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Reviews
The Substance (2024)
What in THE world 😳😳😳
I don't understand the big excitement about this film. It's one of the most unusual, eerie (not in a good way), and perplexing films you've ever seen.
It's quite vibrant. Excellently directed. Demi Moore is a fantastic in this, yet not my favourite actor.
What kind of brain truly comes up with this is left to question. The story you may read above. It may be worth seeing, but definitely a one and done kind of movie.
Nice air brushing on Demi mind you.
It's not a horror film; there are no jump scares, blood, or moments where you have to hold your breath, but you watch it with an inquisitive curiosity about where it's headed, and when the climax comes, you're like, "what???"
More a psychological thriller, cinema noir. It does have a grotesque element. Though not in David Lynch's level, I would say there are some fans participating.
It's obvious that the lesson is to accept who you are, your imperfections, and the inevitable ageing process, but it's strange and only gets stranger.
It evokes the spirit of an 80s cult film.
Bad Boys: Ride or Die (2024)
It's The Best One Yet. I Said What I Said
Oh, Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang - we're back baby.
Mike and Marcus have to clear their late Captain's name because they think he was framed as being connected to the cartel. They sort of need Mike's terrorist son Armando, who assassinated their Captain, to get out of jail in order to accomplish this.
The chemistry is fully back. The humour is back. The great script is back. Plenty of high action, gun chases and explosions as per to keep you happy.
By far, this is my favourite Bad Boys movie, yep even better than the first.
One thing that concerned me was Martin Lawrence, in some spots throughout, but particularly in the last scene at the barbecue. He looks as if he's not doing great, it's in his eyes, sometimes the speech is a bit slurred etc. Something ain't right is all, but still a great movie.
Loved the development of the character, now Marcus' son in law, Reggie. A real star turn.
The Jester (2023)
Hold A Seance We Need Wes Craven For This Job
The first few moments are expertly lit and filmed. Outstanding cinematography.
Now let's discuss the negative. The four primary teenage leads are not even capable of leading us in a chorus of "All Things Bright and Beautiful," let alone leading the way in a motion picture. What detracts from the film the most is the acting in general. Matt Servitto (the most accomplished actor in the cast) aside, the only main actor displaying any talent is Lelia Symington (Emma). Even young Jocelyn outshone the others.
The Jester was just not convincing. It was mainly that dumb mask, which cut off at the back of his head. Even the clown in 'Terrifier' was more animated than him. The suit was nice, but the overall presentation of the jester is poor.
There were no real scares. Some of it was more laughable than fearful. More than once, I shook my head, laughing saying, 'WTF.' I'm not even sure if this is meant to be a slasher, a thriller or a dark comedy; as I said, I laughed, but not in a good way.
The cinematography was by far the best aspect of the film. It is expertly shot, but a poorly executed movie. It starts badly enough and only gets worse, if not downright bizarre.
2 stars for the cinematography and 1 star for the acting credits. If it wasn't for the lighting and camera work, it is a 1 star movie.
If you make it to the end, I all but guarantee you'll be chuckling to yourself and saying, 'What in the hell even was that?'
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
What In The George Lucas Is Going On Here Then?
I'm not sure what Zack Snyder was going for here. It is as if he's decided to write something to rival Star Wars and, in the process, he decided to throw in elements of just about every major movie genre there is. Suspecting, movie buffs are inane and will like to watch anything.
There is nothing new in this rashly made mess. The acting is awful, the attempts to create highly dramatic scenes are embarrassing; the constant narrative of the main character is annoying. Not nearly as annoying as slowing down much of the action scenes.
It has little going for it.
We have Star Wars meets Dune meets Sense and Sensibility, meets Firefly meets Kick-ass. It's a constant rehash of what's gone before, all sewn together for two hours.
It sucks lemon sour.
Not even attempting part two.
Day of the Clones (2024)
Something To Be Learned Perhaps
So, Day of the Clones. Is it going to be remembered for its cinematography, lighting, acting, directing, plot or otherwise? No, quite frankly. The cameraman needed a few lessons in how to hold a camera steady, but if I were told this was shot entirely on a Samsung phone, I wouldn't be at all surprised. However, in this particular film, it adds character.
So what does it have going for it? Is it a Saturday night film snuggled on the couch with the partner eating popcorn? Probably not. Unless you're interested in artistry because that is what it has going for it.
This is quite an important film to me. Shot entirely during the 2020 COVID-19 lockdown, this is a film I am sure will crop up in film-making class. It is atmospheric, broody dark and represents Britain in the pandemic era. I suspect as the years roll by it will be a cult classic.
Not the best for a film buff, who loves a good plot and engulfing acting. I suspect the writer was a Doctor Who fan in the 70s, particularly Jon Pertwee's tenure. It does have a very 1970s feel in how it is made.
In terms of artistic value, it is priceless. Watch and be educated on how the streets were during the pandemic in Britain. Well made for such a low-budget effort. It also sets a frightening aspect on the future of mankind. Some may say, in that respect, not too far off the mark.
The 4400 (2004)
OK, calling it 'great' is a bit of a stretch!
The 4400 was recommended to me as 'one of the best TV shows they 'have ever seen'. I later asked them what drugs they were taking and where can I buy them.
Someone had a good plot idea, and that is as good as it gets with this.
The 4400 are a group of people who were 'taken' from all different eras of time in the last sixty years or so. Each of them then returned in a ball of light to the same place in the modern day. The plot outlines their mission is to help humanity and stop a catastrophe i.e. Change the future. To be honest, there isn't much of that happens throughout.
With this, not much really happens. If you persevere through the first few episodes, from then on and through season two is marginally better. However, the third and fourth seasons are difficult to watch because they lack imagination, a compelling plot, and much else to keep you interested.
It appears that the antagonist turns into the protagonist, the whole Jordan Collier narrative is, to put it mildly, quite strange. Although this can occasionally work well for a plot twist, equally the way the good guy turns into the bad guy and back again is poorly done in this instance (Season Four).
The writers lacked creativity and were obviously clueless about the direction this entire show was taking. In the end, there's no real resolution or closure-yes, there are a few answers along the way, but not enough to support four seasons without a satisfying conclusion. They leave the entire thing hanging with you not knowing what the outcome would be.
Is this the worst TV show you'll ever watch? No, it's by no means the worst, but also not even close to the best.
The two leads (Jacqueline McKenzie, and Joel Gretsch) represent the pinnacle. They certainly can carry a show, and while some of their acting is excellent, others-well, you'll have to use your imagination.
This is ultimately the kind of show you want if you need something to watch while you browse through your phone in bed and you're not really interested in watching it, but you will lose some things if you don't, so if you wish continuity you need to invest in it.
If you are someone who likes to invest in watching all seasons of a show, there are more worthwhile ones to give ample viewing time to.
Troppo (2022)
Brilliantly written series that matures like fine wine
Oh, how I cherished this TV show produced in Australia. I wouldn't typically watch this kind of show, but after hearing some co-workers discuss the book "Crimson Lake," which serves as the basis for the series, I decided to give it a shot even though I haven't read the book.
It's recommended to watch it through to at least episode three; after that, it's must-see television. I thought, "Well, that's gonna get old soon," because I found Nicole Chamoun's portrayal of Amanda to be so unlikeable and irritating. However, as the story progresses, you begin to realise what a phenomenal role Nicole played. Ted Conkaffey, played by Thomas Jane, initially seems to have little to do, but by the second part of the series, he truly comes to life and has a fantastic role. David Lyons' character Damford has the third lead. He was also a major player with a great performance.
You anticipate how this series will conclude, but when it's all over, you'll realise you were entirely mistaken and that nothing went as planned. I'm already looking for the show to buy and keep because it's so brilliantly written and performed.
I am eagerly anticipating the release of season two in 2024. I hope it remains in place for a long time. Don't let it go under the radar-it's one of those shows that can happen here in the UK, at least. Look for it and watch it. It's going to blow up big time, in my opinion, if season one is laying the groundwork for season two.
Murder Is Easy (2023)
Agatha would have said, 'meh'
Miss Pinkerton boards a train, making her way to Scotland Yard. On the train, she meets Luke Fitzwilliam, whom she tells her tale of murder in her village. Fitzwilliam, an investigator himself, frustrated at a delay in starting his new job, heads to Miss Pinkerton's village to investigate her claims. His eagerness is likewise inevasible by the death of Miss Pinkerton, soon after disembarking their train.
To be honest, I found this one a bit tedious. It felt like everyone was going through the motions. The level of acting was monotonous and prosaic.
Although David Jonsson carried the lead well enough, I couldn't help but think the political decision to make Fitzwilliam Nigerian was ill-conceived. It made it difficult to believe the setting where the story takes place. Penelope Wilton's brief appearance is brilliant as always. Matthew Baynton was also a stand-out ( in my opinion, he should have been Fitzwilliam and David Jonsson as the doctor may have been better).
The story itself is told in boring fashion with very little to hold your attention. I was distracted a lot and had to restart a couple of times, which, as a big Agatha Christie fan, is unusual for me. The BBC adaptions in this format have run its course. It's time for some Marple reworks.
Midsomer Murders: The Sting of Death (2019)
Let the murders bee-gin ×ahem×
Neil Dudgeon plods through with the usual visual disinterest in what he's doing. Nick Hendrix is a bit better.
Griff Rhys-Jones (he's terrible in this) guest stars as the annoyingly irascible, Ambrose Deddington, a prize beekeeper who claims his bee venom cured his cancer. He is duly assaulted and bees are attacked in their hive allowing some to escape and so the murders bee-gin. Dr Lowe is the first victim. We learn very early all was not as it seemed with the good doctor.
Deddington's nephew is the first suspect, mainly because he failed to inherit the dowager cottage promised to his mother, due to a clerical omission in a will. But he's as much of a murderer or uncle's attacker, as I am the secret love of Jessica Alba's life (I'm not, in case you were wondering, more's the pity)
The murders ensue, and the suspects line up nicely, but you have an early inkling who this is. One of the easier episodes to work out who the killer is.
The wonted secret affairs, lies and family dysfunction make for a decent script and fair reveal.
Beautiful locations throughout and the token batty old woman with psychotic episodes don't bring anything new, but they flesh out the story well enough.
The vicar (who probably needs to get right with God over his bearish behaviour) is an oddly amusing little character. Played brilliantly by a real blast from the past, Derek Griffiths (best in the show). Play School, anyone? Coronation Street's, Wendi Peters is also a star turn.
At times oft silly, absurd and mawkishly aloof, which all bake together nicely for a discernible episode of Midsomer Murders.
Grave Halloween (2013)
Passable as one to tick off as 'seen it'
Take the word "Grave" and the word "Halloween", two words greatly associated with horror movie titles, put them together as one, and hey presto! You have a horror movie title. I'm sure the thought process went something like that.
Well, it is described as a horror movie. An exploitation of women as most of these cheap horror movies are. Select a beautiful, sensually appealing woman, stick her in a horror movie, and make her seem she has the intelligence of the wood decking in your backyard. Of course, at the start, scantily dressed, (at least it wasn't a naked shower scene).
As a movie, not bad, not great, but you know what you're getting into with these low-budget, cheesy horror films. Of course, it follows the age-old premise of a few one-dimensional teens who wake up to scream now and then, but it's more the heightened music score which grabs your attention, for usually very little happening.
Our gruesome fewsome head off to a known freaky remote place, and this one is boldly referred to as 'Suicide Forest'. Where the token creepy old guy gives them solid advice to avoid. Oh and, 'respect the dead'. Did they listen? Well, there wouldn't be a movie if they did. They are making a documentary. There's always video cameras somewhere, huh?
Our main heroine hopes in the process to make sense of her mother's suicide, some years earlier.
Slow-paced, boring in parts, tired format, but mildly entertaining nonetheless. There won't be any jump out your seat moments. It's as predictable as your timeline on Facebook. Usual suspects, with the same old nonsense, and you're hoping for something different to happen. Nah! You're not seeing anything new here.
The deaths start coming of course. One or two are appealing and impaling. Jason Voorhees would have been proud. This is the main reason why it's 4/10 worthy.
The acting is fair to hellish. The Director, Steven R. Monroe, knows what he's doing. The writers, possibly, not so much. There are elements you don't quite follow, like the two ineffectual cops running round the forest and reminding the teens, they have been warned. Then locking a couple of them up in a back room together, instead of separately in cells. Certainly doesn't look representative of a jail house. Especially as there's a number of dead bodies in the same room too. I missed something here, not sure what the cops were about. They are helpful in letting our trapped teens escape, cos you know they wrap dead bodies still holding a switchblade. Look out for creepy old guy getting more creepier.
Mind you, if you were to get a bit too deep on it, and you work out the movie is all about going after one member of the group, you realise the previous ninety minutes didn't make much sense.
Worth a watch, sure, just don't expect brilliance. It is not gonna rock your world, but might keep you intrigued enough, to leave you probably indifferent by the end.
Her Deadly Sugar Daddy (2020)
Oh dear me... If you're going to make films, make sure your budget is higher than fifty dollars.
Granted, lifetime movies are infamously awful, but please, for the love of heaven, give us at least a modicum of intelligence.
First things first: avoid including the biggest spoiler in the title of a film if you want people to take it seriously. "Deadly Sugar Daddy" was released as "Sugar Baby Murder" in the UK. Yeah, still not helpful to contain how this entire thing unfolds.
Stupid, meaningless writing. A ton of bad acting. A script that assumes its audience is made up of imbeciles. A Director who couldn't point you in the direction of the closest toilet.
Straight in the bin is a better description than "bargain bin." Is it the worst movie you'll ever watch? Possibly not. Not the worst, but definitely not the best, or anywhere near t.
Don't watch it unless you're very bored or too lazy to find something better to watch. Don't watch if you are already feeling self-loathing. You will only end up feeling worse about yourself for watching. It is not going to elevate you in any way.
I might have to up my meds now.
Perfect Child (2007)
Mildly Entertaining
I'm not sure where other reviews get the 'kept guessing up to the end' part. You know almost instantly who is responsible for what is going on. Easily the single most predictable movie of the decade. Primarily based on 'The Bad Seed'.
You know the plot, and the writers go with the usual red herring between two characters, but the blatant attempt to get you to think one way is badly written and executed. You know who it is and are never really swayed from that opinion.
This being said, the film is a vehicle for the main character, Sarah Daniels. Rebecca Budig does great with a weak script. Nicole Munoz also shines. Lochlyn Munro and Jody Thomson are ineffectual throughout.
The best this movie is that it passes a lazy afternoon, if you happen to stumble upon it. Despite its weaknesses in script, Terry Ingram directs well and presents us with a mildly entertaining afternoon, where we don't have to put much thought into the process of watching.