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Reviews
The Children (1980)
No, just no
Yes, this was filmed somewhat simultaneously to Friday the 13th and yes this owes a lot to Village of the Damned, both much better films. Children in a town contaminated by a nuclear waste cloud and turned into little hugging freaks who kill sizzle you with their mitts.
The pluses:
*The soundtrack is very reminiscent of Friday the 13th and actually quite eerie. It adds a great deal to a laughable film.
*The acting isn't bad. At least the male characters are decent. The female actors aren't given much and that's because...
The minuses:
*The scriptwriter evidently hated women. Every woman in this film is either a slutty caricature, an unpleasant brash female or a complete simpering idiot. Now a lot of films of this period had similar stereotypes for women, but this was also the age of the final final girl genesis, not to mention Alien's Ripley and Terminator's Sarah Connor (this film is no where near those but you get the idea). The women in this film make you happy to see them off (and pissed that they are relegated to the 'only tell the little woman what you want her to know even when it puts everyone in peril' role).
*Just the general plotline is bad/stupid, yet somewhat entertaining.
So if you have absolutely nothing else to watch and you want to roll your eyes some, have at it. Otherwise, no, just no.
Konferensen (2023)
That's some crazy...
Wow, the Swedes make some fun horror films! This is a slasher based at a work retreat, a conference, for a company no one would want to work for; complete with psychotic boss, his adoring female sidekick, sycophantic employee and all the subjugated employees expected.
The dubbing isn't great, but wasn't really an issue for me. The acting was decent, especially for a horror film. The killer was fun, although no great mystery.
The real fun was the banter between characters and the suppressed feelings that came out for some at the end. You could really feel the angst and peer pressure these kind of work dynamics bring out between colleagues.
The ending was satisfying and the action was well paced, somewhat brutal and even funny at times ( I almost feel guilty for saying brutal and funny in the same sentence, but doesn't that add something in a genre film?).
Overall a fun little film for those who like slashers. A nice addition to the genre.
Final Exam (1981)
Dull, dull, dull
Found this in a Reddit thread when I was looking for a whodunnit slasher like Urban Legend, Happy Birthday to Me or April Fool's Day. Someone recommended it for some bizarre reason because it is NOT a whodunnit; it's a Halloween ripoff set on a college campus and it is boooring! There's definitely no mystery why I had not heard of it before.
Stupid jocks who are intensely unlikeable play stupid pranks. Shallow, dull coeds go blah, blah, blah. Stereotypical redneck authority figures dismiss any and all words coming out of student's mouths. And a killer, never explained, apparently roams around colleges (slowly and without stealth, unless you count hiding behind thin trees and posts) and stabs people for no apparent reason and with surprisingly little gore for a 'slasher.'
Very little to recommend in this film.
Der Fall Jens Söring - Tödliche Leidenschaft (2023)
Like a stone skipping over the top of the story...
Like a stone skipping over the very top of the story, it's just a shallow examination of a crime. This documentary is interesting but basically leaves more questions than it answers. It certainly seems far more sympathetic towards Elizabeth and very eager to paint her in a 'removed' accessory role in the murder of her parents. I couldn't help but wonder at a brief description of the crime scene that was mentioned at the very beginning and then never mentioned again, particularly after she 'allegedly' was never at the crime scene. All the things written in blood, the very clear, distinct outline in blood around the mother's body and the note from the police that someone had apparently 'danced' in the blood; this sounds like someone who "despised" and "hated" her parents as Elizabeth wrote in her diaries/letters. Jens was definitely not someone who would have danced in blood, particularly not alone.
There are other irregularities that others mention. It's also interesting that her family was part of the Aster family, one of the Illuminati families. Just a sidenote.
The Fall of the House of Usher (2023)
Finally, something worthy of watching!
If you are looking for a literal adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe's The Fall of the House of Usher, then this isn't it. If you are a Poe fan looking for an homage to Poe's works with death, death, death and supernatural going ons (while also being a savage commentary on today's issues with opiates being pushed by big pharma particularly the Sacklar type family) and then this is it.
I was completely blown away with all the incredibly clever Easter egg Poe references written throughout the story line. From character names to manners of death the creators were definitely on point with the Poe research. The lyrical prose was incredible and worthy of Poe himself.
The series was at times gory, hedonistic, scary, suspenseful and even a bit humorous. The acting was awesome by everyone. I can't remember the last time I watched something where all acting was on point. Carla Gugino deserves an Emmy. She was so many different faces and so sinister and sympathetic simultaneously!
I cannot recommend this miniseries enough for horror fans, thriller fans, drama, etc It was superb and I do not say that lightly! Watch it. (Bruce Greenwood was awesome also. As was the actress playing young Madeleine). You won't know what is coming around the corner next, literally and figuratively.
Sleepaway Slasher (2020)
Felt like forever
This was one of the biggest snoozefest films I have seen in a while. A bunch of would be filmmakers and actors/actresses at a 'festival' for a lost film, all wanting to create a new film for a bunch of money...i think, but don't really care.
A bunch of pieces of would be films centered around a piece of an old partial film is as you would expect, really confusing. When you consider that all of them are bad, the actors are worse and there may or may not be a ghost really blends the bull in the the crapomatic machine.
My husband and I kept asking if it was over yet? The plot holes are bigger than an aircraft carrier (if you manage to figure out any form of a plot). Basically it ends up being the girls vs boys but that means nothing.
Do not waste your time.
Dark Harvest (2023)
The book was better...
This wasn't a bad film. A nice little Halloween flick with some great gore effects, but unfortunately it's typical of many films based on novels... the book was better.
Not going to spoil any plot details, but you definitely get more details about what is going on with this creepy little town if you read the novel.
The novel also shows the story from several perspectives including the monsters which is something the movie leaves out, much to it's detriment.
The director did Hard Candy and 30 Days of Night so you can expect some hard hitting moments. I liked his dark style of filming and the incredible tension this reclusive, insular town seethes with and the violence that erupts. I do wish some answers regarding the history of the 'curse' was more fleshed out.
No One Will Save You (2023)
A nice surprise
I always love it when I discover a film that I haven't seen before that is actually a decent watch. No One Is Going to Save You was a great little surprise. I had low expectations going in because I had never heard of it or the actors, but the camera work in the trailer didn't look low budget. I'm really glad I checked it out.
For a film with practically no dialogue and actually showing you the aliens throughout the movie, it manages to be tense, creepy and at times plain out scary. The cgi was obviously cheap, but done in very clever ways. Always morphing to change your expectations (and the characters) to great effect.
What really made the film though was the lead actress. There's a mystery surrounding her throughout that keeps the plot compelling and keeps the viewer intrigued. The actress really is superb.
The movie managed to stick the landing imo as well. Gave you food for thought and maybe provided some discussion if you watch with friends! Highly recommended.
The Slaughter (2022)
About what you would expect from low budget Italian film
About what you would expect from low budget Italian film, lots of nudity and some gore. Unfortunately there wasn't enough gore and the story was definitely plot lite. Mysterious masked figure stalks a bunch of twenty somethings through an old film studio.
Could have played with the location and made it interesting, but no. The accents were all over the place and the story dragged. The mask reminded me of the Happy Death Day mask.
Quite a bit of nudity and a pretty explicit girl on girl scene, however brief.
Overall, not completely terrible if you like these rehashed slashers, but not a particular stand out either.
Gakuen mokushiroku: HIGHSCHOOL OF THE DEAD (2010)
Too much fan service!
I love scary anime. I especially love zombie anime. High School of the Dead should have been right up my alley, but unfortunately I just couldn't love it. Every time a tense moment came up there were wayyyyy too many crotch shots, panty pics, boob bobbles, etc. Zombie going for a bust grope, check.
Tiny skirt upshot while about to get eaten, double check. It just took me out of the action, out of the moment. I know it's all to be expected in a lot of anime, but in this particular one it was a big distraction and a bit too cringey for my tastes. It's really too bad because I wanted to love High School of the Dead, but in the end it just wasn't for me.
Beneath (2013)
Not for those who need everything completely spelled out...
I was pleasantly spelled out by this little film and somewhat surprised that I had not seen the film already. There are several comparisons to the movie, The Descent, but I consider that film to be more straight up monster/horror while this film is more of a question. Is it monsters. Is it bad air making people go crazy? Is it ghosts? Or is it one person driven psycho by claustrophobia and extreme situations? The director ultimately leaves you to decide, but my vote goes for the last option!
The acting was surprisingly good. Lawnmower Man, Jeff Fahey, playing it understated as an older father figure being one of only two actors I recognized. Brent Briscoe of Sling Blade and A Simple Plan fame being the other. I thought all the actors did a good job however.
I liked the pacing and the tension in the plot. I didn't need the script to draw a conclusion for me. Overall, not Oscar worthy but not a waste of time.
Fritt vilt (2006)
Homage to the Shining
Decent little slasher film from Norway. There are quite a few homages to the original Shining film. Note the room number 237 in the beginning. Also the axe as weapon of choice, not to mention the location being an old 'abandoned' hotel in the middle of a snowy, back of nowhere.
The acting is decent, as is the cinematography. I recommend the film for those who don't mind subtitles and non-demanding little slasher flicks.
Basic plot: kids out for fun snowboarding and one gets injured. Cue abandoned hotel and mysterious disappearances; kids get picked off in gruesome fashion one by one. Good popcorn flick for a boring night.
Barbarian (2022)
A twist or two...
Talk about a film that suddenly takes a sharp left turn! You definitely want to go into this film with as few spoilers as possible because the best thing about the film are the surprises. Fun film with good acting. A nice, tidy little genre flick that gives a little of the unexpected, which is just what I like in my horror films. Nice to see Justin Long play against type as a smarmy Hollywood exec.
A man and woman book an airbnb at the same time through two different companies and decide to share the space for a night. Events ensue. Terror reigns and no one should ever rent an airbnb in Detroit!
I recommend the film for anyone looking for a film they can't take completely serious, but still has some plot points that are plausible enough to freak you out.
Studio 666 (2022)
Only for the diehard fans of the Foo Fighters
This was pretty bad and unfortunately not in a good way. I am a fan of the Foo Fighters but even I could see this was just a vanity movie for the rick stars. It was kinda funny in a couple of spots. The gore was on the heavy, but campy silly side. The acting was just bad. The plot line was barely there and silly.
Why they didn't use more of Will Forte I can't understand! He was barely in the film and the only one who could act or who was funny. I guess they couldn't have him outshining the band.
The music was some rockin' heavy metal, but not enough to save this film for me. Nor the musical inside jokes. I can't recommend it.
Hellraiser (2022)
Meh
So tired of endings that have evil beings in the image of Jesus on the cross. Does no one actually know the real meaning of religious imagery or do they just slap stuff together?
The storyline makes no sense. There is no continuity in the world of the Cenobites. It seemed more like a Thirteen Ghosts remake with the 'house as puzzle box,' evil genius isn't really dead but comes back with his ultimate plan plotline.
I did like the female lead. I thought she was pretty good. There were a lot of creative cenobite designs,
but that was about the only things that really stood out in the film. My advice, stick to the original films.
It Came from Below (2021)
Wait, what? They're from where? Oh who cares.
This gets a one because the monster looked ok. If i could have given it less i would have because the first three quarters bored my husband and i half to death. The last quarter was one big question mark. Was it really supposed to be from outer space as one review said?
There was more than one? I missed that as i was trying to make sense of why all the deaths seemed to be people in the cave killing people (evidently by a psychic link that was in no way apparent).
And where did the water come from at the end? And where did it go? These are just some questions you might ask if you cared enough to ask, but probably won't.
Late Phases (2014)
Werewolves, oh my!
I have to confess...I'll watch just about anything with Nick Damici in it. The guy does not get enough credit (Stakeland anyone? Damici does vampires in that one and it's quite respectable sequel). Late Phases is no exception in my book with the added bonus of some fun side characters like Ethan Embry, Larry Fessenden and Tina Louise!
Yes, the beasts look like fuzzy wuzzy cosplay suits, but come on, the story is decent. The action is good and the pacing is steady enough that you're in there all the way. Some fun gore scenes that are actually kind of icky for what you'd expect. The writers actually attempt to keep you guessing as to who the monster is supposed to be. All in all, the film is way better than most Hollywood films these days, just with a smaller FX budget.
Give it a watch for a nice popcorn movie night. Beware, it's a little bit sad however.
Nope (2022)
Disappointing, so dumb
Jordan Peele was very clever to keep so much of his film under wraps before release. By keeping so much of the storyline hidden the giant plot holes and general Hollywood ridiculousness was effectively hidden. Peele was even quoted as saying he was leaving things up to interpretation which makes me laugh now I've seen the film!
Basically there is a cast of characters (all good actors, I have no problems with any of the acting) who are greedy and out for fame and self aggrandizement to the detriment of themselves, their town, and well, the world I guess. They discover a UFO, which is actually some kind of flying saucer like alien animal which goes around hovering up any creature that looks into its eyes (big hole?) and then upchucking anything indigestible(remember the Blob?), sometimes with a great deal of gore, but sometimes not? Not one, but two different sets of characters decide the best course of action would be to keep this dangerous being to themselves. One to feed it horses and entertain some folks at an amusement park and the others to get famous by...taking its picture.
Then of course there's the more interesting plot line about Steven Yeung as a young sitcom actor traumatized by a chimp gone wild in his youth. This more intriguing plot goes nowhere and is entirely pointless, unfortunately. Maybe about the unpredictability of wild animals, but that's a stretch.
Unlikeable, unrelatable characters. Ridiculous premise. Really just a basic creature feature would have been so much better.
Why did it look like a flying saucer for so long but then have the square mouth and flowing geometry at the end? How it was dealt with at the end was beyond ridiculous; I won't reveal because you just have to see it. Don't expect any gore though because that has once again vanished.
My guess this was just a money grab film. Keep it secret til it comes out, make the cash, don't worry about actually making any sense. We'll pretend it has great meaning and we won't 'explain' the meaning, because the audience thinks Peele is the next M. Night Shymalan. Just remember Shymalan was touted as the next great filmmaker also. He made a couple of really good films and then the rest have been pretty pathetic. And we, the audience, know that.
Watcher (2022)
Slow burn with a giant 'told you so!' ending for one of the characters
Really enjoyed the film. First rare acting with the story being more in the theme of a film noir than horror or thriller. Bit of a mystery, a bit psychological.
American girl moves to foreign country with husband where he speaks the language and she doesn't. He is gone all the time and she becomes paranoid she's being watched all being played out while a serial killer is dispatching women and cutting their heads off in the neighborhood. Is she really being watched? Is she the watcher? Is she just lonely and going off the deep end and being paranoid?
The movie does moves slowly and often you feel as lost as the heroine when everyone around her is speaking in a foreign tongue but if you keep with it this plot device actually plays out to pretty great effect. It serves to really convey her insecurity and paranoia throughout the story. I thought the ending was pretty great, particularly the last shot of the film. It really says it all.
Where the Scary Things Are (2022)
Had such potential
This had such potential, interesting idea, acting not too bad. Monster was nice and gooey. But the script just slid downhill so fast! I hated these kids soooo much by the end, especially the girl. Story was very unrealistic. Maybe this was a high school project, lol!?!
The Monster That Challenged the World (1957)
Fun older film
What a fun older film! The acting was good and seeing the divers head squished in the creatures claws was kind of shocking for 1957! I loved it! There are the classic curmudgeonly old men and damsel in distress, but surprisingly no super stupid characters or comically villainous and hateful stereotype men. It was pointed out that in the final battle it might have been more expedient to grab the axe instead of fire extinguisher, but oh well! All's well that ends well!
The Dark (1979)
Some creepy moments, fun for those who like older B horror
So having read the trivia section here ( which you could do either before or after the film, I read it after viewing), I definitely see where this film veered off the road for me. Having the whole script re-written in another direction explains a lot.
I enjoyed the movie overall, but it is filmed very dark like a lot of 70s B movies. It's probably a bit slow for some folks, but the acting is both good enough and campy enough (looking at you Jacquelyn Hyde) to be entertaining. There are some genuinely creepy stalking scenes.
Yes, the growling, the lasers, and the climactic ending are...interesting to say the least. But isn't that what makes a B movie fun?! I mean you have a psychic, a killer, overworked cops, racial tension, beef with the press, maybe an alien, maybe a zombie alien! I didn't like the voice overs at the beginning and end however.
I recommend The Dark on the condition the you are a true lover of sci fi horror, old and new. This is nowhere near the quality of Alien so if you need that quality effects go elsewhere, but this is a fun film.
And what's up with the figure with the cane?
Without Warning (1980)
A film you can recreate in your own backyard!
In the first ten minutes a petulant man child gets in an argument with his blustery typecast father, a loaded shotgun full of empty shell casings is unloaded onto the ground (anyone familiar with shotgun shells can see the shells are blanks), some weird bologna comes flying through the air and attacks the dad then oozes mustard and ketchup all over him killing him. I kid you not.
All the great 70s actors are in this. Jack Palance, Martin Landau, Christopher Nelson, David Caruso, wait what? Yes, CSI Miami's Caruso.
Some Boy Scouts get scared, run off sounding like a flock of crows. Teenagers laugh awkwardly for no reason.
They swim; nookie, die. Yes, even in an alien film. Then more flying lunch meat!
Bats: The Awakening (2021)
Wow. So bad, it's baaaad and I mean really bad.
You want to know why you've never heard of this film? Most likely because anyone ever associated with this film never worked again and expunged it from their resume. The title mix-up doesn't help either (is it Bats or is it Bats: The Awakening, does anyone care?). This film makes the Lou Diamond Phillips Bats movie look like an award winning film.
The acting in this film may be the worst I have ever seen and I've seen some stinkers. I love B films usually! The lead girl in this brings to mind Jessica Caufiel from Urban Legends: The Final Cut. She plays an actress playing a terrible actress and she screams so ridiculously. The actress from this Bats movie is like that but she's not pretending to be bad, she's just bad! And she screams through her nose or something. Just awful.
And don't get me started on the 'monster' (guy in a big bat suit). Just, wow! Or the lack of script and storyline.
One star for making me laugh at loud when the bat screeches and the guy's head splits open like a cuckoo clock. I mean, what was that?!
Fresh (2022)
Talk about bad dates...
What a delightfully creepy film! Everything going great, then bam! I deliberately didn't tell my husband the plotline. He kept expecting Sebastian Stan ( who was great by the way and has a great future in genre films if he wants after this movie) to be a thousand year old vampire or something, who was going to take Daisy-Edgar Jones' character to his lair. Nope!
Not telling you the plotline either, but I am recommending the film...if you aren't too squeamish. It is called Fresh after all.
Everyone's acting was great. Story was very good. Although the ending was a bit abrupt, it wasn't to the detriment of the plot, so I was happy.
Maybe see the movie on a date. It'll be fun!
A film that will definitely leaving you wanting some time with your girls to discuss.