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Goldrobinzon
Reviews
Kung Fu Panda 4 (2024)
Feels like a cheap TV sequel intended for kids under 8.
I am a huge Kung Fu Panda fan. The first three films were each a comedic masterpiece. Everything in them - the characters' background and their species, the culture, wonderfully written music, the voice acting - was carefully crafted and harmoniously put together to reach perfection. The scene beats, the timing, the punch lines, and most importantly, the animation connecting it all together and making the most out of subtle tones in the actors' voices - everything in them was so exquisitely done that it's an absolute joy and inspiration to watch them every time. They are surprisingly profound and never fail to jerk a tear or a dozen from me.
I rewatched the first three films before seeing this one and I had this unsettling feeling that they were going to screw the fourth one up. Sadly, I was right. The whole film feels extremely cheaply made by someone with zero comedic sense. Or they just didn't care much and carelessly and lazily slapped the whole thing together. Everything feels rushed, all the jokes fall flat on the face, the timing is completely off between and within the scenes, and the animation is so disconnected from the voice acting that it's just painful to watch. Every choice the directors make in this film feels just so very wrong. Some of the voice acting from the original cast is still fairly good (except for James Hong who was pure genius in the first three films, but in this one sounds like someone is choking him), but they still just do not click with whatever is happening on the screen. The plot is a complete mess, nothing happening makes any sense. The majority of new character voiceover is uninspired and boring.
This franchise was incredibly resistant to the sequel decay seen in many other productions, and the first two successors to the initial masterpiece did an incredible job at maintaining its legacy, and improving on it. But sadly, they did not quit while ahead and their greed for more money doomed them to the same old sad outcome. Sure, they'll still make a ton of money off the brand name, especially compared to how much they clearly spent on this film, but at least in my eyes this will always remain as an unnecessary disappointment. I can only imagine what the other two new films are going to be like.
What If...?: What If... The Avengers Assembled in 1602? (2023)
Written by a 5-year-old.
This episode was the laziest writing I've ever seen. "Hey, the season is almost over, how do we end it well? Let's stuff all of the old and the new marvel heroes into one episode, add a different setting just so it feels fresh, bring in most of the original cast, and throw in some flat jokes and fighting. People will eat it up!" Not a single character made sense to be in the 1600s. There was absolutely zero effort to connect the characters' backstories and unique powers with the plot of the episode. Nothing happening there made any sense at all. No wonder that universe was dying. The entire plot was just one big hole. I literally felt like I was watching a five-year-old play with a bunch of marvel characters. "This would look exciting, let it be this way!" I guess they spent so much money to get all the big names in this episode that they only had enough funding left to have someone's toddler write the script. The whole season was pretty boring and massively predictable, but this was just a new low.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
He should have stayed!!!
That would have been a PERFECT send off to the legendary archeologist, something he was made for, something he was moving towards his entire life, something only Indiana Jones and no one else deserved! I spent the whole movie enjoying the high quality of the production and the well placed cameos from the previous films, but it just lacked the power of the previous films. Many parts and action scenes were a little too magical to be believable, and the CGI was often just too in your face. That was never the case in the first three films. It was all real stunts and they always walked perfectly the thin line between realistic and insane, which made each one of those movies just pure masterpiece. This film clearly lacked that impact. Also, there was no fire in Ford like before, he was obviously tired. He was more cautious, more afraid (of insects??), less Indiana Jones-like reckless and heroic. But it actually still kind of made some sense. He was simply old and despite how much it hurt me to see him like that, I was still curious where this was going. Towards the end I started getting tired of the predictability of the plot, UNTIL they flew into Ancient Greece! Indy's fatigue from life started to make sense, there was nothing else that the world of his time could give him anymore. His life was bringing him to his ultimate dream, to live out his last years IN HISTORY, something he'd been chasing his entire life!! I was crying my face off watching him look into Archimedes eyes and realize that he finally found his true destiny! The legendary archeologist had made the most profound and groundbreaking discovery of them all - the way to see ancient history unfold WITH HIS OWN EYES! I was so happy and I could feel his own heart getting filled with love and the feeling of accomplishment. But what came next was one of biggest gut punches I've ever felt watching a movie. Let me tell you, I felt that punch much more than Indy did. How can you so badly screw up something that's already sitting in your lap?!! A perfect and the most romantic and inspiring ending to the Legendary Saga! And to flush it all down the toilet just to recreate a minute of nostalgia with Karen Allen?? They didn't even do it right and missed half the spots that "didn't hurt". And another John Rhys-Davis' cameo didn't even remotely make sense. Indy's back to being a depressed old retired professor who no one cares about and who frantically grabs his iconic hat off the clothes line as if it's his last glimmer of hope in what's left of his dreams. "He's back", they say to Marion. No, HE'S NOT! Indiana Jones would never apologetically smooch on her elbow to beg for a kiss. The wry, confident hero is no more, because his dream was in his grasp, but it got literally punched out of his jaw. It just hurts me deep inside how they screwed up the ending to the saga of my favorite action hero of all time. I wish I had never watched this film. Hollywood has got to learn not to touch the old classics. Nowadays, everyone is just focused on money, views, and nostalgia, while they forget about the true legacy of the characters and their stories. HUGELY DISAPPOINTED.
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
Captain America meets Chirrut Îmwe
The previous chapters were entertaining because they walked a thin line between what is possible and ridiculous, but still remained kind of believable. The last chapter didn't just cross the line, it's light years past it. It's like watching Captain America and Chirrut Îmwe navigate an utopia where assassins comprise half of the world's population and kill each other in broad daylight. All the while, regular civilians are so used to it that they just keep dancing right alongside all the bloodshed, or simply drive over the dead bodies. After all, Arc de Triomphe or disco lights in falling water look just so damn good to bother about, I don't know... your life? Aside from that, almost every scene suffers from the realism being sacrificed for aestheticism of the shot or nods to either past chapters or just completely unrelated films, such as Marvel, Star Wars, etc. Add the zero sense in the Swiss cheese of a plot, and even Keanu's very well executed stunts cannot save the movie. Huge disappointment. P. S. They shouldn't have agreed to Donnie Yen's demands to change his character in an attempt to break Asian stereotypes, while the rest of script and half of the characters remained Asian, and quite traditionally lacked any kind of dimension. That just made an already broken movie look so much more laughable.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
There is one absolutely perfect scene in this movie.
There is only one perfect scene in this movie. The characters from the new franchise tell the characters from the very first 1993 film about the baby blue velociraptor and their "promise". I'm not sure if this was done intentionally, but it conveys beautifully the absurdity and complete ridiculousness of everything that is going on in this movie. Sam Neill, Laura Dern, and Jeff Goldblum all do an outstanding job in the scene to show their utter disbelief in what the new movies are doing to the legacy created by the 1993 masterpiece. Their response to Maisie Lockwood's "Are you coming with us?" doesn't disappoint, either. A shrug of shoulders signifying "Meh, money is money, right?" and they're off to the "new" adventures.
The rest of the movie is hard to watch. Plot holes, 99% of the scenes make zero sense, editing is all over the place, and acting is mediocre at best. The scene with the gigantosaurus was the biggest flop in the film. But hey, here are some familiar visuals to trigger nostalgia, that must worth something, right?
Justice League (2017)
Did I really just see that?
To cut to the chase, it seems like they spent all of their money on the cast and had literally no money left for ANYTHING ELSE. Music, plot, dialogues, acting, graphics, make up, costumes, directing, and everything else in this movie feels like an episode from a cheap Tuesday morning soap opera with more cheese in it than pizza. Awful and pathetic in every single way. New characters are boring and the old ones are completely ruined in this movie. If you enjoyed the previous movies in the series, I strongly advise against watching this one if you still value your impression of the series. It really reminded of the 1997 Batman & Robin by style and quality, and somehow it's even worse. Stay clear of this one.
Sniper: Reloaded (2011)
I thought it was 2011, not 1945
Sorry for the short review, but I just don't see what to write about. This is simply one of the worst cheap and uninspired movies I've ever seen in my life. Yes, it might be OK for 1940's, but for 2011 even I could do a better job. All actors are awful, and absolutely everything that happens in this movie is completely unrealistic. It even gets to a point when in the beginning of the movie you first see the colonel and hear the footsteps of the two soldiers coming in, but when the camera shows them they just start walking from a wall opposite to the entrance into the room. I fast-forwarded through most of the movie because I just couldn't handle the absence of talent in everything in this movie, starting with the composer and ending with the director. Berenger's face and the ant in the beginning, as one of the reviewers mentioned, were the best parts of the movie, if there were any at all.