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Reviews
13 Hours in a Warehouse (2008)
Unredeemable
A friend and I were quite bored yesterday evening, and with both of us being fans of low budget horror flicks, figured we would give this one a watch. If you are of like mind and in a similar situation, save yourself some mental anguish and remove this from your netflicks que. No really, open a new tab to your netflicks account and do it now. I cannot begin to understand the mental workings of those who have positively reviewed this film, nor would I want to. Were I to author an idiots guide on how to monumentally fail at film making, my readers would be directed to watch this film as a failsafe. Terrible acting? Check. Poor stages and lighting? Hell yes. Plot points stolen from classic horror films, mashed together willy-nilly, and vomited up in true Linda Blair fashion? You bet your as*. From the first line of poorly scripted and pathetically delivered dialog to the hackneyed attempt at a surprise ending, this film is a true lemon.
P.S.: For those of you unfortunate enough to have seen either "House of the Dead" or "Zombie Nation", just think of "13 Hours in a Warehouse" as an equivalently disastrous film possessed of a lower budget.
Night of the Living Dead (2006)
Not great, but better than given credit for
OK, so this is pretty bad (it is a fairly low budget zombie flick), but I think its a lot better than its given credit for. There are a few honesty clever lines, such as "Maybe we're being punked" lol, cute. The silly little plays on Mary Jane/drug culture are decent little inside jokes. Also, I liked the fact that they actually commented on the smell of the corpses, cuz in reality long decayed corpses would be so ripe as to induce immediate vomiting upon nasal contact. The explanation for the outbreak is actually pretty decent and funny, I like the purposeful play on the fast/slow zombie controversy. On the idiotic side, they were just watching the original "Night of the Living Dead", and yet they didn't think about the bite infecting them or the whole you have to hit them in the head thing. On a side note , the Left Behind books, puuuuuuuke x.x The serious stuff is pretty da*n sappy, and come on people, a matrix-style bullet for no reason? You really shoulda put that money into some decent gore, it leaves a bit to be desired. The ending is just plain stupid. Still, it could have been a lot lot worse. I definitely thought it was worth watching.
House of the Dead (2003)
Absolutally terrible
I love zombie movies. Good ones, bad ones, really bad ones; I've seen somewhere between 150 and 200 I'd guess. This is, without a doubt, one of the least enjoyable of the genre. It is terrible in all the wrong ways. It is not funny, ever. I don't think I cracked a smile throughout the entire film. The acting is abysmal. The gore is pathetic, as are the zombies. The idiot incompetent director thought it would be a good idea to flash migraine inducing clips from the arcade game to preface violent scenes. Whoever wrote the dialogue would probably fail a high school creative writing class. Keep in mind, this is from someone who actually enjoyed the 2006 3-d remake of "Night of the Living Dead". Avoid this unless....., I can't think of anything. Just avoid it.