ernstdirk Reviews

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

This is how action movies should be

[10/10 · 24 October 2017]

This movie is a great example of why directors (of action movies) should "show, don't tell", shouldn't craft uninspired, over-the-top, 'epic' narratives and shouldn't try to make the audience care about bland characters and their motivations by showing us 5 minutes of their life before the actual movie starts.

George Miller cut out all the unnecessary bits and by doing so delivers something a million times more engaging than most action movies I've seen in my life. The world of Mad Max is completely absurd and rich with details, it's visually stunning and the action is well choreographed and never fails to entertain. And characters seem like actual human beings instead of one-dimensional stereotypes. I've seen this movie 6 times already and will probably watch it another 5 times in the coming year. It's awesome!

Game of Thrones: Battle of the Bastards (2016) Season 6, Episode 9

I was severely disappointed

[5/10 · 21 June 2016]

Wow everyone seems to really like this episode! While this does not surprise me I did not expect everyone to be THIS positive. Let me first say that this episode was really good visually. The battles look stunning and were undeniably exciting.

But there were too many inconsistencies and ridiculous plot holes for me to really enjoy this episode and it doesn't have that Game of Thrones feel that I liked from the first 4 seasons. What do I mean? I'll tell you: (SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY)

• Are we really to believe that the Vale army made its way from Moat Cailin all the way to Winterfell without Ramsay knowing? Ramsay knew that Stannis was coming down from the wall so he's not blind and deaf. Or maybe all the knights just used Littlefinger's teleporter? It would explain why they arrived just in the nick of time.

• What was Sansa thinking? "I know the knights of the Vale are coming to our aid but I won't say anything to anyone and just let most of our men and Rickon get slaughtered."

• It was repeatedly implied that Ramsay's cavalry greatly outnumbered Jon's and they could wipe out Jon's army easily. But after Jon acted like an idiot, his cavalry (no idea where he found that many) held their own pretty well against the Bolton forces. Also where did those huge piles of bodies come from all of a sudden? Did the Boltons pile everyone up when we weren't looking?

• Why did Ramsay decide to shoot Wun-Wun, who was already down, in his eye instead of killing Jon or Tormund? Oh right, plot convenience.

• How did Sansa know Ramsay did not feed his dogs for 7 days? She trotted of before he said that to Jon and the others.

• What were those sons of the harpies doing outside the gates? They have no reason to be there except being a setup for the Dothraki arriving in Meereen.

• What was Tyrion talking about with respect to Theon? Last they saw each other he made fun of Theon who was trying to be nice.

• Why did Rhaegal and Viserion escape the pyramid exactly at the moment it was most convenient? Tyrion unchained them at least a week ago and probably more. Have they been tunneling out since then so they could help Dany?

• My final and most important point is this: Game of thrones is one of the few series where each action has consequences. We have seen this happen to many a beloved character because they messed up in some way (Ned had to act 'honourably', Robb broke a commitment, Khal Drogo acted foolish and got infected, Brann messed up when the night king touched him and this killed Hodor, the 3ER and the Children, Theon overestimated himself and got maimed, Jaime lost his hand because of his arrogance). But now, in this hugely important battle where they were greatly outnumbered, Jon did about the dumbest thing you could possibly do and not only survived but won. This is just lazy writing and takes away all the suspense for me. Just like Arya last episode, Jon survives because of plot armour even though he shouldn't.

I expected so much more from this episode and was severely disappointed. I know not everyone will agree with me and these are just minor points for most people but I feel Game of Thrones has lost what made it such a great show, the scheming, the intrigue and the mortality of every character. It felt real and now it is just like any other series to me.

Daybreakers (2009)

Could have been sooooo much better

[6/10 · 11 January 2013]

Okay first the good parts.

The vampire society is portrayed pretty good. The colors are well chosen and everything excluding some action shots and the exploding vampires looks good. The story starts of really strong, I was hanging on the edge of my seat wondering where the story would go.

Alas, this is not the masterpiece I thought it to be. Once we are introduced to the humans this movie completely sh*ts it's pants and just kinda.... dies. It isn't worse than most vampire movies, it's not boring, or too ridiculous or whatever, it's just not what it could have been.

And just to be clear; this could have been a GREAT movie. But it's not, everything ends in explosions, blood and flying guts. Such a shame...

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

How did no one prevent this abomination from coming into being?

[1/10 · 6 December 2012]

A lot of things have been said about this movie, I read most of the reviews, but nothing could prepare me for the clogged toilet full of sh*t that is birdemic. Don't get me wrong I think you should see it, but it is truly the worst movie EVER.

Okay the CGI is HORRIBLE, the sound transitions between scenes are so bad you will think somebody switched the channel and none of the actors have any real talent. The plot is more made up of mistakes than an actual story, all characters are one dimensional and boring at best. The best part of the movie is the worst part of a porn movie, seeing the chick in her underwear.

Why I still think you should watch this is because of the leading role, Rod (or whatever), played by Alan Bagh. I think a cardboard cutout of the "They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! Oh my GOOOOOOOOD!"-guy from troll 2 (search it on youtube if you haven't seen it) would do a better job than this guy. He can not do a single movement naturally, seriously everything he does looks ridiculous. EVERYTHING. He can't walk, talk, get into a car or even stand still like a normal person.

The first half hour of the movie (no birds yet) is hilarious because of him stumbling around like someone who is recovering from a severe stroke and had most of his brain removed. Moore tries to save it and she's actually not half bad (okay she's pretty bad but so much better than Bagh) but it just doesn't work because she has to act like she likes him. HE IS THE MOST BORING ZERO-DIMENSIONAL C*CKSUCKER EVER WHY WOULD ANYONE GIVE A SH*T ABOUT HIS HOBBIES OR HIS STUPID JOB.

The plot is total garbage of course, but what bothers me most is the TOTAL LACK OF SENSE on Nguyens part. At one point they find a dead bird on the beach, but instead of getting a dead chicken somewhere they use a CGI bird. IT LOOKS TERRIBLE. WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING.

This movie makes 2012: Ice Age look like Avatar. In comparison to this, Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus is worthy of 10 Oscars. It is unbelievable that anyone would produce this, did no one with a milligram of sense and taste watch this before it was brought out? Nguyen and everyone he knows should be whipped severely for making this hell spawn of a movie.

Bottom line: Go watch it and be amazed at the unbelievable amounts of incompetence one can show in just 90 minutes. Don't forget your eye bleach!