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backslapjones
Reviews
Don't Look Up (2021)
Directing style gives me a headache
Why do some movies use awful social media popup montages that always show the same bright neon garbage? The pictures and videos flying across the screen with the likes going up, the protagonists starting to trend once they realize they have smart phones and the insta follower count is mightier than the sword, it's just a really lazy and unoriginal way to sum up someone going viral. Just because people spend a lot of time on social media doesn't mean it can be used the same exact lazy way in mediocre movie after mediocre movie. Then there's the unnecessary random shots that the big short also had, just scattered around throughout the movie, interrupting all the scenes. When there's an intense conversation, there are random shots of characters' feet and hands and other random things around the room, which I guess was meant to show the intensity of the conversation but really is just annoying to watch. When Leo DiCaprio is screaming into the camera on the news, they zoom into his eyes with really grainy resolution like some shoddy natural born killers ripoff, and there's a reason that homemade ugly bs was left in the 90s. Jonah Hill has some funny lines but his character is just so unrealistically vulgar for a president's chief of staff, like talking about how he's high on molly at a crucial government meeting, and he's such a dick for no reason that it's clear from the beginning he's a villain, meryl streep is a villain for appointing him, and therefore the party that they belong to is also a villain. That already takes most of the subtlety out of the satire, and then the rest of it is killed by the maga-style hats that say "don't look up". That trump rally scene with all the dumb fat rednecks immediately turning on the president after one of them finally looked at the sky, then they all started throwing beer bottles at the stage, my god that was ridiculous and so painfully obvious, just like most of the political scenes in this movie. The steve jobs / elon musk / bill gates guy was pretty funny, but not enough to save an entire movie of awful editing and on the nose "satire".
The Green Hornet (2011)
Worst casting in history? (Rogen, obviously)
Who in their right mind thought Seth Rogen could play a masked crimefighter? He pretty much has one character in his wheelhouse, and that's the lazy stoner who gets in way over his head. Apart from that huge mistake, the writing is awkward, rogen's character is an unlikable douchebag that nobody wants to root for, and cameron diaz has nothing to do besides stand around and look... pretty? Kato was pretty awesome and the actor playing him was great. The car looked cool. I can't believe christoph waltz agreed to do this movie, but it's probably because for whatever reason tarantino is the only good director who will hire him, which makes no sense because he's a great actor. I just don't understand who this was made for. The fans of the show don't want to hear "ganster's paradise" during the movie adaptation because they're in their 60s-70s, and the kids who thought this would be like a normal superhero movie are probably disappointed that there aren't any cgi aliens or post credit scenes that talk about the next big sequel.
Better Call Saul: Nippy (2022)
Odd recasting choice
The fact that they recast Jeff the cab driver doesn't bother me, it's the fact that they purposefully changed the character into someone who can be easily tricked and lives with his mom so that the plot makes more sense. The new actor and his demeanor are completely different from the old one, and I feel the writers did that on purpose; he seems submissive and dimwitted, whereas the previous actor came off as cunning and snide. Just picture that loudmouth original guy being so easily tricked into shoplifting... it doesn't work. He was too confident and the last time he was on screen he had saul under his thumb... the next time he's on screen he's a malleable little mommas boy who just wants to pull off a heist (what?). Seriously, HOW would saul just guess this guy wanted to rob a mall in exchange for his secrecy? How many times did saul have to drop in and talk to the security guard before he got enough data to get the average time it takes for him to eat a cinnabon? What the hell did I even just type? Did he stop by there to chat every single day? On that note, this episode had a bit too many cinnabons in it, to the point of a product-placementy level. That security guard could have just not been in the mood for a bun that day... then the plan would have been totally screwed because it hinges on a fat man being hungry for a cinnabon and taking exactly 3 minutes to eat it.
The good parts of the episode are like the good parts of almost every bcs episode; they revolve around the suspense and the ambiguity of the plan as it unfolds. Of course, something has to go wrong because that's what keeps us interested, but the way they play it off with the suspense of a high-stakes game really goes great with the sports commentary.
The Fly (1986)
(tied for) the best scifi horror movie of all time
Either "the fly" or "alien" have got to hold the number one spot for the greatest scifi horror movie ever made, and both movies are perfect so it's impossible to choose. Alien mixes the two genres better than anyone had ever attempted before, and the outcome is glorious. The fly has a very slow build that gradually disturbs the audience in ways few other films can. The story's progression is very smooth and there's never any filler or dumb scenes. Great film. Cronenberg's undeniable masterpiece.
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (2004)
Hey! You guys have hall passes?
Considering this show came out the same year as arrested development, I think it actually still managed to stand out as one of the only good sitcoms made for kids. All the characters are pretty likable, even the bullies, and the whole idea of a guide with tips is really clever. Come to think of it, arrested development is actually pretty similar to ned's declassified in its style, goofiness, sense of humor, etc. Here's some stuff both shows have in common:
Running gags (an example for ND is the hall pass joke, and an example for AD is the chicken joke)
Wacky characters (ND had backpack boy, coconut head, toot-toot, etc. And AD had bob loblaw, stan sitwell, j. Walter weatherman, etc.)
Jokes that combine a bunch of events that seem random at first but piece together in the end to make a curb-your-enthusiasm-style payoff
Three consecutive seasons that never lose steam (not including the 2 extra sub-par seasons of AD)
Both narrated by a somewhat omniscient narrator
Both goofy but wholesome shows with flawed but lovable main characters that were taken from us far too soon
Come to think of it, ned's declassified kinda reminds me of scrubs too. Here's some stuff THOSE shows have in common:
Narrated by the main character
Episode plotlines are usually didactic and have a speech at the end that ties the central theme together
VERY similar daydream cutaways that usually show what the main character is thinking
Unrealistically silly representation of a well-known type of facility (school vs. Hospital)
Characters have an almost constant will they/won't they relationship, and are seemingly fine with hooking up interchangeably
On that note, ned's declassified also reminds me of community. Here's some stuff THOSE shows have in common:
Takes place at a fictional school where everything is off the walls crazy and revolves around the main characters (James Polk Middle School vs. Greendale Community College)
Many side characters, made up of both students and teachers, some of which are only in the show for a short time
Epic battle royale showdowns that overdramatize mundane events into action-packed awesomeness
Jokes that are so niche or happen so fast the audience doesn't catch them (obviously ND's jokes are less complicated than comminity's because the audience is all kids, but still very impressive writing)
So yeah, that's THREE groundbreaking sitcoms that can be compared alongside ned's declassified, and community came out two years after ND went off the air! So if you still don't see what was so special about this show, it just wasn't meant for you. The disney channel was, though.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)
The greatest parody movie of all time
There are other contenders, but this is the definitive winner. And I'm not talking about mockumentaries like this is spinal tap or best in show. The songs alone are pretty damn catchy and there's no denying John C Reilly kills it in this role.
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
A huge disappointment
The movie not only failed to live up to the standards of the first, not only failed to live up to the standards of a decent sequel, but failed to live up to the standards of a movie. There were so many parts of this movie that made me angry because there was a certain laziness that was present in the writing, directing or editing, and even the action packed fight scenes were boring.
Aziz Ansari: Right Now (2019)
Different but not good
If you want to hear aziz whispering into the mic about how much we need to improve as a society, while also apologizing for some stupid scandal about himself, then this is the comedy special for you! If your reaction is "that doesn't even sound like a comedy special" then I would skip this one. I would skip this one.
Dead Ringers (1988)
Cronenberg's meditation on childbirth, sex, and other related topics
Almost every one of Cronenberg's films presents sex as a natural, though shameful, animalistic, bizarre, and sometimes horrific act. This film delves into all of those qualities, as well as many others relating to the topic of childbirth. Cronenberg intertwines them beautifully in a twisted story of twin gynecologists who are sick in unusual ways, and almost deified by society for their ability to cure womens' infertility. Jeremy Irons plays twins very convincingly, and seems to capture the intimate connection that they have with one another. Very bizarre masterpiece.
Sound of Metal (2019)
It's important to have a good ending
The ending was bad, and it made all the depressing things that happen throughout the movie pretty pointless. The rest of the movie has nice moments where the main character learns to accept being deaf, but the whole movie is overall very bleak and boring. Also the final scene is incredibly predictable.
Edit: This is just one of those trendy oscar bait movies that are popular for one year and then nobody ever talks about them ever again. Sorry if it's your favorite movie, but it's mediocre.
Rick and Morty: Rickmurai Jack (2021)
Getting back to normal
With the exception of the capitalism joke, this episode is pretty incredible. A lot was revealed in two separate exposition dumps, both cinematic and meta, one about the villain's motive and the other about the hero's motive, and together they add a lot of depth to the conflict. This show seems to lose quality when it relies too heavily on animation without context, when the writers shoehorn references in that don't belong (Shakespeare, Taylor Swift, Future, etc.), when the characters suddenly speak enlightening, philosophical monologues that try very hard to be smart but always end up sounding pompous, when the writers try to get political or politically correct, and when Harmon's formula for story structure is tampered with. Only one of those sins was committed this episode (stupid capitalism joke), so the episode was very good. And that's that.
The Shivering Truth (2018)
The weirdest type of smart
Only adult swim could have a show this bizarre, but the quality of the writing is pretty impressive. Every episode is enjoyable to watch, and there's no point in the show where the writers betray the audience to take a stupid political stance or add a corny wholesome scene. This show always has something very strange and surprisingly deep to say, and the unpredictable freakish chaos of it all makes it pretty hilarious. I hope we get more episodes, or at the very least, new meats. Perhaps new gravies.
Atlanta (2016)
Cool, Trippy Satire
This show really surprised me. I heard it was about a rapper and his friends, so I assumed Donald Glover was the rapper. When I found out he played Al's manager, I thought the show would be about him quitting that job and becoming a rapper. I was way, way off, and I'm so glad I was because I wish all shows were this original. The characters are incredible, it seamlessly transitions between heartbreaking and hilarious, the writing is amazing and the directing is too, pretty much every facet of this show is incredible. Every episode is sort of a modern fable, where the characters encounter different farcical people and scenarios that affect them based on their race, wealth, fame, opinions, and other factors. There isn't a single episode that fails to tell a great story. It really is an incredible show.
Rick and Morty: Mort Dinner Rick Andre (2021)
Starting to go
I miss the times when there wasn't a single moment of this show that was lame or a single joke that didn't land. Now there are many of those instances. In this episode alone, summer saying "let's lick tits" then immediately telling her parents they don't like it because they're "not getting any". After they say they watch porn together, she acts grossed out like they crossed the line, as if she wasn't the one who brought up her parents sex life in the first place. Just a gross, stupid line that shows the writing is going downhill fast. Another example is "I don't see how that's relevant, but we're white" then all the police show up. This has been done so many times it's actually become a cliché. I remember seeing almost that same joke on everybody hates chris over a decade ago, along with many other shows since then. Now it's found its way to a show that was supposed to be above all the clichés. A third example is morty escaping the virtual handcuff situation he's in at the end; he literally just slips out of it by pulling his arms and legs out. That was upsetting because I know at least one writer knew it was a lazy execution, and that the fans would catch it. There are plenty other examples. This show is just not what it used to be.
I Am Sam (2001)
Despicable
Sean Penn is downright insulting in his portrayal of a mentally handicapped man. This movie claws so desperately for oscar gold that it ends up making a complete mockery of the mentally handicapped. Penn's bumbling, drooling, giddily clapping caricature ended up giving bullies more material to insult mentally handicapped children in schools. This is what happens when studios get greedy and actors get desperate.
Master of None: Moments in Love, Chapter 1 (2021)
Not the same at all.
From the very start we're greeted with that totally unique artistic choice to film in standard definition (black bars on the sides of the screen) even though the studio can afford high definition cameras. This is so original and it reminds me of a director's choice to shoot a film in black and white... so cool. The whole episode is awkward dialogue that seems like it was pulled from the lamest, most sepia-toned indy movie you can think of. Then, after you sit through about ten minutes of boring, meaningless scenes, the greatest actress of all time walks through the door. She plays Dev's girlfriend and she has this amazing method of line delivery where it seems like she's never acted before in her life, and it is beautiful. So original. So cool. This show used to be pretty great, but now it has transcended into another level, where the value of art isn't measured by its quality but instead by how artistic it can appear. And this show appears very artistic now. It does not matter that the substance, charm, intelligence, etc. Are gone.
The Eric Andre Show: A King Is Born (2020)
The Illegality of Ranch is Unacceptable
Ranch me, brotendo. The Eric Andre Show is back, dripping with the same uncomfortable, awkward slime that encapsulated the first four seasons in a timeless cocoon of bizarre genius. Eric may not have gotten the job at Froot Loops, but he seems to be standing up for what he believes in.
Primal: Plague of Madness (2020)
8.9? Lame.
This was incredible. It was heartbreaking just like every episode of this show, and also very disturbing.
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2020)
Not very good
Borat was a phenomenon. Now it has to be referred to as "the first Borat" because of this sub-par sequel. Everything is predictable and on the nose, and the unpredictable parts are just plain stupid. We all deserved better.
Hubie Halloween (2020)
Better than expected!
I expected this to be Adam Sandler being an idiot for 2 hours. It turned out to be Adam Sandler being an idiot for 42 minutes! I was certainly not disappointed. People who enjoy this movie are beyond saving. This is a sad excuse for a movie, and Sandler needs to be better.
Knives Out (2019)
Good for a whodunnit
It's a dying genre because it's dumb and unoriginal, but this movie gives life to the whodunnit. It's still pretty bad, though.
The Good Place (2016)
Very overrated
So many of the jokes fall flat, and they make you think "that was stupid". If by some stroke of luck the show actually has a funny joke, you can guarantee that joke will immediately be beaten into the same corny shlock that makes up the rest of the show. Glad it's over.
13 Reasons Why (2017)
Pathetic
This show blatantly uses suicide, rape, bullying and other issues to profit off a naive audience. What's really impressive is that the young viewers are convinced they're being educated about important things, when really they're just watching garbage that's on par with Investigative Discovery's murder porn shows.
And if you think Euphoria is any different... just wait. You'll see.
The Boys (2019)
Formulaic but entertaining
This show is great for a first watch because it's like a magic show for people who love adult superhero stuff. But the second time around, you figure out the biggest trick on your own and realize they only wow the audience once per episode with a memorable scene (with the exception of the pilot and finale, which need to have a few more memorable scenes). A good amount of these scenes don't advance the plot at all, but are memorable for their shock value. These scenes are enjoyable and they serve their purpose of keeping the viewer interested, but the rest of the show is just a set of pretty dull buildups to these intense or funny scenes, which is why I think a magic show is a good comparison.
The Big Bang Theory (2007)
An insult to nerd culture
This show laughs at nerds instead of giving nerds something to laugh at. Instead of jokes, this show has meaningless references to things that nerds like, which apparently guarantees success. Such a mediocre show that didn't deserve to begin let alone exist for over a decade.