Change Your Image
kelpe1925
Reviews
Argylle (2024)
I couldn't last more than 30 min.
My first question... Did Henry Cavill just decide to end his career by accepting this role? He had so much going for him, it's really sad Ill never be able to look at him the same.
For how many famous individuals that are in this movie, you'd expect at least a decent script. Boy was I wrong. The writing is so bad that you couldn't make it better by even paying some of the most recognized in the attempt.
What a cringe worthy mess. At least Dua Lipa or however you spell her fake name was super hot. Literally the only part that was good in the whole thing.
Please do not waste so much currency in the future on horrific production. They could have at least donated it and saved everyone the burdan of this film.
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
.... Meh, till about the last 20 minutes
I went my whole life without watching this movie. 38 years later, after watching countless movies I expected big things from this... the movie that everybody raves about. Stellar cast... interesting concept... it's got to be great, right? Meh
Honestly, for only a little less than an hour and fifty minutes, it was up until the last 20 that I was thinking... this has to be more than just a junkie movie. I understand that the music score, the cinematography, the actors should all make a difference in a movie... I was just kinda bored... up until the last 20 minutes. That being said, even the last 20 minutes aren't worth a 7 rating, let alone 8+.
Honestly, with all the great actors, it was Ellen Burstyn that stole the show. She's the only reason I would even rate it a 6 overall.
Kynodontas (2009)
No redeaming factors to this movie.
The rave reviews for such a boring, horrible movie. Not even shocking... Just some weird stuff thrown in here and there, with no real plot worth anything. If anyone says this is art... they should contemplate their lives moving forward.
I mean, if your in it for some boring nudity that isn't very good... sure. Other than that, there was nothing interesting about this and the robotic acting just made it even more lame.
Found out one of the actresses ended her life though and that was sad. Maybe the only expression of emotion I had through this whole ordeal. Save your time and watch something better. Stop giving such garbage high reviews.
Once (2007)
This movie is so much more than just the music.
I remember watching this movie years ago and the only thing I remembered was the part in the music store where they had their first jam session. Well, watching it back again, 10 plus years later, this movie hit me in so many ways that I can't remember the last time I cried so uncontrollably. Maybe it was the first time I watched this movie, or maybe it was because of all the life I've lived since seeing this for the first time. I honestly couldn't tell you.
It reminded me of the time in my life where my heart and soul felt free of constraints. Sharing experiences with someone who made me feel as if nothing else mattered in the world. Feeling an honest love with one you knew you could never be with.
The worst part of this movie is the realization that nothing is forever. However, such is life. This movie is pure beauty.
Good Boys (2019)
Easily in my Top 5 favorite comedies.
It's hard to impress me anymore. I've seen too many TV shows and movies at this point that it takes something this original, well written, and wonderfully acted to ever feel the need to watch it again. However, they just do not seem to make good comedies anymore... At least the type of comedy that makes me laugh out loud. This movie, however, is one of the only movies that is so good, yet so underrated that I can share a first time movie experience with people who have never even heard of it before. I find myself watching their reactions, just to see if I'm the only one who believes this is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.
Anyways, Seth Rogen, the actors and every other person who went into this is master class. They did this one right.
Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)
1 Star for Idris Elba's Performance Alone
I'd consider myself a Luther fan after watching the series... BUT, unfortunately this movie has tainted the shows memory. After watching this garbage, I highly doubt anyone would go back and watch the show if they haven't already.
Without spoilers, this movie basically stole ideas from quite a few other shows and movies that I can think of, in the development of this monstrosity. Weirdly enough, the acting is decent, but the plot, writing, and flow of the whole movie is absolutely terrible.
Whomever wrote and directed this piece should be... let's say replaced. I do not understand why the movies coming out now a days are so bad. I get that everything has been thought of and done for the most part already, but at least try and make it realistic and interesting.
Outlast (2023)
Super surprised that I'm the first to review this show.
I'm a huge fan of these types of survival shows. That was until I got to episode 5 of this horrific monstrosity. I immediately stopped watching, and removed it from my watch list. I am not one to go to the public with my opinions; however, I felt the need to say something.
Even after 38 years of living on this Earth, it still astonishes me how greedy, cruel, conniving, and downright evil people can be. This is a sad fact on it's own, but for Netflix to promote such behavior saddens me further. This show was created to award evil individuals and remove hope from those with integrity and honor. The show is truly a disgrace to all mankind.
Now, for the cast. I am not one to easily anger, but it truly got to me that there were good people in this show that suffered from the cruelty of others. Alpha Team was the most despicable members on the show. Completely treacherous and downright evil members. Amber Asay - An "ex" heroin addict (kind of saw that one coming), and Jill Ashock - a selfish, conceited, know it all, and horrific person... were easily the two worst on the show. These are the types of people who would sell their souls for cash and destroy society for pleasure. Justin Court was the third member and also a terrible human being, but I'm unsure if he is as bad as the two females that caused me to stop watching. I truly hope that karma bites them in the rear in "real life".
For the rest of the day, I'll probably not be able to shake this feeling of anger and hopelessness. Thanks Netflix for your assistance in destroying hope for humanity.
Blade of the 47 Ronin (2022)
I've got to try and balance out the reviews on here...
Let just say, I don't like watching many movies more than once in say 10 or so years... It's just not my thing. I already know what's going to happen and it bores me, even if it's a great movie. Surprisingly enough, once I was done watching this movie, I immediately said to myself "I could watch this again".
It's not a perfect movie, so my rating of 10 is overrated. However, how many movies could you really rate a perfect 10? I can count on my hand probably less than 10. Although, I was pleasantly surprised how well the acting was, for the most part. It is definitely not a B rated movie, or even a B+. I'd say it's an A, short of an A+. I usually don't find very many things funny, especially in a movie like this... but I caught myself laughing. The choreography was also in my opinion... not John Wick... but pretty darn good.
I don't have a clue why this movie is rated so low... like, at all. However, I'm used to seeing garbage movies with high scores and good movies with low scores... so take that as you will.
The Northman (2022)
I think a 5 is being generous.
No spoilers, I'll keep it simple and straight. I felt compelled to write this to hopefully save someone else from having to sit through this movie. With such a high caliber cast, I was expecting.. well, a lot. And boy, did it under deliver.
The writing was garbage and I do not blame the actors for their roles. None of them really stood out to me, besides Nicole Kidman. For her little part, she did well and was decently believable. The rushed plot tried to add too much, with such little action. Alexander Skarsgård looks amazing... that man is a beast and a hard working actor. His lines were garbage and few, so you can't blame him for that either. Anya Taylor-Joy was just so-so. But her lines were also trash. Again, don't blame her.
The whole movie was shot pretty oddly and didn't allow the cast to shine in my opinion. I waited so long to see this, I had to sit through the whole thing.. but I just kept saying to myself the whole time... man this is terrible.
The Last Duel (2021)
So bad... it almost seemed like a comedy at times.
There are literally only two good things about this movie. The first, is obviously the stunning beauty of Jodie Comer. She is the only reason I watched this to the end. The second, was actually the duel! The duel was by far the best fight scene I've seen in a movie such as this. Was it enough to rate the movie any higher? No... it was not.
There are three stages to this movie... all basically the same thing over... and over again. Actually the second and third scene were basically identical. It was like watching a short film three times in a row. With such big stars, the acting was actually pretty bad. Although, I don't blame the actors, I blame the script.... for the most part.
They could have done so many things with this movie, but they didn't. They made you watch the same thing over and over again to finally get to the duel, which was great. Thankfully it wasn't a total loss of my time.
Her (2013)
No way this movie should be 8 stars out of 10.
Throughout the first 30 min, I found myself laughing at a few pretty funny parts and thought there might be an 8 star movie here. As the movie progresses it just gets worse, with no more funny moments and just sad boring story telling.
Ive never been a fan of Joaquin Phoenix and this movie kind of displayed what I dont like about his type of acting. If you've seen one movie of his, you kind of know what your in for. Joker being the only other movie I can think of that it was a little different.
Many people say this movie is sad... But I felt no sad emotion... only bored. Plus, the so called "sex" scenes where terrible. Who would have known that computer AI would turn out to be as annoyingly close to a real women... Youd think they would try and smooth out the edges a little bit.
A Bend in the River (2020)
Short review to not waste your time on this movie.
A writer runs away from Ireland, leaving his girlfriend behind because he got beat by a school teacher 30+ years in the past and cant get over it.
Trying to write a new book after 10 years, he goes back and cheats on his wife with a stranger and wrecks his ex grilfriends life once more by coming back into her life and leaving once more. He says a bunch of things that dont make any sense in the context of the story, but he gets his book idea and then runs away again.
The end.
Ex Machina (2014)
Frist time watching in 2021
About halfway through the movie, I thought I could definately rate this a 10, for originality and complexity of thought. Reaching the end however, I realized... it was far from perfect. While being far from perfect, there were glimmers of ingeniousness. Aspects that truly restart the mind, in a sense.
There was a part in the movie they were speaking about an AI that was programed to know everything about color, yet never saw color, until one day. It really got me thinking about what I've missed out my entire life, always taking for granted the aspects in life I have been given that many do not have. I can see in color. I have the ability to produce complex thought. When I touch something, I feel it. It's the small things that we all take for granted everyday, throughout the rest of negative, mind numbing, consequences of existence.
Human kind has turned a breathtaking world into a slavery of the rich and powerful, destroying everything in their path. It makes it hard to see and feel the beauty of everything we are offered.
I'm happy this movie made me take a step back and see the beauty again. For that, I rate it a 10. For the ending, I easily rate it a 3. I think 8 is a fair rating for this type of film. Given a little more thought, it could have easily been a 10.
The Cleaner (2021)
SO MAD... that there were only 6 episodes :-(
First, let me tell you one thing... I cannot stand English humor. With so much passion, you have no idea. But, there isn't really on TV much anymore nowadays, so I said I'd give it one episode.
I was laughing out loud, which almost never happens and my wife came in the room and asked what was going on and we ended up binging the entire season in one sitting. She also does not like English humor... so if you get anything from this post, it's that this show is SO well done, well written, and well acted.
This is the best original comedy show that I've seen in ages and I needed to let the world know somehow. While this type of humor may not be for the faint of heart, it's right up my alley. Just still pretty upset there was only 6 episodes... that in itself is the only let down.
The Voyeurs (2021)
Had to review this... just had to.
Ok, I rated it a 9 purely one one thing... and if you watch the movie you'll find out.
For the plus sides, besides the one thing I'm leaving out, you will find a beautifully shot movie, with good acting! The actors were top notch in my opinion, even though the script did not do them justice.
This seemed like a good book, turned into a nightmare of a movie, since most of it doesn't add up. Once you get to the printer scene, it all falls apart. How did she get access to her computer network? She isn't the tech wiz, her boyfriend is. Don't tell me that both buildings run off the same network with no password... this isn't the 90's.
Anyways, for the most part, the writing was terrible. The plot, although could have been good, was terrible. If it wasn't for the lead actress, the movie would be terrible... luckily, she was there and luckily she saved the movie. It wasn't a complete waste of time and I'm glad I watched it and will continue to watch it for some scenes....
The White Lotus (2021)
Fell short of a 10 in a few spots, but overall pretty exhilarating.
Sure, it got a tad bit slow at certain points... but overall, this is the type of show that TV seriously lacks in many areas. Its sick, twisted, ans hilarious for a watcher such as myself. Sitcoms are obviously not my thing. Stupid humor is a bore and Ive seen it all 1000 times over... But this show brought something new and at times exhilsrating. It seems like a 6 hour movie, that's how well its put together and Murray Bartlett played his role 100%. I cant beleive what they did to him... But I won't spoil the surprise. It was unnecessary though and the show would have been better without it. Kind of left me unfulfilled at that point on... but oh well. Also, Jennifer Coolidge played her part well, but I thought her side plot was rather boring and they could have added something different to take up that time slot.
Overall, its hard to give a decent review without spoiling it for anyone reading this, so I won't. If you like humor thats not meant for Grandma, you'll like this. At least I did.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021)
WHHHHHAAAATTTTT IS THIS!?!?
So, I've been waiting for this movie to come out... the only movie I've been excited to see in a while. I still remember playing with my GI Joes back when I was a child. Snake Eyes has always been the best and then they made this movie.
What a wasted opportunity! The acting is terrible. The. Fighting choreography is terrible. Everything was horrendous. I'm a big fan of Andrew Koji and he should have been the main character. Who is Henry Golding? I don't know... do you know? He has a weird face. Anyways!
I didn't watch the whole thing... I was cringing the entire way through half of it. I think I'm done with all this DC, Marvalish type stuff. It's all trash.
Black Widow (2021)
Watching this made me remember why I don't like Marvel Movies.
I just LOVE how they used American actors to play Russians. Florence Pugh's accent change back and fourth was amazing...ly bad. She's not a bad actress... not the best either... but I just couldn't handle her inability to keep the accent.
The movie, of course, was not very realistic... but that's Marvel for ya. It felt like half the movie was spent in the house... getting to know each other again, or whatever that was.
I feel like every Marvel movie I see is just the same stuff, with different people. My wife and I were not impressed.
Infinite (2021)
This movie is a solid 5, only because of the visuals.
First off, I'll give any movie Mark Wahlberg is in a chance... for the most part. Not because he is such a great actor or anything, but I find his quirkiness to be a decent time killer. Although, now I'm starting to think he's becoming another has been actor that will take any roll that is thrown at them. After Mile 22, I thought his career was over... that's how bad that movie was. The script was as if a manic had written it... all over the place.
Anyways, the visuals are almost top notch and the actors are almost all A rated... which is why I'm wondering how the script was so blandly written? It was as if a child wrote it, because everything was so entirely boring and unconvincing. The plot was ridiculous actually more than that if there is such a word. Why didn't the guy just shoot himself in the head with his own gun? Not a spoiler if you have no idea what I'm talking about.
The females were attractive and Wallis Day is a bombshell if I've ever seen one. She should have had more face time and maybe it could have been better. Although, Sophie Cookson isn't so shabby herself and she looked beautiful in her role... her lines were just garbage. She was actually the only one who was slightly convincing throughout the entire movie. Her emotions almost seemed real, even though the plot was so garbage.
Mark Wahlberg, the new Nicolas Cage of actors. I loved Nicolas Cage and I actually think he used to be a better actor than most, but then you all know what happened to him right?
Watch, only if you have the time to kill and you don't mind playing mobile games while glancing at it in the background.
Clarice (2021)
Lackluster in almost every single way.
So, my wife and I love The Silence of the Lambs and I'm sure that's why everybody started watching this in the first place. Although, where other spin off shows get it right, this is wrong in so many ways.
First of all, Rebecca Breeds is a B rated star in my opinion. Her acting isn't convincing and her fake accent is even worse. I just wish they could have made Kal Penn lead in this, as his acting skills have always been top notch in my opinion. He does well in this show, even as a serious player... which he normally is not. The rest of the actors, minus Michael Cudlitz are all pretty amateurish, besides maybe Devyn Tyler, which does a pretty decent job in her role.
We watched this much longer than we actually even wanted to. That's saying a lot because we were actually trying to give it a chance. It wasn't worth it and we stopped about halfway through the season.
Wrath of Man (2021)
They somehow made a movie feel like an entire series.
This is hands down the best movie Jason Statham has ever done. That's saying a lot, as The Transporter is one of my favorite action movies.
I love how they did the backstory of both sides and explained everything perfectly. There were times I actually was so ingrained that I felt feelings towards the characters and that barely ever happens.
It's not SO GOOD that I would be able to watch it over and over again, but I'm so glad I watched it. I had almost given up on Jason Statham's movies, as they all felt the same... in different ways. It's like watching Vin Diesel movies... same stuff, different movie (minus Pitch Black and the original Fast and Furious).
Also, he looks exactly the same as he did like 10 years ago... weird right? He acted amazingly in this film and I'm excited to see what he does next.
Sasquatch (2021)
Utterly Disappointing
Three episodes of... maybe there is Bigfoot in this location... then there is no bigfoot... just murderers. WTH, such a waste of time.
Pretend It's a City (2021)
It is a city... just not one you want to live in.
Ever since I've watched Fan Lebowitz on Real Time with Bill Maher, multiple times... I've wondered what kind of a show she would put out. Then I found this! Finally, an answer to my thoughts.
As soon as I started watching, I was so excited to see why Bill Maher is so in awe of her. Then, just after one episode, I cracked her code. It was simply too easy and made me wonder how she is so popular.
For one... she basically only talks about New York... because I think that's the only thing she knows about. Second, while she is... somewhat witty, the jokes are cheap and not thought provoking, whatsoever. The worst part of her intellect in my opinion is that every question that is thrown her way is either immediately deflected, or directed in a ambiguous manner. Or... she just states she knows nothing about what they are talking about. I thought this women was supposed to be intelligent? I guess I was wrong.
I've known many people like her in my day and none of them were worth speaking with for more than a couple of minutes. If you want a cheap laugh and not really understand what they are getting at... this is your gal. She's just more of a complainer than anything and if I wanted to hear that, I'd just listen to my wife all day.
Nothing she has to say is groundbreaking... it's all been said before and progressed upon by smarter individuals. Complaints with no real solutions.... no thanks.
Another highly ranked show with no real talent.
I Origins (2014)
This was what I've been waiting for.
Just finished watching this marvel and still struggling to comprehend the emotions flowing through me. Life has thrown so much my way that emotions have run dry. Not much creates an impact, as this movie has. If you knew me, that would mean something.
What I was watching was, magic. I didn't feel like I was watching a movie, because it all seemed so real. Everything was spot on, from the acting, timing, transitions, music score... It seemed perfectly seamless.
I felt so many more emotions than just happy, or sad... There were times I wanted to stop watching, but I couldn't. It gripped me from the moment the two first laid eyes on each other, till he walks through the door.
All of this is coming from a 35 year old man, by the way. Someone who just wants to feel something... and I felt, everything.
Lost in Translation (2003)
What am I missing that the rest of the world seems to understand?
Easily one of the worst written movies Ive ever seen from such a high caliber cast. Literally gave one star for each of the stars performances. They were... decent, but could have been better. The entire movie I was just waiting for something to happen and sadly, that time never came. Given the synopsis, I thought the characters would have something thought provoking, or truly genuine to say... But it was the same old convo you have with anybody you just meet. Yet in a couple days an beautiful women is kissing a senior citizen? I think not, with the lack luster meaningless conversations they had and horible karaoke moments. The whole thing was kind of cring worthy in my opinion.
Never once did I feel... anything. Not once where I thought it was a ground breaking performance. I personally could have written a better script... AND the only positive take I may have gotten out of it could have been what he whispered in her ear. BUT honestly, the whole movie was so bad that I really couldnt care less what he said.