stalking-divinity Reviews

Bikini Time Machine (2011 TV Movie)

Somewhat mediocre with a few highlights

[6/10 · 14 June 2011]

After Lady Chatterley's Daughter by Retromedia, I wasn't expecting too much out of this one. Last year their softcore releases were great, but this year they were off to a bad start. I am, however, a big fan of Kylee Nash, so I thought this one might still have potential. It turned out mostly okay but still not as good as last year's stuff like Bikini Jones and Twilight Vamps.

The first thing that bothered me is that, with the exception of Ms. Nash, every other girl in this is a hardcore girl. I always find that takes away a lot from the films, as you can just as easily see the girls doing full on hardcore penetrative sex all over the internet. Also, I was not a fan of how incredibly tattooed both Joslyn James and Jenna Presley were. I was actually really impressed at how hot Ms. Presley looked until she got naked and all the tats started showing. She still has some great cleavage, though. As for Ms. James, I vastly preferred her with her longer, brown hair and less tattoos than she has now. Sara Sloane, aka Sarah Vandella was extremely cute, though, and newcomer Tasha Reign was very attractive. Ms. Nash was super sexy as usual.

Most of the scenes didn't really stand out to me very much, honestly. I thought the worst one was Ms. Reign with TJ Cummings, but I'm not sure that was really her fault. He seriously spent more time staring at his own biceps during his scene than he did his sex partner, which was ridiculous. He didn't spend quite so much time admiring himself during his scene with Ms. James, but still didn't seem to have very much chemistry, either. Mr. Cummings is actually quite a good actor, but I feel like his sex scenes are always terrible from what I've seen so far.

Normally I think all of Ms. Nash's scenes are awesome, but here I thought her scene with Tony Marino was a little bit boring. Her other scene with him in the Tanya X web series was a lot better. On the other hand, her scene with Nick Manning as the hippie was great. I thought it was the hottest in the movie and one of the best scenes I've seen her do so far.

The storyline was more like the fun, sci-fi campy stuff from Retromedia, which was really nice to see after the boring Lady Chatterley's Daughter. I thought that overall it was still not nearly as good as last year's offerings, but good enough that I'm not counting them out yet. If it wasn't for Kylee Nash's scene with Nick Manning I'd have been pretty disappointed, but I think that one saved the movie.

Lady Chatterley's Daughter (2011 TV Movie)

Kind of boring

[4/10 · 12 June 2011]

I am normally a pretty big fan of the Retromedia late night softcore releases, but this one was a pretty big snoozefest.

Holly Sampson is attractive, and she put in an okay performance, but I think she's done better in some other stuff. Also, as a veteran hardcore girl, it's hard to get excited about her doing simulated stuff when you can see scenes of her going all the way.

Jessie Lunderby was really cute, fresh-faced, and overall I liked her a lot. She seemed a little bit timid in her scenes, but she's new. I wouldn't mind seeing her in more stuff in the future.

One thing I found kind of creepy was Randy Spears and Jessie Lunderby together in scenes. Randy is a decent actor, but he's really starting to get up there in years, and having scenes with a girl young enough to be his daughter is honestly a little weird. She's literally less than half his age, and it's kind of gross.

I thought the plot was pretty boring and there wasn't really much of a hook for this one. One of the things I really like about the Retromedia movies as compared to the MRG or Wynorski ones is that they're generally kind of fun, goofy, clever little sci-fi/horror/fantasy type plots. I found the setup in this one to be a lot more boring than most of the fairly creative parody or campy titles.

Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders (2011 TV Movie)

Hottest Wynorski softcore in years!

[10/10 · 2 April 2011]

Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders is, hands down, my favorite Wynorski late night Skinemax softcore effort in years.

I was a little iffy on Angie Savage after Sexy Wives Sindrome, but I have to admit that she has won me over here. While I'm not a fan of the tattoo, her overall look is great and she did well as the lead.

I also enjoyed the newcomer who played Marla Mounds, Jamie Hunter I believe? Attractive and demure, her underwater scene with Frankie Cullen was actually very cool. Not exactly the most over the top sex scene, but really interesting in a less overtly sexual way. I hope to see her back in more in the future. She has a great body and her sweet and shy brand of sexiness is nice, especially in contrast to Angie Savage's very different kind of sexiness.

I thought the highlight of the movie, though, was Kylee Nash as the spoiled rich girl Tiffy Nightsprings. After having been impressed by her when she had longer hair back in The Hills Have Thighs, I was afraid she was a one hit wonder in the softcore scene and wasn't coming back after that. I'm very happy to see her return, and having looked into her, now see she's scheduled for several other softcore titles coming up soon as well. Hopefully she becomes a regular in Wynorski's stable of gorgeous girls.

I thought her scene with Frankie Cullen was the hottest one in the entire movie by far, and quite probably one of my favorite scenes ever. Frankie Cullen seemed to have chemistry with her in their scene that even possibly exceeded that of some of his awesome scenes he's done in other films with Christine Nguyen. Hopefully Kylee and Frankie are paired up in some of the other upcoming softcores she's in, as I think the duo were amazing together.

I have to admit I feel a little bad for Frankie, though. Angie Savage really wasn't kidding with her line about his abs doing the talking in the beginning, as I think he literally only had one line in the entire film.

Hot babes aside, this isn't just the best Wynorski softcore in years because of the awesome talent. I was afraid after the Hills Have Thighs debacle that the fallout might lead to the end of the parody titles, and it appears I was right. With this, I was also afraid of a drop in quality. I think, however, the Wynorski outdid himself on this one and, freed from the creative shackles of doing parodies, managed to come up with a really fun romp with a lot of cute gags, like the silicone enhancing pills and the little picture-in-picture argument between Kylee Nash and Angie Savage.

While I thought the Kylee and Frankie scene was the highlight of the film erotically, the absolute highlight creatively was the awesome and hilarious Leone style shootout scene. From the scene where Kylee goes into the bar (and actually shows acting range, a rarity in the softcore genre) to the actual shootout itself, with all the requisite angles, long shots, and close shots that manage to blend Leone's style with Wynorski's sex comedy romp, it's obvious Wynorski took a lot of pride in this particular bit and it really shows.

My only real disappointment in the movie was seeing TJ Cummings back again, a male actor I am really not a big fan of as I just don't feel like he brings much chemistry to his scenes. However, since the male actors in these tend to often be props more than actors, it wasn't exactly a huge detractor from the film.

The Devil Wears Nada (2009 TV Movie)

A great Wynorski softcore

[9/10 · 18 March 2011]

I've said this before - Wynorski's softcores are extremely hit or miss. Sometimes it feels like he phones it in and the cast is severely lacking, like in Cleavagefield, but sometimes he really hits a homerun. This is one of those homeruns.

Devil Wears Nada is a great parody effort. It stays close to the source material while simultaneously sexing it up a few notches, and adds comedy in where appropriate.

From the opening scene it was obvious this was going to be a Wynorski success. It looked great with the special effects, and the humorous ending of the scene was great too.

I normally like Beverly Lynne but wasn't a huge fan of her in this role. Brandin Rackley was great with her British accent, but Christine Nguyen stole the show as far as the female talent goes. A large variety of generic babes in lesbian scenes, varying in attractiveness from downright busted looking to quite hot, rounded out the cast, but most of these women did not have significant roles.

As is typical in softcores which pair up Frankie Cullen and Christine Nguyen, I thought their scene was the best. They have some of the best chemistry I've seen in any softcore match ups.

The comic relief gay character was pretty funny, though I don't get what the parrot thing was about...

Cleavagefield (2009 TV Movie)

Neither sexy nor funny

[3/10 · 18 March 2011]

I typically love Wynorski's softcore films, as we appear to have very similar taste in actresses, but this one was a huge miss. A lot of the women involved weren't up to his typical standards of attractiveness, the acting as in some points so terrible (even for the genre) as to be painful to watch, and the attempt to cover up low production values through use of the Cloverfield shaky-cam excuse was transparent.

I hate to sound so negative on it, as there are some aspects I should have been a big fan of. Julie K. Smith looked sexy as usual at least, and Rebecca Love brought an impressive chest as well. The extremely gorgeous girl from the intro never appeared again, unfortunately, which was very upsetting considering I thought she was by far one of the best looking girls in this movie.

I tend to focus on the positive, and try not to badmouth any of the actors or actresses involved, but Lucia Santos was so terrible I can't help but say something. Please, Mr. Wynorski, never again! I thought that after the Da Vinci Coed you would have learned better. Going beyond bad acting, she doesn't even appear to be able to speak English very well, and she just does not have the looks to make up for it. If you include some Eastern European big breasted supermodel type, well, I can forgive her being totally unintelligible. In this case, however, she did not bring enough to pull it off.

The monster was actually the best part of the movie, in a totally campy way. It was so comical as to be actually cute. I'm glad there was no attempt to make the monster realistically scary, as the low overall quality of the rest of this film makes me think it would have been a disaster.

The Breastford Wives (2007 Video)

More Taylor Wane please!

[9/10 · 18 March 2011]

I typically hate having hardcore girls in my softcore. Why should I watch this woman having simulated sex, where I can't see anything, when I can see her on half the internet getting visually pounded like crazy? Softcore is where I go for girls showing more personality, acting skills, and campy fun. In this case, however, despite the larger than normal number of hardcore girls involved in this, I have to say I am willing to make an exception.

Taylor Wane is absolutely amazing. I'm not sure what else there is to say. She's gorgeous, has a sexy accent, and has an incredible body. I was extremely happy to see her in a softcore role, and had high hopes for her being in more, though it looks like she's gone back to exclusively hardcore.

I also though Friday was hot in this, another example of a hardcore girl being exceptional enough that I liked her in this softcore role.

Glori-Anne Gilbert's acting here seems better than usual, and she shows a little bit more depth than her typical sweet airhead bimbo type character she typically plays.

The plot was funny and a clever take off of Stepford Wives, and I enjoyed the parody aspect of it. Some of the parody titles can be so unrelated to the original as to be nothing more than an excuse for a clever name to be used, but this concept lent itself very well to the parody and they did a great job with it.

Sexy Wives Sindrome (2011 TV Movie)

Pretty good, though some strange casting

[6/10 · 18 March 2011]

This is yet another Wynorski softcore under yet another pseudonym of his. Like most of his stuff, it's very light on things like special effects and scope of settings, but it does a decent job of having an okay plot. It's a lot less fun than some of the more campy horror and sci-fi softcores, but still does a good job being sexy for the most part.

Julie K. Smith is back yet again. I'm not a fan of the longer hair, I think she looks much better with it a bit shorter, but she's otherwise sexy as usual. In addition to Wynorski veterans Julie K. Smith and Rebecca Love, there are a couple of other notable additions to the cast.

Angie Savage would be gorgeous, though I think her giant back tattoo kind of ruins her overall look. I don't think some small tattoos are too bad, or even big ones if it goes with a girl's overall look and she has that sort of alternative heavily tatted Suicide Girls look. Angie Savage, though, is like a Barbie Doll that some five year old girl decided to magic marker up the back of. She's extremely hot in a sexy bimbo kind of way, but the tattoo is so large it's distracting. Also, she drools all over her scene partners, which some people might find hot but I find kind of disgusting. Finally, during her lesbian scenes she seems to have a thing for getting behind the other girl and humping her doggie style. Does she have a secret penis I'm not aware of? Is she actually a transvestite? Did she put on a strap on when no one was looking? I'm not sure how Wynorski lets this happen in the scene, it's bizarre.

Overall, I like Angie Savage, I just have very mixed feelings. She plays a sex pot very well, with the little squeaky voice and everything, but I'm not entirely sold on her.

Cindy Lucas also has the Barbie look going on and is pretty great. Her ass in particular is amazing. She reminds me a lot of Glori-Anne Gilbert, actually. She doesn't appear to be a particularly skilled actress, but more than makes up for it in the heat of her scenes and her looks.

I was not a fan of TJ Cummings. He seemed to have very little chemistry in his scenes. Also, it appeared they had Frankie Cullen hide his face in one scene and pretend to be a different guy. Come on, Mr. Wynorski, are you really that hard up for male actors? I realize it must be a lot more fun to go searching for gorgeous babes for your movies, but the male talent pool is getting a little ridiculous. Frankie Cullen and Tony Marino are great, but having actors pull double duty and getting guys like TJ Cummings who are known more for gay porn than straight porn is a little weird.

The Hills Have Thighs (2010 Video)

Controversial and hot

[9/10 · 18 March 2011]

This movie ended up creating quite a lot of controversy when it turned out the title was already in use by an amateur film maker who made a non-erotic movie, and his subsequent threats to sue Wynorski for this film.

I'm not sure how much extra publicity the controversy might have created for this version of The Hills Have Thighs, but I'm guessing that even with a different name it would have held up on its own very well.

Unlike a lot of recent softcore movies, where they stack the cast with hardcore girls taking a day off from penetration, they used almost entirely non-hardcore talent here which was a major breath of fresh air. The one exception, Rebecca Love, almost doesn't count as a hardcore girl as she can actually act unlike most of them and really seems to enjoy these kinds of movies.

Kylee Nash, playing the leader of the cave girls, was incredibly hot. The film leaves you with no idea if she can act more than a prehistoric grunt, but she makes up for the lack of dialogue the cave girls get with her eye popping figure. Her scene by the bonfire was not only very sexy, it bordered on actually being somewhat artistic.

Julie K. Smith was great as well, especially in her scene with Frankie Cullen. The leg warmers she wore in this scene were such sexy costuming and they really added a lot. I'm not a fan of the tattoos she's acquired, but she's still very sexy.

Brandin Rackley is attractive, and will appeal to a lot of people, but for me personally it's kind of amazing how she fades into the background when the much larger chested Julie K. Smith, Kylee Nash, and Rebecca Love are around.

One last mention must be made of Diana Terranova. She appears to be more of a "legitimate" actress, which is kind of a shame in a way, because she's gorgeous and I would love to see her do a lot more than dance around during orgy scenes.

Bikini Royale 2 (2010 Video)

Tanya X back in action

[7/10 · 17 March 2011]

It's very rare that a softcore is good enough to spawn a sequel, but the Tanya X character played by Beverly Lynne is back again in another adventure that fleshes out the character's universe a bit more.

I'm a huge fan of the spy softcore thing, from the Andy Sidaris stuff to sexy, fun comic books like Danger Girl, so I particularly love this type of movie. I thought that it was a pretty good, fun, light hearted spy story, but a few things kept it from being really exceptional.

I'm a fan of the more busty girls, and none of the actresses in this particularly stood out. This is a matter of my personal taste though, and there definitely weren't any girls that weren't at least attractive, just none that really did it for me.

The other thing that really bothered me was the scene between Beverly Lynne and Frankie Cullen. The scene ended up being played entirely for laughs, with a bored Tanya X filing her nails and being completely uninterested in sex. Maybe this might appeal to some people with a fetish for being ignored or something, but I felt like it made the scene totally boring. I realize that filming actors having simulated sex as often as one does in these movies might get boring, and the desire to play it for laughs sometimes, but I think the jokes should be in more of the set up and not the sex scenes themselves. People watch these for the sex. If the sex is handled in a manner that makes it a joke and not sexy, what's the point?

Overall, I really did enjoy the movie, it just bothered me that this seemed to cross the line into missing the point of these kinds of films.

The Witches of Breastwick 2 (2005 Video)

Great cast, sexy scenes

[8/10 · 17 March 2011]

I find that Jim Wynorski's softcore movies can be very hit or miss. While Retromedia, the other main factory for these campy softcore films, tends to always have a baseline of quality and have better plots/writing, Wynorski's can be all over the place. This is one of those films where he really hit the high end of things, though.

The biggest strength in this film was, by far, the casting. The plot was a paper thin rehashing of the previous Witches of Breastwick with minor changes. Where it really shined was in the gorgeous women in this installment.

Tylene Buck is absolutely gorgeous, and seeing her in the act of sex, even simulated, is something I've been hoping would happen for a long time. She delivers in her scene with Frankie Cullen, and it totally steals the movie.

The overall bustiness of the cast is excellent as well, but that's typical for one of Wynorski's skin flicks. Obviously a breast man, he picks the biggest and the best. I missed Wynorski regular Julie K. Smith, but that can be forgiven because of her being in the previous installment in the series.

Bikini Frankenstein (2010 Video)

Best of the batch

[9/10 · 17 March 2011]

I really enjoyed this one in particular out of this year's batch of Retromedia softcore releases. The storyline was amusing, and the casting choices were just great.

Frankie Cullen playing as an egg headed scientist was so against type that it added a lot to the humor level of the entire production. In a reversal of the typical "girl with glasses is secretly hot but no one notices until she takes them off at the end" trope that appears in far too many romantic comedies and teen sex comedies, Frankie Cullen as the mad scientist works here, and he does one of his better acting jobs as well.

Brandin Rackley is awesome as his assistant and is the definite stand out in the film. Her accent is just goofy enough to be funny and a little sexy both, and she, as usual, has the best acting skills.

Jayden Cole is a great Frankenstein's monster type, being so statuesque. She's deliciously busty, and did a pretty good job acting physically despite her lack of lines.

Christine Nguyen was her typical self, sexy and cute and fun, and Tony Marino showed a bit more range than usual here.

I love the way these cheesy softcores get creative and funny with horror/sci-fi inspired knockoffs, way more than the boring erotic drama/thriller type ones, and this was a great example of being campy and still sexy.

Twilight Vamps (2010 Video)

Lust at First Bite

[7/10 · 17 March 2011]

Twilight Vamps/Lust at First Bite is a typical Retromedia softcore, with a mostly familiar cast and decent production values for the genre. Out of the four Retromedia movies of the year it came out in, I think it was the weakest, but still quite good.

The storyline involving Beverly Lynne didn't seem to go anywhere at all other than as a slight gag. This isn't a big deal considering nobody watches this type of movie for the plot, but generally this production company tends to have more coherent story lines so it felt a little odd.

It was great to see Christine Nguyen in a villain role for a change, her hateful little laugh was the perfect mix of adorable, sexy, and evil. Once again I think her scene with Frankie Cullen stole the show, but her scene with Tony Marino was good as well.

Brandin Rackley is, hands down, the best actress in these movies currently. She may get a little goofy sometimes with the accents, but she actually has a significant range. Also, I normally tend to like the much bustier girls, and while there weren't any really big chested ones in this movie, Brandin was filling out her bustier exceptionally well.

Beverly Lynne's role seemed a little random and extraneous, but she did a fine job with it.

Frankie Cullen had several quite funny lines, especially towards the end, and Tony Marino's wobblers line was pretty funny as well. I especially liked the expired holy water bit.

As usual, the hardcore girls were more throwaway eye candy than anything. There are a couple of hardcore girls that can act very well, but the ones this time didn't have enough of a role to really show if they could or not.

Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros (2010 TV Movie)

High quality for the genre

[8/10 · 17 March 2011]

Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros is a surprisingly high quality entry for the genre of softcore movies. Retromedia's softcore releases typically have a little bit more in the way of things like special effects, which I think help to sell the movie as being more than just a pure skin flick, and this is no exception.

The overall plot, writing, and gags were better than average. I admired the scope of the film, as too many softcore fall into the trap of it just being some drama in a nice mansion. Having the more sci-fi and green screened type sets really adds to the scope and makes it feel a bit higher budget than it probably really is.

The talent in this one is quite good as well. Christine Nguyen is great in the lead role, funny and cute as usual. Rebecca Love brings some wonderful and needed extra busty flavor to the cast, and is admirable for being one of the few actresses from the hardcore end of the business that seems to really enjoy the acting roles of softcore.

Brynn Tyler was cute enough, but I'm not a big fan of most hardcore girls in softcore and she didn't particularly stand out to me.

Ted Newsom was especially funny in the ending part. The man certainly must not be insecure.

Heather Vandeven is gorgeous as the villain, though the scene between her and Frankie Cullen was a little strange as they looked like they were going to choke each other the entire time. Also, Frankie's "UGH!" was pretty hilarious.

On the other hand, I think the scene between Christine and Frankie in the examination room was the stand out of the movie by far. As many softcore fans have noted before, they seem to have good chemistry and almost all of their scenes are exceptional.