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jeffreytull1960
Reviews
Horrible Bosses (2011)
Horrible Bosses? ...More like "Horrible Hangover"
This movie makes me furious. I expected a funny guy-romp a la Hangover with a decent, capable cast and all I got was this. Like a pin in my eye. Its plot was pathetically weak. Totally unsophisticated humor. It was poorly written. It was poorly executed. It was, in a word, horrible.
Then ensemble has some promising talent but when they give the majority of the lines in the movie to the guy with the MOST annoying voice I've ever heard in film, (a whiny, whimpering, screeching Charlie Day), one has to wonder how anyone could continue to sit and watch. Honestly, I am mad at myself for having done so. It would have been easier and much less painful to sit and listen to a coked-up Gilbert Gottfried read from the telephone directory all evening.
I expected more from the 'Jasons' (Bateman and Sudekis). Hey, JB was mega-funny in Arrested Development and if your last name is "Sudekis" you're just naturally born being funny, right? Not so. His character was a boring sex crazed tool. Colin Farrell, by my guess, appears in the film for about ten minutes total. Jamie Foxx was equally ignored and a bit superfluous to the story. The writers had assets they didn't know how to use.
Concerning Jamie Foxx. Didn't this man win an Academy Award a few years back? Why is he back to playing the hood rat with the stereotypical street name? His agent said "Yes Jamie, this is where you wanna go"? This movie was beneath him.
And what about Kevin Spacey, who clearly was the veteran actor here? Are they foreclosing on his mansion or something? This man was brilliant in so many movies. Here he played a psychotic, jealous husband; a popcorn fart of a character for an actor of his depth and a disappointment for the audience wanting more.
The bad writing doomed this stink-bomb from the start. The actors had precious little to work with here. The whole movie was amazingly flimsy. It premise is shopworn and worthy of a TV episode. The writers somehow decided it would be okay to substitute substance with skank (cue Jennifer Aniston!). They owned up to their unoriginality with a few feeble, unfunny "Throw Mama From The Train' references, proving THEY KNEW there's very little original going on here in the way of humor, dialogue, plot or anything.
Horrible Bosses? There's a horrible screenplay with a horrible premise and horrible humor. It pretends,...PRETENDS to be Hangover. It should be called 'Horrible Hangover'. Now how entertaining is THAT?
The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011)
Two is more than enough, thank you...
I'm angry. I'm downright mad. I've come to the conclusion that after watching The Human Centipede II, a small piece of my humanity has died needlessly. By willingly sitting through this cacophony of feces and screams I have tacitly permitted director Tom Six to befoul my soul. I now expect to exhibit symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Thank you Mr Six for the 88 minutes it took you to dehumanize me.
Simply put, this entire project is a superfluous exercise in violence with no redeeming artistic or social value at all. This was not a movie. It was a molestation. It was a quick cash-in on the popularity of Human Centipede I. I saw the first HC wondering if this one would have been any better. It was not. It would have been immeasurably easier on my humanity to have watched something more light-hearted. Sitting through a cooking show hosted by Ed Gein or watching a documentary on how to treat Perirectal Itch would have held more charm than sitting through Human Centipede II
There's no detailed plot development or back-story. It is devoid of any real dialog with very little genuine character development at all. There is no noteworthy music or soundtrack. There is only one thing. Violence. Six has dehumanized the cast, reducing them to meat with grotesque levels of violence. I found it difficult to display any empathy either for the picked-on, pudgy, mentally challenged, miscreant Martin or any of his hapless victims. I simply found myself not caring at all. I was too busy cringing and reaching for the sick bag.
The fact that Six believes filming this salad tossing 'Anal Fantasia' in black and white (and brown, apparently) gives it some sort of art school legitimacy or the feel of a bona fide horror movie is wrong. Black and white does mute the levels of gore. The gore would have been ramped WAY up had he released this movie in color. Ach, watching color footage of Mr Six drowning a litter of kittens in a bucket of his own urine would have been easier to sit through. Perhaps in his next movie?
A word to anyone who might be thinking about choosing the theater as a career. Sit through this uncomfortable, festering boil of a movie. Notice what these actors had to do for their craft. Imagine telling your friends I found work, a movie roll! And it turns out you're credited as victim number 5 after spending countless weeks naked with your face duck taped to some other out of work actor's arse! Do these guys even get a break for lunch? When filming such stink-bomb subject matter, I'm not sure whether that would be a blessing or a curse. I applaud their professionalism for having had put up with such on screen directorial degeneracy . The only question remaining: Will Ashlynn Yennie get her salad tossed yet again for the cameras in some future Human Centipede III?
I don't know and don't care. I've already sat through TWO servings of Tom Six. You'll need a guy like Martin to shove a funnel down my throat if you want me to digest any more sick from Tommy Six
Angels' Brigade (1979)
The "Human Jigglepede"
Even in a perfect world,thanks to cable, we all would somehow still be exposed to countless bad movies just like this one.Many of these stink-bombs I've viewed and tolerated courtesy of the brilliant riffing geniuses over at Mystery Science Theater 3000. This movie,ANGEL'S REVENGE and its cast, I must say deserves more than simply being 'riffed' upon. In a perfect world, it would be more entertaining and much less painful for the audience if Mike, Dr Forrester and the bots at MST3K were to sew all seven of these awful, talentless jiggle-queen actresses together, mouth to rectum,just to avoid their trite,awfully delivered dialog.
Then, in a perfect world, they would chop into tiny little bite-sized bits,slowly stewed pieced of the movie's head writer. They would mix in with it with chunks of Jack Palance, Jim Backus just for agreeing to be seen in this awful cinematic tripe. Then the entire disgusting mix would be forcibly spoon-fed to the newly created "Human Jigglepede"...using the Diector's skull as a bowl.
I give this movie one star but I give the MST3K version 7 out of 10 for at least making this "Jigglepede" watchable!
Catch the Heat (1987)
Don't waste your time
At some point in the 1980's I guess the Shoot 'em up genre was considered to be guaranteed box-office gold. That fact must have been on the minds of the producers of this horribly made 1987 action movie. Instead of gold what we have here is pure Hollywood hokum. At its best, it is an extremely dated, nonsensical, wholly unappealing movie with the flimsiest of plots. At worst, it's downright racist with the female's lead stereotyping Asian women and their 'in-abilitee to no-talk-ee good EN-grish.' Rod Steiger does nothing to help, sleepwalking through his role as a South American drug smuggler / talent scout (yes,...really). The inane "A-Team" style, rock 'em - sock 'em, kung-fu action interspersed throughout the film does nothing to salvage this sinking ship. Neither does the attempt at a love story between the male lead and his Asian co-star. Even a hot, kung-fu kicking babe can't save this rambling, boring, beast of a movie from the weight of its own lumbering storyline, painful dialogue and grindhouse acting. Don't waste your time.It would be more entertaining to go down to the local Chinese deli and spend the evening watching the clerk clean the meat slicers.