Uinat Reviews

Shaitan's Warrior (2006)

Evil Book, Monstrous Villains, Damsels In Distress And Whatnot… All In All A Fun Of Your Life

[7/10 · 5 March 2006]

Once upon a time there was a land far, far away, forgotten by almost every form of life, called Make-Believe. It was divided into two kingdoms Comedy and Drama and each was divided into several districts; Action, Adventure, Comedy, Crime, Mystery, Thriller, Romance, War and so many more that their names could not be remembered. Years of struggle proved that two kingdoms would be better off if they unite and they did so. The new kingdom became known as Comedy-Drama. And rulers named themselves Storytellers. And named the people Audience. And they told people tales that made them proud of who they are, and about fantastic things that never happened with such passion that Audience became addicted to the tales. The tales pushed them to make it through the day, so to say.

Unfortunately for everyone old Storytellers of this land died and new came, weaker that those that were before, and these new only wanted to rob the Audience of the Make-Believe land. Since they could not live in harmony they divided once more into two kingdoms named Social-Political Comedy and Social-Political Drama. And both Storytellers told stories of past wars and oppressions that nobody cared much to hear, but Storytellers exploited these tales into oblivion. Why? One may ask. Because they wanted to make people numb and divert their attention from much more vial things that were happening at the same time. Their tales were full of holes, unsympathetic characters, feeling that were as warm as a winter breeze and actions beyond any logical reason.

From time to time a new Storyteller came from the land of Make-Believe but was dishonored or brutally murdered by the Storytellers of old. For they didn't want to give up their power, and poor and tormented audience has given up all hope that someone might come and tell a new story. Like some of the tales they have heard are told in the kingdom of Hollywood, for example.

In such tortured world came Stevan Filipovic with his story "Sejtanov Ratnik". He hoped that his tale of love, devotion, determination, filled with first class action and a dash of horror would snap the Audience out of their 10-year slumber and make them feel alive… again.

High-School. Kids are crazy on hormones. The class looser and brownnoser Stanislav is the target of all bullying one can stand. One day while he was running to save his life, from what one may call a really bad beating, he finds an ancient book (Historia Oculta) that helps him summon a Turkish demon who serves him in exchange for fresh victims. The class misfits trio (Cane, Tica and Mirko) This tale is an homage to the 80's teenage horror-comedy flicks. The only difference from domestic film industry is that you can really believe the actors are teenagers not 30-some-year olds dressed into school uniforms and clean shaved. Fights are worthy of John Woo. Villains are menacing, totally crazy and funny. They reminded me of Bond villains, completely over the top. And this is good, 'coz if they were any woosier they would be ridiculous and stupid. Photography and cinematography are Oscar worth, and special effects thou not Peter Jackson's "King Kong" are top notch. Sory itself is simplified, but has no holes and plays itself quite nicely in the background. In the foreground we have our main characters trying to put the cat in the bag and stay in one piece as much as possible. And now our main characters: The HERO (Cane) is more or less could-be-right-guy-at-the-wrong-place-but-right-time. Has good lines (like most heroes do). Does his job well and makes it alive through the day. Will he get the girl and ride into the sunset? Do see the film and find out.

Mirko, Cane's SIDEKICK is funny, witty and like all the sidekick around the world wise. It is also possible that he's smarter than the hero but I'll let others to decide. And in the sidekick manner he doesn't get the GIRL, but has good advices and always knows what to do. Or he seems to know so.

The GIRL (Tica) is mouthful know-it-all. Thinks she's doing the right thing and is very, very self-confident but has absolutely no idea what's she really doing. And cannot choose between Cane and Bora. Or at least it seems so.

The BOYFRIEND (Bora) is the only survivor of teenage massacre 10 years ago. He knows what's really going on and tries to put his two cents in. Capable of mean ass-kicking. Has one MO: Chuck-Will-Kill.

The GANGSTER. Has a jeep but no neck. Has the funniest lines in the movie. Could be the comic relief character.

The VILLAIN (Stanislav) is one of those lovable annoying villains you don't see in movies so often. Must admit, looks much like a Gollum in LotR. Wonderful squeaking, irritating voice.

SEJTAN the merciless killing machine. Body count unknown, but he will yet prove himself worthy in the slasher's hall of fame.

All in all this film is definitely worth your time and attention. You may like it or not but there's one thing you'll do for sure… fall in love with it. And do not forget; hail the Sejtan's name lour for if you do not, he will come and mess you up.

Evil Remains (2004)

Piece Of Dirt

[1/10 · 5 January 2005]

This movie is pure crap! It has a nice premise, but somewhere along the middle of the movie it loses everything that has pinned you down to the chair in the first place. Acting is oh, dear god! and the end... if you manage to stay awake before the end credits roll you're either an insomniac or a loony. Please, avoid this movie at all cost! Master copy should be sacrificed to gods of reason, and the director should burn at stake.

Please, if you love your life don't see this movie. If you want something nice and fun see Texas Chainsaw Massacre, whatever version of the first part.

My vote 0/10

The Girl Next Door (2004)

Show The Daddy (How It's Done)

[7/10 · 6 September 2004]

Let's get something clear first – I hate teenage comedies. Why? Because they're stupid, seriously NOT funny (at all I may add) and copycatted. Basic plot for a teen comedy goes something like this ('I've got the power'): A Guy who is usually a schmock, who nobody likes and bigger boys like to play pranks with him, falls in love with A Girl of some high status or whatever. He has A Buddy (or more) who is funny but ugly as hell, whit whom The Guy advises with. Now after a few minutes of boiling, add sex, nudity, foul language, a streak of homosexual references. Let it cook for about five minutes. If that's not enough, add more sex and nudity. After that add The Idiot (who will make The Guy regret he was born) and The Man (most good-lookin' guy in school). If THAT ain't enough add more nudity. This is a recipe for a BAD teen comedy…

Unfortunately in the last 20 years there hasn't been a sincere teen comedy. The last good one I saw was 'The Breakfast Club' and that's… well I'll be damned… 20 years ago! After a series of teen comedies for retarded somebody has remembered how things used to be done in the old days and made The Girl Next Door. It doesn't have anything new to say about love or romance but it has a soul and 'a most appealing crew I saw in years' as one of my fellow IMDb colleague 'critics' wrote.

Movie follows the basic teen plot: guy meets a girl, falls in love, loses the girl and spends the rest of the movie trying to win her back… The point is I never saw sidekicks so live, situations more-or-less real and confusion and fantasies presented with such reality. Script is excellent and jokes (told so many times now) are somehow revived and renewed so they look fresh and inspiring. The usual teen comic relief character (AKA The Idiot) is given a 'Max Payne' personality (see the movie, you'll get it). The sidekicks are excellently written and acted, and somehow reminded me of Bill & Ted. Surprisingly there are no 'bad guys' around, no slutty sex-crave college girls.

Now as you can see, I really, really, really liked this movie. Please see it, you might like it too. 9/10

The Keeper (2004)

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

[1/10 · 18 June 2004]

Long ago there was a time there was a movie industry called Hollywood that made bunch of movies to entertain audience who gave money to see those features, which was later used to make more movies. Unfortunately, the same movie industry got sick of making funny movies and felt the need to tell us something smart and educational that we supposedly don't know already. Well, here comes the big surprise… 90% of the so-called 'smart' movies are pure CRAP! Anyway, The Keeper is about a sheriff Krebs or whatever his name is who kidnaps a striper Gina (Asia Argento) after some rape attempt, and tries to teach her the righteous path! Acting sucks, movie is too slow and emotionless. Dialogs are pointless and so childish you'll laugh at them only not to cry. Don't waste your gray cells to foresee the ending. Everything will go as it should along the well-pawned path of movie clichés. No surprises here. My advice is don't waste your money on this film. It ain't even worth of its stars Hopper and Argento. Hopper had his ups and downs on a career chart, Argento too, but this insults their acting capabilities as much as viewer's intelligence. This movie ain't a thriller it's a killer. You'll die of boredom before the end credits start to roll. Should be banned at any cost no matter what. If someone you know asks you to see this film, he's either suicidal or a loony. Don't insult your intelligence by watching this 'suspenseful' piece of dirt… My rating? Goddamn awful - 1/10

Tex and the Lord of the Deep (1985)

Oh, Good Lord, What A Mess

[3/10 · 10 May 2004]

Well, I'm a big fan of the original comic book, so my judgment here may be too harsh. A short introduction-Tex Willer is a US Ranger who travels around with old, grumpy Kit Carson. They ride around the old West surviving many adventures along the way. This comic book is some liter version of French comic book named `Blueberry'. Anyway, back to the movie. The movie is surprisingly lousy. I mean will someone tell me how could the country that gave us Spaghetti Westerns make such a lousy western based on their own creation?! Giuliano Gemma was a good choice as Tex, and William Berger is excellent as grumpy Kit. They did their parts very good. Unfortunately among all of Tex adventures somebody had to make one on his/her own. The strangest thing is that movie, although full of plot holes and bad support actors, works on some comic book level. My opinion is that they tried to literally copy-paste drawings to film. It showed once more that if you really want to transfer something from one kind of art to film needs more than pure wish and beautiful sunsets. Advice-avoid at all cost unless a Tex Willer die-hard fan.

Cypher (2002)

Plain Old Fun

[7 May 2004]

Once upon a time there was a new star on the horizon named Hollywood. And in its younger days it gave birth to a new way of making movies. Those were the days of movies made for the sake of art and to start viewer's imagination. Unfortunately, people from Hollywood forgot their roots and started making movies for the sake of money. Money is the only thing that makes Hollywood-go-round still functional. No more big movies with a message (another than patriotic), no more movies made just for fun (but clever nevertheless). Just big budget Action, Sci-Fi, War ludicrously spectacles that are trying to squeeze another penny out of viewers pocket. Almost nobody goes to the theatre to see a movie anymore. All viewers want to see now are its stars. All that Hollywood wants is a famous name on the title sequence. More famous names, more money. So, what happens to a movie that has no stars, was made by an unknown director and saw theatre lights only for a brief moment? Nothing. It goes straight to video, hoping someone will rent it. This is the case with `Cypher'. I don't know if the writer of `Cypher' ever read Phillip K. Dick but they've got a lot in common. This isn't some big budget Sci-Fi flick, but shy and smart movie. It may be predictable but in such a lovable way that you'll never notice that. It doesn't have anything new to say. But what he has to say it says it in an appealing manner. It will suck you into its universe of hi-tech brainwashing, big corporations and a bit quirky characters. `Cypher' isn't trying to be smart or sneaky, just plain fun. It reminds me of Hitchcock's movies (39 Steps, North By Northwest, To Catch A Thief etc.), where you would have something that characters were looking for and trying to achieve but had no real basics to begin with. This movie is showing us for what purpose films (not all but great deal of 'em) should be made. I won't write about the plot, for it is needless after so many reviews. My advice is to rent this movie. You won't regret it, I promise.

The Reckoning (2003)

Why There Aren't More Films Like this?!

[8/10 · 18 February 2004]

The Reckoning really is a medieval thriller. Most of the people you ask what do you expect from a medieval movie will tell you that they'll see a bunch of guys in metal armors with large swords beating the living daylight out of each other. The Reckoning is more like The Name Of The Rose (1986). All the `good' guys aren't goodie little two-shoes and all the bad guys aren't evil, malicious, arrogant royals with black hearts. There are a lot of similarities with In The Name Of The Rose (1986). A young runaway priest meets a group of actors, joins them and they set off for the nearest town. Upon arrival they witness the trial of a deaf-mute woman who supposedly killed a boy in a nearby woods. Driven by guilt (for setting a play with misinterpreted story) actors decide to take the case in their own hands and solve the murder. Cast is very good. Paul Bettany really is a good actor. He's come a long way since A Knight's Tale (2001) and A Beautiful Mind (2001). Willem Defoe is truly magnificent. He's one of those actors that can play any given part and in The Reckoning he plays the leader of the actors, with ideas way ahead of his time. Brian Cox although has little screen time cannot be unnoticed. Gina McKee sucks, and I don't know what is she doing in this movie. Probably the producers wanted a woman character in the story so writers made up Sarah. Blah. Vincent Cassel is excellent as a blue-blooded count. Not much lines dough. I strongly recommend this film, for it is one of the best thrillers that has appeared in a past few years. If you liked In The Name Of The Rose (1986), I think you'll love this film too. And vice versa.

Wolf's Rain (2003–2004)

Magnificent!

[8/10 · 19 January 2004]

SUMMARY -- Many, many, many years ago the Earth was ruled by wolves. Today they are just mythical beings, existing only in fairytales. But that's what people think. Wolves have adapted themselves to live among the mortals by taking human form, but they are faster, stronger and more flexible than any human. In those ancient times mankind has prospered to its highest peek. But something happened (and nobody's quite sure what it was) and civilization has collapsed. Now, a tyrant rules every city. People are miserable. The legend says that wolves will come back and bring Paradise to Earth...

MY OPINION -- Wolf's Rain is a 21 or 22 episode (depending of a web site) fairytale, about a pack of wolves searching for Paradise. Animation is superb like in most of latest Anime series (e.g. Hellsing or Cowboy Bebop). It's fluid, clear, and the drawing is very colorful. Characters may be a little clichéd but that's usual for Anime. Wolf's Rain looks like Mad Max vs. Cowboy Bebop (created by Keiko Nobumoto). The problem with Wolf's Rain is that you have to have some elementary knowledge about Japanese mythology and fairytales. For if you don't the enjoyment won't be complete. Music is excellent. Something like 80's pop-rock. Main character names are given by their traits (Kiba = Fang, Tsume = Claw, Hige = Whiskers, Toboe Howling). There is no dubbed version yet, but if there is I advise you to look the original Japanese language ver. with English subtitles. Acting is good since the actors are veterans from such Anime as Akira, FLCL, Sakura Wars, X, Cowboy Bebop etc. Story is continuing from episode to episode so it means you have to see them all (except maybe ep. 15-18 which are recap, so you can skip them) to fully understand what's going on. Story is interesting, animation is excellent, acting is very good and production is of highest grade. What more a man could want?

VERDICT -- Wolf's Rain is one of the best Anime series in the last couple of years (since Cowboy Bebop and Hellsing that is). It has something for every generation. Sometimes it may be confusing, non-consequent or slow but you'll forget all of that with the beginning of the next episode. In the sea of new age animated series for kids there aren't many titles that can praise about intelligent, interesting and action packed story/script, or with good acting as a matter of fact. Most of today's TV shows are there to make you stay by your couch absorbing dumb information that mean squat! This Anime will glue you to a couch but from a very different reason. I really enjoyed Wolf's Rain and I sincerely hope that you will too...