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johnkenerson
Reviews
All Eyes (2022)
I'm not sure what I was watching
Honestly, I have no idea what this movie is actually about. Is it a monster movie? Is it a survival movie? Is it a redemption movie? I just really couldn't grasp what I was watching. I was waiting for a big reveal or twist or something, but it just kind of petered out.
It's kind of cool that it was shot in my home state of Oklahoma, kinda put the small town of Hobart in the map maybe. Oklahoma is starting to get more film work which I think is fantastic.
The lead guy kind of reminds me of a swap meet Cary Elwes with some of his expressions and such. Decent acting, good photography, but I guess the story just went over my head.
I wish the resolution would have been a little more obvious.
Torn Hearts (2022)
Was hoping for more
I love Katey Sagal, so I was happy to see this on Prime... unfortunately it sucks. Not even Katey can save this turd of a film. It's not tense, it's not scary... it's just stupid.
The worst part of the whole movie is when they are recording the original song, and I don't know if Katey is trying to sing (if so, she sounds awful) and since she's an accomplished singer I expected her to sound a lot better. The song is just terrible as well.
I'm pushing myself to get all the way through it, but it's a struggle. The other two "actresses" are total cliches... the pretty untalented one and the talented not so pretty one... garbage.
I Used to Be Famous (2022)
Way better than I was expecting.
As a drummer myself, I watched this movie simply because it focused on a drummer. I was surprised that I enjoyed it as much as I did. Sure it had some flaws, but Ed Skrein was believable as a washed up pop star looking for that second chance. The kid was an adequate beginner drummer, and their music would never burn up the charts, but they played with feeling and that's worth way more than record sales.
Spoiler alert ahead. The only real problem I had with the movie was Vince's struggle to go on tour without Stevie. The unfortunate reality of touring is that Stevie's autism would likely prevent the tour from getting insurance and the sensory overload that he would have felt with the crowds, lights and noise would likely have done him real damage. Presenting it as the manager just bouncing Stevie for a better musician was kind of a cop-out but I get it, it was for dramatic effect.
I'd like to see more movies like this that show the healing and redemptive power of music, especially drums and percussion, drum circles and the human heartbeat. The drum is the most ancient and noble of instruments and this movie, Whiplash and Drumline just aren't enough.
PS if you don't drop at least one year at the end... you're a monster.
The Munsters (2022)
If you take this for what it is, its brilliant.
This is a camp sendup of an already campy 60's sitcom. Visually, it's a living comic book haunted house. The acting is hammy, just like the original show and it's just fun to watch. Sherrie Moon Zombie does a great job as an over the top 60's throwback, and Herman is really amusing. Don't go into this movie thinking it's going to be an imaginative sendup. It truly feels like a labor of love for Rob Zombie. I wouldn't pay to see it in the theater, and it won't win any Oscars (except maybe technical ones) but it's a good way to get away from the world for a bit.
I'm normally not a fan of Rob Zombie's films, but this one you can tell there's a lot of his passion and creativity behind it. He had fun with it, you should too.
The Sand (2015)
I liked this movie the first time I saw it when it was segment of Creepshow called "The Raft"
Same premise... poorly executed. These characters are ridiculously stupid and I was kinda hoping they'd all die. The biggest meathead has to be Jonah though. Instead of putting a surfboard on the ground BEHIND THE CAR so he could open the trunk, he puts it in front of the car and tries to make it to a picnic table. This just sets up more idiocy from the rest of them. Honestly, I don't know how garbage like this gets made.
This movie is a turd.
Voyagers (2021)
I liked this movie the first time I saw it when it was Lord of the Flies and THX-1138
Unfortunately there ar no original thoughts, plots, action or even design elements. It like this guy watched Lord of the Flies, THX-1138, Equilibrium and a lesser version of Alien, mixed them in a blender and vomited it into a script. It's formulaic, weak and actually just dumb. All these reviews talking about what a great study of human nature it is are just bloviating and trying to sound smart. This movie is definitely not worth watching.
Count Me In (2021)
This thing was garbage.
Spoiler: Neil Peart, arguably the best drummer of all time, was not even mentioned once. Instead you have a documentary that comes across as a bit self-indulgent when mentioning certain artists. There is a worthless sequence of drum shopping, simply to fill run time, I think. It seems to focus a lot on female drummers, none of whom are influential, and Cindy Blackman being the only one who is successful. There is a lot of focus on Keith Moon... who I think is terrible, but he did elevate the drums. Too much focus on Samantha Maloney, while a good drummer, not in the same stratosphere as some of the others mentioned. Oh, and no mention of Neil Peart. Which as a drummer who has been playing for 35 years, I find just plain offensive. If you're a drummer, there is no need to watch this. If you're not a drummer, there is no need to watch this. I was really excited to watch this when it popped up... what a let down.
Black Garden (2019)
Slow, boring, heavy handed and dull
I tried to get into this movie but it moved at a snails pace, it's uninteresting and just rehashes tired old tropes...
Even manages to throw in another veiled dig at Trump, "he promised us he was gonna build a wall a d we got this (nuclear Holocaust)... we get it, no one in the entertainment business likes Trump.
Don't waste your time with this snooze fest. Getting a root canal is more entertaining and far more gratifying.
Lection (2019)
Possibly the dumbest movie I've ever seen
This is the kind of apocalypse I wa to to be a part of. Everyone is clean, well-fed, they have electricity and drum circles.
All these reviews saying this is a commentary on elections in current society are complete pseudo-intellectual nonsense. There is no commentary, no story, no dialogue... whoever greenlit this piece of garbage should be drummed out of the business.
The girl wrapped up in the clothesline absolutely indicates how stupid this "society" is and deserves to die out.
I can't believe this thing became a finished film. If this is the state of indie films, we're in trouble.
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2020)
Dumber than the first one...
At least the first one had some funny moments just because of the absurd nature of the scenes and his anonymity.
This one is unfunny, cliched and just plain stupid. And of course it's supposed to be a hatchet job on republicans, but even clever editing and out of context footage can't save this piece of crap.
Not worth a watch.
They Look Like People (2015)
Boring rehash of "Frailty"
Pretty much the same movie just with different characters and sets, even uses some of the same elements as Frailty.
Don't waste your time
The History of Time Travel (2014)
Well thought out but ultimately disappointing
This is a great concept however it's pulled off poorly. It posits that timelines change during the production of the documentary. This actually wouldn't happen as the documentary production can't start out in one timeline and end up in another. The reporting of events in the past of the documentary wouldn't change the events of the documentary's present. The events in the docs present have already happened and have therefore created that timeline.
Holmes & Watson (2018)
THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN
I went into this movie with high hopes and was utterly disappointed. Who ever greenlighted this abortion should be fired immediately. This piece of crap surpassed Eyes Wide Shut as the worst movie I've ever seen. How do I hate this movie, let me count the ways:
1. The dig at Trump. Yes, we get it, Hollywood hates Trump. It's not shocking anymore, it's not edgy to make fun of him... it's just pathetic. We go to movies to escape from all the political nonsense and yet here it comes... and not even in an entertaining manner.
2. The dig at rich white guys. Again, we get it... Hollywood, a town of rich white guys, hates rich white guys. Again, another pathetic attempt at social commentary which falls flat.
3. The story absolutely sucked. It started out bad, and just got worse. I've taken more creative dumps than this movie. I kept waiting for something to happen and it never did.
4. The acting was absolutely atrocious. Ironically, Ferrell and Reilly can actually act when they want to, but this movie was just garbage and gave them nothing to work with.
5. The jokes were incredibly stupid. Not even funny stupid, just stupid. There were a couple of scenes that had a brief moment of humor, but it was shockingly brief.
6. Shoehorning Billy Zane in at the end? What was the point of that?
I literally left this movie angry. It was a complete waste of time and money, I stayed til the end hoping it would get better and it never did. It deserves every ounce of hate that it receives. And if you think this movie is funny, good or entertaining, I have to ask how much the studio is paying you for a good review, how you sleep at night and what is your actual idea of good entertainment.
Avoid this movie like the plague. A colonoscopy would be more fun than sitting through this piece of dog crap.
Still Waiting... (2009)
This movie sucked
It's unfunny, unoriginal and uninspired. One of the worst movies I've ever seen
2307: Winter's Dream (2016)
One of the WORST movies I've ever seen!
In concept this movie is kind of cool... though it rips off so many other classic sci-fi movie... Blade Runner, Aliens, Prometheus... there's really not an original concept in the movie, it's loaded with stereotypes and the acting absolutely sucks... and the dialogue is probably the worst in recent memory. The writers were trying to get that "squad banter" that James Cameron nailed in Aliens, but failed miserably. And the woman that plays Kix has got to be one of the worst actresses I've ever seen (seriously, this is the best they could do?) and she's hideous to look at.
Oh and this movie is set 300 years in the future and they are driving a regular old truck? C'mon, 300 years and they can't have come up with something better.
Flush this turd and watch something else.
After the Dark (2013)
I haven't been this angry at a movie since Eyes Wide Shut!
I watched this movie based on the following, "Faced with an impending nuclear apocalypse, a group of twenty college students must determine which 10 of them would take shelter underground and reboot the human race. The decision quickly becomes deadly as each in the group turns against each other in a desperate fight for survival"... FALSE! Whoever wrote this synopsis for Amazon should be fired. This barely describes the story.
Now on to the problems with this movie:
1. The lead actress SUCKS! Her acting is horrendous, and it's a HUGE SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF for the audience to believe that this girl is the best student in the class... she can barely deliver her lines and her voice makes me want to jab an icepick in my ears.
2. I want to punch the writer/director right in the face because of this movie. It's supposed to be a movie about thought experiments, philosophy, etc. yet all of the characters in this movie are a bunch of idiots. Oh, and if you're expecting a cool twist of an ending, you won't get it. Whatever studio exec thought this would be a good film to finance should be fired.
3. Plot holes and logic failing abound. For instance, they are locked in the bunker and the only guy with the key is locked out and left to die... but inside the bunker are a STRUCTURAL ENGINEER, PHD IN CHEMISTRY, CARPENTER, ELECTRICIAN and a SOLDIER. So between these people, they could have made an explosive, wired it, found a weak point and detonated it. Or hacked the panel... And in one scenario, the idiot lead actress/best student in the class selects the absolute more worthless group of people to go in the bunker to REBOOT THE HUMAN RACE... She picks a wine genius because she packed a case of red and a case of white, an opera singer, a harp player, a gelato maker, a poet, etc. Proof positive that millenials are the most self-absorbed and idiot people on the planet. The HUMAN RACE IS ABOUT TO GO EXTINCT, but let's pack the bunker with wine and have a poem every night... and using tooling and supplies to build a harp?!?!? Are you kidding me?
4. This biggest plot hole of all... lessons learned in one thought experiment carry over into another... Wrong! That's not how they work. You can't learn something in one experiment and carry it over into another, it negates the purpose of the experiment. This is where the writer of the movie shows his contempt for the audience by thinking that they are completely stupid.
5. The "thought experiment within a thought experiment" in the third act, is literally retarded. The biggest dork in the group (who's sterile by the way) finds himself on an island with 6 women and is tasked with knocking them up. This is where the writer just gave up... this "experiment" was stupid, pointless and not funny. And he tries to give it some philosophical weight by having the kid say "in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king"... like these women are supposed to be grateful when he rubs his pathetic little pecker against them... oh, and at the end he brags about the size of his Johnson (basically this is just a teenager fantasy, not a thought experiment)
6. The lead actor/student, says his best quality, when asked, is that he's a pacifist. How is this a best quality in the event of an apocalypse? He's a pacifist organic farmer who's gay... so he can grow food... but will not fight someone who's going to take it, and doesn't want to reproduce (then tries to give this idea some weight by saying "evolution through non-reproduction"... that's not how evolution works)
7. Back to the lead actress picking the most worthless group of survivors, she picks a gay guy (who's a PHD in Chemistry but who likely won't reproduce) because he's virtuous and the world needs that... newsflash, virtue is not genetic! It's a learned behavior. She picks a fashion expert because if you dress well it raises self-esteem and raises productivity. In an apocalypse, clean socks and underwear would be a rare treasure, so how do you plan on dressing well? Is she gonna create "the apocalypse collection" out of dog-crap, animal bones and radioactive ash. Oh, and picks a dancing gelato maker, because he's gay and the gay chemistry guy needs someone to bugger. Her whole lack of logic on these choices made her deserve and instant F and nearly made me punch my TV.
I really can't say enough bad things about this movie. The writer/director is a complete idiot and failed miserably at whatever idea he was trying to convey. And an earlier reviewer said that "rarely is a movie made that it's meaning is so deep most people don't get it", that is a true statement... unfortunately, this is not that movie.
I only gave it 2 stars because the bunker design is really cool, and a couple of the supporting cast women are attractive. Otherwise this movie is a huge turd.
Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later (2017)
Absolutely Stupid
Well, it was unfunny, badly acted, poorly paced and had a horrible "story" (calling this disjointed turd a story is being generous)
Oh and of course, evil republicans as the boogeyman (Reagan and Old Bush)
But Marguerite Moreau looked really good.
Pass this one by.
Desierto (2015)
What a piece of crap
Definitely didn't end the way I wanted it to. I don't have sympathy for any of the characters in this movie. Total waste of 88 minutes of my life.
If this was trying to make some sort of social statement it failed miserably. Morgan as a caricature, redneck, drunken hunter, and Bernal as the righteous guy just trying to get back to the states for his kid (illegally)... neither one of these characters deserved to live.
This movie sucked.
Rampage: President Down (2016)
Waste of film
This movie was a complete waste of film. Uwe Boll has got to be the worst director since Ed Wood, and the fact that he and his "star" wrote this abortion will solidify the fact that he sucks as a writer too.
This movie is nothing but a leftist propaganda wet dream (the irony being that most leftists are afraid of guns). Bill Williamson comes as nothing but a petulant punk, someone who thinks he has it all figured out, but is literately nothing more than a retard in a suit of ballistic armor.
The suits that greenlit this movie should have the crap kicked out of them. The fact that Boll has a career, even after failure upon failure is a testament to the lack of creativity in Hollywood.
This movie fails on all levels, storytelling, directing, action, political commentary, social commentary. There is not a single redeeming thing in this movie. I wish I could sue the filmmakers to get the half hour of my life I spent watching this piece of garbage back. If I could give less than one star, I most certainly would.
Spend your time watching something else. This movie sucks.