Change Your Image
Snowraven69
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Underwater (2020)
Believe The Low Ratings
Anyone giving this movie more than 2 stars have no idea what a good film is, trust me read the 1 star ratings before you contemplate watching this godawful film, it will save you an unnecessary headache. People are different I get that and we all have different tastes, but if you want to watch a film about a shaven headed Sinéad O'Connor lookalike running around in pitch darkness in her underwear whilst loud music "Drowns" out (Pun intended) any dialogue between the so-called actors then this is the movie for you. Honestly I have no idea what this movie was about and quite frankly I don't really care anymore, all I can tell you I wanted the monsters to win, they didn't.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
The English Definition of Prat(t)
Prat,
British an incompetent or stupid person; an idiot.
Source Oxford English dictionary.
The star of this "Masterpiece" Chris Prat(T) is aptly named considering he accepted the role after reading the script, I'll explain,
The year is 2022,we find our would be hero ex special forces school teacher cum family man with an "Oh so sweet" daughter, minding his own business, (A lot of nonsense dialogue later) We see him along with a shed load of other Joe and Jane Nobodies being forcibly recruited by time traveling hard ass military recruitment officers (Who happen to be women) To fight a global war 29 years into the future against a load of crappy CGI Alien spidery looking things that are hungry for human flesh(At this point I'm looking for my rubber mallet)
More nonsensical feminine inspired garbage later his entire unit save a few heroic but none the less "Late in the movie cannon fodder" recruits survive the jump into the future. More feminine garbage he meets the Colonel and his now commanding officer, wait for it........His daughter, all grown up and bad ass plus smart(A fore mentioned rubber mallet raised) Now I'm thinking how can this movie get any dumber? Lo and behold it didn't fail to disappoint, in the now traditional Hollywood agenda styled "Women are just as smart and tough as men" BS we see dad and daughter fleeing a load of spidery aliens in an armoured Hummer whilst little skinny girly pretty colonel is (Wo)manning the 50 caliber machine gun, shooting with deadly accuracy apparently not being affected by the massive recoil such a weapon would have on her tiny feminine frame. This coupled with the other stupid plot holes made my next action a no-brainer(Excuse the pun)I bought the now raised rubber mallet down across the back of my head knocking myself out in an attempt to avoid watching any more of this weak movie, unfortunately I came around in time to see that the heroes won, the aliens lost and the planet was saved all thanks to those wonderful women, a school kid and that Prat(T).
China Salesman (2017)
Ladies and gentlemen Introducing in the red corner,
Iron Mike Tyson! Now before I write my short review can somebody distract Mike Tyson with something shiny, I value my life and really wish to see my next birthday and even at 51 I still have a few good years left in me unless Mr Tyson reads this of course then I'm deader than his acting skills.Right is he gone? Good, when I saw this movie had an ageing Steven Seagal "Starring" in it, I groaned, imagine my reaction too when I also read that Mike Tyson was also "Starring" in it.I'm from the same generation as "Iron Mike" so I made myself a chees and onion sandwich and a cup of tea to have during the "Movie", The film starts, I raise the sandwich to my mouth to take the first bite but freeze in mid first bite of said sandwich as soon as the opening dialogue in the movie is exchanged between two of the "Stars" and everything goes blank. I felt privileged to have watched(In my opinion) The most devastating and explosive boxer at any weight ever. I've read the man's life story, watched him develop from an unknown into the world's most famous boxer since Ali, I was so awe struck by his boxing skills that nothing he could do would turn me against him as a fan, not even his spurious rape conviction or him munching on Holyfield's ears during one of his later bouts. In my eyes Tyson was untouchable, until he "Starred" in this movie. This film is godawful, the plot is terrible, the actors and actresses were so cheesy and unconvincing in their roles that I actually laughed. In fact they were so terrible that Tyson's attempt at acting wasn't the worst.By the time the movie had ended, I realised I was still in the same frozen position (Pre sandwich bite state from the opening scene)with the previously rigid-ish sandwich now hanging limp in my hand with the filling on my lap, table and carpet, shame really because I love cheese and onion. Please for the love of all that's good, do not watch this horrible mess of a film. If you don't see any reviews from me it's probably because Mr Tyson has seen this review and I've either gone into hiding for my own health or an angry "Pifht" off Tyson has caught up with me, either way tell my kids that I love them.
Let Me In (2010)
A very good and different movie
I was pleasantly surprised by the movie's content. I won't spoil it for those that haven't watched it, all I will say is watch it, it's well worth it, good story line, good acting and rather pleasant sets. A good solid 8 out of 10 from me.
Bone Breaker (2020)
Please
Give us a "0" stars option for movies of this "Calibre". This movie is absolute rubbish. There are 6 or 7 "Victims" including several men that couldn't between them take down a 65 kilo woman? Really? Do the idiots that vomited this garbage onto our screens really think that we'd be impressed with this poor effort?The plot is terrible, the acting is just awful and honestly I could name several things I'd rather do than watch this again, multiple dental extractions without anaesthetic being one of them.Avoid this like you would a forest full of dumb bimbos, woke men and an unrealistically sadistic woman.
Patients of a Saint (2020)
Wow Utter Garbage.
I grew up near Shepton Mallet and actually had friends that worked at that very prison this rubbish was shot.Terrible acting, nonsensical plot and in the end I just didn't care who lived and who died.I should have guessed this movie was going to be utter trash when the standard trend of making women in movies badass moment was established early when it was mentioned at least a billion times in the first 2 seconds of this crap that the main female protagonist was a former "Special forces" soldier and a bodyguard who was wrongly convicted and sent to prison.(Rolls eyes shakes his head but still watched it anyway). Please for the love of sanity avoid this Resident Evil rip off like you'd avoid a plague of zombies
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
The Bechdel Test Is Responsible......
....For awful "Man hating" garbage like this that seems to be flooding the big screens of late. Please people before watching this movie, look up the significance of the afore mentioned "Test" before going to watch yet another poor attempt at ramming the "Hey aren't skinny little girls that can beat the hell out of 100's of armed guys, plausible and great" genre down our collective throats. This movie is a mess from the off, it tries hard to be funny but it failed to make me smile let alone laugh.The action sequences are poorly thought out, aimed mainly at pleasing one gender whilst the badly choreographed and unrealistic fight sequences are aimed at purely sending the message that little girls are just as badass and tough, sorry "Tougher" and "Cooler" than their male counterparts.If you're an 11 to 16 year old girl, then this movie is for you, everyone else, steer clear of it, it's a mess.
War of the Worlds (2019)
Sigh!!
This is the sound I made during each episode after forcing myself into watching the next one in the hope that the show would improve then realise 5 minutes into each episode that 45 minutes of tedium awaited me.... "Sigh" Each sigh lasted 45 minutes, I'll say no more.Is it over yet?
Halloween at Aunt Ethel's (2019)
Sigh......
.......Even more rubbish to pollute our screens. This movie is just awful, how it has an average rating of 5,3 is beyond me, there is so much wrong with this film it's an insult to intellect. Let's just go through some of the things wrong with this film.
Firstly it's set in a small town where people have been disappearing for years at Halloween and Old "Scary" (Ha yeah right) Aunt Ethel is the source of the legend of their mysterious disappearances. Soooooooo it begs the question, why is there no police investigation into their strange vanishing acts and if the whole town suspects Aunt Ethel then why are the police not swarming all over her property looking for their remains. I suspect the reason for this is just like the audience who have the misfortune to watch this bile, the police do not care about the "Victims".
Secondly and lastly, there's the usual "Strong tough female" leads in this travesty of a film who try hard to be cool, sassy, tough and sexy alongside the now standard and typical useless Beta males reinforced with the usual lame Dick jokes aimed at them rounded off with a castration!! There's a scene of eyes being gouged out, I recommend any would be viewer do the same before watching this utter garbage, believe me it's less painful.
From a House on Willow Street (2016)
I really Wish I'd Heeded The Warnings
Predictable, boring, slow horror of a horror movie. It's not often I root for the bad guys(In this case girl) but seeing as the intruders become the victims it raised my score from a 1, to a 2.By the end of the movie I was playing a game on my phone and really couldn't care less who lived and who died.
Wer (2013)
Wer.....Wolf...... Ther.....Wolf
This is a gem of a little film which was surprisingly really good.The plot and story line is not what one would totally expect from a Werewolf movie which in it's own makes this film unique in the Werewolf genre.The acting was good and in most cases believable, although why they couldn't cast a native French speaking actor to play the role of Talan Gwynek is a mystery to me seeing as there are many great French actors out there, don't get me wrong,Brian Scott O'Connor did a good job, but I think an opportunity was missed here.Anyway I won't spoil the plot,watch for yourself and enjoy the movie.
Blood Prism (2017)
Oh my word!!!
Awful movie, terrible acting, poor plot and the lead actress is so unconvincing in her role it's laughable....Maybe that's the point? She tries too hard to be a physco but it just doesn't work,the only thing is scary about this whole movies is apparently she is classed as an actress.Whoever scored this higher than a 2 is clearly friends with the film makers and\or cast members.
The Village in the Woods (2019)
Erm
There's a Facebook group which posts strange,stupid and funny videos online called "What Did I Just Watch?" This is a dead cert for that page, under the sub heading "Stupid" Avoid this "Film" like you would spooky mist covered villages filled with freaks living in the middle of nowhere.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Really disappointed...
The dumbing down of Hulk and ruining his character by turning him into an utter wimp, turning Thor into a bumbling drunkard, really? Well done Disney on ruining yet another couple of hero's characters (See Luke Skywalker and Yoda in Disney's Last Jedi for extra confirmation of this) That's all I've got to say about this movie.
Nightmare Box (2013)
Original-ish story line but......
Poor acting, and the clearly obvious low budget let this film down, that said I gave it a score of 2 for effort.
Inseminoid (1981)
Why Miss Geeson why?
Just stay away from this godawful film, (Unless you wish to see Judy G nude) It's a total waste of time, poor acting, terrible sets, special effects and with the usual stereotypes thrown in (Sole black person killed off before the film passes the 30 minute mark) I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone unless they are suicidal and you want to prove to them that life could be worse, you could have your name attached to this movie forever like all of the cast are now burdened with.May God have mercy on their souls.
Peelers (2016)
Holy crap (Really this was holy crap)
Honestly this is one of the worst movies I've had the misfortune to watch, I've seen some garbage in my time but this ranks down there along with the latest bile Star Wars movies spewed up by Disney. For the love of Beelzebub do not waste your time with this laughable attempt at horror. Acting and plot get zero out of 10,
Pledge This! (2006)
"Please make the hurting stop....."
This movie is just pitiful just pitiful.I spent so the entire movie crying , rocking back and forth saying "Mummy please make this pain go away"(I'm a 48 year old male). I think I now know what the veterans from any of the last hellish global conflicts experienced. I tried to laugh honestly I did , but every time I did my brain just shut down completely. Somebody said the nudity tried vainly to save this tragic excuse for a "Movie", but sorry it failed big time. Stay away from this poor poor attempt.
Salt (2010)
Garbage
My god what utter garbage!I can think of many things less tortuous than watching this pile of doggy doo doo.Multiple dental extractions without anesthetic,trapping your genitals in your zipper or being slowly burned alive are less painful to endure than watching Jolie vomit her "I am such a sexy tough girl that I can get away with being a talentless actress" act all over our screens again?(Yawn) The acting is terrible,the plot is thin and the so-called action is so lame I ended up reading a book.The biggest surprise for me was the fact I watched 43 minutes of this "Film". Jolie's face bores the hell out of me along with her ridiculous continuous casting her as some sort of invincible tough girl.There are better movies out there in this category so don't waste your money or time watching this sad effort.