captainbeecher Reviews

The Green Knight (2021)

not for those seeking to simply be entertained.

[4/10 · 18 December 2021]

Oh Boy. This is an hour and a half of my life I'm not getting back. Let's be honest here. People who watch movies fall into two specific general groups. Group A are those who care about lighting and notice Easter eggs and nods to other movies. They get turned on by nuances or little trademarks that directors and others have. They wax lyrical about the hidden meanings behind the way scenes were shot or the camera angles etc. Then there's those of us who just want to be entertained and couldn't give a rats arse about the way the camera panned the opening shot. If, like me, you're one of group B who just watch movies for entertainment, avoid this. You won't even be able to see half the bloody thing cause it's that dark. As for what you can see, you'll probably be too bored by the interval. If you're part of Group A, then ignore me as a vacuous philistine upon whom all the deep stuff is wasted. You'll love the camera angles and lighting and all the, whatever turns people on watching movies that bore the pants off us mere mortals.

Greta (2018)

Had great potential but huge illogical plotholes spoil it

[5/10 · 27 March 2021]

The first half of this film is really good. The suspense builds throughout and a good story develops. Then, a scenario occurs in which there is only one obvious course of action and when the protagonists inexplicably do something else, all interest in the movie is lost because, from that point on, you will be distracted by the question "Why have they not just....?"

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)

I've seen worse films. Can't remember when, but I'm sure I've seen worse

[1/10 · 20 November 2020]

Oh boy. That we actually got to the end of the film is a minor miracle. Usually when we watch a movie that's rubbish, we start to make fun of it, but this was so bad, we sat in total silence, looking at eachother now and again wondering, what on earth possessed Nicole Kidman. Decided to read a few of the 10 out of 10 reviews and they talked about the lighting, camera angles etc. I just want to be entertained when watching a film. I wish I'd watched the wallpaper.

The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020)

Americans will love this but Brits beware

[7/10 · 16 November 2020]

So why? Simply put, the first seven episodes of this show are set in some American dream of what the UK may have been like in the 1980s. The nanny gets nicknamed Poppins, which is apt as the many of the British characters of the show made me think that the writers only experience of the UK came from a combination of Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks and other Disneyesque versions of a Britain that perhaps never really existed.

While set in 1987, the kids and Miss Jessel are portrayed as if they've just stepped out of a perfectly splendid 1890s time machine, while their uncle {Henry Thomas} has opted for his best Prince Charles impression for his English accent.

Admittedly only Brits and anglophiles will find this grating, and from speaking with other UK viewers, boy was it annoying, but thankfully the remaining British characters, for the most part are recognisably normal, although when juxtaposed with the aforementioned characters, this was more through good luck as they're the 'commoners'

The first seven episodes didn't grip me enough to get over this constant feeling of wondering when Miss Jessel and Peter Quint would break into a jolly good old song what o.

The drama is redeemed by it's last two episodes and left me feeling that I'd wished the first five episodes had been condensed into one hour and more time then afforded to the final two excellent and emotionally gripping episodes.

All in all, It's worth sticking with this show, but I can't help but think how much better this would have been if it had been written and produced by a British crew who would have done away with the Victorian styled caricature British characters and written the kids, their nanny and uncle as real 1980s, albeit upper class Brits.

Lancaster Skies (2019)

Clearly the low budget didn't help

[4/10 · 29 February 2020]

Stumbled across this movie and very soon realised it was battling with a very low budget and, in all honesty, not the world's most inspiring writers. Firstly, in a desperate efort to try and create the image of the 1940s, the camera crew have been seemingly told to get as close as possible to the actors as they can, lest they capture something that has to be edited out. The result is an almost comedic high close up of the actors in every scene. It also becomes noticeabe after a while that this is indeed a strange squadron that seems to only have one bomber crew as there are several scenes in the mess hall but not another member of any other crew in sight. Instead this solo crew share their airbase with four WAFs and a sergeant. Pretty incredible really when, quite late in the film, the squadron board suggests this base should be heaving with all the noise and human traffic of thirty bomber crews. Perhaps every crew had their own individual mess, each staffed with four WAFs. It appears they may also have each had their own individual pub too. Either that or the other twenty-nine crews were sworn tee-totalers. The story is okay but the extremely close camera work, uninspiring dialogue, pedestrian plot and lack of the neccessary extras to make them feel like they're on a busy air base really do deliver a generally poor quality movie. It gradually becomes hard to put this down to a lack of finances. I can honestly say I've seen better productions created by university students for Youtube, albeit their efforts aren't feature length.

The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death (2014)

You've got to get the mood right. Then you'll enjoy it

[8/10 · 25 July 2015]

Let's be honest here. Horror movies are usually not very good. Fortunately, for me at least, I'm of that generation who used to tune into the old Friday night horror double bills that were popular in a great many countries from the late 60s to the early 80s.

Back then we knew the films probably were not going to actually be that scary so we used to set the mood. Lights dimmed, or turned off, and a collective build up of tension that uncomfortable titters as the opening titles rolled used to create in the viewers. If everyone present got into the spirit then it could make the most average horror movies just that bit more scary. The result would be plenty of hair on the back of the neck moments and jumps to boot, even if the film itself wasn't that scary.

It's still the same today with any horror movie f this type that isn't a slasher and if you understand where I'm coming from in what I've said so far then you will enjoy this film in the same manner. In it's own right as a film it deserves its low score. Most horror films do. As a spooky story it does the same job as telling ghost stories around a camp fire. Provided everyone gets into the spirit of the thing.

It Follows (2014)

I clearly wasn't watching the same movie as most other reviewers

[5/10 · 11 July 2015]

Apart from the huge gaping holes in the plot, especially the feeling that, apart from the main protagonists, the entire population of the community appeared to be living in a totally unconcerned bubble at the gruesome goings on. Horror movies are rarely classics in truth but this, while well acted and well produced on its limited budget, was poorly thought out and rarely threatened to deliver any edge of the seat chilling moments. If it were a car, this movie would be a brown morris minor driven at a very slow pace down your street. Everyone would stop to see it, feel compelled to watch until it has gone and then turn to their friend and ask WTF. A movie with a plot line relating to sex that sadly proved to be like many people's first experience of the act. Promised much and proved a huge let down.