alex_serious Reviews

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)

The End of an Already Finished Story.

[6/10 · 21 December 2019]

Watching The Rise of Skywalker, it was hard not to feel that they were trying to end something which had already finished. This to me felt like a somewhat empty film.

When Return of the Jedi finished, it wrapped up the Saga nicely. It gave closure to the characters, and to the story.

Since The Force Awakens, they have gradually undone all of that work and have, bit-by-bit, left the saga with a sense of emptiness.

This story picks up some time after the unfortunate Episode VIII and also has the unenviable task of wrapping up the story that, again, didn't need to be told.

To jump right to the negatives and positives, this move features absolutely stunning CGI and John Williams returns, one last time, to deliver one of cinemas most outstanding soundtracks. Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver give very solid performances as the two main characters and the supporting cast do pretty well for themselves as well.

Sadly, there are not as many practical effects as one would like in a Star Wars film, so it feels a bit 'Avengers' and the script lacks enough depth to bring any real feeling to the film.

I left with no real emotional connection to the characters or the story.

This being said, it was a much better film than I thought it was going to be, however, the story came across as quite forced (no pun intended) and, of course, opened up a whole swathe of plot wholes that affect not just this film, but all Star Wars movies retrospectively.

They simply tried to do too much with this film, but it is worth a watch.

Stay Hungry (1976)

Stay Hungry and see the whole movie...

[6/10 · 1 January 2015]

This is no a movie, this is not a film. This transcends those mere titles. This is an experience, not un-like skydiving. As you start to watch the movie you wonder to yourself "why the hell am I doing this?" the of course you have the "I totally regret trying this" stage which ultimately leads to the "I admit this is actually worth it. awesome." stage.

I don't know what was going on in the world when this was being made, but things have changed and stories are now told differently and for the most part don't include a random song and dance in the bush midway though. However, This movie does. It also includes so many other stupidly unpredictable things that watching it is a shock to the senses.

I came away from it glad that I took the jump, I might not see it again for a very long time and I am sure that when that time comes I will wonder why I am doing it, but then I'll remember.

Oh yeah, there is also some plot, acting and a mister universe contest.

Stay Hungry. 6 stars. Worth it.

Iceman (2014)

Iceman shatters under the pressure.

[1/10 · 9 December 2014]

What an age we live in. Full of amazing visionary directors, CGI that is affordable yet can still be highly effective and story telling that has evolved and can be done in so many methods.

Iceman does not come from this age. It is terrible and it doesn't even seem to care. It shamelessly seduces you with big budget box art before unzipping its pants and spraying you right in the face with force of a firehose.

You are taken on an odd adventure involving 4 ancient warriors who were frozen in time and emerge from the frosty slumber only to find out that it is 2014 and they still have unfinished business. Donnie Yen plays our hero Ho Ying, who is being hunted down by his three childhood friends. Ying must also find the key to an ancient Indian time machine. What is this key? Its the penis of a god. Yep.

The movie (with English subtitles, as i saw it) doesn't make sense. It has odd pacing and jokes that were funny in the 70's. It also tries to force "chemistry" between the two main characters but that and all the acting comes off as stiff and cold.

The CGI is sub-par for it's budget and story is badly written with dumb plot elements.

However, it was funny. That being said: 1 star. terrible.

Evil Dead (2013)

A Bloody Sticky Situation.

[5/10 · 29 October 2014]

As modern Horror movies go, there are a few schools of thought: Make an original movie, make another equal to an established franchise or do a complete reboot. This film falls into the latter. The original "The Evil Dead" has become something of a cult classic, and rightfully o as it is a tastefully delivered horror flick that did things a bit differently. As such this movie was released to an established fan base and did quite well at the box office.

The reboot, simply titled "Evil Dead" borrow only two elements from the original: The name and the gore. Beyond that, there are very few similarities to the original.

Story: Five friends go to a Cabin In The Woods to help one of them overcome her drug addiction. However, while there they discover a "Book Of The Dead". After reading from it, demons possess and try to kill them all.

Good Points: This is a well made, well produced movie with a somewhat interesting, if uninspired, score. The filmography and the special effects are carried out in a way that glues together well. The acting is on par for the horror genre, though there are no gold stars being handed out here for them or the script.

Bad Points: The original was funny, gory, great entertainment and made on a tiny budget. This is only gory. I personally found it predictable and boring. Without seeing the original, I'm sure that'd be the case for most. This film appeared to me to be a montage of people falling over, trying to escape only using their arms and deaths that are aimed at the creative "SAW" franchise lovers.

The problem here is that nothing sets this movie apart, there is nothing to come here for that you can't get somewhere else. It lacks jump scares, it lacks suspense, the characters are written to do weird illogical things and the film winds up coming over just a bit silly for something trying to be so serious.

It won't be keeping me up at night.

5/10. A reasonable effort, though.

Lucy (I) (2014)

Lucy, I want a divorce.

[3/10 · 19 October 2014]

No. This is not something I am happy to pay money for. Before a movie like this gets made, they should go over the script that was loosely sprawled over a napkin and have a good think. This was bad.

Why? The reason is complicated. In all honesty, there is a fair bit in the movie that can be liked. The performances are on par with a blockbuster movie and all have done well developing their characters. There is good camera work and the story is a nice original take on the "becoming powerful" story that has become common place as of late.

The film starts off with a powerful first act. This being said, the random cut-aways to stock footage takes some getting used to. This isn't a problem as throughout the movie this device gets dropped pretty quickly.

After the first act is where the story starts to walk its fine line of good and stupid. It doesn't take long to find out that this movie sadly takes the latter path.

The 3rd act finishes, leaving the movies great concept and potential in shambles on the floor. I really wanted something great out of this, but in the end it all felt rushed and not thought through. I am hoping in 25 years time someone re-thinks this movie and gives it another shot.

3 stars for trying. Everyone gets a medal.

The Last Airbender (2010)

The Wrong Airbender.

[1/10 · 19 October 2014]

There are a lot of ways to sum up this movie. Sadly, all of these ways involve bad words and flowing tears. I'll admit it from the get-go. I have seen Avatar: The Last Airbender. I have seen ever episode and it took me on an emotional journey and ultimately became one of the best TV shows that I have ever seen. Its original characters and story kept you hooked from start to finish and gave you a moving emotional roller coaster ride from start till end. The same can be said for The Last Airbender, I was take on an emotional ride... from shocked, to sad, to angry and then left in a state of depression. Why did I waste that time.

This movie draws its content from the first season of the pure-gold show it almost shares a name with. It takes us on the journey of Aang (The Avatar) being discovered and something happens and then they're at a place with snow and there is a fish in a bag and then someone makes some fire and then a wave and then some credits.

Seriously, this is what the movie feels like.

There are so many problems with this film it is easier to point out some strong points. 1. The CGI is alright. 2. It finally ends. 3. Thankfully it isn't getting 2 more installments.

If you are in the mood for a fun family action flick then steer clear of this. If you want an amazing story about a young boy who is preserved in ice for 100 years, awoken only to find that it has descended into a violent war that only he can end... well you're going to have to clear you schedule and watch the source material, Avatar: The Last Airbender.

1 star. Just awful.

Skyfall (2012)

Skyrise

[9/10 · 22 February 2013]

Yes, its a bad pun for a title but just take it for now and stick with me.

So this movie has gotten some mixed but mostly good reviews by critics and some pretty damn atrocious reviews by the regular mortals who flock to the movies to look for disappointment. The good news is, however, that Skyfall, (the latest Bond installment as you damn-well know) is actually quite a great film.

Sam Mendes introduces us to his refreshed Bond character, though still plaid by Craig, in a fast-paced chase scene in Istanbul, before pulling on the reigns and slowing the pace of the film to make way for some character development across the board (a swathe of new characters are introduced for this as well as some familiars).

Though there are a few clichés' to be found here, the new James Bond story has got quite a lot to offer, including a great story centering around M, and a new villain who is fantastic (but not the best bond villain). The story also makes Bond face some of his demons as well as tackle with his loyalty to Queen and Country, but also his boss, M.

The highlight of the movie is to be found at the end with a fantastic finale set in Bond's pre- MI6 residence of SKYFALL. (and some lovely shots of the Goldfinger icon, and worlds most famous car, Bond's (Connery's) Aston Martin DB5.

This movie is in no way a traditional bond film. Though it does try to hark back to it's golden days with many a reference. But that is not to say it isn't a good film. Whether you view this as "just a spy movie" or "James Bon's return" you will be in for a treat. Bond goes to many locations, all of which suit the movies desired tone. As certain scenes require the feeling of desertion, a location is utilised and helps emphasize this and help the audience realise the emotions the various characters could be feeling. This could be a deserted island, or the grim, wet countryside of Scotland, used at a time when the situation that Bond ends up in is looking dire.

It does not need to be said that some people wont enjoy this film. Some people will believe that James Bond movies should never-ever change (I am a huge Bond Fan and have not taken this view) and others are the kind of people that cut holes in the shoes so they are able to complain about having holes in their shoes.

All movies can have holes in them. If you watch this looking for them, I'm sure you find things to complain about. However, I must then say, that if you are one of those people, who are always looking for reasons to hate things, then maybe there are some bigger problems in your life that you should be focusing on.

Rating = 8,5/ 10

Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

Snow White and The Fourth Wheel.

[7/10 · 11 September 2012]

Okay, so there is a huntsman, and princess a queen and for reasons that I am not yet aware, there is also a prince charming? As far as I am aware, he is as useful as a Laser Disc. D you remember what hey are? Probably not, and it doesn't matter because you want remember this mans characterless character.

Wat you will remember are the stunning visuals and the quite impressive acting. Charlize does a fantastic job as the queen, and despite her being tong-deep in the directors mouth, so does Stewart. Thors acting was also good, though his accent was difficult to decipher. Not sure from where it is that he comes...

This movie does have a whiff of Tim Burton to it. It has the same dark aura and fascinating concepts that one would find in Burton's work, but not as refined or in-depth. It is a great take on the original Snow White story and good fun to watch. Sometimes it does drag on, but it is good.

7 Stars.

Total Recall (I) (2012)

Totally Rekall the original being better.

[5/10 · 11 September 2012]

Did you know there was an original Total Recall? Yes...you do. And this movie likes to let you know that it it also knows this by putting in many references to the original film. Which was a lot better.

Colin Ferral does a great job in this movie and the CGI is rather outstanding. It is a high budget movie. However, it is soulless, meaningless and something I chose not to recall as it taints my memory of the better Arnie film. Thats right, they remade a movie with Arnie in it. There should be a law against that.

The story is much the same as in the original with small aspects being changed that don't really effect the overall character mission. It is obviously no longer set on Mars and does not involve aliens or mutants like the original. Some would say that they have "modernised" the story and film but I don't think that it holds up.

Watch this movie. It is entertaining, yet also disappointing so try and think of it as a movie with a similar concept to Total Recall but not a remake. It will just frustrate otherwise.

5 Stars.

The Bourne Legacy (2012)

The Stillbourne Legacy.

[4/10 · 11 September 2012]

So first up, like some other reviews dictate, the acting here was pretty good.

Now, on to the story and script. Did you know that TBL is based on a new series of books (there are 4) written by someone who did't write the original 3? It is. Because of this, the story here is terrible and it could be argued that there really isn't one. If you told me that I would have believed you.

Renner and Wiese try their best to make this movie work but it can not be saved. Trying to shoehorn so many references from the previous movies and establish new characters and sub-plots, coupled with poor direction, make this movie comparable to a trash can outside a nice resturaunt. It is full of stuff people used to like but is now compiled into a heap of undigestable crap.

Give this a watch and a try if you love the Bourne movies, maybe you'll like it. I didn't, but then again, i might be wrong.

4 stars.

The Eden Formula (2006 TV Movie)

I don't think everyone agreed on what movie to make here.

[3/10 · 11 February 2012]

Right. firstly, when I watched this, it was called Tyrannosaurus Wrecks and now it isn't. And I think that same decision making goes for the movie. Did they want to make an action movie, or a dinosaur movie? They did what any low budget director would do in this case and made an action movie containing a dinosaur. As a result of this, you find yourself watching a B-grade action movie with snippets of a dinosaur killing people with a special effects quality harking back to the very first Godzilla movies.

So this is a bad movie. there is no denying it. But where other b-grade movies really fail across the board, this one succeeds. It has humour. When I say humour, I mean it is packed full of awful jokes, cheesiest of one liners and a 10 minute martial art scene just so they could lead into a joke. That i dedication.

Obviously the acting is bad, although every now and again you do get some rather good performances from Jeff Fahey and especially Tony Todd. (They share an interesting torture scene that is the best acted out scene in the movie) I also had some bad issues with the sound quality at times and I feel it id lack a lot of audio effects.

I will say however, that this movie didn't need to have the T-rex as it did nothing for the plot in the long term, however, it was all the better for it. It will make you laugh.

3 stars.

Army of the Dead (2008 Video)

Army of the Dead should have stayed in the desert

[2/10 · 7 February 2012]

Like wearing a wet sock, this movie is best described as unpleasant. Even at the best of times this movie is amusing when it is sposed to be scary or thrilling. Like most low budget movies, it has a few borrowed ideas mixed with some other borrowed ideas, most of which are executed poorly.

This is not to say that it is boring, it isn't. It does have it's charms even though they are sometimes far apart. It also has its fair share of loop holes, but that is something that people expect with this kind of movie. Something else people expect is not-so-good acting, and this has its fair share of poorly delivered lines and the main character is comparable to a piece of 2 by 4 that you could find at your local Home Depot.

While I have tried to avoid it, I have to mention that this movie does use CGI and it is just awful, not the worst though. It is still not really excusable as it was also overused and some shots were repeated.

What the director and writer of this movie forgot about is that thrillers and and horror movies need suspense to work, this movie has none, everything is cheap and in your face and because of this it isn't the least bit scary. Movie makers with a low budget need to remember these kind of things as I believe this is one of the main things that lets this genre down.

Also ignore that the golden city of El Dorado is meant to be in the Amazon somewhere, not the Californian desert.

2 stars.

Transmorphers (2007 Video)

This review is going to better written then this movies script.

[1/10 · 7 February 2012]

And thats not a joke. The script of this movie appears to have been doodled onto a café napkin and then gone unedited into the movie. That however is does not matter. Even if the script was decent, the actors in this movie would put any good writer to shame. They are more useless then a seat belt on a pogo stick. Enough of that however because I want to talk about the CGI.

Transmorphers was released in 2007 (the same year as Transformers). So you would expect CGI that is at least deserving of the era. Well, prepared to be disappointed as Transmorphers serves a cold dish of CGI that rivals none other than the first series of Star Trek, or Dr Who from the 60's. Awful stuff, this.

When you get a low budget film like this, you expect to see some things that are not perfect, but with Transmorphers, the lack of attention-to-detail is astonishing. As I am already surprised you have read up to here, I'll leave you with an all defining example of the directors attitude to this movie.

In the final scene before the credits roll up, you see a forgettable character standing there, enjoying the blue sky as the clouds have parted for the first time in 300 years. In the shot before this, her face was covered in scars and blood. These details have since evaded the memory of the director. And he obviously didn't care about the REALLY FREAKING OBVIOUS JUMBO JET FLYING RIGHT BEHIND HER HEAD……….

Fail.

1 star.

Green Lantern (2011)

It's not easy being Ryan Reynolds

[22 August 2011]

The green lantern is about a dude. I say this because Reynolds brings no major characteristic to his portrayal of the iconic character "The Green Lantern". What we get instead, is Ryan Reynolds being himself but in a green suit with a poorly CGI'd mask. In fact, one could argue that all the CGI in the movie was below par for a movie of this year with the budget it had. Some of the effect, specifically of Reynolds were reminiscent of the old superman series. There are more bad points too. A lot of the other actors don't seem to be trying, the movie is to predictable and there never seems to be any major boundary that Reynold's character cant easily overcome.

All this aside though, you will have some fun watching the movie, even if it is just laughing at all the bad jokes. The movie starts up well and ends with a corny nod to the inevitable squeal that is going to follow, and rips off a million movies all the way through.

Hopefully next time Ryan Reynolds reads the script before he goes on set, so his character can actually mean something in a movie industry with more super heroes than you can poke a stick at.

5/10 stars.

Rio (2011)

Went to Rio and loved it.

[7/10 · 1 May 2011]

And BAM! Suddenly, singing and dancing. Rio explodes into life in the opening scene and sets the tone for the rest of the movie. An easy going adventure with fun and random musical numbers and breath-taking scenery.

However, it isn't all sun and sand. Jesse Eisenberg and his character "Blu" will annoy you from start to finish as will the slobbering dog.

But these are very easy to dismiss, as Eisenberg is in no way a bad actor, nor are any of the other cast members for that matter. The fact is, that there isn't much to say about this movie because it is really good, not a master piece, but really good.

So take you and your baby to Rio because you will both enjoy it. Unless you are a pessimist.

7/10 stars or 3.5/5 stars

Salt (2010)

Salt left a bad taste in my mouth.

[5/10 · 19 April 2011]

A movie that is quite short on thrills and adventure: Salt is the story of an American agent who is declared a Russian sleeper operative trying to prove her innocence.

The trouble is that she isn't innocent, yet, she is? It is a clever way to engage the audience, but the fact is, that this is something that is not resolved in the end, as if to point to a sequel. Also, Angelina Jolie's poor performance as Salt will confuse the audience as to Salts emotions and actual reactions to scenarios and events.

While Jolie's acting is sub-par and the movie suffers for it, her character is worse. Salt is a cross between Jason Borne and James Bond and it is painfully obvious at times which character she has been written at, and this delivers the audience with inconsistencies throughout the film and it gets frustrating.

Sadly, the direction also gets a mention for lacking. It happens throughout, making the movie look messy and the supporting characters look like idiots, but when you watch this movie, you will notice all these things for yourself.

In the end, this was a great a concept, with a fair, yet foreseeable plot twist at the end. It was the execution that let it down. It could have been done in a much more compelling way. Angelina Jolie seemed to have put in a fair bit of effort for her character, but she still needed a lot of development.

Now, for the worst part. The end suggests there could be a sequel. Lets just hope its better than the first.

5/10 stars or 2.5/5

Dinner for Schmucks (2010)

I lost my appetite while watching this.

[4/10 · 17 April 2011]

Dinner for people-with-nothing-else-to-watch is a movie which could define the word average. there is no denying the fact that it WILL make you laugh at parts, but the trouble is that it doesn't happen very often. I remember laughing properly about twice through the whole movie. Why? It's stupid, This movie is just really stupid.

Its the story of a bland business type character trying to get a promotion by inviting someone much more interesting and confusing to a dinner and winning the dinner for idiots competition. The rest of the plot is as predictable as a Nascar racetrack, as is the amount of low brow humor that for the most part is lacking in laughs, style, class and intelligence.

This movie seems to assume its audience is stupid and therefore tries to be as stupid as possible and then, when you don't expect ( I meant expect it) they try to put emotion in to make you feel something?

However, this is only one character you can feel for and it is Steve Carell's character. He genuinely has a sad back story which is conveyed in a cunning and emotive way involving mice. Even this though, was not enough to save the movie from large void that it fell in.

It had a good cast and some nice concepts, but in the end this movie was nothing to be enjoyed, which is sad because i feel there might have been potential in there somewhere.

4/10 stars or, 2/5 stars

Due Date (2010)

A road trip I wish I was not part of.

[3/10 · 14 April 2011]

Due Date was a movie of highs and lows. it was a high budget movie with very low outcomes. It is about a man in a suit and a weird guy who masturbates, on a car journey from one recognizable American city to another. It is filled with poor humor random stunts for the trailers and two big name actors. What it isn't filled with, however, is a story. It has a very loose plot that cant even act as a driving force for the movie. No pun intended.

The actors though, do, do a good job with their characters and are enough to make you interested in the movie but no matter how hard they try, not even Robert Downie Jr and Zach Galifianakis can save the movie from its inevitable failure.

A combination of poor story writing, lack of passion, cheap laughs, crude humor and ultimately what appears to be a rushed job of a poorly thought out idea, put all the nails in this movies coffin.

The movie has no soul, passion or emotion and if you are looking for a good laugh on a Saturday night, get something else.

You will find more taste and laughs in a Cannibal Corpse album.

3/10 stars, 1.5/5 stars