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Ratty_Randnums
Reviews
Return to the Planet of the Apes (1975)
An Unexpected Treat
First off, yes, the animation is extremely limited in this series. Expect a lot of repeated shots and minimal movement. It's almost more like an "enhanced comic book" at times rather than a full fledged cartoon. This comes with the territory of television animation from the 1970s. However the art itself is usually not bad to look at, and on a few occasions shows flashes of beauty and brilliance. Where the show really shines however is the writing, which is surprisingly ambitious and mature for the time.
In re-imagining the PotA franchise to be more like the original novel with relatively technologically advanced Apes. RttPotA definitely falls outside of the timeline of the original film pentalogy and the live action TV series. But also utilizes fan-favorite characters like Cornelius and Zira to create a world both familiar and fresh.
Be that as it may the show is far from perfect, sometimes the limited animation gets tiresome and the actor who played Bill is so wooden I could almost swear I heard him confusedly deliver a line then turn the page in his script once or twice.
But overall this is an excellent effort and as someone who was not yet born when it aired and had not seen it until the DVD release I was very pleasantly surprised by how much of the genuine PotA feel they were able to capture for the Saturday Morning Audience. Just be sure to watch the series in the originally intended chronological order (the default on the DVDs) rather than the jumbled-up original air-dates, and GO APE!
Beneath Loch Ness (2001)
Passionless
Bad movies are always best when the director, writer or *somebody* connected to the production feels they have "something to say", or when the filmmakers believe they're making a better movie than they are. Failing that bad movies can be enjoyable by being either goofy and fun or outrageous and eccentric.
This movie, unfortunately, is none of those things. Everyone involved seems to have had a pretty good idea that they were just punching a clock to fill an hour and a half on the sci-fi channel or something.
The "best" part is the badly aged (and poorly done even for a decade ago) CGI, but there's not enough of that to salvage it. Don't waste your time on this turkey.
Beowulf (1999)
How can you not love this movie?
Beowulf is up there with "Army of Darkness" in terms of pure enjoyment for those who like swords, monsters and cheese. Though lacking the grand scope, budget and self-aware humor of the aforementioned classic it makes up for those losses with a very fun post-apocalyptic setting, great action and an engaging visual style. Lambert gives a good performance as the titular tortured demon hunter and Rhona Mirtra is so stunning and sexy in this it's a wonder she has not become more well-known. All of the cast turn in excellent performances for a B movie honestly. None of them, with the possible exception of Layla Roberts, mug or wink at the camera. This all ties together with a fast and fun adrenaline pumping techno soundtrack ala Mortal Kombat, a movie which shares a producer with this one, to create a film enjoyable both on its own merits and as fodder for gentle riffing. Not to be missed by those who love B monster or action movies.
Ren hu lian (1977)
Worth a watch for schlock newbies and connoisseurs.
Aside from a few set-piece moments, such as the memorable opening in which a woman somehow turns a tiger friendly by peeing on him from a treetop, and later a sudden and total genre switch from out of nowhere, this movie is a tad on the forgettable side.
There isn't much action compared to it's Kung Fu contemporaries with maybe 4 or 5 fight scenes, most of those literally lasting less than a minute or two of the film's 92 minute run. Much of the screen time is spent on exposition (the cheap filmmaker's ultimate tool) and developing a Romeo & Juliet plot which unfortunately does not involve the tiger.
I may just be jaded from years of watching glorious garbage like "Robo Vampire" though. I've seen better of the worst in film, but there are enough weird moments to warrant a watch, especially for those new to appreciating bad movies.
Wu da di zi (1978)
Glacial pacing with frigid scenery to match.
Slow paced and dull, there is not much to recommend this film. You know it's a bad sign when the most interesting aspect of multiple scenes is the fact that you can see the actor's breaths on the winter air as they deliver their lines. Clearly this was an uncomfortable shoot, and it's not much easier to watch.
Dragon Lee may have looked the part but he isn't given much chance to actually show what he can do here. Most of the fight scenes will be both fairly forgettable and painfully spread out to veteran martial arts enthusiasts. Who I would imagine are just about the only people likely to be interested in the movie.
The one bright spot, and IMO only reason to watch this movie, is the performance of a young Qiu Yuen which completely steals the show. Her mysterious character and storyline is actually somewhat interesting, as opposed to Lee's bland & generic, barely-there Kung Fu hero. She also has the most impressive and memorable fight scenes in the movie. One leaves the film wishing it had been about her character and that the actress had gotten more high profile roles as she obviously had the talent for greater things. Since the film isn't crazy enough to lend itself to riffing, I recommend just skipping ahead to her scenes to spare the hour+ of your life you'd sacrifice watching it otherwise.