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Reviews
Spaghettiman (2016)
Don't Expect Special Effects
Don't expect great special effects, but the story behind Spaghettiman is awesome.
The tagline is "Clark doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about the world. He barely cares about himself", but in the end, Clark DOES care.
And we end up caring about all of the (admittedly limited) characters in this movie. Spaghettiman is just right at 80 minutes or so, and a good family laugh. It doesn't take itself too seriously, but the characters are likable, and the story holds our interest.
Wish there were more movies like this!
Millions (2004)
Under-rated Christmas Classic
OK, let's get something out of the way : I'm an atheist.
I say that, because I am in love with this movie, and yet it's catholic roots are wound inextricably through this movie. I have struggled for many years to understand how this can be - I've always loved this movie.
And this year, after my pre-Christmas viewing of Millions, I think I understand. This movie, although it revolves around religious CONCEPTS, isn't religious at all. It's about people, and about people's morals. While it relies on Saints, the Saints aren't there to proselytize, they are simply there to tell us something about ourselves, something about mankind.
But ignoring all religious aspects of this movie - it's simply a great story about people, and about people doing the right things, and it does tie in nicely with the Christmas theme, even if it's subtle at times.
I love this movie, and look forward to watching it every year - it's one of my favourites at Christmas-time.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
Product Placements and Ducklips
OK, let's be fair to this movie. The special effects were great -- assuming you can suspend your belief in physics long enough to enjoy them. The rest of this movie was awful.
The product placements for Lenovo, Cisco, Waste Management and Chevy Impala were overwhelming. There was a product placed in almost every scene, and the sheer SIZE of the logo overshadowed most scenes. It was brutal, even for Michael Bay.
And the leading woman (I refuse to look her name up for this review) - the giant implants she had in her lips gave her that permanent "duck- lip" look. Gross.
It's sad to see so much of Hollywood's money go to tripe like this. There must be better things to fund.
2/10, and all of the "2" is special effects.
The Book of Eli (2010)
Christian's Version of Mad Max
The Book of Eli is a paradox. It's clearly a Christian movie, but there is so darned much killing and maiming and just plain violence, that it's not really recognizable as Christian much of the time.
But don't kid yourself. The preachy-preachy is always there. The nagging tones about the "only" book that mankind needs to be saved. The belief professed by the bad guys that they could use the book to control people. The ever-present nags about how mankind was sooooo foolish in the post-apocalypse to burn all of the Bibles. Because, yes, this whole thing is about a Bible.
But they couldn't call it "Eli's Bible", which is much more accurate.... That wouldn't sell tickets.
Anyways, I was revolted to be proselytized to for an hour and a half. I love sci-fi, but thinly-disguised religious sci-fi.. not nearly so much.
Personally, I'm more interested in what led people to burn all the bibles... now THAT is probably an interesting story.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Nazis for Dummies
Without question, this movie is the worst movie in the top 100, and how it got there I will never know.
It is long. It has unbearably long sequences of the most awkward dialog you have ever seen. And clearly it's written for the "Low IQ" crowd. It had "Pop up" windows telling dimwits in the audience when a famous nazi would come on-screen. They even had one scene where they couldn't find any other way to show the guys with dynamite strapped to their legs, so they resorted to panning down, and doing a CGI "cutaway" of the pants. It was about as subtle and complex as Peewee's playhouse.
And yes, in classic Tarantino fashion, the Nazis at the end were SIMULTANEOUSLY a) blown up and b) blasted with machine guns and c) burned alive.
All those of you who voted this movie up into the high 8s should be ashamed. Tarantino jumped the shark well before Kill Bill, and this just cements him into the downward spiral he's been in. Hopefully he crashes soon, it's sad to see the creator of masterpieces like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs making tripe like this.
I'm giving this bomb 2 / 10. The concept of the team of Glorious Basterds was intriguing, and showed promise early on. Too bad we saw so little of them along the way....
A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)
Simplistic and Classic
It really wouldn't be Christmas without the Charlie Brown Christmas special - it really is a wonderful treat. But on watching it again this year, I am struck by the blatant proselytizing that is going on throughout, and realize that what I REALLY like about this show is the soundtrack! Yes, the Soundtrack. The show itself is OK, but no better than middling by my standards. The characters are quirky, simple, and classic, but it's really about the music in the end. Watch it with your eyes closed. It's no less enjoyable this way! Overall, a great show, although maybe not as good as I remembered. That classic jazz piano soundtrack however - way more classic than I ever appreciated as a kid.
I Am Legend (2007)
Sci Fi Lovers with a brain - BEWARE
SPOILERS. Here's my spoiler. About 90 minutes into this movie (it's only 101 minutes in total), this goes from a dystopian sci-fi thriller to a plea to the almighty GOD for help and deliverance.
This is not sci fi. This pretends to be sci fi for 90 minutes, so that it can spend the last 15 minutes proselytizing. It goes from a vision to a hope and a prayer.
And of course, science causes the problem, but GOD solves the problem. I could go on, but this ungodly (pun intended) piece of crap doesn't deserve more of my thoughts and more of my time.
If you want a similarly preachy movie pretending to be sci-fi, check out Contact. Quite similar really.. And quite disappointing.
Idiocracy (2006)
Low Budget look at our Low-Brow Future
Do you know what Dysgenics is? If not, scoot off to Google, and find out. This is a very important thing to know before watching Idiocracy.
Idiocracy's foundation is basically that we are, as a whole, getting dumber, NOT smarter. It has a lot to say about American society, and a lot of it really isn't all that flattering.
And the worst part of it, for me at least, is that now that I've seen Idiocracy - I become convinced almost every day, that this future is right around the corner, not 500 years away! It's not a perfect movie, but it does have a number of really good laughs in it. And I must say, it's gotten better for me with each watching! While it's not a big-budget classic, this will be a movie you think about a lot once you've seen it.
The Man from Earth (2007)
Sci Fi as it should be
Those of us who have grown up reading and loving real Science Fiction recognize this story. It's that short story that you wake up at 4AM and finish. It's that story that just turns your whole way of thinking upside-down. It's the story that changes how you think about the world around you, what it is, what it was, and most importantly, what it *could be* in the future.
And it did it all with a great story, great characters, and almost no special effects. In one room.
I could look at this story in retrospect and talk about the plot, about the "coincidence" of having a Religious Nut, a Psychiatrist, a Biologist, and an Anthropologist all in one room together, but I never thought about this for a moment during the movie. It was smooth. The characters were believable, and awkward at times. The conversations were rapid-fire, and then stilted. The story was all the better for it.
This movie deserves all the ratings it's getting here, and more. I am afraid most closed-minded religious sorts are going to give this movie 1 out of 10. Fortunately, this is a real "Thinkers" movie, and I do believe the thinkers among us will keep the ratings up where they belong. This is the best movie I've seen this year, by a longshot.
War of the Worlds (2005)
Formulaic and Predictable at best
Thank god for the movie network.
At least this way I didn't directly have to waste any of my hard-earned money on this total crap.
Clichés. Awful acting. Tom Cruise looking only slightly more normal than Michael Jackson. It's all there. Characters you couldn't care less about. And the dreadful "dysfunctional dad" was only overshadowed in it's complete dreck by the unholy awful ending where, EVERYONE LIVES and they are ALL REUNITED.
Just like in "Signs", the Aliens here are total retards. They search and search the basement, but they just can't catch our Lead Actor. "GOD, Please let them catch that little midget and his dreadful kid" I begged, but God had no mercy on me. He let the movie continue. And I watched it to it's awful awful conclusion, and had my small revenge writing this review.
I can't give it 0, so I give it 1. I might have given it 1 anyways - Tim Robbins was awful good. Nowhere near good enough to save this movie, but good.
O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)
An old favorite
Like most of the Coen brothers films, I think this one takes repeated viewings to really "get it". Yes, it's a comedy, but it's not some stupid Adam Sandler drivel. It's got depth. And while some here have said the characters lack depth, I must disagree! They are all quirky, but the lead, Ulyses Everet McGill - he had a depth of character that I think could even have carried him, as a character into other movies. Quirky - hell yeah - he's a candidate for the quirkiest character in any movie I've ever seen - but it works in this movie.
I'd say as well, that this is the highest review I will ever give for a pro-Christian movie. :) You may have to read back a few reviews to see what I mean, but I do mean it.
This is a movie about salvation. Plain and simple. While his cohorts gain salvation the easy way (southern baptism), Everet spends the whole movie EARNING his salvation, which he plainly gets at the end of the movie, as he asks for salvation in front of the devil (and his hound dog), and is granted said salvation in one of the strangest manners you are likely to see.
But religious or not, I liked the characters in this movie, almost without fault. And the historical nature of seeing the likes of Tommy Johnson (the first rock guitarist), and George "Baby Face" Nelson (Reputed bank robber), just added a nice touch of 1930s.
And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this has to be, without a doubt, for me at least, the movie with the most memorable lines of all time. From "I'll be a sonofabitch - Delmar's been saved" to "How's my hair", or "I don't want Fop - I'm a Dapper Dan man!" - this movie has some memorable dialog.
My highest rating, and a must-own DVD!
Remember the Titans (2000)
How did I miss this one?
I must admit: I avoided this movie in the theatres, then I avoided renting or seeing this movie. A white boy who's seen enough "integration" films that his heart is really hardened to that sort of thing, and really I care little to see any more of this sort of film.
Let's be honest, after finishing Remember the Titans tonight -- I was a fool.
It's a movie about football, but, to me at least, it was very little about football, and very much about people. It's about one life touching another, and how hard it is to change people, and their outlooks on life, and especially their outlooks on other people, and MORE especially their outlooks on people different than themselves.
It would be simple to make a movie about a hardened group of white people who are "turned" into more understanding individuals, as if by magic. It would be simple to make each person tolerant, and to watch everyone around them fall like dominoes into this more tolerant attitude. We've all seen it a million times.. This movie doesn't do that.
As each person is transformed somewhat into a more enlightened person, they are pulled back by those around them. We see time and again the small respect that grows between the two "sides" is torn down. As one person makes strides, their family or loved ones pull them back into their racist ways. It's a struggle clearly defined, and beautifully played in Remember the Titans.
I am giving this movie an 8 out of 10. While I did find it striking, and nothing short of enlightening, there were enough of the Hollywood trappings and stereotypes to bring it down a bit for me. Still, there are few movies I have enjoyed more, and none I have enjoyed more that cover this tricky subject.
Constantine (2005)
Highly Stylized CRAP
What do you get when you mix: 1. The highly stylized look of the Matrix 2. The Bible - Featuring, in no particular order: --- A Paul Lynde look-alike as Satan --- A hermaphrodite as the arch-angel Gabriel --- The very wooden Keanu Reeves as a wooden man looking for salvation 3. Special Effects out the Wazoo
Well, it's clear : You get Constantine, the movie. This thing is dreadful. Convoluted and dreadful. If the plot isn't offensive enough to Christians (which it will be), it's nothing short of INSULTING to the non-believers amongst us. I'm sure, reading a few other reviews, that this was based on a book. I'm sure this movie was bad enough to make me avoid that book.
Enough talk of Constantine, I'm going to watch something else now so that I can get that crap off my mind.
PS... The 2 is for the amusing special effects. It wasn't a bad rendering of hell :)
Contact (1997)
Sci Fi twisted by religion
I had a chance to re-watch Contact today. I saw it originally when it was in the theaters, and I must say - I have VERY BAD memories of the movie.
Which is strange - because if you know me, you know that I just love Science Fiction. I have a weak spot a mile wide. I can ignore massive plot flaws and bad acting, for just a taste of what mankind might become in the future, or what he might see in the future.
And I admit, when I started watching, I was again captivated. A movie about first contact, and about human travel among the galaxies, and the massive complex machine that would take them there. I will tell you - the machine itself is a marvel. It was an amazing effect. The science, at least early on in this movie, is fine. Not amazing, but better than Hollywood's average.
But throughout the whole movie, the intertwining of religion and science are clumsily handled. Ridiculous soliloquies are given by the religious right, and equally clumsy rebuttals by the scientists. Which all led in the end, to Science being forced to admit to Faith, in front of the US Congress no less. It was a shameful end. A movie I could well have rated as a 7 entirely demolished in the last 5 minutes of the movie.
What a waste :(
The Big Lebowski (1998)
See it Again
The Big Lebowski is without question, my favorite movie.
I would urge the masses of people here who seemed to "get bored before it was half over" to watch it again. Watch it again, and finish it this time. Remember a few things:
1) Funny movies are not always written for 12 year olds 2) Some of them don't have any of the Wayans brothers, or Adam Sandler in them!
I'm not trying to be harsh on these actors - I'm trying to point out that this movie is more than slapstick. It's NOT hysterically funny that the Dude carries a drink with him, and sometimes spills it. It's not hilarious to have someone pee on the Dude's rug. It's not funny when Walter explains how easy it is to obtain a toe, WITH green nail polish on it (ok, that was pretty funny).
What IS funny is how all of this fits together. The world's biggest stoner solving a fairly complex mystery. The interaction of 3 long-time friends, who don't really get along all the time. The crazy plot twists that we can barely follow, much less having the Dude follow them after endless joints and white Russians.
As the Coens said in the extended DVD - This is a buddy movie above all. The story of 3 friends of differing qualities, with VERY different outlooks on life.
Watch this movie again if you didn't get it the first time. Then again if you STILL don't get it. And if you still don't get it after 3 watches - try the Farrelly Brothers -- the Coen Brothers probably aren't your style!
10/10, without question.
Hotel Rwanda (2004)
We Think You're Dirt
I'm not sure how to explain just how moving this movie is. I'd never heard of this movie, just happened to catch it on the Movie Network, and it was one of those rare experiences where I couldn't stop watching.
The movie is really documentary in style, and makes you feel, sickeningly, like you are there. Stomach churning, revolting to think what man can do to man, people who are so similar killing each other.
You will think it is sad to hear the Western Reporter comment that the two women could be twins, even though one was Hutu and one was Tutsi, you understand the evil in the hearts of some Africans. But that is nothing compared to the UN General's declaration that "We Think you are DIRT". His declaration, of course, was not his personal opinion, but simply a condemnation of how the West treats even the worst crimes in Africa.
That is when you realize that the evil there is borne of two peoples with a history of hatred, but the evil borne from the West has no excuse. The poor black people in Africa are entirely left to their own means, to let what will happen, happen. Even UN help on the ground is withdrawn.
And it would take a fool not to see that this is still going on -- as the west, and the US especially, protects its own interests in Iraq, and ignores current genocide in Darfur, it almost makes one ashamed to be from the West, or it made me feel that way at least. I was less sickened by the genocide than I was by the people who turned their backs on these crimes.
It's really a sickening movie that you MUST see. 10/10 from where I sit
Big Fish (2003)
Wonderful
This movie is described by many people here in great detail, and I don't think there is much more I could add about the characters. The storytelling throughout the entire movie is just wonderful.
It is so easy to get caught up in the stories being told about the young Edward Bloom, that we forget that we are being told the stories by the dying Bloom. And thus we are taken from the youthful tales of wonder, to the sweet old man dealing with his bitter unbending son. Slowly throughout the movie, the son learns who his father was, and who he still is, and that is the wonder of Big Fish. There is no big "Turning Point" from the son, just a gradual understanding of who his father is. And the ending is a joy as well - over the top, fantastic, and an absolute masterpiece.
Someone before me in these reviews stated that men might like this movie more than women - that I am not sure about, but I can say, as a man who didn't always have the best relationship with my own father (and what man HAS had the perfect relationship with his father?), this movie is especially poignant to men in a lot of ways.
10 / 10 (and as a note, my father received a copy of this from me as a gift last year!)
Being John Malkovich (1999)
Unlikable
Really, there wasn't one character in this movie that I even cared the least bit about. Cameron Diaz as a monkey-loving hippie, in the worst wig since Bill Murray in Kingpin. Kusack as a totally unlovable greaseball with a bad pony tail. It doesn't get worse than this for characters, but the characters are brilliant compared to the plot. I won't get into details, I can only warn you away from this piece of garbage.
This movie was horrible start to finish, I feel I've wasted an hour and a half of my life.