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alan-warden
Reviews
Three Thousand Years of Longing (2022)
Not what I expected from the trailer
I will keep this review reasonably short. Exotic visuals but the story line is dragged out over the course of the movie, and never really gets "going".
I couldn't get past the almost complete lack of reaction from Tilde's character when the "genie" first appears as a gigantic black man in her hotel room, and she just stands there as if it's a normal day to day occurrence.
Most of us in that situation would back away or run screaming from the room, but - nothin, nada, no reaction. I couldn't get past this absurdity and could only assume that the director just wanted to go home early.
There are many disappointed comments here on IMDB, but somehow this movie is given high scores - why is that ?
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
What were they thinking ?
Just watched this sorry excuse for a movie, and can only think the actors only did this for the paycheck, and not for the script. Did they even bother to read it?
It seems that Disney has completely lost the plot, and are employing anybody to write/direct/produce a movie that will appease the "Woke" minority at the expense of the genuine Marvel fans. This is a total piece of excrement that is neither funny or exciting and is just plain stupid. I thought that they couldn't stoop even lower than "Eternals" but wow - This is even worse !!
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022)
A great nod toy a cult classic
I honestly did not know about the connection to the cult classic "Blazing Saddles" before I watched this movie, but almost immediately recognised the similarities, and then started looking for the jokes that I knew were coming. I was not disappointed.
It is nice to see a "remake" of a film that set the bar a long time ago but couldn't be made today because it would "offend" the idiot minorities that can't take a joke. Remember that the original was hilariously funny without spouting profanities in every other sentence, rare in today's so called "Comedies".
I enjoyed the movie and would be happy for my grandchildren to see it, and then let them watch the original.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Could do better..
I was really looking forward to this series, as the teaser clips looked amazing. Sadly, the teasers were the best parts and the rest of the series was totally laughable with huge plot failures and poor scripting and acting.
And what was the point in bringing back Haydon to play Darth Vader ? He is only seen in a few flashbacks to when he was still Anakin Skywalker, and then just seen in the Darth Vader costume. Was it even him in there ? It clearly wasn't his voice..
The director of this pile of poo should have been kicked off the set during the first episode and the task given to somebody worth the salary..
Give the franchise back to George Lucas Disney ! That man knows how to tell a story..
Ms. Marvel (2022)
The worst Marvel spin off ever..
After sitting through a few episodes of this complete drivel from Disney, I am amazed that the show hasn't been cancelled already. The plot is basic Marvel comic book fare, with an origin story and developing characters, but the pace is slow and filled in with way too many unnecessary filler scenes, as if they didn't want to spend any money on the CGI required to make it a 'proper' superhero series. I am so bored after three episodes that I won't bother to watch the rest of the series and hope the next Marvel spin off is way better than this garbage.
The Batman (2022)
I hated it !
I know this is another reboot of the franchise, and was supposed to take a whole new approach, but personally I hated the movie. It was always too dark to see any real detail, and why was every day in Gotham constantly bucketing down with rain - the movie was depressing enough already without the constant downpour. After what seemed an incredibly long wait, I was really looking forward to the movie, but for me it was a huge let down. Robert Pattison may be earning kudos for his acting, but his lack of physique was completely unconvincing for a "Superhero" movie.
I hope this is the last one with this actor/director combination - I doubt that I will be interested in any sequels.
Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
How did this get an 8/10 score ?
I fell asleep I the cinema when this was first released, and again when I saw it recently on Sky movies. At the third attempt I finally stayed awake and couldn't believe how slow paced and dragged out the story was.
Everything felt like it was filmed in slow motion with actors delivering their dialogue as if they couldn't care less about the plot.
I am a fan of the original movie and am sorely disappointed that this was was the best they could present as a follow up.
40 Days and Nights (2012)
Could it possibly get even worse ?
You know how it is. You are flicking through the channels trying to find something to watch when you come across a movie whose summary appears to be more interesting than the rest of the garbage on offer. You start to watch it but realise after the first few minutes that this is worse than all the other garbage put together.
Unfortunately my wife had started watching it so I couldn't turn it over.
Poor acting, characters you really couldn't care about., Special effects that appear to have been created on a Commodore Amiga and absolutely terrible continuity with actors never seeming to get wet despite being outside in a monsoon.
I would classify this movie more as a comedy than an action flick.
Wendy (2020)
What were they thinking?
A complete re-imaginig of the Peter Pan story, completely devoid of any of the original stories'charm.
Poor acting and slow, ponderous pacing made me switch this off after a laborious 30 minutes so I can't comment about the rest of the film. It was just too depressing and boring to continue watching. Even the kids gave up long before the end !
Gas Light (2017)
Probably the worst movie I have ever seen...
I was expecting so much more from the synopsis but the dreadful continuity and clumsy editing just made it painful to watch. No amount of "Artistic content" can make up for this turkey of a movie.