sarkara Reviews

Superman & Lois (2021–2024)

Usually American TV trope

[1/10 · 1 April 2024]

In both DC and Marvel productions, there's a recurring theme of a nuclear family dynamic, complete with a loving couple and two children. However, these shows tend to prioritize familial drama over action, with characters often caught up in constant whining and bickering. This American trope is heavily prevalent in Superman, resulting in an overabundance of family-centric content that overshadow the almost non-existent action sequences. While acknowledging the high divorce rate in the US, it is tiring to consistently witness this idealized portrayal of family life in entertainment media, whether it's in Superman or WandaVision.

It's the same turdshow wrapped in different packaging.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)

Stay home and save your money

[1/10 · 1 April 2024]

The plot to Godzilla x Kong: New Empire is that below the Earth are face painted tribal people who use crystals to control gravity, and who are a looking for a psychic deaf girl because they need her to awaken a mother moth that shoots magical spider webs, in order to unite old man King Kong, his mini-me, and nuclear Godzilla, to stop a big red monkey with a bone bullwhip and an ice breathing lizard dog.

It would have been better if this plot had been all monster and no humans, but like the rest of this universe its mostly humans who are dumb and unlikeable and stupid and in this one the humans are the most dumb and unlikeable and stupid than any of the previous films.

All four prior films had some charm this one lacks. It's super dumb and not worth seeing in theaters. Just stay home and don't watch.

Forensic Files II (2020– )

The narration isn't the problem

[6/10 · 2 October 2023]

Contrary to what some people are saying, the narration isn't a problem at all, just ignore the naysayers.

The problem is the content itself. While the original show, in the iconic voice of Peter Thomas, "made forensic history", the new one doesn't do much to surprise an informed crime buff who is not living under a rock. Most of the cases are solved by tenacious police work, and the advancement of science, specifically DNA. In other words, the time elapsed is the primary reason these cases have been solved.

One amusing fact, most of the cases involve gun violence and all of the victims would still be alive if not for the gun lobby.

Lioness (2023– )

Same old, only worse

[1/10 · 26 September 2023]

Why you should watch it:

• It exists and you've got nothing else going on.

Why you should skip it:

• Nicole Kidman has more Botox pumped in her face than the entire government funding pumped in the market for COVID relief.

• Zoe Saldana appears to have a twin, each born with a single facial expression. One is a cold, calculating, conniving CIA operative, the other is a loving, supporting and sexy wife and mother. There's no transition or overlap between the two, it's binary and hence absurd.

• There's the female lead who, according to the script, is supposed to be tough but instead always appears on the verge of a psychotic breakdown. She's either breaking down in tears or breaking bones.

• There's the usual trope of spoiled and bratty American teenager whose only reason to exist is to create some tension is the personal lives of the main characters by making senseless and idiotic choices. I mean, COME ON, this angle has gotten old 10 years ago, just stop beating the dead horse already.

• Apparently, the powers to be are more concerned with using the fossil oil industry to make money than to prevent acts of terrorism. And in another news, the sky is blue.

Outlier (2020– )

Annoying lead

[5/10 · 13 September 2023]

Unlike some other reviewers, I don't mind a slow pace that builds up nicely. Also unlike most shows on TV, there are no bratty teenagers here who constantly mess things up and then look to the protagonist to clean up their mess.

However, the female lead Maja is _the most annoying_ character I have ever seen. She hates men and thinks every one of them is beneath her, and that every man is a misogynist. Her "investigative method" consists of walking up to people, telling them that they are idiots, and that she has arrived to fix their mistakes. She is doing a PhD on serial killers and doesn't miss any opportunity to drop cliches like "doesn't fit the profile" and "soft target" on the unsuspecting villagers.

As for her acting chops, quoting Dorothy Parker, she "ran the whole gamut of emotions - from A to B."

I found myself fast forwarding quite a bit, and still don't think I missed much.

Medusa (I) (2021)

A bunch of Karens is called...

[1/10 · 14 May 2023]

...Medusa. A bunch of women walk around preaching religious mumbo jumbo and hurting people for their "sins", but apparently, no one presses charges or sees anything. The leader is a blond and obviously dumb, so, the setting must be Texas. There's no story, no nothing, I didn't recognize anyone in the movie who even had done a TV commercial before. Just random plots thrown in. The urge to make this movie must have been like the urge to go to the bathroom when you can't hold it anymore, because it's impossible to justify its existence otherwise.

There's no horror, thriller, not even a tiddie show to even consider spending your time on this.

Rawkto Bilaap (2022)

Usual trash doled out by Bengali industry

[1/10 · 27 April 2023]

Usual trash doled out by Bengali industry. Even with fast forwarding every couple minutes, it was impossible to tolerate the hamming, manufactured smartness, yelling and shoving that the director thought passed for acting. The characters were supposed to be spoiled youngsters with deep pockets, but played by middle aged washed up actors who had just picked up rented clothes and accessories like nose rings on the way to the studio.

The most interesting parts of the series were when the characters started dropping dead. You really need to find another way to spend your time. May I suggest lying down on the bed and staring vacantly at the ceiling?

U Turn (I) (2018)

Why did she get a lip job

[1/10 · 13 March 2023]

The lead actress got a lip job to get those "pillow lips" that was first brought in vogue by Angelina Jolie. But this actress is no Jolie, and every time she appeared on screen, I couldn't help but cringe looking at her lips.

The lead actress got a lip job to get those "pillow lips" that was first brought in vogue by Angelina Jolie. But this actress is no Jolie, and every time she appeared on screen, I couldn't help but cringe looking at her lips.

The lead actress got a lip job to get those "pillow lips" that was first brought in vogue by Angelina Jolie. But this actress is no Jolie, and every time she appeared on screen, I couldn't help but cringe looking at her lips.

Chup (2022)

Come get me

[1/10 · 8 March 2023]

Yet another trash doled out by Bollywood. A serial killer is killing film critics because...wait for it...they gave low ratings to some movies. There is the usual garbage that passes for acting, a naive woman who talks to herself, and the owner of a nursery who also talks to himself, so naturally, the two weirdos hook up. Sunny Deol has only one expression and that's from Ghayal. Oh, there's Pooja Bhatt who plays Houdini...I mean a psychologist... who has deep experience with psychopaths, and can pick clues out of thin air.

I watched the movie on Zee5 and had to fast forward most of the movie in order to avoid dying from boredom.

Now that I've given this movie a low rating, what will happen to me?

Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)

It's December and it's family time

[3/10 · 17 December 2022]

Let me first say that I'm a big fan of Mr. Cameron's work. His use of special effects is way ahead of its time, and is forever etched in the memory of the viewer.

-- Direction-ish -- But sadly, even a visionary like Cameron can fall for the usual Hollywood banality, and Avatar2 is nothing but full of cliches, so much so that I found myself saying "we get it, it's a beautiful sea world, now for God's sake, move on with the story and give the swimming and fishes a break." Make no mistake, Avatar2 looks stunning and has the telltale Cameron signature, with scenes that invoke memories from the Jaws, Terminator 2, and Titanic. If you watch it, you should definitely watch on the biggest screen available near you. But that's where the good things end. While making the movie a visual masterpiece, Cameron forgot to throw in a story, and it's as if at the last minute he went like "Oh gosh, we forgot a story, let's just throw in some kids, and some family propaganda, release it in December, and the usual American audience will lap it up along with their Christmas meals."

-- Story-ish -- Jake Sully is living happily with four kids, which, if you're conscious, is four too many when the world population has just hit 8 billion. He wasn't an officer in the army but he raises his kids with an iron hand acting like a General. The kids just exist, and often make stupid decisions only required to advance the movie. Jake and his wife have occasional loving arguments, but no fights, ever (I want to know which marriage counselor they see), and the wifey and children always fall in line with Jake.

There's a character called "Spider" or "the Monkey Boy", but Cameron forgot to tell him what he was supposed to do, so this dude just dresses like Tarzan and tags along with various people at various times.

There's more; the Earth is dying and humans want to establish a colony in Pandora. They decide that the natives must be wiped out. But when Jake flees (because family), the humans, for no reason, decide to forgo their mission and spend the rest of the movie hunting him down.

3-star for the visuals.

HIT: The 2nd Case (2022)

Makes no sense

[3/10 · 11 December 2022]

At the beginning of the movie, the cop dude playing the hero tells the media that all criminals are idiots and it doesn't take him more than 5 minutes to catch one. While this statement is blatantly false, it does apply correctly to the producers, director and viewers who rated it highly (unless they are paid by the studio, in which case they are smart).

Out of the million inconsistencies and logical errors in the movie, here are some:

1. Luminol does fluoresce when it comes in contact with blood but It also reacts with ANY iron and copper traces. There's a high chance that your plumber would test positive for Luminol. So, spraying Luminol on random stuff and concluding that it was part of a murder scene is just stupid.

2. The cop dude always has the top two buttons of his shirt undone. I thought we were done with the faux display of machismo and sex appeal with shirt buttons and chest hair in the 70s, what's up with that now?

3. He randomly asks people on the road to show their teeth in the name of investigation. He goes to a victim's house and conducts searches without a warrant. He goes to a victim's house, picks up a group photo taken many years ago and decides that one guy in the photo is a suspect. I mean, what the f?

4. The cop dude never wears any gloves when investigating a crime scene. So, he's basically contaminating the scenes that he's investigating.

5. The cop dude's girlfriend shows up to live with him with two suitcases. Can you imagine an adult woman with a job living out of two suitcases? No, it takes three only to accommodate their clothes and make up, if we aren't even taking about furniture and appliances.

6. There's an additional DIG who doesn't like the cop dude and makes it difficult to do his job. Now, we all dislike that guy who is stupid but acts smart, but that's not it; if the ADIG would be doing his job without discrimination, then the movie wouldn't have anything to go on.

Hellraiser (2022)

Nothin to see here folks

[1/10 · 9 October 2022]

Started watching it last night. About 40 minutes in, I was rather willing to be tortured by the cenobites than endure the torment of sitting through this steaming pile of horse manure. The characters are one-dimensional and unpleasant. The lead character can win any unpleasant bi*ch of the year competition by a mile over the runner up. I don't know if she eventually died or what, but people around her kept dying because of her. The technology in 1987 when the original movie came out is caveman standard compared to what they have today, but they fell short in ...everything. The cenobites looked like amateurs participating in a cosplay, and wouldn't scare even a 5-year old.

Barbarian (2022)

One of the worst movies of the decade

[1/10 · 11 September 2022]

The movie has no story. It literally depends on the characters making incredibly stupid, illogical and impractical decisions to complete its runtime. Not a single character in the movie behaves like a sane adult if they were put in similar circumstances. The actors are cartoonish and they have zero depth. They are just in for their paychecks, which, they shouldn't get in full, because they did a terribly bad job. There are a few stupid twists, but you might be asleep or have left the theater by the time those happen. None of it makes any sense. DON'T TRUST THE FAKE REVIEWS, this is definitely one of the worst movies of the decade.

Ambulance (2022)

I tried five times

[1/10 · 29 May 2022]

...to finish watching this movie, and still couldn't get pass the one-hour mark. Read the reviews, it'll be a better use of your time than this boatload of nonsense. There's no logical explanation why the characters behave the way they do, no one with a warm body does.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

It's all about flying but it is not the plane

[8/10 · 27 May 2022]

Top Gun came out at a time when smart phones only existed in science fiction and computers were more expensive than cars. Relationships didn't start with swiping right on the screen, and teenagers left hand written notes, not Facebook messages, for those they had a crush on. The world was a very different place without the suffocating abundance of technology.

So, what have we got in Top Gun: Maverick? We got drama, we got rivalry, we got romance, we got some funny moments, but above all, we got character. I couldn't help but notice the similarity with the recent Bond movies, where an aging Bond is considered obsolete and to be replaced by technology. In one scene, Tom Cruise's superior tells him Tom wasn't his first choice for the given mission, and he couldn't fathom what Tom might have left to give. Again, I was reminded of a scene from the Dark Knight Rises, when Selina (Catwoman) begs Batman to come with her. She says, you don't owe them (the people of Gotham) anything, you've given them everything. To which, Batman says, not everything, not yet.

Tom Cruise was 24 in 1986, and in Top Gun: Maverick, he shows how much he appreciates what we no longer have in the midst of all the things we have. He takes us on a journey on which the things that make us human are on full display. The cinematography is outstanding, the story not outlandish, and although there are a few moments where a willing suspension of disbelief is required, those are precisely what makes the movie stand out from the daily grinds of life. It's about flying, and for a change without a cape, but it's not the plane, it's the pilot.

Go watch it; it'll take your breath away.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)

Slow and formulaic

[4/10 · 11 May 2022]

The first Trivia item says it all: "Sam Raimi initially didn't want to direct any future superhero films, having lost faith in himself due to the critical and audience backlash he received from Spider-Man 3". It's amazing what a fat paycheck can get anyone to do, and in this case, it changed Raimi's mind. Too bad, for the audience.

Just like Spider-Man 3, this movie also is burdened with a lot of melodrama, and just like Spider-Man 3, there is an antagonist/villain who, at the end, needs just a little nudge to do the right thing, and bam, they are redeemed. May be Raimi attempts to show that there's good in all of us, but that premise is so naive, wrongly simplistic, and has been done to death since the inception of cinema, that he just ends up producing another snore fest. As an iconic movie character said "some men just want to watch the world burn", there isn't always a good side to them waiting to come out with the adequate amount of tears.

The movie is a little over two hours long, and by the time an hour had passed, I was so bored that I started checking social media on my phone (there were no one seating in the rows behind me). I didn't care about Dr. Strange or what happened to any of the other characters. There was no reason to anyway, the movie is a rinse and repeat of the same thing: Dr. Strange fleeing from the villain. When you've seen it once or twice, it just keeps repeating in different universes. The reason behind the villain's onslaught is just unbelievable, other than, of course, they needed to make a movie.

Skip it!

Dhamaka (2021)

They couldn't even copy properly

[1/10 · 1 May 2022]

How pathetic do the crew have to be so that given a terrific foreign language movie they couldn't even copy it? I don't watch Hindi movies because they are usually waste of time, but having previously watched the Korean movie which this is copied from, I decided to give it a shot. Bad idea! The movie starts with a song, and had me almost quit, but I stuck around for another 10 minutes. The hero is a RJ who badly needs a haircut and acts, if it can even be called acting, worse that a dead rat. I stopped after 15 minutes.

Don't pay attention to the fake and paid reviews. Watch commercials on TV, that'll be a far better use of your time.

Manifest (2018–2023)

Not what I expected

[4/10 · 30 April 2022]

I love a good Sci-Fi and even though TV keeps turning great premises into misguided drivel, my hope was rekindled by the plot line of this show. A plane takes off one fine morning, and when it lands, 5.5 years have gone by! Time vortex? Alien abduction? Parallel universe? There was enough potential to give Bermuda Triangle a run for its money, but what do they do? Not like an hour after the mystery flight lands, authorities are like "oh, we thought you guys were dead, but hey, s**t happens, welcome back, go back into society, good luck." The rest of the episode the characters spend time talking in monotone.

Criminal Minds: The Tribe (2006) Season 1, Episode 16

The actress playing Ingrid...

[1/10 · 14 March 2022]

...Has one single expression, pouting her lips. She does it to portray brain washed, defiant, in tears, in heat. Luckily she doesn't have much screen time. Her onscreen presence is just as pleasant as walking on red hot nails.

Young Wallander (2020–2022)

Botched police work and buckets of tears

[3/10 · 1 March 2022]

This must be one of worst shows as far as police work goes. Anything and everything a cop does in this show can be considered unprofessional and conduct unbecoming. Every precinct has its share of bad apples, and they make good movie material, but it's hard to imagine a precinct where finding good cops is as hard as finding gold in Alaska. There's a uniformed officer who gets invited for dinner and then lashes out at the hosts for them being white and having it too easy. This same person is also suffering from PTSD but hiding it at his job, essentially putting his partner and fellow officers at risk. Then there's the protagonist, Wallander, who finds an eyewitness to a murder, but doesn't bother taking a formal statement. Instead, he keeps calling her like a pathetic ex-boyfriend leaving messages begging for her to call back. Did anyone involved in making this show actually talk to someone in law enforcement?

That's not all. All of them cry. There's nothing wrong with showing your emotions, but come on, you can't keep screwing up and then cry your eyes out looking for sympathy.

Oh, one more incredulous thing: Police don't use their cell phones for communication in the field, they use radios.

A Thursday (2022)

Snooze fest

[5/10 · 27 February 2022]

This movie doesn't hold a candle to "A Wednesday". Forced acting, ridiculous dialogues and too long run time make it more painful to watch than watch paint dry. It attempts to deliver a much needed message but sadly it's lost in the melodrama. Atul Kulkarni plays a typical Indian man who acts all macho and aggressive in front of Neha Dhupia, who is also his boss and ex-wife, because he can't accept the fact that his wife has moved on from him and outranks him. Neha Dhupia, on the other hand, only exists on the movie because someone needed to be pregnant; her character serves no purpose. Dimple Kapadia is the "emotional" Prime Minister who doesn't care about public opinion in the upcoming election (really??)

Yeti Obhijaan (2017)

A travesty

[1/10 · 19 February 2022]

I never was a Srijit Mukherji fanboy, and this movie most certainly didn't change my mind. Everything in the movie is wrong, I don't even know where to begin my review. Well, let's start with the characterization.

Santu in the books doesn't talk much (unlike his friend Jojo), but underneath his quiet demeanor, he is extremely street smart, indomitable and courageous. Santu in this movie is like a scared, wet rat, fleeing at the onset of anything resembling danger.

Kakababu in the books isn't a boastful person, in fact, he dislikes being praised even by others (like Narendra Verma, a frequent associate). Kakababu in this movie is full of hyperbole and bravado. "Go back and tell people Sherpas can have the last name Roy Chowdhury", are you serious?

There's also a woman who is supposed to an officer in the Indian army (a character not present in the book but obviously the director wanted a female in the otherwise all male cast in order to lure a certain demographic of viewers), and is played by a Bengali actor who tries really hard to sound like a non Bengali. What's up with the fake accent lady?

Then there're these unnecessary and annoying songs that seem to be written to please Shah Jahan, praising the king and all.

Watch commercials on the TV instead of watching this movie, it'll be a far better use of your time.

Scream (I) (2022)

Garbage in a silver bag

[1/10 · 18 February 2022]

The lead character couldn't act even when she was stabbed. The older characters looked bored and in for the paycheck. The high ratings are paid for. That's all I cared to write but I needed to fill in more characters.

Paranormal Witness (2011– )

Good but drawn out

[7/10 · 15 February 2022]

Each episode is usually around 45 min long, where 15 min could have been cut without any impact, and to keep it taut. They have real people making commentaries while actors do their thing, and it gets boring when the same thing is said 4/5 times interspersed with the actors running around being haunted. Still better than those ghost hunting "reality" shows, and to be fair, the cast are not bad.

But those 15 min.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

Like Leftover French Fries

[5/10 · 15 February 2022]

I watched T2 and this one consecutively, and the difference was like night and day. Both the movies starred Arnie and Linda, but if the former was premium steak, the latter was leftover French Fries. While Terminator movies have always based around machines, T1 and T2 aren't about machines, those are about humans and the connections among them. Tim Miller doesn't have the vision or the Midas touch of Cameron, and the less it is said about the newer (and younger) actors, the better. The female lead aka Jane Connor is plain annoying, and she's too old to be playing a 18-year old. The augmented-human-machine-whatever is perpetually bashing Linda Hamilton for no reason whereas all she does is help them stay alive.

Good thing Arnie declares he won't be back for another outing.