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Red Dot (2021)
An HONEST review
A tale of cinematic misfortune, for this particular film can only be described as a splendid symphony of fecal artistry, a veritable excretion of storytelling prowess that leaves one pondering the myriad ways in which precious time has been squandered. What exactly was the plot? I find myself in an increasingly bewildering confusion - what exactly is the problem with Netflix productions? Why does Netflix love producing movies with such shallow plots?
Netflix seems to forget about a thing known as "emotional investment" which anyone making a movie would want from the viewers. But it seems that Netflix plots are written by blue-haired imbeciles with no creative endeavour. These are the two of the most DISLIKABLE/UNLIKEABLE/NON-LIKEABLE - whatever the word is - protagonists of all time. I was cheering for the other guys all along. The husband is an absolute loser who plays video games all day, while the wife is a moronical ignoramus with no self-accountability. This chick (a) decided to give a man driving a car a "fun time," which resulted in a boy getting killed, (b) scratched a truck belonging to two military-age men with weapons for no reason, endangering herself, her baby, and her husband (who does nothing to stop her), (c) Gets the dog beheaded. What an absolute moron!
In conclusion, would I watch it a second time? Not if you put a gun to my head. Would I recommend you to watch the first time? Not unless you have a gun to your head. Still better than "There's Someone Inside Your House" though.
Tin & Tina (2023)
An HONEST review
3.5/10 for this utter BOREFEST. Again, I do not understand this new-age phenomenon of the directors and writers having a very workable plot, yet failing to develop it. Is it incompetence? Is it a lack of creativity? Or is it sadism? Tin & Tina presents a very shallow story without any details and without much outline. It's a concoction of randomness, nothing falls into place. The acting was decent. And I frankly did not understand the last scene - were the writers drunk or just stupid? Perhaps they were pissed at the production company. In the ending - the husband is having a conversation with his wife about a potential divorce, trying to convince her to not leave him, and all of a sudden, the power goes out because of the rain. Now, you'd expect that a normal person would prioritise his finding a solution to a tumultuous moment in his marriage, but this guy decides to casually go and fix the TV instead. He literally leaves in the middle of the conversation as he is giving reasons to his wife to stay with him - TO FIX THE TV. To add to the lack of human intellect, he does it during a storm. That pretty much summarises this movie. In conclusion, would I watch it for the second time? Nope. Would I recommend you to watch it for a first time? No, unless you are a sadist who thinks that time is a mere illusion.
Rattlesnake (2019)
An HONEST review
Right around the beginning of the movie, the mother tells her daughter: "No one deserves to be hurt." Well, she was wrong. Everyone involved in the production of this movie, from the producers to the director to the writers, do deserve it. Maybe the actors too. I guess the cameramen can be spared, they're just trying to get that bread for their family. The team behind this film had a very workable plot in front of them, it could have been something much more. But alas, it was a Netflix film. Lack of development.
And just kill the dude. Ironically, in the attempt of being a great mother, she becomes quite the contrary. SHE JUST DOESN'T KILL THE GUY. She could've killed him three different times in his house when he was defenceless, would've been dead and that's it. You may argue that it would only be a 65-70 minute movie then. A 70 minute movie with minimal time wasted is better than a 90 minute movie with half the time wasted. In conclusion, would I watch it again? No. Would I recommend you watch it? If there's NOTHING else to watch, sure. It's not necessary an AWFUL movie like my previously rated "There's Someone Inside Your House." It is watchable, but it's disappointing to think about what COULD HAVE been.
There's Someone Inside Your House (2021)
An HONEST review
I started cringing about 12 minutes in and had to shut it off. Cringing is generally a fantastic indicator of the atrocity that is about to unfold before you. I understood that I was heading into an awful concoction of halfwit notions with no creative endeavour behind them. My guess for the remaining 84 minutes? The same cringefest with the corniest dialogue as if it were some mid-2000s teens movie that I witnessed, only multiplied by 7. In conclusion, would I watch the remaining 84 minutes? No. Would I recommend you to watch a single minute? No. That's all, but I have to fulfill the character requirement to publish this, so here's a 150-word essay about how one singular great spy belonging to the rabid pelican army terrified the lemur army during the Lemur-Pelican Wars of 1598-160 generated by ChatGPT (much more captivating than "There's Someone Inside Your House):
In the annals of the Lemur-Pelican Wars, a singular great spy belonging to the Rabid Pelican Army emerged, striking fear into the hearts of the Lemur Army from 1598 to 1607. This enigmatic figure, whose name is lost to history, possessed an uncanny ability to infiltrate enemy lines undetected, gather crucial intelligence, and execute covert operations with unparalleled precision.
Equipped with a keen intellect and a mastery of disguise, the spy's exploits were legendary. He effortlessly slipped into the Lemur Army's headquarters, blending seamlessly with their ranks. Unbeknownst to his enemies, he meticulously gathered information on their troop movements, strategies, and weaknesses, providing the Rabid Pelican Army with a crucial edge in battle.
The Lemur Army, plagued by uncertainty and paranoia, was haunted by the shadowy presence of this spy. Rumors spread like wildfire among the ranks, heightening their fear and distrust. The mere thought of facing an invisible adversary became a psychological burden that sapped their morale.
As the Lemur-Pelican Wars raged on, the spy's actions not only demoralized the Lemur Army but also struck a deep sense of terror into their hearts. His exploits became the stuff of legends, whispered fearfully among the Lemur soldiers and instilling a sense of invincibility among the Rabid Pelican forces.
In the annals of military history, this singular great spy remains an enigma, his true identity forever shrouded in secrecy. However, his legacy serves as a testament to the power of intelligence, stealth, and psychological warfare in shaping the outcomes of war. The Lemur-Pelican Wars of 1598-1607 stand as a stark reminder of how one exceptional individual can instill fear and forever alter the course of history.
The Craigslist Killer (2011)
An HONEST review
A film with wasted potential. The film management decided to focus more on the killer's love story than the actual killing side of him. It literally seemed like a romance movie for the first half. Fell short in digging into the psychology of the killer. The dialogue was corny. The lead actor could've done better. And then in the end, he JUST GETS CAUGHT without any buildup? He makes the most unanticipated, stupid move of all time. The police are looking for this dude and he sees that the cops are within the vicinity of his building. And he decides to GET OUT of his building and LEAVE the city in front of them? I don't if that's what happened in real life, but that's dumb as Hell.
Given that this was supposed to be based on an actual event, they fell awfully short with their execution. This movie gets a 5 from me - 4.5 for Agnes Bruckner and 0.5 for the script. In conclusion, would I watch it for a second time? No. Would I recommend you to watch it for the first time? No, you really won't miss out on anything except Agnes.
Circle (2015)
An HONEST review
Underwhelming. While it presented an intriguing concept, the execution failed to captivate.
The film starts with a promising premise, gathering a diverse group of characters in a mysterious and deadly situation. The idea of a deadly game where participants must make life-or-death decisions is undeniably intriguing. It raises questions about morality.
However, as the story unfolds, I found myself craving more depth and character development. The rapid pace of the narrative left little room for emotional investment or a deeper exploration of the characters' motivations. The dialogue felt somewhat forced and lacked the necessary nuance to truly engage the audience. The point of the film was unclear. The acting was not up to the mark - Karter Jenkins was awful and cringe.
On a positive note, the film did create a sense of tension and suspense, with the ever-looming threat of elimination adding a layer of intrigue. The minimalistic set design and use of lighting added to the atmosphere.
Circle failed to fully deliver on its potential. The lack of character development and the rushed nature of the storytelling prevented me from fully connecting with the film. I was left wanting more substance and a greater exploration of the underlying themes.
In conclusion, would I watch it a second time? No. Would I recommend you to watch it for the first time? Meh, maybe. You COULD.
Against the Ice (2022)
An HONEST review
Against the Ice left me with mixed impressions. While it had its merits, the overall execution didn't quite live up to my expectations.
The film sets out with an intriguing premise, immersing us in a harrowing tale of survival in icy landscapes. The cinematography beautifully captures the harsh beauty of the Arctic setting, showcasing the vastness and desolation effectively. The lead actors deliver commendable performances, conveying the physical and emotional challenges faced by their characters.
While the film effectively creates a sense of isolation and peril, I felt that some aspects of the plot remained underexplored or lacked the necessary depth. The pacing also seemed a bit uneven, with certain moments dragging on while others warranted more attention. The film's attention to historical accuracy and period details is commendable, adding an authentic touch to the overall experience. The production design and costumes transport you back in time, enhancing the immersion into the early 20th-century Arctic expedition.
While Against the Ice had its moments of tension and showcased the unforgiving nature of the environment, it fell short of delivering a truly gripping and immersive cinematic experience. However, I appreciate its attempt to shed light on a lesser-known historical event and the determination of those involved.
In conclusion, would I watch it a second time? No. Would I recommend you to watch it for the first time? Yes.
No One Gets Out Alive (2021)
An HONEST review
It does miss "the mark," but it is definitely one of the better horror movies of today's age. While it had its moments of suspense, it JUST fell short.
The film sets up an intriguing premise, immersing us in a chilling and atmospheric setting. It effectively creates a sense of unease and foreboding, drawing you into the story. Cristina Rodlo delivers a solid performance, capturing the fear and desperation of her character.
However, as the narrative unfolds, I found myself longing for a more cohesive storyline. The pacing seemed uneven at times, with certain scenes dragging on while others lacked the necessary depth and exploration.
On the positive side, the film's visual presentation was impressive, with striking cinematography and atmospheric lighting contributing to the eerie atmosphere. The creature design was also worthy of appreciation.
In conclusion, would I watch it a second time? No. Would I recommend you to watch it the first time? Yes.
Gerald's Game (2017)
An HONEST review
Gerald's Game intrigued me with its premise, but it fell somewhat short of my expectations. While it had its moments, the overall execution, mainly towards the end, left me with mixed feelings.
The film starts with a promising setup, immersing us in a tense and unsettling situation. It explores themes of survival and psychological struggle in a confined space, which initially captured my interest. The lead actress delivered a strong performance, effectively conveying the emotional turmoil of her character. I enjoyed the "hallucination" concept which felt unique.
However, I found myself wanting more depth and exploration of the psychological aspects. While there were certainly intense moments, the narrative seemed to lose some of its momentum towards the end. The pacing faltered in that time period. The "Moonlight Man" could've been utilised more effectively.
On the positive side, the film did a commendable job of translating the source material onto the screen, capturing the suspense effectively. The cinematography and sound design contributed to the unsettling atmosphere, heightening the tension in certain sequences.
While Gerald's Game held my attention and offered some thought-provoking moments, it ultimately didn't fully satisfy my expectations. I appreciate its attempt, but I felt there was room for further refinement.
In conclusion, would I watch it a second time? Yes. Would I recommend you to watch it for the first time? Yes.
1922 (2017)
An HONEST review
1922 left me somewhat underwhelmed, to be honest. As a viewer, I was hoping for a more entrancing experience.
The film starts off with promise, setting the stage for a dark and haunting tale. However, as it unfolds, I found myself longing for a stronger narrative and clearer direction. The story seemed to meander without a clear sense of purpose, leaving me somewhat perplexed and disconnected.
While the movie had its moments, particularly in terms of atmosphere and period details, it failed to sustain my interest throughout. The pacing felt sluggish at times, and I found myself wishing for more compelling twists and turns to keep me fully engaged.
On a positive note, the performances were commendable, with the actors bringing a certain authenticity to their roles. The cinematography also captured the somber tone effectively, creating a visually striking experience.
In conclusion, while 1922 had its merits, it fell short of delivering a truly captivating and memorable viewing experience for me. While I appreciate its attempt to delve into the psychological depths of its characters, it left me wanting more. Would I watch it a second time? No. Would I recommend you to watch it for the first time? Yes.
Inception (2010)
An HONEST review
Inception is a resplendent cinematic experience that had me hooked from the opening scene till the very end. As a viewer, I was enthralled by its intricate plot. The characters in Inception are deeply nuanced and expertly portrayed by a remarkable ensemble cast. The chemistry between the cast members is palpable.
Visually, Inception is a feast for the eyes. Inception demands your full attention to grasp its intricacies; it requires active engagement and a willingness to navigate its twists and turns. Some may find its complexity overwhelming.
Inception is a cinematic marvel that pushes the boundaries of storytelling. Does it qualify as what is known as a "masterpiece?" Yes. However, SOMETHING, just something, held me back from a 10/10 rating. I'm not quite sure what, but there's just something small missing to get it to that perfect rating.
In conclusion, would I watch it a second time? Yes. Would I recommend you to watch it for the first time? Yes.
Qorin (2022)
An HONEST REVIEW
Well, it was just a bad movie, wasn't it?
To start, as a random Muslim who ended up watching this film, I hope that non-Muslims or even young Muslims who aren't very well-read, are intelligent enough to understand that this is a poor depiction of Islamic schools and what goes on in (most of) them.
Moving on to the film itself, I believe after the opening which was decent, the people behind the film missed out on something that could've been done in a much better fashion. All of a sudden, you're thrown into a pool of suspense, without quite clearly understanding WHAT and WHY. The film does not do a very good job at explaining the story, and consequently, the plot ends up being all over the place. Also, there appeared to be two main characters, and I'm not quite sure what about their personalities would have made me root for either of them. Overall, it felt like a concoction of ideas, as if the writer or the director just thought he had a couple of brilliant notions that he just could not choose between, so might as well put them all together. A big mess.
Additionally, the make-up and little bit of CGI used were both awful. And what in the world was that dreadful "villain laugh" from the antagonist towards the end?
The one positive I can extract is that the cinematography was rather impressive. Oh, and the acting was actually pretty good, especially from the actors playing the two main girls.
In conclusion, would I watch this a second time? No. Do I recommend you to watch it a first time? No.