trans_mauro Reviews

Geostorm (2017)

Geofizzle...

[1/10 · 20 November 2017]

What a mess...

"Geostorm" is nothing more than a stupid plot combined with a ridiculous name (dutch boy), that artificial and Hollywodian inclusiveness and diversity, precocious girls, sensitive dads, and a Gerard Butler acting as if he was a real all-American politically correct liberal wimp (forget Leonidas and "300").

This is nothing more than a pretty tedious film with limited action and too much talk, it is unbearable to watch.

Geostorm aimed to be a an Asylum science fiction film,but i failed miserably!

Radius (2017)

An interesting concept,

[1/10 · 11 November 2017]

but poorly executed and with a conclusion that was lazy and unimaginative.

Radius starts in high note and a interesting and original idea ( a radius of death around a person.)

But pretty soon into the film, we see that the script writer and director had no idea whatsoever of what to do it.

The two main characters start a rambling quest to try and identify the cause of this "condition" and this is interspersed with a few confrontations with cops and rednecks and then we arrive at a pretty anticlimactic ending.... Nothing is explained nor hinted at.

All things considered this was a kind of "meh" film.

Big waste of time.

Capture Kill Release (2016)

Garbage

[1/10 · 26 October 2017]

I wonder where people get ideas to make this sort of tripe

The whole thing is painful to watch. The main "actress" is as annoying as having a pencil pushed through one's nostril.

The shaky camera is vomit inducing.

And the idea of two morons pairing to kill a random person is revolting.

I skipped though most of this abomination and 2-3 minutes were enough to learn that the writers, directors, whatever, should be locked up in a a high-security mental institution for the criminally insane.

Forged in Fire (2015– )

Great show

[10/10 · 2 August 2017]

Never miss an episode.

It is a great show that demonstrates that sweat and hard work is still the best way to accomplish anything.

Besides, the winners are chosen based on the merit of their work and craftsmanship, as it should be, right?

As a bonus, we always learn something new.

Millenials could learn a thing or two from "Forged in Fire"...

Alien: Covenant (2017)

All the money in the world...

[1/10 · 2 July 2017]

... and no freaking script writer to write something resembling a coherent story.

My God! Alien keeps on getting worse and worse, and I do not mean the Xenomorph and its personality.

The story/script whatever is all over the place. Everything is confusing, and as became common the cast of characters is made of a collection of morons who as any idiotic teen in any slasher horror z-film always do the stupidest possible thing.

Obviously, they had a lot of money to make Covenant, the production shows, but it s lacking in all other aspects.

It is hard to believe that Alien and Aliens are part of this franchise!

The Circle (I) (2017)

Like walking in circles,

[1/10 · 2 July 2017]

"The Circle", goes nowhere.

The only recommendable aspect of this another attempt of Hollywood writers to be relevant in modern society is the naivete of the script, and the conclusion of the story. A little inane twist that could be seen from miles and miles away. It is recommendable because it shows that to work in Hollywood, one must have an IQ lower than that of an amoeba and conform to leftist ideals.

Of course, The Circle, can be seen as a critique of Google, millenials and their constant interconnectedness, the rise of, as I like to say of "Homo Stupidus", a creature that is a direct by-product of the "internet wisdom", social media, liberalism, etc. But, the whole thing is done heavy-handedly.

Summarizing: "The Circle" is as empty and devoid of interesting ideas as the teen sitting next to you thumbing incessantly a smart phone.

It is another big wast of time. I only wonder what made Tom Hanks to appear in it.

Wonder Woman (2017)

Conan with PMS

[1/10 · 1 July 2017]

Wow!

What a wreck.... WW has nice visuals, but that was about it.

The whole film is slow, the intro on the "magic island" is coma inducing, the solemnity of the dialogue could cause paralysis better than any curare dart, the musical score was uninspired as though it was composed "on automatic" by whoever composed it. And the Amazons were as convincing as a bunch of Victoria Secret's models trying to beat bare handedly a team of elite SEALS. And they even tried to speak with a lower voice, which was ridiculous.

The main actress is stiff, with no charisma, C. Pine and the guys playing Germans were way better than her. And the villain was as scary as the Easter Bunny on a bad hair day.

Summarizing, WW is as dull as ditch water. There is nothing here, maybe only for the PC crowd.

Life (I) (2017)

Rooting for the "Evil Space Chewing Gum"

[1/10 · 3 June 2017]

Life is yet another pseudo, post-modern politically correct scifi from the ignoramuses from Hollywood. Its appalling stupidity rivals that of Prometheus and Covenant.

As usual we have a parade of dumb, shallow characters, "scientist" with an IQ lower than an amoeba's doing stupider and stupider things in succession, from using their fingers to play with an alien creature ( a biologist did the same in Prometheus...), to opening containment areas to retrieve infected crew members, and so on. And the scientist are all "Doctors", who probably got their PhD from some correspondence school.

Besides these and many other things the film is slow, tedious, full of idiotic stupid clichés and with a dialogue that is for the mot part an abomination.

They tried to make another "Alien", instead what they made is the "Attack of the Evil Space Chewing Gum".

Even the "The Blob", filmed more than 50 years ago is better than "Life".

Personal Shopper (2016)

Arsty Fartsy Ghosts

[1/10 · 15 April 2017]

Well, it seems that the director of this movie specifically made it with one noble thing in mind. And no, it was not to discuss the after-life, depression, loneliness, grief, etc.

It was made with the sole objective to show again to the audiences a topless Kristen Stewart!!! Which is OK per se (she is not that bad), but not enough to fill the interest of the audience for more than the time her exposed nipples are shown on the screen.

Other than that, the story is tedious, Kristen Stewart is irritating in her role (as usual, she cannot act!), characters are boring and dry, nothing scary happens, the alleged ghosts are juvenile and, of course, the film has no resolution at all (it is an artsy-fartsy film, right?). The director simply decides to leave everything hanging in the air like....the ghost of a bad idea!

Unless you have a devotion for Stewart's nipples, there nothing much in it.

13 Reasons Why (2017–2020)

A glossy, glamorized way to talk about suicide

[1/10 · 1 April 2017]

I've seen films glamorizing all sorts of stupid things, behaviors, beliefs etc.

We can watch films depicting drug addicts as heroes, AIDS sufferers as victims of society, policemen and police in general as corrupt criminals and brutal criminals as saints. I even watched a film glamorizing "poor" pedophiles (Pervert Park), go figure! Examples are everywhere and every year film makers find something new to try and lower the limits of what was once acceptable.

Now, this series seems to reach a new level of stupidity. No matter what people say that it is warning to a series of problems that teens can have, it is still a glossy, a rose-colored view of teen suicide. This is very, very disturbing. And still there are those who find value in this type of garbage.

The whole series, the story and everything else besides the suicide is nauseating... It is the typical run-of-mill depiction of teen life and all of its annoying and moronic idiosyncrasies, idiotic characters, etc.

Split (IX) (2016)

Another case of "Emperor's New Clothes" all over again

[1/10 · 26 March 2017]

I've said that many times that anything, any film that is presented as a "convoluted", "complicated", "complex" story or plot will make the majority of audiences and critics to laud it as something good.

"Split" is another example of this type of behavior/reasoning.

But in reality the whole thing is idiotic, the story has plot holes the size of Texas (e.g. the three girls could easily subdue the child personality), the child molestation subplot is totally unnecessary, the whole DID gets old very fast, and the twist (yes, there is a twist, since this is is a Shyamalan film) only works for those who watched another film released in 2000!

Waste of time and waste of money...

Man Vs. (2015)

It is no blockbuster...

[8/10 · 3 February 2017]

... but it is a pretty decent movie.

Obviously, the budget for it was minimal. But a decent direction, good script and nice acting conspired to make "Man Vs." into a very entertaining survival film with some sci-fi elements.

The location, main actor are perfectly chosen. The story moves at a good pace, we are kept guessing (as intended by the director) and the conclusion was also interesting.

It is a lesson on how to make quality work with little money.

It is much better than I expected.

Give it a try

Paterson (2016)

Mental torture...

[1/10 · 31 January 2017]

Instead of waterboarding and other "benign" types of torture, black-ops people should use films like Paterson to try and extract information from dangerous criminals.

The film is so devoid of anything that after watching it for more than 30 minutes even the most hardened criminals will be clamoring to confess anything.

The emptiness of Paterson is like a mental black hole that sucks anything we have in our heads. It is like a sponge that absorbs any thoughts, creative ideas we may try to process while watching it.

It is dull, slow, amorphous, insipid and as ugly as the main star in the film ( a bulldog....)

Paterson is another one for the artsy-fartsy crowd.

My Father Die (2016)

Disgusting.

[1/10 · 22 January 2017]

Society is going down a drain.

Once again, another so called cult film resorting to human sewage to try and cause an emotional impact because, it seems, audiences are so desensitized that in order to keep them awake they have to be fed vile and despicable imagery.

I wonder what makes directors and writers to film a scene where a teenager masturbates while watching other teens having sex. How authorities allow this to happen? This is worse than porn because in porn the actors are not supposed to be underage.

After that, I could not stomach to sit through monstrosity. I fast forwarded pausing every now then to sample what was going on, and, of course, what one sees is a succession of human depravity, deviancy and the usual depiction of human misery.

Skip it. I believe watching a dead cat rot in an alley has more entertaining value than this aberration.

The Girl with All the Gifts (2016)

A masterpiece....

[1/10 · 19 January 2017]

.... of boredom.

A rating of 7 means that brain dead zombies are now rating films at IMDb.

The directors were real geniuses, they could make a zombie film that is slow moving, tedious, insipid and without scares.

The little actress is pretty bland, Glenn Close was miscast and the pseudo-scientific explanation for the zombie epidemic is very unsatisfying.

It was very hard to stay awake throughout the film.

On one thing the directors succeeded, after a while watching this bore fest, one's brain function shuts down and we all start behaving like zombies.

Blair Witch (2016)

Irritating....

[1/10 · 22 December 2016]

Blair Witch-2016 should be named "Dumb and Dumber Get Lost in the Woods"

There is nothing interesting here. While the first "Blair Witch" was only boring this one is atrociously annoying.

The constant use of very loud noises and the yelling and screaming in the film (that's all the actors do after a while) is migraine inducing. And the "editing" of the found footage can cause epileptic seizures on any one.

And to add insult to the injury, of course, there is nothing new, nothing is revealed (the directors/writers only added some scifish elements), the audiences are, sorry for the pun, left lost in the woods once more.

If you want to get a bad headache, "Blair Witch 2016" is the ideal film for you!

The OA (2016–2019)

The scars on her back...

[1/10 · 17 December 2016]

...are a dead giveaway of what the "mysterious" main character is and what her mission is going to be.

People must be totally numb from the neck up not to notice it.

This is one of those series one watches for about 30 minutes and gives up because of the meandering story, derivative plot and absolute lack of anything remotely interesting happening in those precious 30 minutes.

And after the morality lesson involving a troglodyte student punches another on on the throat, when the main character urges a teacher to dedicate herself to the aforementioned brute (because teaching is also changing lives, specially the lives of future criminals), I decided I had enough of this bore fest.

"The OA" is not as smart nor as interesting as it think it is...

The Disappointments Room (2016)

One of those films missing some gratuitous sex...

[1/10 · 9 December 2016]

The title of this bomb says everything: It was very disappointing and more than that, it was totally derivative with a soporific script. It is supposed to be the story of, maybe, the ghost of a child living in a limbo and all that blah blah blah that has been used and abused in much better films (e. g. The Ring)

Mrs Beckinsale, it seems, was in need of some fast cash and that is probably why she decided to work in this project.

The story is so dull and lacking that the director had to resort to loud noises (as always) to tell the audiences that something supposedly interesting was about to happen, or better, to wake up the audiences because this was a pretty boring attempt at making a supernatural film.

It is absurd to see that people waste time and money and talent to try and tell a story where absolutely nothing happens.

The only way to make a film like that mildly entertaining was to add some gratuitous sex scenes showing Mrs Beckinsale in a shower, having sex with her husband or anything like that; but director and writers could not even think about it.

There is nothing here, this is the typical fare of Lifetime and Hallmark networks, a horror story for grannies.

Rupture (I) (2016)

Noomi Rapace cannot act....

[1/10 · 4 December 2016]

The first film I watched with this actress was Prometheus....In it she was as irritating and annoying as fingernails scratching a chalkboard.

My first impression of her proved right. In Rupture, she is awful as always. She is to a film what an iceberg was to the Titanic. I only wonders who decided that she could act.

Now add Ms Rapace, to a film without a coherent script, a "scifish" meandering story that does not go anywhere and one has the perfect recipe for a cinematographic bomb where the best acting and lines belonged to the spiders used in this celluloid atrocity.

I like bad films, but the kind of film that is so bad that is good. Rupture is only bad, a sickeningly bad porn-torture film.

Do yourself a favor and skip this aberration.

The Great Indoors (2016–2017)

Not bad....

[8/10 · 25 November 2016]

As someone else mentioned, the main character is almost an exact copy of Tim Allen's Last Man Standing.

But, the show has another approach and another focus.

It is really good to see someone make fun of the so-called millennials, their "safe spaces", their need for "diversity", and medals and trophies not for winning but for "trying their best"and all that brain washing called political correctness ...

I wonder whether all that whining and these these over-sensitive easily- offended brain-washed gender-repressed cry-babies could accomplish anything such as putting men on the moon.

Arrival (II) (2016)

Eye candy

[1/10 · 8 November 2016]

Here we go again...

Arrival is another cliché-ridden, over-sentimental pseudo-science- fiction story with that ad-nauseam message that the world, humanity needs to works as one or else.

Arrival joins ranks with pseudo-science-fiction bombs such as Interstellar and Prometheus which are films that substitute true adventure, discovery with this idiotic humanist, intimist, sentimental, psychological-whatever drivel. And curiously, one of the main characters behaves in the same mindless way as a character in Prometheus and removes her protective gear so that the aliens could see her better....It seems stupidity is contagious.

For god's sake, aliens are contacting humanity for the first time and all the directors and script writers have to show is this sugary syrup of a story? And the twist (yes, of course, there is a twist) is mind- boggling stupid. Writers had a nice concept, but did not know how to develop it nor how to close the story in an intelligent way.

Arrival is another dumb story packaged with an interesting photography.

It is 100% eye candy and nothing else.

Invisible Invaders (1959)

Better than most Science fiction films made nowadays

[9/10 · 2 November 2016]

No nonsense, no gazillions of dollars wasted on useless CGI, no annoying "cute oneliners" no political correctness, no confusing plot lines, no social commentaries, no liberal indoctrination ...

I guess movie makers nowadays should watch "Invisible Invaders" and reverence it as a true Atomic Age Cinema Classic.

This film is perfect. The story flows naturally, linearly without stupid twists.

Compare to Invisible Invaders, films such as "Prometheus", "Interstellar" and the like are garbage, and I mean it.

This is a perfect film for a cold rainy winter day.

Bad Moms (2016)

Vomit inducing

[1/10 · 29 October 2016]

Another of those stupid feminist/misandrist pile of garbage that idiots who belong to politically correct Hollywood police insist on calling "a film".

These idiots think that the "new funny" is to use the f- and s-words ad nauseum in "cute" situations and to refer continuously to body parts as if it is normal to throw the word "vagina" in any normal conversation.

Acting is atrocious, the actresses are annoying, plot is as idiotic as it can possibly be. Funny moments and spontaneous humor are as rare as winged pigs. BM seems to be about a bunch of stupid women in a constant PMS state.

And who the hell got the idea that women can be comedians? Everything they do seems forced and artificial.

If this is the new funny,then car crashes, forest fires, funerals and other tragedies are hilarious, I guess.

BM is only for brain-dead soccer moms...

Don't Breathe (2016)

Dumb and dumber against a blind man

[1/10 · 15 October 2016]

A rating higher than 2 for a film like this one either means that

a) The average IQ of the population dropped below 70 b) The review are fake or submitted by family members of the people involved with this piece of junk.

In which planet, dimension, galaxy three healthy individuals are overpowered by one blind guy?

And the girl in the basement subplot was an imbecilic attempt of padding the film with extra violence porn.

The whole film is a succession of stupider and stupider decisions by the main protagonists, that is all there is to it.

It is disappointing to realize what passes as entertainment these days...

Aftermath (2016)

Here we go again.....

[11 October 2016]

Another feminazi propaganda vehicle.

The problem is that those shows with "strong women" are as believable as an 120-pound cheerleader beating the crap out of a 350-pound NFL lineman with her bare hands...

To make things worse, there is always this tendency of making all characters as unlikeable as possible, and the "strong women" to behave in the most overbearing and abrasive manner as if they have a permanent PMS.

And Anne Heche looks too old, too uninspired and too tired to be the heroine in this tedious piece of junk.

This is another SyFy channel bomb!