tan_pandit Reviews

Baby on Board (2009)

Possibly the most horrible Heather Graham film yet

[2/10 · 6 June 2009]

I am a fan of Heather Graham, but this movie .... It is even worse than the universally panned "Say it Isn't So", which, apart from the great Sally Fields was bad even for a straight-to-DVD film. How come HG can't choose a good film ? Fart 'jokes', puke gross-out 'gags' and the like should indicate a bad script. She can be a really great actress when she wishes; does she not wish ? The premise is HG's character ( "character" ) has to market a new perfume designed for pregnant women. The usual tales of unfaithful husbands, pregnancies, and work mishaps ensue for our heroine, the 'best friend', and the inevitable gay friend. Oh dear. I would call it juvenile, but even juveniles would not find anything to take home. I give this a 2 since it has Heather Graham in it. Otherwise it would be in negative numbers.

Suburban Girl (2007)

Romantic comedy without romance or comedy

[5/10 · 31 May 2008]

Take your average brainless romantic comedy, that is fluffy but entertaining enough, that gives a few laughs. Formula food for movie goers. Remove the comedy, and then remove any believable romance. What do you have remaining? Not even drama. It is nice to see Sarah Michelle Gellar in something, and she is a fine enough actress. Alec Baldwin, stock rising after 30 Rock, was not the right choice for this 'story', and between them they cannot save a weak script or inject anything of interest. They are not convincing of love, nor even interact in any interesting way. Nor are there any compensatory laughs. The plot is a straight forward slice-of-life of a girl who meets an older man, and shacks up with him. What happens in the end? Nothing to care about.

Children of Men (2006)

I didn't get it, and got only a headache

[2/10 · 30 April 2007]

All the rave reviews prompted me to write. All through this movie nothing was explained or presented in an accessible manner. It was sheer unflinching depression - so many characters dieing. Nothing to feel good about at all. And in the end ... well, total let down - left me feeling like a good deal of time and hope had been wasted. The rating of 2 that I gave reflects some great scenery and photography, and that Michael Caine was in it. But even he could not redeem this pointless waste of time. Now, judging by the reviews, it is a political analogy - a metaphor for the capitalist dehumanisation of individuals. Well, look for that if you will, and if politics is your thing, and you find it in the movie then all well and good. Otherwise stay away. Am I alone in this take on CoM ? My good friend Mozzi also watched the other day, and felt the same as I did.

Superman Returns (2006)

Unimaginative Rubbish!

[1/10 · 12 November 2006]

I'll keep this short and sour. Not one iota of the 'story' was interesting. There was nothing new, nothing intriguing, nothing to capture the attention. None of the characters learned anything. The actors all did a good enough job, but there was no substance to the film. Never did we see any of Clark's vulnerability, and never was there any question of Superman's ability - seems he could do anything and there was no reason to doubt it. Nowhere was the audience invited to wonder about anything. In fact the only vaguely interesting part of the whole film is Lois' son; but that proves not be a deliver either.

Also, the Christian undertones??? Was the 'Director' trying to tap into the religious feeling to add some zest to his movie ? Superman floating up in the air, looking down, hearing everything, including the people's cries for a saviour. Or the recording of his father, giving the sinful but good at heart human race his only son. Shameful, if not downright insulting.

Stay away from this mindless piece of junk.

The White Horse Is Dead (2005)

Not about very much ...

[3/10 · 30 September 2006]

If you are not out to be enthralled or excited, then this movie is not so bad. It's true that it goes nowhere, and has nothing to say about anything, but there is adequate tension in the neurotic characters to make it an interesting watch ... not unlike a stage play. But there is never any real direction to the affair, and not much of a theme unless it is 1001 ways to be screwed up.

The actors involved did do a good job though, of appearing real and defined, and everything was out of kilter, which makes each scene appear interesting ... such as the odd cat, or other unusual pets ... just don't expect any of it to actually mean anything.

Revolver (2005)

What this film is actually about

[14 November 2005]

it is well documented that Madonna is into Buddhism and the Kaballah spirituality. In this movie Guy Ritchie comes from the same place. It can't be understood otherwise ... well, I shalln't give away any vital plot but if you want to be completely 'blank slate' don't read further

It is a story about meditation (entering the elevator) and the tricks the psyche/ego plays on the self. Hence the 'enemy is closer to you than you can imagine', and the biggest con he (Mara/delusion) ever pulled is making you believe that he IS you. etc...

Look at the final elevator scene for the depiction of the character Mr Green gaining control over his own mind and ego.

Mr Green = innocent hero (skywalker, percival, ....). Macha = ego, self,(has no real power but craves control). Mr gold = the World and the money economy. Loaning money = generosity, and the ego that likes to be proud of itself

If you know a bit about Buddhism, or meditation then I have given enough pointers to get from this film what the director was pointing to.

I have not given away any of the plot to say it is an inward journey finding out the dark secrets of ones own mind, and the battle to control the ego/self. As usual, it is highly stylistic and bold in Ritchies manner, and the soundtrack is breathtaking.

Gigli (2003)

Don't join the 'Cool to trash' brigade

[28 March 2004]

Everyone decided the Bennifer romance was cheesy, and from then on they could do no right. So Gigli became cool to trash. The film had some nice points. The revisionist gangster theme was welcome - for once these 'tough' guys are not proving their mettle in pointless violent scenes. Jo Lo enters the story calmly telling us she can kick Ben's butt, but gladly the story did not provide us with any cheesy fight scenes. People say that Ben was unconvincing as a thug - well wake up, that was the point! He has a feminine side that Jo Lo sees, and likes him for. It is never explicit as his character would never have admitted to it openly, but it is fielded between them. The Jo Lo character has real character, and handles all the men in the story with grace and ease; she is always calm and keeps a wry smile as the various men in the story posture and say how tough they are. She can see right through the bravado, and handles each conflict differently, but always with the ease and capability of someone of secure character. She does not end up as a converted lesbian as many reviews portray, and unlike Chasing Amy. She has been with men before and does not change here. The theme is the teasing out the feminine side of the 'not really so tough guy' Affleck.

Now, American audiences seem to miss subtlety - many British sit-coms and movies are re-written for America - making the humour and sub plots more 'on the nose' because they are missed entirely in the States. So yes, Affleck is not convincing as a thug - he is not supposed to be. Jo Lo is actually bi-sexual as the film clearly tells us, rather than lesbian as she claims. Look more carefully. She is also the most mature character, and very capable - she is more the man than any of the other characters; which is why she prefers female lovers. The rest of the story is by the by; so don't expect development of exciting plots as this is about people. Various characters come and go as we are seeing a slice of life rather than a rounded Disney story. For some reason everyone expects Al Pacino or the other characters to keep coming back. Well life does not provide nice little events with a beginning, middle and end-with-character-development. Life is a series of scenes that are disjointed, and without resolution or closure. The character is the crucial element and Afflecks is carefully and implicitly aired between the lines. Not every film should bang its black and white dialog right on the nose.

The Hole (2001)

all horror and no slasher

[21 July 2003]

Thora Birch (American Beauty) shows she really is an actor a cut above the rest as she perfectly plays a british schoolgirl more than a little disturbed. The accent and English mannerisms were just perfect. The Hole is not your regular slasher movie and much of the film takes place outside the actual hole, fortunately. The tension mounts steadily with little relief, and the plot develops continually without the recourse of sudden twists or revelations. This is fine writing, but is not for the weak hearted, as there is little candy - this movie sets out to horrify and is remorseless. Excellent acting all round. Sadly a case, like Bridget Jones, where the film is really enhanced with the use of American actors playing Brits.

The Transporter (2002)

will have you in transports of mediocrity

[6 July 2003]

Jason Statham, regular in the cult movies of Guy Ritchie (lock stock... snatch) gets a stab at a lead role in a fairly high profile film. And a fair job he makes of it too. He plays a getaway driver for hire in Europe, and he is a professional who does not ask questions. Until one day he breaks his own rules and takes a look at the package he is supposed to deliver. Fortunately the content is the exquisitely sexy Qi Shu in a mini skirt. The caper evolves in predictable ways with heavy emphasis on the fight scenes - performed by Statham himself. The European setting is fresh, and the actors all do a good job with the mediocre dialogue. It is a formula that works, and this has been reflected in the box office. Be fair to the producers - this is a rather high budget movie for Europe, they need to stick to the formula to ensure a fair return on the investment. It is not some Indie art flick (unfortunately). Be fair to Statham - he is not big enough to heavily influence his characters or the writing, yet does a good job and has earned his right to the lead. Qi Shu, with her over the top style of acting, is rather captivating, and her large experience (and awards) in the Chinese cinema lends an air of steady character to the film. A note on the accents:- Statham is made to adopt what is known in the multimedia world as a 'trans-atlantic' accent, one that is supposed to straddle the English and American accents to be easily understood by Americans, English and European audiences. In this respect it works. Unfortunately it tends to annoy the British, who would rather have one accent or the other. It is more palatable to the US audience who are usually unaware when something has been altered for their benefit. Other nations, it must be said, do not appreciate strong accents or colloquialisms - it is just too hard to understand for non native speakers. So give Statham a break, he was not trying to play an American! In the same vein, Comments from the US that they cannot follow Qi's Chinese accent are unjust. Most people find such accents refreshing and in her case, very endearing. As Statham proves his mettle lets hope he has more say in these kind of things.

Mean Machine (2001)

have you ever played with a flat football?

[17 September 2002]

Remember watching the world cup as a kid? Afterwards you get together with your mates and kick a flat football around the park. In your mind you are the greatest, you raise your little rubberband arms in glory...

Watching you is your bored mother, seeing the kids pretend at being great. That's how watching this movie is.

I am a big fan of British film, and was determined to enjoy. But the editing, the shakey plot, and the dreadful cliches, combined to consign this movie to the 'made for T.V.' bucket.

To be fair, there were some great performances, and Vinnie Jones, despite some critics sniping, has shown that he can hold the lead role with ease and style. The film was manufactured, and contrived, and while enjoyable to brit-film fans, it has not the character or innovation to compare to other British releases.

While for an hour we saved the nation in the world cup, our mothers and the other mature people, chatted about serious things, and then dumped us in the bath before dinner.

American Outlaws (2001)

rubbish

[24 June 2002]

This is a poor, teenage target audience, western. It's not badly acted, but the story line, Jesse James, is a waste of time. Other (practically any other) Jesse James films are 10 times better. Cliches abound, as does predictability. The noteworthy point to make is the great performance by Timothy Dalton, who always gives value for money. Though his accent in this film, ummm what was it?? Still, he is a top rate actor and why oh why does he do such mediocre films? Can't we please see him back in a starring role. Preferably as Bond, he is the Broccoli families first choice for the role. But even he does not make this film worth seeing.

Rat Race (2001)

don't rush!

[8 April 2002]

following reviews tell you that you WILL LAUGH. Well I didn't. The humour was disjointed and juvenile, and seemed like a series of half baked gags held together with lumpy glue. John Cleese was great; Amy Smart was rather good; Once innovative and funny Rowen Atkinson should reassess his career; Vince Vieluf was the unlikely best. In fact all the performances were pretty good, but the film lacked situation and development. And lacked a decent ending too. Pity, because the theme, a lunatic casino owner and his lunatic schemes, was a good one. The whole thing was one dimensional and probably good for one viewing. Most other people at this web site seemed to have enjoyed it though so I guess you should take a look for yourself. You could do worse for your money.

Licence to Kill (1989)

no Moore, more Dalton

[21 March 2002]

Timothy Dalton is definitely the best Bond there has been. His portrayal of the character is masterful and a big improvement. I must admit that there was a TVish quality in the directing of the two Dalton movies, which let them down sadly, but Dalton is superb and the taking of the character into newer places much appreciated. The quitting of the secret service for a contrived personal revenge was the only weak point in a brilliantly written film. There is real buildup in the way that Bond pursues his man and pulls apart the evil organization in the process, far better than the formulaic 'sudden victory at the end' style which has haunted cinema from the past to the present. Top score then to the writers, and to Dalton(might he ever return??).

The Land Girls (1998)

relief from hollywood

[18 March 2002]

Being English might have had something to do with it, but I loved this film. All the acting was outstanding and the multitude of little comic moments had me laughing much more than other 'comedies' that we get from hollywood. Although the central theme of the plot - an unlikely love affair - was a little unbelievable and forced, the gentle pace and quaint bizarre moments, and the refreshing setting made this a view again movie. Weiss character was a little ott at first but she played it beautifully with a surprising comic ability. As for the unintelligible accents, well I suggest that the American market which struggles to understand anything not US formulaic mass media, grows up.

Someone Like You (2001)

charming

[7/10 · 4 December 2001]

There seems to be a discrepancy with the comments posted here and the healthy vote rating. I gave it a 7, since Ashley was very winning and watchable. In fact all the performances were excellent, the thing that saved the weak story line and lack of decent jokes. As for those who gave this movie a yawn, well what do you expect from a film of this genre. There was nothing exceptional about this film but it was perfectly pleasant and watchable. If it were food, it would be a nice scrambled eggs on toast, perhaps finished with a little smoked salmon(Judd).

Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

It does the romantic comedy thing well

[4 December 2001]

If the plot was predictable, well that's what to expect from a romantic comedy. Still, the quaint Britishness of the humour, accents and mannerisms was continually refreshing, and the acting was first rate by all involved. Colin Firth's character was a little weak, but the casting of R.Z. was absolutely perfect. I enjoyed this movie all the way through and it is one of few of the genre that really stands out. 9/10

The Score (2001)

Yes, a low score

[4/10 · 4 December 2001]

At the time of writing The Score has a vote rating of over seven, but the comments all seem to reflect my own opinion that this was a dreadfully weak film and a real let down for the likes of de Niro and Brando. The only good thing was the excellent performance of Norton. I don't mind 'slow' one little bit, but there has to be a reason for it, there needs to be something of substance to every film. This one didn't go anywhere at all. If it were a car, it would be something white, with an undersized engine and itchy seat coverings.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

bucking the trend wonderfully

[9/10 · 4 December 2001]

With all the Hollywood monopolisation of recent times, this was a wonderfully fresh and daring buck of the trend. I am amazed that there are so many good reports on this site though as it is not the kind of film that I would recommend to anyone. But it seems that you are mostly in agreement with me that M.R. really is a masterpiece. The wonderfully camp performances of all involved, and the outrageous costumes and scenery were a real joy. One question though, watching the (perfect) performance of Nicole Kidman, how on earth must they have felt doing this. Like right fools probably, and more than a little worried about the final outcome. However, B.Th. managed to put together a beautiful feast for the senses, and made the unworkable work, and the unthinkable dazzle. 9/10