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Children of the Corn (2020)
This isn't your parents' Children of The Corn
Hell, it's not even really King's Children of The Corn. It's not terrible though, and is actually better than it deserves to be.
The plot diverts substantially from the original movie AND the story it's based on, adding a lot more around the adults and steering relatively clear of the religious overtones. It also changes the actual story quite a bit, to the point that it's not even really that closely connected to the King story. It's actually more like a fanfic than a remake or reboot. And that's not bad.
The few adults who get a focus are pretty well acted (and I'm always a sucker for a bit of Bruce "The Gyro Captain" Spence), and the featured kids are great - especially Elena Kampouris (Boleyn) and Kate Moyer (who is INCREDIBLY creepy as Eden. Seriously, she has a huge future in acting if she chooses to pursue it) - hell, even He Who Walks Behind The Rows is decently realised! The movie would probably have fared better if they'd given it a different title, to differentiate it from the original movie and King story...
That ending though? Ditch that. That was naff.
Doom Patrol: Done Patrol (2023)
I made it home...
Although the series itself may have had some fluctuations in quality, this episode made up for a LOT of that for me.
Granted, it's another episode of a whole lot of not much happening, but what does happen is BIG for the characters that we've come to love so much. Everyone gets their closure, most everyone gets their new start in life and the two who don't get a new start DO get their perfect ending. It really is the perfect quirky, off-kilter, adult-mouthed ending to a series the lived, and died, by being exactly that. It wasn't perfect by any stretch, but it was perfectly Doom Patrol.
The final scenes hit me like a truck, though, and I wept the entire time. They really couldn't have POSSIBLY chosen a better way to close out the final episode of the final season of such a brilliantly tilted and foul-mouthed series centred on family and on love.
"It's ok...I made it home."
Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV: The Darkest Secret (2024)
Heart-breaking
If nothing else in this documentary shows how destructive child stardom can be, this episode does. This is a heart-breaking exposé of what can happen to kids - what DID happen to one particular kid in this case - when networks turn a blind eye as long as the money keeps rolling in.
What happens is you get kids who are sexually abused, kids who end up with life-long trauma, kids who are beyond damaged.
My heart breaks for Drake Bell, and for his father who tried so hard to protect him from what he knew would happen but was undone by a calculating predator who knew exactly how to drive a wedge between father and son.
The fact that Peck only served 16 months in jail before almost literally walking out of jail and straight back into a job in Children's TV is disgusting.
Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV (2024)
Disgusting. A must-watch exposé.
No, it's not 'new' that the kids TV/movie industry can be toxic and destructive, and anyone who says it IS new is a fool. Anyone who uses that to defend those who contribute to the toxicity, or question why nobody spoke up at the time is being disingenuous at best and is a predator (or potential predator) at worst. "Dan Schneider says it didn't happen that way" of COURSE he said that, of COURSE he's not gonna admit to being disgusting of his own free will!
Nobody said Dan Schneider directly molested any kids. That's not what this documentary series is trying to say, and anyone who says it is trying to say that is a fool. What it IS trying to say, and succeeds in saying, is that he was a garbage human being to anyone he worked with.
Now, granted, the first two episodes do seem to drag on a little with showing how toxic Schneider is to work with and for, but by the same token, if it did less it would be easier to say 'so what? So a couple of people didn't get on with him' but this showed he was controlling rather than just hard to get along with. The man was toxic, controlling and unarguably sexualised children, especially young girls. He's disgusting.
The real power of this documentary, though, is the Brian Peck story. Which, again, NOBODY is trying to blame Schneider for. What Peck did is reprehensible and the fact that he only served 16 months in jail before walking straight back into a job in Children's TV is horrendous and my heart absolutely breaks for what Drake Bell endured. I have incredible respect for Drake, on the other hand, for being able to come forward like he has for this documentary. It takes immense bravery to step up and tell the story of what happened.
It may be widely known that child-stardom is a dangerous thing in a lot of situations, and that child stars are often mistreated at best, and abused at worst, this documentary helps put a tangible face to it all. Rather than just a generic "we know bad stuff happens", it spells out what happens in a lot of cases.
Nickelodeon has a LOT to answer for here. Yes, Brian Peck was the one who committed sexual assault. Yes, Dan Schneider is the one who treated his co-workers terribly and sexualised pre-teen girls. But Nickelodeon are the ones who turned a blind eye to it all as long as the money kept rolling in. Shame, Nickelodeon. Shame, shame, shame.
Bride of Re-Animator (1990)
I just can't with this.
If it wasn't for the fact that I've got other things to do while I watch this, I'd have switched it off in the first 20 minutes. Even for the genre and for Gordon & Yuzna, this is bad. Really bad. Not even close to 'so bad it's good' like the original, either. The original was fantastic but this one is akin to Disney and their live-action adaptations of their iconic animated movies. It's almost like this one was made purely as a contractual obligation rather than because they actually cared about the material.
Which is a shame, really, because the original IS an iconic piece of movie history. The original is up there with The Room as a testament to what can be done with a terrible script and very little money, as long as you have a passion for what you're doing. This one...is not.
Fallout (2024)
Fantastic adaptation
This show is up there with The Last of Us and Arcane as proof that video games CAN be adapted to TV shows successfully, as long as you treat the source material with respect.
I don't know the games well enough to comment on the small details, but from what I do know of them, Jonathan Nolan and co have definitely got the world right. It feels very authentic to the games, capturing the awe every player feels on exiting the vault for the first time, on seeing the destruction of the wider world around the vault, on discovering the various settlements, on encountering the various weirdos around the Wasteland...taking the route of creating a wholly new story within the established world of Fallout was definitely the best creative decision they made here.
The cast are incredible, too. From relative unknowns (to me, at least) like Aaron Moten (Maximus) and Moisés Arias (Norm MacLean), to better-knowns (to me, again) like Zach Cherry (Woody), Leslie Uggams (Betty), Sarita Choudhury (Moldaver), and Ella Purnell (Lucy MacLean), all the way up to the iconic Kyle MacLachlan (Hank MacLean) and Walton Goggins (The Ghoul), everyone is impeccably cast and each plays their role perfectly.
The story itself is REALLY good, with the three distinct journeys - Lucy's, The Ghoul's, and Maximus' - being woven together brilliantly at times while also getting enough room to breathe and build on their own. I can't wait to see what this series has planned for the future. I only wish it was a couple of episodes longer.
Re-Animator (1985)
INCREDIBLY fun
Way back when I first saw this on VHS, it still had the "Banned in QLD" sticker on it and I think that was actually what pressed me to rent it. I didn't regret the decision for a moment, nor do I regret finally rewatching it all these years later.
It might not be high art, or as good as some of the 'low budget' indie horror flicks of today, but it's still a LOT of fun to watch, especially with all the practical effects used. The glowstick fluid is especially fun to see used.
It really is a shame that it doesn't have a higher profile, or a bigger fanbase these days, because it really does deserve it It's a masterpiece of the genre and era it came from, and there's a reason Jeffrey Combs is spoken of in the same breaths as Robert Englund, Kane Hodder, Doug Bradley, Tony Todd, Barbara Crampton, Heather Langenkamp, Brad Dourif and co.
It may not be considered actually scary these days, but it's still an icon of horror.
Waxwork (1988)
What IS this?
Before there was The Asylum, before there was Tommy Wiseau, almost before there was Troma, there was Vestron. I'd actually forgotten Vestron were a thing until I started watching this.
It's a decent enough premise - evil guy runs a magical waxworks, traps locals to enhance his displays, seemingly teleports his mansion around the place to find more victims - and the cast is decent enough for the time - David Warner, Zach Galligan, Dana Ashbrook, Deborah Foreman - but the writing is atrocious, the supporting cast are terrible, and the big fight scene is ridiculous.
Seriously, you should only watch this if you're up for a cringe-laugh. Or because you're a fan of one of the actors.
The F Word (2013)
A perfectly capable, lovely little tale
It may not set any new standards, or do anything drastically different from others like it, but it DOES have Dan Radcliffe and Adam Driver playing brothers, and that's enough for me. The fact that it also has Zoe Kazan, Rafe Spall, and Mackenzie Davis is just icing.
While it is 'just another young-adult rom-com', it's the interactions and chemistry between all the cast that sets it apart from most. Daniel Radcliffe & Adam Driver are perfect as brothers - and in fact it's a crime it hasn't happened before or since, Adam & Mackenzie Davis play well off each other and share the same kind of loud chaotic and excited energy as each other, and Dan & Zoe Kazan have some great low-key-nerdy and awkward chemistry that all together just lift this movie above its peers.
Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)
A thing of beauty
If all you know of George Miller is his Mad Max movies, this is nothing of what you'd expect from him. If, however, you know his wider work, it's very much what you might expect from him.
It's a beautiful, vibrant, determined and considered tale of loves and lives, jealousy and anger, desperation and dedication over centuries of existence.
Tilda Swinton is her typically wonderful, understated self in the role of Alithea, a writer of truths and mythologies who has a chance discovery with a delicate glass bottle that later reveals itself to be the home of a Djinn, beautifully played by Idris Elba, who tells her 3 tales of his past.
Creepshow: Twenty Minutes with Cassandra/Smile (2023)
This might be my favourite episode so far
I barely remember Smile, but 20 Minutes With Cassandra is excellent. And not just because I'm low-key crushing HARD on Samantha Sloyan. Ruth Codd is great in this as the titular Cassandra, too, as is Franckie Francois as the ray-of-sunshine pizza delivery guy Okwe. But the real stars are Sam Sloyan as Lorna, and Carey Jones as The Monster.
It's a pretty standard, kinda predictable premise, but where they take it is, at least for me, somewhere very new. I'm already a confirmed Mike Flanagan fan, but it's looking like Jamie might be almost as good a storyteller as Mike.
Then there's Smile. And yeah, I barely remember it tbh.
Poltergeist III (1988)
They should have stopped after the first.
From a story standpoint, this movie really doesn't need to exist. At all. It's terrible. It's not the fault of the cast, even if Heather O'Rourke does look a bit like someone in their mid 20s with dwarfism by now. No, the cast are actually mostly pretty good at what they're there to do, it's just that there's not really a whole lot worth doing for them.
Why is Carol Anne with her uncle and aunt? Why are they living in some highrise in the middle of the city? Why is the therapist guy such a douche? Why does this movie even exist??
All that being said, it's definitely a well-made movie with a LOT of effort put into it, and the way they made it is absolutely incredible with everything being practical. This is probably the only real reason to watch it though, because of the technical feat that it is.
It's definitely not worth watching for the story...
Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)
Uhhh...WHAT??
Mandela Effect about the cemetery aside, why was this made? It's not good, it's not even close to as enjoyable as the first one, and it's really low on scares. But I guess it at least has the original cast (minus Dominique Dunne as Dana) back together.
The story is kinda meh, and not because of the Native Shaman - Taylor - being included. I mean, he's not a particularly great addition, but he's not bad, neither is the Reverend Kane dude, he's actually pretty interesting and very well cast. It's a massive loss that they didn't include more of/about him, that might have made it a better movie overall.
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024)
Not quite...
First off, it IS a good movie. It really is. It's just not quite great, like it should be. Maybe it's the beat or two too many of comedy from Kumail Nanjiani (seriously, that one comic beat with him on the pole? Erase it. It took me RIGHT out of the movie), maybe it's the way they've jumped straight to the End Of The World stakes, maybe it's something I can't quite put my finger on, but this just felt like a noticeable step down from Afterlife. Hell, maybe it's just me and my dislike for Bill Murray being treated like the heart of this franchise rather than Dan Aykroyd. I don't know. I just know that, although I did enjoy it, I didn't enjoy it as much as I did Afterlife.
That being said, I like that Paul Rudd reined in his Paul Ruddness a little, I enjoyed Finn Wolfhard's work here, Carrie Coon was also great, and of course Dan Aykroyd - the REAL beating heart of Ghostbusters - was fantastic...but McKenna Grace was easily the star here. I've not seen very much of her work other than when I first encountered her in The Haunting of Hill House, but it's even more clear here that if she chooses to continue to pursue acting, she's got a GREAT future ahead of her in the industry. What an incredible talent she is.
Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)
The cast, and characters, deserved better
Don't get me wrong here, there are a few moments of fun, they're just overshadowed by a whole lot of meh. The cast are all really good in their roles, all of them, even the ones who get given rubbish to work with, but there's a LOT of rubbish given out. Most of them are sorely wasted. Well, all of them aside from Zachary Levi.
I just REALLY wish I knew what the filmmakers were going for here, because it's hard to tell with all the garbage floating around. This COULD have been a really good movie. It really could have. Hell, they had a really good hat-tip in there to Ray Freakin' Harryhausen!! There was SO MUCH POTENTIAL here!
90% of the movie squandered that potential really horribly, though.
Which is a shame.
A low down, dirty shame.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
SO, so close...
No, it's not as good as the original movie, but that would be VERY difficult considering how iconic the original is. On the other hand, I enjoyed it a bit more than the sequel, but that MAY be because it's been quite a while since I last saw that one. This, though. This is a very worthy successor to the legacy. Answer The Call is hopefully sitting there taking notes and realising what it did wrong. And no, that wasn't a cast problem, it was a writing problem.
For my money, the only time this movie really put a foot wrong is in the opening. I don't know how they could have done it better, or differently, and still have it work, but it just kinda feels...wrong, somehow? Keeping 'Egon' in shadows and all...the rest of the movie, though, was spot on. The casting, the writing, the direction, everything...THIS is the call you should answer.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
A worthy entry in the MonsterVerse
I don't know what I expected going in to see this at the cinema, but it wasn't this. I guess I expected more focus on the humans (again) and less on the Titans (again)...but this? This was not that. Yeah they had humans, but they were mostly more of a footnote in the story, which could have been almost completely told without the humans, but they did add a little flavour to the mix. Especially Dan Stevens. But then I AM kinda biased towards him as I've loved his work in everything I've seen him in so far.
All that aside, Kong was great - and MASSIVE - and Godzilla was pretty damn impressive, too - and just as massive as Kong - but more than that, we got a look at a few other Titans as well, and they were ALL pretty impressively brought to life here. My ONLY gripe about Kong himself is that, in the early going the filmmakers tried to humanise him just that little but too much, and it kinda fell flat to me. Once things actually got moving and shaking, though, it all got a lot better.
Slasher: Vengeance (2023)
A brilliant end to a brilliant season
Don't get me wrong, every season has been good, especially Solstice, but this one just nails EVERYTHING it needs to, and although the gore is turned down a little, everything else is dialed up.
As good as they've been, some of the previous seasons had some of the actors feeling like they're phoning it in, but there was literally NONE of that this season. Everyone was on their A game (except maybe Paula Brancati), especially the writers. The reveal was great, the identity of the killer made sense, and the ending felt 100% earned and not at all ham-fisted. If everyone involved can keep THIS level of quality, I'll gladly sit through at least another 5 seasons of this show.
47 Ronin (2013)
There are 2 good movies here
What the studio did here is a shame, because the real-life story is absolutely strong enough to stand on its own. Fortunately, though, the additions they forced in don't detract from it too much because it IS such a great story. However...if they'd left it alone, and turned their additions into a fully-fledged movie of its own, they'd have potentially had two GREAT movies.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying at all that this is a bad movie, it just would have been even better if they'd left it as is, and then made a second movie about Keanu's character and his love interest.
Keanu is great in his role, the rest of the cast are also great - especially Hiroyuki Sanada - and deserve a chance to really shine in a movie that stayed closer to the real events.
I guess I'd better go track down one of the other, non-fantastical, adaptations now...
The Majestic (2001)
Magnificent
This is the kind of movie we see so rarely now, and even back when it was first released we saw so few like it. Which is sad. It has genuine heart. It was also one of my earliest glimpses of Jim Carrey as an actual actor rather than just some funny guy who got paid to do funny stuff on screen. A lot of it not even really my personal kind of funny. But no, this showed me that he can be a great dramatic actor as well as a comedic actor.
The 'moral' of the story may, on face value, be pure American rah-rah schmaltz, and may play heavily into what it means to be a "real American", but it's a moral that can easily be translated to almost any country, and is especially relevant in this, the Year of Our Lord Brendan Fraser 2024. To sum it up as quickly as possible: don't let anything others say distract you from what it is to be human, to stand up for yourself and others. But I digress...
The cast are entirely brilliant, especially Carrey, and is made up of a number of Darabont regulars - a couple of whom would later go on to play pivotal parts in Darabont's The Walking Dead series. The story is, as mentioned earlier, kinda schmaltzy, but it works. It's never really bogged down by sentimentality, and as other reviewers have noted it treads ground very familiar to Frank Capra's works AND treads that ground just as well as Capra ever did.
Road House (2024)
Showed promise but failed to fully deliver.
The WORST thing that happened to this movie, aside from Conor McGregor's "acting", was calling it Road House. If it had been marketed, and titled, as something else entirely - something completely divorced from the iconic Patrick Swayze original - then it might have stood a chance. It's fun, mostly, but it's far too different to the original for its own good. At least, considering the title and marketing.
Jake Gyllenhaal really is VERY very good here, his preparation and training for the role really paid off. Frankie, the bar owner and 'replacement' for Mr Tilghman from the original isn't too bad, given that she has relatively very little screen time. Billy Magnussen is fantastic as the somewhat-useless son of the criminal who used to run the town with fear and violence, and he really gets to flex his cheese-chops here. Most of the henchmen are interchangeable (aside from Arturo Castro's Moe, he's great fun to watch) as are most of the bar staff - what little we get to see of them aside from Laura, Billy, and Reef. Those last three are pretty good, though.
Conor McGregor, though? A perfect example of stunt casting right there. The man can't act worth a damn, and seems to ALWAYS walk like he's heading down the ramp to the Octagon. Honestly, I'd have MUCH preferred to watch either a WWE Name, or even another UFC Name in the role than this palooka. Heck, gimme Ken Shamrock over this guy!
Seriously, the best thing to do with this movie right now is rename it. Completely divorce it from the original masterpiece of homoerotic cheese and it'll have a chance at being something.
Road House (1989)
A bonafide classic from the moment it released
This is a movie that NEVER grows old, never ages out, never disappoints. This is a movie that delivers on everything it promises, and delivers in spades. Is it a masterpiece that will go down in film history for its importance to society? Heck no. Is it a genuinely stunning piece of arthouse cinema? LORD no. Is it a loud, brash, hilarious and homoerotic piece of movie brilliance? That's a full-chested LAWS YES.
Patrick Swayze is iconic. At least as iconic here as he is in Dirty Dancing and Ghost. Kelly Lynch is stunning in that 80s-action-movie-blonde-bombshell way that we know and love. Marshall Teague is 80s-action-movie-thug brilliance, delivering homoerotic lines better than anybody ever has, before or since. Terry Funk, John Doe, Anthony De Longhis, John William Young and co are 80s-action-movie-thug-underling perfection. Not a single character is miscast.
As for the story itself, well, there's nothing especially new or brilliant here: Dalton's a cooler - a bouncer who specialises in cooling irate bar patrons - who gets hired to improve the atmosphere of a small-town road house. He butts heads with shifty employees and, pretty quickly, a crooked local businessman who basically owns the whole town. Stakes rise, people die, businesses get burned down. Absolutely nothing new. But by the gods is it FUN!
If you haven't seen it, my best advice to you is to go in expecting nothing but some fun, some cheese, and a bit of (perhaps unintentional) homoeroticism. Oh, and some REALLY good fight scenes. It's a genuine gem.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
I still don't get it, and I still don't care
Whether you're supposed to 'get it' or not, there is NO denying that this movie is iconic Lynch. The strange, the twisted, the oddball...The Lynch.
Honestly, I don't think you're supposed to understand it, I think you're just supposed to go with the flow and appreciate the movie for what it is, appreciate the acting for what it is, and what it ALL is is incredible. Truly there will never be another like David Lynch, and that saddens me.
Justin Theroux is fantastic, Laura Harring is amazing, most everyone is brilliantly Lynchian in their performances, but of course Naomi Watts is the real star, and it's obvious to even the most casual observer why this movie launched her international career. She is utterly incredible here.
I'm not going to be elitist about it, though, I get that Lynch isn't for everyone and I can't help but feel some measure of sympathy for those who genuinely don't like him work because of the nature of it, but I think those of us who DO like his work would agree that he's rarely in better form than here.
Dune: Part Two (2024)
Incredible...and yet...
As incredible as the movie was, as engrossing as it was, it somehow felt unfinished. It felt like too much was left on the cutting room floor, or completely out of the script. I haven't read the book/s (yet) but with how good the two movies are, I feel like there was plenty of room for more here, perhaps even a third part. I'd have quite happily sat through more battle sequences, more character development - especially of na-Baron Feyd-Rautha and Princess Irulan, perhaps even of The Emperor himself if they'd actually had someone playing The Emperor rather than Christopher Walken playing Christopher Walken. That being said, I also didn't quite buy Timothee Chalamaladingdong as Paul Atreides either, even though he actually put in a very good performance in the role. Austin Butler, on the other hand, was harder to pick than a broken nose. I kept thinking maybe it was Matt Smith, or Christian Bale, but never once would I have picked Austin Butler. He was brilliant. As was everyone, if I'm honest.
All minor gripes aside, this movie really is an experience for the ages. It may be slow at times, and seem to gloss over certain aspects of character development for Paul Muad-Dhib Usul, but it's still an incredible piece of filmed entertainment.
Poltergeist (2015)
There are worse remakes...
Not of this movie, this is the worst remake of Poltergeist by far, but there are remakes of other movies that are worse remakes than this.
That's not to say that this remake is especially bad, because it's not, it just doesn't hold up very well against the original. The score carries all the weight of the scares, with the exception of one 'jump scare' that's actually just an unexpected crashing of a lamp or something.
The cast is kinda decent, though, so that's something. But then, even there most of the cast is overshadowed by the mere presence of Sam Rockwell. Someone has to make up for the lack of Zelda Rubenstein, though, yeah?
Most of the changes from the original are kinda mid, but at least the change to the final 'joke', which saw the family book into a motel room and put the TV outside the room in the original, didn't fall flat like most of the rest of the changes.
Sam Rockwell though...that man can elevate ANYTHING he's in.