Change Your Image
kellybeaverton
Reviews
Ghosts: Isaac's Wedding (2024)
Horrificly Homophobic Episode
After teasing all season about the "big gay wedding", the often promised wedding did not take place. To add insult to injury, not one, but two heterosexual couples pledged their love for each other. The message is clear, this series will exploit gay relationships for potential viewers... but not allow any of their gay characters to have a simple stable relationship. One standard for straight characters another standard for gay ones,
It is 2024. This kind of not so subtile homophobia is outrageously inappropriate.
The viewers have an emotional investment on these characters. It is extremely disappointing when promised things fail to take place.
Wild Cards (2024)
Mild Cards is Stunningly Uninteresting
Mild Cards would be a better title for this bland bit of fluff. It plays like a Hallmark movie - but with way less excitement, dramatic tension and sexual chemistry.
Vanessa Morgan tries so hard to be "edgy" but fails miserably at every turn. She is full of ticks, and twitches and bad line reads. Her performance is annoying. The male lead should be called "Cedar" he is so wooden and bland. Both of these individuals lack enough personality to lead a series - even a low budge Canadian one.
Normally, with leads this unappealing the producer adds in some zany sidekicks/neighbors/friends but in this case the entire cast is boring and unappealing.
Tracker (2024)
Lost Its Way
This series is Dead on Arrival.
With any number of other Lead actors, this might develop into a watchable series. Justin Hartley is just too bland and wooden to head up a series. Being able to "remove your shirt" well does not translate into acting ability. Hartley is simply not engaging. He is a bland Ken Doll slightly past its prime. Sadly, the supporting cast is not quirky enough to engage the viewers interest. Not that generic Lesbians who love dogs isnt a thrillimg enough concept, it just is not compelling.
Aside from Hartley, this series has simply lost its way. There is not one single new idea or concept in this whole series.
Pass on this one, you have better things to do with your time.
Argyle (2011)
Bryce Dallas Howard is Horrible
I want to be fair, Bryce Dallas Howard does NOT totally ruin this movie, even without her very minimal acting skills, the movie is still one big steaming pile. Howard has one "deer in the headlights" expression that she uses to convey any response. Using her to carry an entire movie is just mental cruelty - to her and to the audience.
The script is one big convoluted trainwreck. Is it an action movie? Romance? Political Satire? Ultimately it dosent really matter, after two plus hours the audience just wants it to be over. Anytime the action slows, which it does every three minutes, they toss in some preposterious special effects. The movie is overwhelmed by these not so special effects.
And, please while they are heavily featured in the trailers, both Henry Cavill and John Cena appear in only a few short scenes throughout this overlong movie.
A Christmas... Present (2022)
Overdose of Perky
Candace Cameron Bure is pushing FIFTY - and still trying to behave like a cute tween. This is even more cringworthy than your Dad trying to be hip and edgy at your High School. No matter what you title them, Bure has basically made dozens of versions of the same movie. Her movies are so stale they smell like eight day old fish parts. The producer of this awful mess should take Bure aside and explain to her that she has aged out, well out, of these "cute" roles.
The one redeeming aspect of this underwhelming little drama is Marc Blucas. He gamefully plays the male lead with a completely
straight face. Wow, this man can act.
At least this movie wasn't filmed in metro Vancouver. One grows so tired of seeing "Seattle" poorly depicted in this type of movie.
Luann and Sonja: Welcome to Crappie Lake (2023)
Another Big Steaming Pile of Bravo Tv "Reality"
Hard pass. I cannot bel8eve anything this imcredibly stupid would make it to a series - even by the incredibly low standards of the Bravo Network.
Luann and Sonja, two over the hill materialistic "Barbies" from New York City" go to a small town in rural Illinois to improve" it. The preposterious premise is that these airheads know anything, anything all about real life.
The rural folks are treated like savages who can barely walk upfight. At each pafronizing step of this completely contrived drama the locals are depicted as clueless and inept.
Bravo tv need to do a show where two midwesterners are sent to New York City - to actually improve the place. To teach New Yorkers that there is more to life than liposuc tion amd shopping. Teach them to value their community and value their neighbors.
This whole witless and mean spirited program is an embarassment.
A Stormy Night (2020)
God Awful Lead Character
WHY was this movie even made?
It suffers from the "Bros" phenomenon. The entire movie fails because of the casting of the central character. He is a "dark hole" that literally sucks all the energy out of the entire film. Being whiney and annoying may be suitable traits for the "quirky best friend", but certainly not for a central character.
The premise of the whole film is so preposterious that it should never have been made. A storm grounds all the flights into New York. Yet, throughout the film there are blue skies and absolutrly no evidemce of a raging storm.
Sadly, Amazon Prime has chosen to air this stale little pile. Rather than support talented gay film makers, they promote this nonsense.
Even by the modest standards set by the gay film genre, this film fails. There is absolugrly no reason for anyone to waste their time watching this.
Motel Rescue (2023)
Preposterous and Contrived.
How did this mess ever become a series?
Much of the problems with this series center around the Host Lindsey. She is one of those perky people who focus on the most superficial issues, while totally ignoring the actual substantive issues which cause small motels to struggle. She appears to have absolutely no personaal experiemce in actually running a motel.
She swoops in, and makes some incredibly contrived and totally impractical "i provements" all without doing anything substantial to remedy the actual problems the motel is facing.
This series needs to have someone with actual motel experience added to the team. And they als9 need a huge dose of practicality.
For example, in a recent episode set in Solvang California, the front of the hotel was a huge mud pit. The "solution" was to totally ignore the drainage issues causing the water to collect in the space. They slap a piece of artificial turf over the mess and call it an "outdoor space". That does not solve anything, it just temporarily hides the underlying issue.
The Magnolia Network should do a follow up with any motel "improved" by this group of people. Do a candid double check to see if the facility has had any lasting benefit.
Digman! (2023)
Mindnumbing and Stupid
Just when you thought that Comedy Central has reached the absolute bottom of the barrel, along comes
"Digman". The program appears to have been written by twelve year olds with no talent or ability.
Whenever the pace drags, which is often, the writers toss in a swear word. This constant vomit of vulgarity is supposed to be "edgy" or shocking. It just comes across as a desperate action by a totally talentless writing team.
Comedy Central should be embarassed to have such a total waste of a program on their schedule
You have far better things to do with your life than waste it on this stupidity.
Animal Control (2023)
God, this is Horrible
Imagine a rehash of "Community" but without the amusing an engaging supporting cast. Oh, and without the entertaining and enjoyable writing. This is Animal Control.
This is another big steaming pile of CANADIAN television. The series is yet another rip off claiming to be set in "Seattle" when it is actually filmed in Vancoiver Canada.
This is a throw away program even by the low standards of the Fox Network. The quality of writing is on par with a Community Access Cable program. The high point of the pilot episode is the primary cast joinging together to sing "the poop song" to get a toddler to have a bowel movemement. It quickly, goes down hill from that point. Other plot points include a man being chased by ostriches to get a stick of jerky stuck in his belt. Seriously. While Ostriches are omnivores, I doubt if any Ostrich would recognize a stick of jerky as food.
The ensemble cast appears to have been selected for their ethnicity and not for their talent or ability. Most annying is Grace Palmer an "actress" from New Zealand. Her voice is so incredibly annoying I want to run screaming from the room every time she attempts to delover a line. And seriously, a NEW ZEALAND actress? There are thousands of gifted and talented US actresses waiting to be employed and these knuckheads have to use foreign talent.
This program is not entertaining, just incredibly stupid - and not in an entertaining way.
Mayfair Witches (2023)
Dull with NO Magic
Millions of Anne Rice fans loved this series of books for specific reasons. They wont find any of those things in this incredibly dull and tedious potboiler of a program.
It is totally lacking in the magic and excitement of the original books.
The two main problems with the series are an infantile script and an actress lacking the substance to portray Rowan Mayfair. Alexandra Daddario "acts" by staring blankly into the camera like a deer in the headlights. She lacks the ability, and the experience to do much of anything else.
The script was written. By people who have appardntly never bothered to read tne original books. The series is tedious tending to drag on forever. I have just endured the fourth episode. So far there has been rougnly 20 minutes of action and three hours and fourty minutes of ennui.
The only redeeming qualities come with the performances of the supporting characters. Beth Grant is an accomplished actress who makes the best of a very negative character. Harry Hamlin also has moments of smarmy greatness.
All in all this is an incredibly disappointing production - especially for fans of Anne Rice.
Wolf Pack: From a Spark to a Flame (2023)
Totally Meh, Incredibly disappoing
One big Yawn. The second rate cast sleep walks though their scenes as if they were heavily medicated.
The special effects, if you can call them that, are so poorly done you wonder if thry were redycled from a 1960s sci fi movie.
Also disappointing are the badly drawn characters. Not a single one of them has a spark of empathy or any personal attrubutes that make you want to engage with the characters. This is particularly true of the two main characters who dominate the first half of the pilot episode.
Worst of all is the quality of casting. It has the feel of a "quota casting" where people are chosen for ethnic or orientation issues rather than for any actual innate talent.
Most disappointi of all is Sarah Michelle Geller. She is horribly miscast, and even more horribly misused. Her character is somber and ever so "adult". Everthing Geller's fans love... this sad chracter is NOT.
Call Me Kat: Call Me Ichabod Evel Knievel (2023)
WHY is this still on the air?
Why is something this bad allowed airtime even on the Fox network? It is stale, tired, and creakingly NOT funny.
I blame most of this kess on the incredibly poor quality of the writing. The hip point of this episode was when the lead character put a grooming pad in her mouth and licked a cat's back. There was also "jokes" about older women with "visable diaper lines" under their clothes. So incredibly NOT funny.
The writers have a harsh hostile attitude towards older people, Women, even the Amish. Who is so desperate they need to use Amish jokes?
I am sorry, but this is just too DOA to be allowed airtime.
NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service: Big Rig (2023)
WHY is still still on the Air?
I can only assume there is no current writing staff for this series. This would the big stinking pile that was dished up for this episode.
The main plot revolved around theft of B Vitamins. The sub plot centered around one of the characters appearing on a quiz show. Neither of these plots really has anything to do with NCIS.
The biggest flaw in the episode was to center it around Vilmer Valderrama. He has far too limitied dramatic skills to carry an episode. And to suggest that he might be an undercover trucker is, well, just laughable. There are thousands of talented and entertsining Latino Actors who are enjoyable to watch. Mr. Valderrama is NOT in this group.
Zane Holz is the one bright spot in this episode. He should appear far frequently.
It is time to get competent writers - or pull the plug on this series.