful heart.
The Grey (2011)
Neeson + Wolves = Pretty Good
Once upon a time Liam Neeson only played priests and sombre leaders. Today he has transformed himself into a somewhat credible action star, to mixed results: his last movie Unknown was a nightmare although Taken was a sleeper hit and is highly regarded among college students and stoners across Ireland.
The Grey is his latest offering and the plot is so deviously stupid that you can't help but wonder what two hours of Liam Neeson pitted against a pack of wolves would be like. Call me naive but I was expecting more.
The whole affair starts well enough with a frightening plane crash in the wilds of Alaska. Those unlucky few to survive the crash soon realize they are not alone, and must help each other if they are to get out alive. Even though by the end of the movie I was looking at my watch and waiting for the remaining characters to be picked off so I could go home, I did enjoy The Grey.
I mean, okay the premise is ridiculous, but Joe Carnahan never allows for his survival movie to take itself seriously. The script is solid, if not self-parodying at times, and allows the cast to get involved in some memorable exchanges. Neeson is also given free reign to deliver some wonderfully ludicrous lines, and follows up his hilarious appearance on Life's Too Short with another naturally comic turn.
The Grey is wonderfully shot and looks great, and the barren windswept snow scape presented to us seems rather intimidating. Sadly, the wolves themselves are at times unconvincing, due to another unnecessary dependence on CGI.
Even though this eventually degenerates into a tedious action flick, it is for the majority a big dumb action movie that is a lot of fun, and gives Neeson license to do what he now does pretty damn well. Beat the shite out of things.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)
Fincher Kicked My Cynical Ass
Last night, I walked into The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo fostering a number of prejudices. I couldn't understand why David Fincher would direct a remake of a bestselling novel. I scoffed at the idea that Americans are afraid of subtitles. I sighed impatiently after realizing that the running time was two hours and forty minutes. I ended up enjoying the Hell out of it.
As the opening credits explode on screen, Fincher sets the tone for what is a brutally confident and visually aggressive thriller. Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian says, "Nothing in the movie quite matches the terrific opening sequence," which pounds its way into your head through its use of a "nightmarish, amorphous vision in liquid monochrome." What transpires next is a rather even-handed introduction to a trilogy based on the characters of Stieg Larsson. Sure the movie has its flaws – like why does Daniel Craig keep his English accent, or the clichés and scenes that almost drag the film down a number of dull meanders – but it is the malevolent and at times perverse intensity that etches its way into your mind long after the film is over.
Rooney Mara is Lisbeth Salander, a vulnerable private investigator and hacker who becomes involved with Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig), a discredited journalist hired to uncover a murderer in a wealthy feuding family. The pair are brought closer together by the sinister secrets that begin to unravel after Lisbeth cracks a mysterious code.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo features a number of solid performances, from the conflicted Mara and cardigan-wearing Craig, to the array of memorable characters such as Lisbeth's vile guardian or Mikael's distant wife.
Also, following their Oscar-winning collaboration on The Social Network, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross are back with yet another menacing hard-edged score, as violent synthesizers rumble. The film opens with a soaring industrial cover of Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin (as heard in the popular trailer for the film), with Karen O's voice giving it a distorted exposure during the slick silver montage.
Even when it really slows down, the movie never drags, and at least you can get a good look at a sickly world inhabited by cyberpunks, twisted Germans, ferocious degenerates and Daniel Craig in spectacles. A very powerful first move by Fincher, who gives this remake some brutal purpose.
Contagion (2011)
Warning: May Cause Drowsiness.
Remember when a science teacher named Eliot Moore attempted to survive a disturbing pandemic in Central Park? No? How about when virologist Colonel Sam Daniels combined monkey antibodies in Cedar Creek? If not, then you are likely to forget Contagion, Steven Soderberg's germ-based disaster movie.
In the opening scene, Gwyneth Paltrow unleashes a fast-acting lethal virus on Western civilization, and before long, Laurence Fishburne is making important decisions as Matt Damon's dejected everyman protects his daughter, and a uniformed Bryan Cranston makes concerned faces. In between these frantic scenes, a puffy-eyed Marion Cotillard traces the humble bat-pig origins of the deadly virus, while a host of other famous faces pass through, flogging sensational tales and intense gazes.
Critics have referred to this as an "eclectic cast," and "an ensemble piece," but most characters, like janitor John Hawkes or lab-assistant Demetri Martin, are pointless to the point of parody. The sheer number of them makes for some fast-paced editing, and the plot thunders along as a result – jumping from Hong Kong, San Francisco, and Tokyo – but at what cost? No actor successfully escapes from the one-dimensional script, although Damon comes close with his 'grieving husband,' as does Kate Winslet, who is underused.
Despite this, Contagion still remains a relatively entertaining popcorn movie, and its realistic take on the disaster-film genre is a welcome change from more recent and hammy ones: Roland Emmerich's 2012 and the Spierig brother's Daybreakers come to mind. With rising death tolls and no cure in sight, society rapidly deteriorates with riots and looting in every major capital. It's fine. It's not "bloody terrifying," or some "metathriller" or a "methodical exploration of the threat of pandemics" that is "well worth your time." It's fine.
A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011)
Round Three and the Duo are Half-Baked.
So much has changed since Harold and Kumar escaped from Guantanamo Bay. Harold (John Cho) landed the role of Sulu in J. J. Abrams' acclaimed Star Trek reboot (a character he will revisit in 2013). Kumar (Kal Penn), having smoked weed with George W. Bush in Escape From Guantanamo Bay, became an Associate Director for the Obama administration. And Neil Patrick Harris, whilst furthering his womanising image as the philandering Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, publicly came out and announced his engagement to David Burtka.
Sadly, what has also changed for the modern-day Cheech and Chong, is the standard of jokes, scenarios and secondary characters.
Gone are the punctuated, episodic scenes which defined the first two films and saw the duo jump from situations as memorable as racing a cheetah through the woods, attending a bottomless party, hitching a ride with the boil-covered Freakshow, and sharing a bed with a red-neck cyclops-baby. In their latest adventure, Roldy and Kumar get tied-up by Russian gangsters, hallucinate claymation-style, and inadvertently become dancers in a camp stage-show, but each new scenario seems more tired than the last, and lacks the originality of both predecessors.
Gone are the comical-yet-convincing minor characters like the racist Homeland Security Agent (Rob Corddry), the infatuated Male Nurse (Ryan Reynolds), and the helpless Interpreter (Ed Helms). Questionably weaker ones replace these: Kumar's new-BFF, Adrian (Amir Blumenfeld), overstays his welcome, as does Harold's father-in-law (an unexpectedly pedestrian Danny Trejo), and wimpish friend (Thomas Lennon). Sadly, even returning characters, such as bickering Jewish-stoners Rosenberg and Goldstein don't bring the laughs like they once did.
The movie picks up a few years after the duo escaped Guantanamo. A bearded Kumar ("Like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook") has been dumped by Vanessa, and Harold, now sober, has settled down with Maria. Having not seen each other in years, the two are reunited by a mysterious package, which sets in motion a grand scheme to find the perfect Christmas tree ("Koreans have killed his mother and now his tree. Christmas is ruined").
While Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg return as writers, the relatively unknown Todd Strauss-Schulson directed this instalment of the current trilogy. The film doesn't look quite as appealing or inventive as previous entries, and the exploitive 3D hampers the whole affair and slows down the story.
Neil Patrick Harris appears after a particularly dull period, instantly drawing laughs as the resurrected, crack-addled, and now publicly 'gay' NPH that everyone has come to know and love. If only he were in it for longer.
A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas is generating a multitude of positive reviews and looks set to become their most successful outing to date. However, as a big fan I was surprised that 3D Christmas did not build upon its former, as Escape From Guantanamo Bay did with Get The Munchies. Aside from a few moments of genuine hilarity, this was not the sharp, laugh-a-minute writing that helped the first two transcend the hapless stoner-movie genre. Scenes are far too rambling and unfocused, losing all energy as a result.
It might be time for the boys to shut their bong-holes.
Tower Heist (2011)
The Real 'Heist' was the 104 Minutes I Will Never Get Back.
Watching the trailers one could be forgiven for thinking this would be a return to form from Murphy who has been flailing inoffensively since the release of Raw. From the moment 12A appeared on screen, I knew I was in trouble. Alan Alda aside, no actor in this respectable cast comes away unscathed from a film that offers not one laugh. Not one.
The ever-impressive Casey Affleck does well enough but the jokes simply aren't there. Gabourey 'Precious' Sidibe fails miserably at one of the easier accents in the world to imitate. Matthew Broderick, who had a hilarious turn in Season 2 of 30 Rock, squanders a potentially amusing character. An extremely gaunt and haggard Eddie Murphy, unsurprisingly, phones it in. Michael Pena recently brought laughs as drug-dealing Chango in 30 Minutes or Less, but like Affleck, struggles with the predictable and reserved script. Tea Leoni is her usual annoying self, and as for Stiller, well, I would be angry but sadly this is what I have come to expect from him - solid but dull.
I wanted to leave after the first hour, and if my friends were more submissive, I may have. Alda, pity for Affleck and Pena, and Thanksgiving balloons earned the extra star.
The Thing (2011)
The Proof is in the Mutation Pudding.
Some opportunities are too good to miss, and of recent times, grave-digging in 1980s film archives has proved a lucrative business for greasy producers and bloated directors. Did we really need to behold the power of a Crystal Skull, watch Gordan Gekko adjust to modern life, or follow a Vietnam veteran as he rips out larynx's across Burma? John Carpenter's The Thing had so many memorable ideas that most are used again in Matthijs van Heijningen Jr's The Thing (Doesn't really have the same ring to it). I guess somethings (like flamethrowers, fonts and freaky spider-beasts) can't be topped, so let's just keep them in there.
What is most disappointing about this film, aside from the lack of tension and isolation that was intrinsic to the original, is the visual effects, confirming our beliefs that twenty year old models and puppets look more realistic than Jar-Jar Binks ever could. Also, the abundance of bearded characters makes it impossible to differentiate who's who when the shite hits the fan (quite early), and there was no way to keep track of how many were alive by the final sequence.
However, that's not to say the movie is all-bad. It's quite pacey, has enough decent acting and a great score (reminiscent of Jonny Greenwood's ominous strings in There Will Be Blood), making it fairly entertaining. But was it worth confusing Google search engines to find out almost nothing that the original didn't teach us?
Hall Pass (2011)
Pass Pass.
During the illustrious decade that was the Nineties, the Farrelly Brothers released a spate of defining comedies – now considered classics – inspiring fledgling directors and prompting a myriad of shallow imitations. However, in hindsight it could be argued that the American duo, now both in their late-fifties, have only ever made three great movies: Dumb & Dumber, Kingpin, and There's Something About Mary, and that everything that followed has been a shameful exercise in film-making, and a sad display of two men feebly trying to recapture some magic by repeating their tired and worn tricks.
Hall Pass is the latest in a decade's worth of misguided blunders, and essentially encapsulates everything that is wrong with a Farrelly Brothers film, and a comedic style that became outdated in 2000 alongside the release of Me, Myself and Irene.
Owen Wilson plays Rick, a frustratingly bland business drone who is granted a week to essentially seduce someone who isn't his wife Maggie (Jenna Fischer). There is no chemistry between the barely-conscious Wilson and his timid wife. His wing-man, Jason Sudeikis, is supposed to be vulgar, yet lovable – he is simply obnoxious. The writing is just terrible – there is a token fat-friend whose repeated punchline is "I gotta go home and poo," and a token black-friend whose lines are so lazily written, they must surely be considered racist.
As the weak storyline follows every predictable turn and cliché imaginable, one cannot help but feel insulted by this low standard of writing, which is ultimately the source of the film's infinite problems. We must pray that once Peter and Bobby Farrelly turn 60, they will finally feel so ashamed by their 'artistic' output that they never touch a camera again, and risk further tainting of the legacies of Roy Munson, Lloyd Christmas and Pat Healy.