LSGPhoenix Reviews

Noah (2014)

Biblical inaccuracy aside, it's long and boring

[2/10 · 3 April 2014]

Noah is a 2+ hour visual effects laden exposition that doesn't know if it's a fantasy, thriller, period piece, drama, or adaptation. The long boring result is it ends up being neither of these. BIBLICAL INACCURACIES ASIDE - I came at this film hoping for a good movie. I am a fan of the director's prior works, most especially "Requiem for a Dream" and "Black Swan". It was not so much the camera angles, or direction per say that disappointed as it was the story.

Spoilers TO FOLLOW

Noah is given visions by "The Creator" which are evenly divided among destruction and new life. He takes to believing that he alone is meant to build a vessel to weather the coming storm for his family and the innocents: animals. With the help of his newly acquired friends, the fallen angel/rock golems, and with the magic of his grandfather Methuselah's miracle grow seed, the team begins building the Ark.

Enter a curious band of refugees from Beyond Thunderdome led by the angry and entitled Ray Winstone and now you have conflict. Because the Man vs God/Environment is not conflict enough, apparently.

The story takes an even more dramatic departure from it's source material from here on out. Unfortunately it jumps around from scene to scene and theme to theme too often for the next 60 minutes so that by the end when the sun is showering the Earth with enough radiation to create multiple dim rainbows you're just hoping the credits are soon to follow.

I cannot recommend this movie, even out of curiosity. Perhaps filmmakers should either stick to the source material, which has been around for millennia so it must be a good read, or come up with something new entirely that doesn't rely on massive PR campaigns to save it.

The Hunger Games (2012)

Fire the director, and the DP

[4/10 · 23 March 2012]

The story, acting, and costuming were well done. It stops there. Despite the fact the movie will make hundreds of millions of dollars in the box office, the studio should fire the Director and the DP (director of photography). Nearly entirely shot "hand-held", and shaky at that, the film will give the strongest stomachs a run for their money.

I'll start by saying I've seen many films, I even make them, and i have a very sturdy stomach. But watching this movie set me off, giving me a full blown headache by minute 15, and making me nauseous by minute 30. I even had to get up and walk out for a few minutes to quell the vertigo.

FAR too many close ups, even more too many extreme close ups, and all with a shaky almost nervous hand. It got to the point where as a character was running all we see is quick, shaky, close up cuts of the feet, then head, then feet, then face, then feet... This does not create suspense! The story is suspenseful enough! What's more is nearly EVERY action shot is blurred by the terrible choice of camera movements so that the audience really doesn't see what's going on. What's more, simple shots of the characters doing mundane things are ALSO shot in this horrid manner.

Sadly I was not alone, as a dozen more people also left the theater to regain their equilibrium, some did not return. After the film many of us gathered in the lobby, all strangers, to openly complain about the films camera work. Several of those that left early demanded their money back.

I must also speak to the positives of the film. The acting was well done, particularly by the films lead, Jennifer Lawrence. She portrayed emotion and lack there of as it was called for. Completely believable as the character Katniss Everdeen. The pacing of the film lacked a bit in the beginning but picked up quickly.

My advice to future moviegoers: Sit in the top row. Distancing yourself from the screen may be the only method of effectively staving off the dizziness.

Super 8 (2011)

What is it??

[4/10 · 26 June 2011]

What is it? And I don't mean the monster. There's heavy lens flare usage in the beginning like "Star Trek", there's a mysterious rarely seen by the audience creature like "Cloverfield", and there's a touching, misunderstood alien like....well pick one of Spielberg's movies. And then there's the corny, misplaced ending as the alien slowly sails away into the sky.

But in all this mess director JJ Abrams can't seem to decide what he wants this film to be. And so it stumbles from one plot point to another as even the characters try to discern what should happen next. The Air Force evacuates the town, suddenly the monster has unearthly powers and causes tanks and missiles and gun fire to spin around destroying homes at random, suddenly the creature is back underground building....something he never uses in the end..??

All is not lost, however, as the acting of the two young leads Joel Courtney (Joe) and most notably Elle Fanning (Alice) steal the screen away from their counterparts in each and every scene. Hopefully we'll get to see much more of these two in the near future.

Entertaining enough I suppose, but certainly a let down after the majesty that was Abrams' "Star Trek" reboot. I guess in the end you just can't win them all...

The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009)

A disappointment, truly

[2/10 · 7 June 2011]

After the original became a cult classic, to the displeasure of anyone still working in Hollywood after the 90's, we all hoped that Troy may make a triumphant return and do another piece. He did, but he didn't do it justice.

Too many plot lines. The detectives are now bumbling keystone cops??? The McManus brothers have been hiding for 10 years after vowing, publicly, to make evil-doers pay? How lazy have you become? This monstrosity should prove that apparently Mr. Duffy has only one trick up his sleeve.

Only the last 15 minutes, when the two veteran actors come out to play, is worth watching. Needless to say you can watch this scene alone and know what's going on, don't bother trying to piece it together from the rest of the movie. It's a stand-alone plot!

Obviously some poor schmuck decided he would try to make a dollar on the cult status of the original by giving Duffy a slightly higher budget to do a sequel. I believe it's safe to say this river has run dry.

Alice (2009)

Very poor and way too long

[3/10 · 13 March 2010]

When watching this on DVD I began to realize as I reached the end that the writers got lost somewhere. Being a nearly 3 and one half hour mini-series I can almost understand how this would happen. But when you get to the end and the characters, namely Alice, isn't making any sense from the beginning of the story, it just seems like a jumbled mess.

First, the length. Way too long with multiple scenes that use figureheads like Kathy Bates talking about nothing that relates to the plot. Or Alice's making it to the castle, only to be rescued, only to try to return... Time wasters to make what should have been a two-hour TV movie into a two-part mini-series. Essentially dragging the viewers into a long and drawn out and often dull experience which lacks any sort of "wonder" at all.

I also can appreciate the need for day-players, or name actors who will help sell a project because people will watch them. But when you have actors like Harry Dean Stanton, and Tim Curry in the show for mere minutes, just so you can put their name on the cover of the DVD, I'm sorry but that's LAME.

Caterina Scorsone did a really good job with the subtleties. Her facial expressions during any dramatic scene were perfect. She was not, however, a great pick for the martial art, stand up and fight character she was made into. Her moving speeches towards the end were really really forced, as if she was thinking in her head "who would write this crap?" while saying it. In any case, hats off to her.

In essence, avoid this if you can. Poor adaptation using character names for the sake of calling it an Alice in Wonderland tale.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

Fun and full circle

[8/10 · 3 May 2009]

Aside from all the nay-sayers, I truly enjoyed this film. It was as good as anyone could possibly do with a comic book character that has spanned volumes of books just to tell his story. Great job bringing the story to the real world, as well. Explaining the wars, the differences between Wolverine and Sabertooth, and doing it in a time line that the audience can accept and relate to.

The inclusion of Gambit and the small pieces of his story were also a plus. As well as leading directly into the beginning of the X-Men with the "calling" of Scott Summers.

All around I enjoyed this film. I felt it to be plenty entertaining, and had a good story all at the same time. Spend the money, sit back, and let yourself be entertained.