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Pablo Picassimo
Reviews
Transporter 2 (2005)
Fromage x 2...
Wow. I thought that the first Transporter was bad... this one takes the cheese to another level. Although I'm a mechanical engineer and I can account for what is real and what's not, this film goes beyond reality to something perhaps would be more applicable for a cartoon. All the so called car stunts are so stupid, that it's hard to enjoy the rest of the movie.
Just like in the original transport, this has become another one of the "product advertising". Instead of the BWM 7-series, we are showcasing Audi's A8 W12 in black colour that never looses it's luster. Nope, after driving on the sand, through a wet parking lot, through a building under construction, it still holds it's shine. Perhaps they should have placed a "product placement" for Turtle Wax? Don't get me wrong, I think the Audi A8 is the best looking full-size luxury car, but seriously, we were also shown the A3 along with Audi's sister division, Lamborghini, showing the spectacular Murciélago Roadster.
The only positive part about the movie, I will admit, is the choice of colours used in the film. It has that cartoony look to it, where all the colours are saturated to the nth degree. Interesting take, especially for a sunny setting in Miami, FL.
Overall, this cottage cheese of a film rates a poor 4 out of 10.
2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
Driving backwards at 70 miles per hour...
I had no idea that a Mitsubishi Evolution VIII could do over 70 mph in reverse? I tried that with my Mazda 3 and could only pull 20 before red-lining. I am doing something wrong? No need to worry. This movie is so far fetched that it's hard to believe some of these so-called 'stunts'. There no need to be worried that perhaps this film may brainwash a 16-year old boy thinking that he could pull these maneuvers with his mom's Caravan.
*** Spoiler *** "Boat
car
boat" says the supporting character, "Your not going to do what I think your going to do?" Main character replies, "Yeah I think so, you got my back, bro?" And there goes the blue Camaro racing up to 120 mph that manages to make a sharp 45-degree turn, jump in the air, and still manage to land on a moving boat. Amazing
simply amazing. After that stunt, all credibility of the movie goes down. I was hoping for the same ending that was found in Starsky & Hutch (2004), but since the 2 Fast 2 Furious came out a year earlier, no such luck.
All in all, I enjoyed looking at the car and girl "candy", but beyond that this movie has nothing else going for it. I give it, "Hold on bro, hold on" a cool 5 outta 10.
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
Not too bad, but the 1st was better...
I have to admit that I preferred watching the original Spiderman. This one seemed to drag in some areas, like showing a unbelievable long bad-streak for the Peter Parker character. Special effects were great, except that at times Spiderman looked a little too fake. Maybe his CGI costume needed to turndown his glossy levels. Regardless, it was worth the 2-hours watching this film.
A final comment: With all that web Spiderman was shooting at the buildings and other public/private property, would you not think that some people would be a little upset about his 'littering'? Just a thought.
6 out of 10. Look forward to seeing the third installment, although we do have a preview that the annoying Goblin (Jr.) character will be back.
Under the Tuscan Sun (2003)
Too Much Cheese...
Let's get the positives of this movie out of the way:
1. Fantastic Italian scenery: From Positano to Florence, the movie shows the audience back drops that take the breath away.
2. Diane Lane: Played very well and convincing 'Frances' character.
Beyond that, the movie is plagued with so much cheese (SPOILERS WARNING):
1. Too many coincidences: Things that happen out of no where, like the bus stopping in front of the house that Frances happened to see earlier advertised on a Real Estate ad. Or France picking up Marcello just to escape the taunting Italian men. And the coincidences continue to pile.
2. Employment: I'm not sure if I am the only person to see that none of the people actually worked in this movie, except for the Polish labor, who renovated her Frances' new (old) home. Coming out of a divorce, you'd expect Frances to have only some change in her pocket, yet she's able to feast with the rest of the characters in the movie like she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Everyone appeared to have too much time on their hands. It all is nice to fantasize, but is highly unreal. And how about Katherine? She's probably living off the alimony from her previous divorces.
3. Clichés and Stereotypes: Hearing that this was a 'chick flick', I expect some clichés, stereotype, and most important, a happy ending. Well, this movie has plenty of them. For starters, the lesbian couple was fine, but introducing the `Gay and Away' tour bus was a little too much. Secondly, seeing both Jerzy with the cigarette in his mouth and Zbigniew with the Polish novel in *every* single shot, portrayed the insignificance of their characters. Then there is the stereotype of Italian men who are nothing but unfaithful and promiscuous. And finally, through all the hardships of seeing Frances' relationships breakdown, she finds another fellow American writer (whom she criticized when he was in high school) who happens to be touring through the Tuscan region of Italy.
To sum it up, this movie is a 5/10 on my book. Some good acting from Diane Lane and great scenery, which couldn't be saved due to hard to swallow reality checks.
The Truth About Charlie (2002)
Someone take the HandiCam from Pierre Morel...
First off, the story in this movie as believable as the truth about Charlie. None of the characters in the film were remotely convincing, which made the film less enjoyable. What really hit the spot was the filming of the film.
Can someone please take away the HandiCam from Pierre Morel? The camera was unbelievably wobbly that would make The Blair Witch Project a filming classic. After 30 minutes into the movie, I felt sick to my stomach. This movie deserved to be filmed straight for rentals, and quite honestly I wouldn't recommend this movie for any rental.
If you like HandiCam flicks, this one would be right up your alley. My thoughts is that is deserves no more that 4/10.
Empire (2002)
Don't watch the trailer...
Here's a prime example of why trailers shouldn't be watched. In the case of the Empire, we see exactly what transpires in the movie. Having to watch the movie today and the trailer nearly a year ago, I still can remember what the basic plot of the movie was.
In either case, the first 80% of the movie is relatively entertaining, with the movie showing us the life of a dealer. But once we switch to the last 1/5 of the movie, everything you saw in the preview was inevitably going to happen in probably less than 15-minutes.
Entertaining, but predictable because of the trailer... 6/10.
Blade II (2002)
Much Better Than The Original...
I've watched the sequel (Blade II) before I had a chance to watch the original (Blade). The 2nd installment was quite a thrill ride, making the 1st a walk in the park. Blade II has plenty of gore that uses fantastically blended CGI with live motion. Additionally, there is plenty of entertaining action that really keeps the viewer on his/her feet. Highly recommended.
My Rating: 8 out of 10
Identity (2003)
Coincidence?
Considering how well John Cusack played in movies such as High Fidelity and Pushing Tin, I expected this movie to be as entertaining as his previous. And I was right.
Although I was expecting to have everyone's birthday in the movie to fall on April 25th, which was coincidentally the opening day of the movie and my own birthday, I discovered that there were more coincidences than meets the eye. I will not go into the details, for they will certainly spoil the movie for others, but I can undoubtedly say that it was quite the thriller ride all the way to the end. If you enjoyed movies like The Usual Suspects, then by all means go out and see this movie.
Final Rating: 8 out of 10 - Worth the $11 my buddy spent on my ticket. And I will probably see this movie again, just to see what I've missed.
Hard Cash (2002)
This movie needed some Hard Cash...
I need to kill a few hours so I was debating if I should see something good that I've taped, or simply watch something new like Hard Cash. Well, from all the negative comments, I figured that most of the comments were subjective.
And I was wrong. The whole movie had no consistency or any flow where you can actually keep track of what was going on. Admittedly, I enjoyed the race-track heist, but the rest of the movie was a bore. The special effects in the movie continued to be agonizing on the eyes, but that can be attributed to the low-budget for the movie. Overall, I gave it 3 out of 10. I recommend passing this one.