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elektroskansen
Reviews
The Net (1995)
Chick flick in disguise
I decided to watch "The Net" after seeing a trailer full of outdated (as of 2024) tech from the 90s, which was the decade I grew up in. Old computers, old UI's, old technobabble aimed to make the audience feel like they are watching top-tier hacker-oriented plot. I love the 90s nostalgia for obvious reasons, so I gave it a go. Also, I like young Sandra Bullock, so, yeah.
To my surprise instead of being a "female james Bond" film - which could be easily expected from Sandra Bullock, who starred in such movies like "Speed" or "Demolition Man" - the movie turned out to be a chick flick in disguise.
What do I mean by it? Well, the plot - without spoiling much - revolves around a woman becoming involved in a corporate conspiracy. She is a keyboard wizard, working as a software "beta tester" for various clients. One day she receives a floppy disc by mail and unknowingly becomes a target for ruthless corporate agents.
If you've seen more than a dozen movies in your life, you can imagine the whole thing based on these three sentences, don't you? She's on the run, she fights for her life, she does stuff to expose the contents of the floppy disc to the public.
And she does indeed. But the pacing of the film is what makes it a chick flick. Instead of going from one action piece to another the movie spends sooooo much time on her character that any man will start snoring.
Like, for example, there is an obligatory scene in which a dude working for the bad guys picks her up intending to steal the floppy from her. In any other James Bond-like film it would be wrapped up in two minutes: hot guy appears in a club, picks her up with a cheesy pick-up line, she laughs, and one minute later they end up in bed; then the dude wakes up in the middle of the night and searches her apartment for the floppy.
In this movie, the guy approaches her on the beach, talks to her, invites her for a drink; they have a drink and he bores us with some cheesy personal story; then they go out for dinner, they go out for a boat ride; they take a walk in the moonlight sharing more personal stuff - almost like the scene preps the guy up to be her love interest. Then they resume the boat ride, FINALLY go to bed, and then, then she talks EVEN MORE PERSONAL STUFF about her mother, about a guy she dated previously, who left a wife for her, blah blah blah... and then, FINALLY, there is a scene in which the guy goes for the floppy.
Geezus. That goes on for like 15 minutes!
Later on in the plot she calls her previous boyfriend for help, and there's even more personal stuff being brought up. What happened to his wife, what happened between them, oh she's got a mother with Altzheimer - that's important because every minute detail about her personality and about her relationships and about her previous boyfriends needs to be shown to the audience.
Of course, I'm exaggerating a bit and making some fun of it - but NOT to say the movie is bad. It's because I feel like it needs to be said to make my point: this is a chick flick. It appeals to female fantasy of being a cute, young woman, who is competent in her highly specialised desk job, who cares about her mother, can afford vacation on exotic beaches and is being picked up by handso---- oh, no, sorry, not "picked up" - she's being COURTED by a handsome rich guy. It's a perfect movie for any woman to watch with their friends while eating ice-cream and dreaming about having that life too.
Don't get me wrong - there's NOTHING wrong with that! It's the same thing with guys watching Rambo and dreaming about being a big dude with a big gun disposing of bad guys with no repercussions from the law. It's the same kind of silly fantasy - the only difference being that both sexes have differing fantasies.
So, summing this up: it's a nice movie, but don't expect it to be "Mission Impossible with Sandra Bullock". It's more like... I don't know... "Jumpin' Jack Flash with Sandra Bullock"..?
As a male man - I simply had to fast forward a lot of scenes, that's all I got to say to my bros as a warning :)
Love, Death & Robots: Shape-Shifters (2019)
BOOOOORING! {spoilers)
First off: any story about werewolves is an instant sleep medicine for me. Dunno why, I find them the least interesting of all "classic" mythical horror creatures.
But that's only a nitpick. What truly makes it boring as hell and forcing me to fest forward through most of the episode is the setting. Oh man, I can't even recall if it was set specifically in Afghanistan, but it sure looked like Call of Duty Modern Warfare, don't you agree? The whole yellowish-brown dusty desert yawn fest and all. It's the least interesting visually when it comes to war setting in movies. And, just like every other movie (or game, or tv show, or whatever) about Afghan war - it focuses on these huge, square-shaped dudes right outta gym. Yeah, it's realistic, it's not WW2 or Vietnam that drafted casual men - Afghan war was fought with dudes who chose to go there, so it's no surprise they're all giant muscle sculptures. But it makes it so boring as a result! I want diversity when it comes to soldiers in movies, and all these dudes here look alike, like they're created in a video game character creator that randomizes some facial features and that's it.
You can easily skip this one. Booooooring!
Love, Death & Robots: Bad Travelling (2022)
10/10 for execution, 1/10 for plot hole (SPOILER)
So, yeah, it's top tier when it comes to animation, textures, realistic water and fire - that's for sure. It's also very well structured, kinda-sorta reminding me of Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" - the way the characters are eliminated as the story goes on.
But the ending made me slap my knee with frustration. It's either a plot hole, or the surviving sailor was simply a {male reproductive organ}. So it turns out the deck was full of flammable oil and he simply burns the creature down and escapes on a boat. Well couldn't he do it, like, EARLIER??? It's not like he escaped with a lot of money that he didn't now have to share with the rest of them; he slowly killed them one by one and only then dealt with the creature???
Annoyed me to no end. It's such an obvious thing, too, so it must've been a choice by the screenwriter and not an error.
I'm still giving it 10/10. I would be an even bigger {male reproductive organ} than the protagonist of this episode, if I'd let my rating to be affected by me not agreeing with morals presented by the screenwriter. I can say that I do not agree with the choices presented on the screen, but this is a site for rating movies, and not a church.
Blockbuster (2022)
Bland and unfunny
Netflix producing such a bland show is actually kinda amazing. I mean, just think about it. What made most sitcoms lame? The fact that they were produced for large TV networks, so they had to keep things safe, unoffensive, family-friendly, and therefore - barely funny. Remember how lame "Full House" was, for example..? That was the reason why "The Simpsons" were such a hit back in the day - because they had some edge and actually broke many "rules".
So here we have Netflix, a corporation that does not need to abide to televison rules and standards and can produce a show that is not just another lame love story with boring jokes thrown in. They can do anything, just like HBO could back in the day.
But - nope! Here's another bland, lame, safe, unfunny collection of regurgitated plotlines we all know already. This COULD have been a great show if it was taken in another direction. I mean - the setup is great: there is this last Blockbuster store on the planet. It's obviously facing extinction, and the store's situation is very bleak; but instead of making the employees a bunch of snarky, cynical as*holes that don't care about stuff - they make them an optimistic, lively bunch of as*holes! Ahh the wasted potential here..!
With "Superstore" - I got it. It was propaganda, meant to keep the working class uplifted. It was a show created for all these worn-out people working in supermarkets, so they could sustain an illusion that their lives aren't a complete waste. I get it. But with this - I don't see the point; Blockbusters are no more. There are no Blockbuster employees to keep uplifted. So what's the point..?
Harrison Bergeron (1995)
Gravely misunderstood, I think
Most people seem to see this movie as a cautionary tale, warning us from a government seeking too much equality in society. In my humble opinion, though, it's more of a comment on what the society actually wants.
Harrison tries to move the masses by showing them long forgotten art, encouraging people to take off their thought-limiting devices, and speaking from his heart. The result, though, is ironic: only 1.3% of the population seems to understand his message, while the rest simply puts on their limiters again and move on to watching a sitcom. Only a few rebelious kids seem to be interested in the end, more for the shock value of Harrison's live-transmitted suicide, than the value of his words.
So, the movie doesn't tell us: hey, watch out, the government is out to get you, if you're not careful you'll end up with a device limiting your intelligence and be a brainless sheep".
The movie tells us: "look, 98.7% of society is brainless sheep BY CHOICE; they're pretty comfortable with their limited lives, don't really want anything more, and what you should do is just accept that and be happy if you belong to the 1.3%".
People love to preach about the "awakening of the massess" but in reality, the massess are simply too dumb to even want to wake up. The massess don't need a dumbing-down device, they're already dumb and they want just that. The only thing you can do is take advantage of it. That's it. The world truly belongs to "one-percenters".
History of the World: Part II (2023)
Mel Brook only by name
This is nowhere near the genius of Mel Brook's work. It's obvious that mr. Brooks got paid for the use of his name, and I'm fine with that - it's a shame, though, that the final product is so... bad.
History of the World Part 1 wasn't the best mr. Brooks had to offer to begin with - it's easily the worst of his movies. But this new tv show is well below the original, offering a bunch of new familiar faces doing really old comedy. There's nothing new in the sketches, the ideas were already done to death in other works. It's more like live action Family Guy mini series than anything that should bear the name of Mel Brooks.
Go watch Spaceballs or Blazing Saddles for the 20th time inestead, don't waste your life on this. 2 stars instead of 1 because they did the Jews in Space bit. It's bad and unfunny, but,well, at least it's there, as promised.
Questo mondo non mi renderà cattivo (2023)
Relevant, topical and very human
I don't want to spoil too much, but saying absolutely nothing about the plot makes it hard to explain why this series hit so hard. So, please mind: I'm only speaking about the setting and not the details of the plot.
A shelter for refugees is established in downtown Rome. And the series portrays a group of friends that split because they either want the shelter stay or be gone.
What the series does brilliantly is portraying the people who want the shelter to be gone. They are not simply evil monsters who hate people from oher countries, but have deep socio-psychological reasons for their stance. And likewise,people who defend the shelter aren't portrayed as do-goody angels, but people who have some agenda in it, making the whole thing morally grey.
It's not as depressing as Tear Along The Dotted Line, but is equally deep and sadly humorous. This is adult animation at its best.
Cold Dog Soup (1990)
If you loved "After Hours", you'll love this one
This is one of my favorite movies ever. I can only describe it as a mixture of "After Hours", "Miracle Mile" and a bit of "Adventures in Babysitting" - you know, all these movies that begin with some casual trip to the city, but end up an odyssey of weirdos and strange situations.
It's not as bleak as "Miracle Mile" and not as surreal as "After Hours", it's more of a dark comedy really, with Randy Qaid acting as a guide through the city's underbelly.
It reminds me of my youth, when a simple trip to the liquor store in a middle of a party could have lead to meeting strange weirdos and ending up on a totally different party in another part of the town.
Barbarians (2020)
I cheer for the Romans
I started watching the show because I learned that Romans actually speak Latin in this. And this is the main atribute of the production, really. Otherwise it's a standard story about the poor, mistreaded hillbillies rising up against their big bad oppressors. Yawn. I would be really happy if for once someone would produce a show about the opposite. Gimme a show about conquerors, please!
I don't have much more to say, really. It annoys me that the show incorporates mysticism into it, that's another cliche. Like, you know, they're barbarians, but oh look, they're not really savages, they are deeply spiritual people.! Oh please.
Man vs Bee (2022)
Unusual comedy for 2022
Nothing about sex, race, very little farting... It's quite charming, to be honest.
Also, Rowan Atkinson managed to do something he'd never done before: made me care for his character. Mr Bran or Johnny English were cartoony and unrealistic, which did fit their movies, but here, Trevor is very much... human. He's clumsy, distracted, a bit goofy - but so are many people. I sympathised with him very much, myself being a person of good will that is constantly haunted by fate ruining my plans and making me look stupid in other people's eyes...