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Reviews
10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)
How to ruin a perfectly good movie
Take a film with genuine suspense. Have just three people in a confined space. Is the threat real or are the people just tricked into staying in the bunker? It's all so beautifully crafted - the suspicion, claustrophobia, the paranoia. It's subtle and keeps you guessing.
And then... suddenly... Aliens! Explosions! Spacecrafts! Subtlety be damned! I was genuinely angry when this film ended. The final 15 minutes just wrecks absolutely everything the rest of the movie built. I have never seen anything quite like it before.
What a shame. I was ready to give this one an 8 or a 9, but the ending just soured everything.
247°F (2011)
Saunas do not work that way
Here's a thought: If you're going to make a film based entirely in a sauna, you might actually want to do a little research on the subject. A gas stove? Really? And why would you go to a sauna in your UNDERWEAR?!
Not that accuracy would save much in this extremely stupid film. Everything that happens in this movie happens simply due to some incredibly bad luck or just plain stupidity. The plot is absolutely pointless and serves no purpose whatsoever. What did this film try to tell us?
All the characters are hollow and one-dimensional. You just simply do not give a damn whether these people survive or not because there is absolutely nothing to relate to.
Absolutely worthless.
The Cold Light of Day (2012)
What did I just watch?
It is not often I see a film so bad it actually makes me angry. This one, unfortunately, is one of those times. I've marked this review as "containing spoilers", but I don't know if you can really spoil a movie that essentially has no plot whatsoever.
What was the plot about? Everyone seems to be chasing a briefcase, which contains... something. And they want it for... some reason? The main character fumbles through the entire movie surviving only thanks to dumb luck and the fact that these so-called CIA agents and terrorists-but-not-really-terrorists couldn't hit a wall even from inside the house. And, in the end, everyone seems to be happy, even though the family's father has just been killed by an assassin. Top this all off with the most blatant case of product placement you've ever seen anywhere and you've got yourself an instant classic! No, wait...
This could had been a so-bad-it's-good movie with very little changes. Sigourney Weaver seems to be the only one to realize how bad this movie is and starts hamming it up at the very end of the movie, but by then it's far too late.
It is quite obvious all the actors involved only took this job just to get a paid holiday in Spain. The last movie I saw that made as little sense as this was Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever... which you all know is most definitely not a compliment.
Avoid at all costs.