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TheNecromancer
Reviews
Boom (2003)
Doom
Good God. My eyes.. they still hurt..after being exposed to this movie. But the pain is mitigated, for my ears hurt even more, after having to listen to some of the most atrocious dialogue ever uttered.
I'd like to consider myself to be fairly tolerant. I managed to sit through Kaante. Mind you, i did not enjoy the debacle in the least, but I could sit through it. Boom is downright repulsive and ridiculous. I walked into the theater with no expectation and still came out traumatized.
I smelt trouble the moment one of the actors appeared on screen and for no rhyme or reason proceeded to say "Tick tock,tick f**king, tock f**king tick" in the most horrendous accent. After that it was all downhill.
Acting - Unbelievable. The three models should be banned from acting. For some reason the director decided that it was best that they all put on weird accents. Almost all the dialogue is spoken in english. Apart from amitabh bachan , i can quite safely state that none of the other actors speak english. All the rest of the actors looked confused most of the time. I honestly can't blame them for being at the mercy of a screwball director.
Dialogue -Downright annoying. Characters say random things, act like imbeciles on crack. The writer seems to be desperately trying to copy Tarantino's writing style. He comes closer to imitating a drunk moron who's vocabulary doesn't exceed the F word. They use F**K generously and randomly. It never even sounds normal at any point, for all of them have such horrendous accents.
Plot - Mind Numbingly bad. It doesnt even pretend to have one. Characters do random things for absolutely no rhyme or reason. Amitabh Bachan throws a female out of a moving car just for the heck of it. Zeenat's role in the movie is even more worse. There are no character arcs. The story is too absurd to be bothered about. To top it off there are plot holes the size of russia.
Overview - The movie is annoying, disgusting, repulsive, childish, inane, moronic, absurd, incoherent, retarded,pointless, boring, embarassing.
Those are its good qualities.
Rating 2/10. What prevents me from giving it a one is the fact that it did have some decent cinematography and production values.
Daredevil (2003)
"Hw do you kill a man with no fear"? Show him this movie and instill the fear in him
Plot Outline: A man blinded by cinematographic waste which also kills his remaining brain cell.
The Tagline with the movie is : "man with no fear". Thats what youll have to be to watch this disaster unfold. Ben Affleck plays the role of a man obsessed with wearing red sunglasses and tight red leather. He faces off against Colin Farell ( who plays the role of "bullshit".) The movie is driven by Afflecks desire to destroy Farrel, although it seems Colin insists on killing his career himself. Michael Clark Duncan shows that racial discrimination has ended. They have managed to cast an excellent black actor in a role as horrible as those of his white counterparts. In his spare time Affleck goes around tyring to beat up girls who refuse to tell him their names. Daredevils best defense mechanism is his visual impairment, for he does not have to see this movie. Garners role is a manifestation of the scriptwriters desire to see a woman with chains in leather. Daredevil can "see" through his ears. Still dont understand why affleck takes his glasses off when it rains. In anycase stay away. Youll get more pleasure out of a colonoscopy.
Behind Enemy Lines (2001)
Behind enema lines: Thats where youll be when you start watching this
Behind Enemy Lines is a touching story of the worlds first white long distance runner facing peril at every corner of warring Bosnia. Indeed he could put the fellowship to shame. The only difference is that you dont root for the fellowship to have their head blown off. Behind Enemy lines manges to insult the bosnian army, the us navy, and the viewers intelligence. Apparently 50 bosnian soldiers can miss a bounding Owen Wilson with every major automatic weapon known to the Soviets. And Gene Hackman can miss a respectable end to his career.There is a part wher Wilson dramitacally jumps towards a helicopter. I was really hoping that hed miss and hit the blades.Now THAT would have been a happy ending. This movie shows that an insolent, rank cursing maverick pilot is exactly what the navy wants. But thats not the only criteria. You have to be able to run faster than exploding grenades and hurtling tank shells. Watch the olympics. YOull get more story there, but perhaps less speed on the cross-country.
Die Another Day (2002)
Die, Another Day, Die!
Why wait for another day when you can die the same day you see this movie? My review cannot kill the movie, but the movie can kill you. If u like cheesy dialogue worship this movie. If u possess even a single brain cell be afraid, be very afraid of this movie. "im Mr Kill". "Thats a name to die for" U SEEE!!!!!!!!!! Based on the bestselling novel 'Noddy goes to Toyland while an Evil North Korean gollywog and his entourage of playboy bunnies try to seduce and kill him with horrid dialogue', this movie is an out and out stunner...it'll knock you right out. A sure nominee for the Bottomless Canne award at Cannes. Btw james bond is such a talented secret agent in this movie there are onle five ppl on the planet who dont know about him. (they are the ppl who wrote the script). BTW peirce brosnan also double roles as clark kent in this movie. Btw im still trying to figure out how an us military bunker got in a demilitarized zone. Then again thats the least of the flaws in this "movie?"
The Fast and the Furious (2001)
A 2 hour out and out assault on my brain cells.
SUPERB COMEDY!BEST HORROR MOVIE IN YEARS! 2 Thumbs Up Vin Diesel.Id rate this 10/10 Simply coz it takes a hell of a lot of talent to create such utter crap. if u heard metal clanging was not from the movie. I was bangingn my head against my chair. Vin diesel can say a lot through his expressions such as 'Me want Banana' and 'Jane go nekkid nekkid now?'.
If u think my review doesnt make sense you should see the movie.