the-angry-cubist Reviews

Frankie (I) (2019)

A movie by Hollywood Insiders for Hollywood Insiders

[2/10 · 15 July 2020]

This is one of those movies I put in the above category. This movie was a put together piece in order to win awards. This movie was NOT meant for the plebeian viewing public, but rather a puff piece so some actors, producers, and the director could get some awards (or more awards). The dead giveaway was the Cannes Film Festival, a big red flag for crappy movies if there ever is one.

The actors seem bored and are just going through the motions of acting. I could do a better job. Hell, the main character is not in most of the scenes! Honestly, I think this movie was put together so some people could get to spend time on the Portuguese Riviera and nothing more.

Don't waste your time on this drivel

Woodlawn (2015)

Heavy on the preaching, light on the sports history

[1/10 · 14 May 2016]

If I wanted a sermon, I would go to church. This movie is light on sports, action, race relations, and the Tony Nathan story and heavy on the Jesus. As usual with preachy films, it is 45 minutes too long. And, as with "American Christianity", it has to ram Jesus down your gullet and never lets up and if you don't like the ramming, they scream persecution. Some mysterious goofball gets 5 minutes to preach to the kids and goes on for over an hour, just like the typical evangelical. Most of the kids convert, probably to shut him up. Then Jesus spreads like mold and everyone lives happy ever after. Save yourself 2 excruciating hours and clean your house instead. At least you will have accomplished something.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

Story is king. But not in this movie.

[3/10 · 22 July 2009]

As has been said before, this is a really bad Harry Potter installment. Just viewers can throw away Star Wars-Episode I and not miss anything, this Harry Potter film does not have to be purchased and you will not miss anything.

This is actually the first movie that I have ever been to where a person near me was actually SLEEPING through most of the movie. Yes, SLEEPING. And snoring. It became actually funny and it slowly sunk into my mind that this movie was a huge load of crap. If you have never read the book, you would be totally confused; If you HAVE read the book, you would not only be totally confused, but you would be really angry that all of the MAJOR PLOT POINTS of the book have been left out.

This is a very important lesson for you aspiring filmmakers and screenwriters. Story is king. Story is king. Story is king. Let that stew in your brain before you ever write anything again. Now I don't want to totally eviscerate the screenwriter, Steve Kloves. He has been the screenwriter for most of the series and, so far, has done a pretty good job of converting huge novels into entertaining scripts, so the fault has to lie with the director, David Yates. HP:OOtP was his first HP movie and, at the time, was my worst one. I thought then that the book has been done a disservice. Now my fears are totally realized when this steaming heap of crap came out. It seems to me that David Yates took the screenplay, and said, "I want to compete with all of the other teeny movies out there, so out go major plot points (teens don't go for all that plot and thinking stuff anyways) and in goes more moody swoon y teeny pablum. After all, I AM the director." And there, dear aspiring filmmakers, is the when someone needs to take a good piece of hickory and break it across the front of your face, leaving a "Louisville Slugger" logo imprinted across your face. Because, YOU screwed up.

Now that we have the same two teaming up again for the last movie, get out the Pepto.

Rachel Getting Married (2008)

An example of a pretentious artsy movie

[1/10 · 11 June 2009]

My wife has wanted to see this movie ever since it came out and I didn't seem interested in it until Anne Hathaway won the Oscar. So the movie must be good, right? Wrong.

First, Anne Hathaway gives a typical Anne performance: NOT Oscar worthy. Second, This was the most pretentious piece of crap that I have ever seen. The first sign came with the opening credits: Lumet as screenwriter. I knew that this must be the daughter of the director, Sydney Lumet, so she got an "in". The second clue was Demme as the director. "Oh, God", I thought, "please don't make me puke during this crap."

The characters were so one dimensional and wooden that I almost could see the paper and strings. Lloyd Kaufmann has written better characters!

The setting was so pretentious. I immediately noticed that all of God's races were represented, with the exception of Mexicans, because rich, pretentious people cannot conceive of a wealthy, educated Mexican.

Just take a poor uneducated person to this movie and I'm sure they will think, "if being rich and educated makes me act like this, then no thank you".

Don't waste your time on this crap. This is a movie made by Hollywood insiders for Hollywood insiders. The little people will not get it.